Guard My Heart (3 page)

I knock on the door. Once, twice, three times. It sounds
empty on the other side. I can hear the echo taunting me, but at the same time,
it seems to draw me closer, begging me to follow the sound. It’s the same
building I work at twice a week during the day, but somehow, at night time, it
looks different. Maybe it’s because I’m using a different entrance, maybe it’s
because, shrouded in shadows, it looks dangerous.

The same man who first unlocked the door opens it. “Yes?”
he asks. He is big and burly, and I haven’t seen him around the warehouse
before.

“Pete asked me to come,” I say.

“Pete isn’t expecting anybody tonight,” the big guy says,
looking at me like I’m a bug that needs to be squashed. I don’t want to be
squashed. In fact, I prefer my messy bedhead safe and sound on my
shoulders.

“Go ask him. Tell him I’m here. He will know who you are
talking about,” I say with more courage than I feel.

“No. Now leave or I will make you,” he threatens, taking a
menacing step forward.

I’m going to get myself shot, and I should take a step
back, but instead I move forward. If I’m lucky, it will be a quick and painless
death.

“Call. Pete. Now,” I bite out, staring into the man’s dark
eyes. I might have lost my mind. I normally avoid confrontations. I get enough
of that at home. But I’m here now. And this guy is stubborn as hell. I’m going
through with whatever it is Pete wanted to see me about even if I have to knock
the big guy out. I’m already checking out his weak spots. How he carries his
weight on his left leg, indicating that he favors his right side. That’s where
he’ll swing from.

Even though I’m watching the big guy closely, waiting for
him to strike or call Pete, the first blow he delivers is lightning fast. I try
to dodge it, but the shot lands on my shoulder. Damn guy has a heavy punch. I
swing my right fist out and hit him in the jaw. The next shot I land in his
gut, and the air whooshes out of him. He stumbles back, but I don’t let up. If
he gets up and shoots me, its game over for me. I walk over to him and kick him
in the stomach. Street smart. Who needs a black belt in karate when you have a
fan belt in kick-ass, right? It’s a coward move, never kick a man when he’s
down. You’ve won; you’ve made your point, now walk away. That’s what coach
always says. But life teaches you differently. And this situation calls for
different, not honorable.

“Pete?” I call down the hall, making my presence known.
Taking out the door thug is one thing, walking into a room full of unsuspecting
drug dealers is another. I don’t want to die. I’ll mean nothing to Mia and Mom
if I’m dead.

“Pete!” I shout louder when the big guy starts moaning and
cussing at my feet.

Pete and three guys come around the corner. They stop when
they see the guy lying on the floor. The three guys in the back start laughing,
but Pete doesn’t look happy. He scowls at his door thug and then looks at
me.

“Did you do this?” Pete asks looking annoyed.

I shrug. “He wouldn’t call you.”

“Malachi, get up. A school boy kicked your ass?” Pete
asks, pulling the big guy up.

The big guy grumbles unhappily. He’s strong but slower
than take away on your lunch break. I was faster, and that saved my ass. I can’t
dodge a bullet though, and right now Pete looks like he is going to kill me. I
keep thinking of getting shot. Maybe I’m just shit scared of guns.

Malachi doesn’t say anything but keeps grumbling under his
breath as he walks off and disappears through a door to the left.

Pete motions for me to follow him, and we go through the
same door he exited.

It’s just a room. I don’t know what I expected, but it
wasn’t a table with six chairs and an overhead lamp. There are no pictures on
the wall. No stacks of cash. Just us, the table, the lamp, and another door to
the left.

“Seems you have quite the punch. Do you do kung fu or
something?” Pete asks me.

“Or something,” I answer.

“These boys are going on a drop tonight. If you are
serious, which I believe you are because you showed up, you go with them. If
the drop is a success, you will do another one tomorrow. The same for the night
after that. If you do well, I can send you out on your own. Which means more
money for you. If you don’t, well…” Pete’s voice trails off on the last part.
I’m not really worried about the other deals or if I’ll do well. This is a
one-time deal for me.

“Okay,” is all I say, because what else can I
say?

