Guard My Heart (7 page)

I look at Mike then at Jonah, boyfriend of the Sunday
school teacher named Mary. Trust, it all comes down to trust. “Whatever happens
here, don’t go back to the warehouse,” I say to the both of them.

Before they can say anything, Danny Migelli gets out of
the van. He adjusts his tie and looks over at us with a bored look on his face.
The big Asian guy gets out next with another guy behind him. Then Pete gets out.
“What the fuck?” Jonah growls out next to me. Is Pete working with Migelli? Pete
was one person I didn’t expect to see here, but it makes what I have to do so
much easier. Pete follows the three men up the steps until I can see the fear in
his eyes. I doubt my earlier thought. If he is working with Migelli, he isn’t in
the boss’s good books right now. The tension is thick in the air. It threatens
to climb down my throat and strangle my lungs.

Danny Migelli steps forward until he is staring right in
my face and his boots touch my sneakers. He breathes his rancid breath at me and
smiles. He’s testing me; he thinks he can scare me off. But I’m not going
anywhere. I adjust the strap of the backpack on my shoulder, and his eyes fall
on the bag. His smile droops into an unsure curl of his lips, but he fixes it
quickly. Danny Migelli takes his eyes off me for a second to look at Pete. I
move fast. I yank the gun out of my jeans. Danny Migelli starts to say
something to Pete, but he swings his eyes back to me at my movement.

“Boo,” I say before I pull the trigger. His blood
splatters on my face, soaking into my skin and tainting my soul. The kick back
of the gun shocks me, but I swing the gun in the direction of the Asian guy. I
don’t aim. I squeeze and fire off my second bullet. Mike takes out the third
guy, shooting him between the eyes. Jonah empties his magazine into Pete’s
torso. I check Danny Migelli. He’s dead. The first part of my deal is
done.

I turn around and walk back the way I came, ignoring Mike
and Jonah calling me. I make it to the corner before I hear tires pealing on
the road and heading in the opposite direction.

My name is Kyle. I’m just a normal guy. I was just a
normal guy. Now I’m a killer. A cold-blooded murderer. Would I do it again?
Yes.

I feel out of place standing in the line, waiting to board
the bus. Our bags have been loaded. I keep waiting for something to happen. For
the police to show up. For Danny Migelli’s father to show up, but nothing.
Nothing happens.

I stare out the window and watch the landscape fly by. The
colors blur from green to yellow and brown. Jenna is sitting next to me. Her
head rests on my shoulder. Mia is on my other side, music blaring through her
ear phones. What would they do if they knew? Would Jenna still sit so close to
me? I will never be good enough for her. Not now. But I still have one more
thing to do. I must die. The thought frightens me. I spent the whole night
trying to figure out a way to escape death, but I know if I cross Reno Parker,
I would have killed Danny Migelli for nothing. A life would’ve been wasted, a
useless life, but a life none the less. And he would hunt us down until he
found us. I’m sure Reno Parker’s influence runs far and wide.

“Boo.” Danny Migelli’s eyes go wide. Shock and disbelief
flash in the murky depths. The crack of the bullet squeezing through the
barrel. The slight recoil of the gun, kicking my hand back. Danny Migelli’s
blood splattering against my face in a warm, sticky mess. The sick thud of his
lifeless body hitting the hard cement floor. I jerk awake and Jenna lifts her
head from my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” she asks softly. Her eyes dart between
mine. I look down, afraid that she’ll she my secret if she looks too
closely.

I clear my throat and sit forward in my seat. I pretend to
look out of the window.

“We’re here,” I say pointing at the ocean through the
window.

She wipes her eyes with the long sleeve of her top and
follows my finger.

“Yay!” she squeals and leans over me to shake Mia awake.
The soft, sweet fragrance of her hair fills my nostrils, and I close my eyes. I
file that sweet smell into a compartment deep in the recesses of my brain.

Mia groans and swats Jenna’s hand away. Mia’s hand hits me
in the chest, and I grab hold of her wrist before she can do anymore damage. My
black eye is barely visible now, I don’t need a refresher. Mom almost had a
heart attack when she saw my face the next morning. After assuring her that I
would be more careful sparring at the community center, she let it go. Yes, I
lied. Again. You do that for the people you love. You lie, you kill. You die.
The long tendrils of my nightmare threaten to cloud my brain again, and I shake
my head hard. Jenna giggles, assuming it’s because of the sucker punch I got
from my sister. Ignorance is bliss. I’m not going to set her
straight.