The three guys get up, and Pete dismisses me with a bored
flick of his hand. I follow the three guys to a black van. The windows are
tinted a solid black, which makes it impossible to see inside. I climb into the
back with one of the other guys, relieved that I can still see out the windows
and know where we are going. We take the road toward “gang central”. That’s
what the town folk are calling this small rural area. And that’s really all it
is—a small settlement on the outskirts of the town. We stop at a small tuck
shop with black gang graffiti sprayed all over the front walls. Two guys are
sitting on the steps leading into the shop, puffing on a hookah pipe. The guys
I’m with, whose names I don’t know, get out of the van, the last guy grabbing a
black duffel bag from the seat next to him.

“Stay next to me and keep quiet. If anything goes wrong,
go back to the warehouse. If you have to fight to get there, do it. But this
should be easy, in and out.”

I just nod to this because I really don’t know what to
say.

We enter the shop through the front door and stand at the
counter. The sweet scent of the hookah tobacco hangs heavy in the air. The guy
behind the counter presses a button, and another guy comes through a curtain at
the back. The three guys with me walk towards him and I follow. I look around
the shop and notice a camera on the back wall. A little high tech for a small
tuck shop selling groceries in the middle of nowhere.

When we get inside, there are three more guys waiting in
the room. The leader of our group walks toward the table and opens the bag. The
owner of the shop looks inside and lifts another black duffel bag onto the
table. He opens it and our guy looks inside. They both nod. Done. We walk back
to the van and drive back into town.

When you are feeling irritated, even the smallest of
things can piss you off. The sun is my enemy and the source of my irritation
this morning. The soft yellow rays shining through my window taunt me and remind
me of my restless night. I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I did a drug deal
last night. Well, not exactly. I went along for the ride, I saw the exchange.
Other than that, I don’t know what the hell was going on or what my purpose was
in the whole set up. I also don’t know the names of the guys I was with last
night. No one seemed to think it was necessary to do introductions. No, “Hi I’m
dumb, I’m dumber, and you are dumbest, because you don’t know shit” was even
considered last night. Maybe it’s against the rules to know each other’s name.
Hell if I know.

One thing I do know is that last night put $40 into my
pocket. That is four times as much as I make working an afternoon after school.
I’m still not sure if this is what I want to do. My head is even more wacked
out now. I told myself it was a one-time deal, but the prospects are looking
good. If this is what I get for witnessing a drug exchange, what would I get if
I do a deal on my own?

On the drive back last night, the driver said that the
three of them were a team. They never split up. I don’t know if I can trust
anybody. I don’t know if I can trust them. Will I be a part of their team, or
will I get my own team? Will I be moved to another team? I don’t know these
guys from a bar of soap, but they seem okay, so I wouldn’t mind staying in
their team.

There’s a loud bang on my door, followed by Mia shouting
my name. I pull the pillow over my head, but I can still hear her. She shouts
louder. I throw the pillow off.

“Yeah?” I finally shout back.

“Come on, you promised me a new bikini for our holiday!”
she whines.

Why did I do that? I don’t want to go to the mall with her
and Jenna. I want to stay in bed. I pull the pillow back over my head and groan
into it loudly.

“Kyle, come on!” she shouts again, this time banging on
the door. I smile because I know what her face looks like right now. I’m sure
she’s scowling with her hands planted on her hips. So even though my body hates
me for it, I leave my unhelpful bed and head for the shower.

***

I’m so glad I’m a guy. I can take some hair goop and just
make a big mess of my head and it looks good. Twenty minutes later I’m standing
outside waiting by Jenna’s car. It figures they would hound me to hurry up and
I end up waiting for them. Jenna drives a yellow bug. It fits her perfectly.
And not just because she likes gardening; there is something cute about this
car, just like Jenna. I’m so corny I crack myself up sometimes. Who compares a
girl to a car? Or a bug?

The girls finally make their way out of the house and over
to the car. Both of them give me a weird look, and without any words being
said, Jenna hands me the keys.

“I’m not driving this,” I say, holding the keys back out
to Jenna. Her bottom lip juts out, and her blue eyes go big and soft. Is she
really giving me puppy dog eyes? She’s been spending too much time with Mia.

“No,” I say again more firmly and try to hand her the keys
back.

“Ah, come on, Kyle. Please drive us,” Mia asks sweetly.
She looks at Jenna and gives her a wink.

Jenna’s eyes dart to her house before she gives a hesitant
step forward. I can feel my eyebrows rise to meet my hairline. She steps closer
to me and places her mouth next to my ear. When she speaks her breath tickles
me.