I poke Mia in the ribs, and she jumps. She almost slams me
in the face with her head when she sits up wide awake. My sister is very
ticklish.

“Urgh,” she groans while stretching her arms over her
head. “That’s not fair,” she says, slapping me on the arm.

“Ow,” I say, over-exaggerating and rubbing my arm.

“Wimp,” she shoots back playfully. “Oh look.” She points
excitedly out the window to the ocean that’s now in full view.

Jenna smiles at her and gives her a “duh” look. “That’s
what we’ve been trying to tell you. We’re here,” Jenna says with a big smile on
her face.

The girls start chatting excitedly about rooms and hoping
they get to be roommates, while I wish we could stay on the bus a little while
longer. Just as that thought filters through my brain the bus turns left at a
big board with the words “OceanPeak - Home of the falls” written on it. The bus
crawls up the steep incline and through the boom gate. The noisy chatter in the
bus gets louder as the excitement of the kids inside grows. Friends are waking
up their friends who are still sleeping. Others are hanging out the window and
pointing at the wooden bungalows. Big palm trees line the driveway, and just on
the other side of the slope is a big grassy area with a sparkling Olympic size
pool. This place is awesome.

It’s a battle to get out of the bus. You have to fight to
stay upright or these kids will trample you to death. Mia throws a scalding
tongue lashing at the guys behind us, who are pushing us forward.

“Hey guys, hang on. The place isn’t going to grow legs and
run away,” I say to the group behind us.

“Well hurry the fuck up, all the good bungalows are gonna
be taken by the time your slow asses get off the bus,” Christopher Thorn throws
back at me.

I just laugh at him, because after the week I had,
Christopher Thorn isn’t worth a rise in blood pressure. Mia throws him a
withering look and raises her eyebrow at me as if to say “really, you are going
to take that shit from him?” I shrug my shoulders and help Jenna down the bus
stairs. I don’t want any of these assholes pushing her down. I grab Mia’s hand
and pull her behind us until we are safely on the sidewalk and out of the
stampede. The bus driver starts taking out the bags, and Mr. Rogers walks
toward him with a clipboard. Everybody huddles around him grabbing bags and
bouncing on the balls of their feet.

Mr. Rogers starts reading the names of the roommates. We
are sharing four per bungalow. The two bungalows numbered 1 and 10 are for the
teachers. He gives us a big smile when he announces that. Meaning we will be
surrounded by teachers. I suppose they have to make sure nobody sneaks out. But
I’m sure some will still find a way. Nothing can come in the way of teenage
hormones.

I’m pulled from my thoughts of how I could sneak out to
Jenna, not that I would, but if I wanted to, by my sister’s loud screech. She
gets to room with Jenna and two other girls from our home room. They dash off
in the direction of their bungalow. Bungalow number 5. They’re also the last
group of girls to be called, and Mr. Rogers announces the boys next. I’m in
bungalow 6 with Mark and two other guys I don’t really know except for the fact
that they play chess with Mark. I’m cool with that. So I sling my backpack over
my shoulder and head over to bungalow 6.

The bungalows are nothing special inside. Four bunk beds.
Two on each side of the room. Two cupboards with packing space and a rail to
hang shit on. The only thing that catches my attention is the big window on the
left. One set of stack beds is pushed next to it. So I throw my bag onto the
top bed and pull myself up. This one is mine. I pull on the blinds, and they
slide open, revealing the golden beach and crashing waves in the distance. I
roll onto my side and tuck my hands under the pillow. If I can watch the sunset
like this every day, I could die a happy man. That unbidden thought leaves a
sour taste in my mouth. Waiting for death sucks. Is this how it feels to be
sick? Knowing death is waiting to strike?

“Kyle! Kyle? Come on,” Mia calls from the door. I flop
over onto my back and press the heels of my palms into my eyes. I’m not in the
mood for anything right now. I’d much rather lie here and watch the sunset
alone.

“Come on, Kyle,” she whines. “We want to watch the sunset
from the beach.”

I lift my head and look at her because that actually
sounds like a good idea. Neither Mia nor I have ever been to the ocean, so this
will be the first time we ever feel the grainy sand under our feet. I heft
myself off the top bunk and land with a loud thud on the wooden
floor.

“Let’s go,” I say motioning for her to lead the way. Mia
skips ahead of me and Jenna follows behind her.

It’s not a long walk to the beach, maybe ten minutes tops.
Mia points out everything we pass. She looks like a tour guide. Big yellow and
pink hibiscus flowers. Proteas growing on an incline. All things that we can
clearly see because it’s kind of hard to miss, but she still points them out
with an “ooh” and an “ah”. A small reptile scurries over the foot path, and Mia
jumps back, knocking Jenna into me. I steady her by grabbing her shoulder. Her
thin white cardigan slips off her shoulder, and my hand moves up towards her
neck. Her skin is smooth, soft, sun-kissed, and slightly moist from the humid
air. She smiles up at me, her lips begging me to just have one taste. I’m very
aware of my sister watching our every move. So I take the coward’s way out. I
break eye contact, clear my throat, and turn her back around. I shove her
lightly in the direction of the beach, keeping her back turned towards me. I
don’t think I can take a repeat of that hurt look I saw in her front yard. Her
shoulders droop slightly, and she walks forward slowly.

Fuck it. The thought forms so fast in my brain I’m left
feeling dizzy. I don’t know why I decide to do it, but I grab hold of Jenna and
spin her around. Her big blue eyes go even wider, making her look even more
innocent. She stares at me with hurt and confusion and something I haven’t seen
in a long, long time. Hope. She wants me to kiss her, to own her, but that I’ve
known for a long time. She’s hoping that this will finally be the time I
realize I feel the same way. The thing is, I’ve known since I was a kid, when
Mia and Jenna made mud cakes in our front yard, that I liked Jenna. The first
time she smiled at me I knew she’d be my girlfriend one day. But I’ve never
been able to convince myself that I’m worthy of her. Not sweet, innocent,
beautiful Jenna. And now I’m even worse off. I’ve sold my life to someone else.
I have a price to pay, and it will leave her heart broken. It will leave
everyone I love scarred.

I lean in and brush my lips over hers. Her breath rushes
over my mouth and into my lungs. She was holding her breath. If only she could
breathe new life into me. Just one more, I promise myself. One more and I will
never touch her again. Jenna tangles her fingers in my hair and pulls me
closer. My arms snake around her waist, and I close the space between us. Her
body is soft and fits into mine like pieces of the same puzzle. My lips find
hers, and she opens her mouth. Just a tiny movement and a spark. A buzzing zap
combusts between us. My tongue sneaks past my teeth and caresses her bottom
lip. A small whimper escapes her throat, and she crushes her mouth against
mine. For a moment, both of us forget where we are. It’s a smashing duel of
lips, teeth, and tongue. I can’t get enough of her taste. I was starving, and
finally I get to taste this forbidden banquet. Jenna is the type of girl you
kiss and never forget. She brands your soul and captures your heart.

We both pull away breathless and shaking. One kiss and I’m
ruined. Now I know. I know I love this girl. And I will never get a chance to
show her.

When sense finally returns to my brain, I realize two
things. One: My annoying sister isn’t around and teasing us mercilessly. Two:
We missed the sunset and little white lights now light the walkway. How long
have we been standing here?

Jenna is still staring at me like she’s been struck by
lightning, and I get it, that was some first kiss. I can still feel her essence
buzzing under my skin. I take her hand and hold it in mine, squeezing it
gently. I lead us down the walkway. When we get to the bottom, Mia is sitting
on the beach staring out at the vast expanse of black water. Her shoes are off,
and her toes are digging into the sand. She turns her head when she hears us
approaching and looks up at us with a smile on her face. Just a sweet smile,
not an I-know-what-you-did-and-will-tease-you-about-it-later smile. I love my
sister, and she’s not nearly as annoying as I make her out to be. Okay, well
she really is, but that’s only because she has so much unhappiness in her life
that when she gets a chance to laugh she takes it. And sometimes it pisses me
off, but I get it.

I don’t know how long we sat there, but eventually Jenna
lays her head down on my lap and falls asleep. When my back starts cramping up,
I lie back against the cool sand with my arms behind my head and stare up at
the stars. My sister sighs softly, where she lies sleeping on Jenna’s stomach.
We miss curfew, but no one comes looking for us, so we don’t bother going back.
When the sun starts it’s lazily ascend into the heavens, coloring the sky in
pink and light orange hues, I close my eyes and drift off to
sleep.