“Please?” she whispers, soft and sweet and just a little
bit sexy, before she steps back again. Just one word and I’m in horny teenager
mode. I swear if I don’t get a handle on these feelings I’m going to end up
humping her leg. I push the button on the fob a little harder than necessary
and get into the car. Not because I’m caving to their begging, but because I’m
hiding the evidence of my body’s desire to go camping. The steering wheel
crushes my legs, and when I bend down to adjust the seat, I almost slam my head
into the dash. Mia smiles at me like she knows what is happening, and Jenna
slides into the backseat next to her. When did my sister get so devious? Or
maybe she just likes seeing me crammed up like an elephant in a
porta-loo.

“Okay, I’ll drive but I’m not listening to this crap,” I
say turning down some kind of polka-pop song. I search through Jenna’s CDs and
find a compilation rock album. Now
,
that I can
listen to. I turn the music up louder and steer the car in the direction of the
mall.

I’m mildly aware of the conversation the girls are having
in the back seat. Their voices are chipper and high pitched. It sounds like
they are having a speak-a-thon. The winner being whoever can cram the most
words into a second. Mia sounds like she is going to spontaneously combust.
Jenna has a huge smile on her face, and when she catches me looking at her in
the mirror, her smile gets even bigger. I smile back at her; their cheery mood
is rubbing off on me.

As soon as we pull into the parking lot of the mall, both
girls start talking to me at the same time. Mia is the closest to me, so I
cover her mouth with my hand. She rolls her eyes and places her hands on her
hips. She looks like an impatient preschooler.

“I don’t care where you go or what you buy. But use the
money wisely. I’m not following you two around, pushing your trolley, or giving
you my opinion on anything. I’m too tired for that shit. Send me a text when
you are done,” I tell them both.

With a last eye roll, Mia nods her head, and I remove my
hand from her mouth.

“Ewe, Kyle, that’s disgusting,” Mia moans while wiping her
mouth on her sleeve.

Jenna giggles next to me, and I wink at her. She seems to
lose herself for a second, and just before that pinkish blush begins to spread
over her cheeks, Mia yanks her away by her arm.

My eyes are starting to feel like someone emptied a bucket
of sand into them. I go into the first shop I see. Which happens to be some
kind of music and extreme sports place. The guy behind the counter with the
black plugs in his ears and goatee looks out of place. Maybe he fits in with
the drum kits in the corner or the skate boards on the right? But I wouldn’t
peg him for the Speedo and swim caps in the middle of the store kind of guy.

He greets me with a terse nod, which I return equally
uninterested. I walk toward the middle of the shop to the rack holding the
board shorts next to the Speedos and swim caps. I pick a black one in my size
and grab a pair of flip flops from the rail next to it. See, shopping is easy
for a guy. I don’t need to wander from shop to shop looking for the perfect
pair of pants. They are going to get wet and wrinkled in any case, so why
worry?

I pay the guy, and my drug money is spent. As I leave to
wait for Mia and Jenna, my phone dings. It’s Pete. My finger hovers over the
open button. When did text messages become evil? I shake my head and laugh at
myself. I’m sure I look crazy to anyone watching. I press open.

Warehouse 14:00pm.

I look at the time, it’s 13:45. I scroll through my
contacts and phone Jenna.

“Kyle?”

“Yeah babe, I need to go somewhere real quick. Where are
you? I need to give you the keys.”

“Um, okay. We’re at the little boutique on the first
floor,” she answers.

“Boutique? Isn’t that expensive?” I ask irritably. Mia
better not waste the money.

“U-Uh, I was just showing Mia something. H-hold on,” she
stutters.

I can hear Mia say something on the other side.

“Kyle, Mia wants to know where you are going.”

I should’ve known my nosey sister wouldn’t let it go
without an explanation. I didn’t even think of an excuse.

“A buddy of mine needs help with something. I’m bringing
your keys now,” I lie as best I can on short notice.

“That’s okay. If you won’t be long, you can use my car,”
Jenna offers.

I want to say no. I really don’t want to be seen driving
the little yellow bug alone. But the sooner I get there, the sooner I will be
back. I also just lied and said I would be quick. I can’t change it now and say
I don’t know when I’ll be back.

“Okay, text me when you’re done,” I say and end the
call.

***

The deal was much the same as the previous night. This
time Malachi didn’t give me any trouble. He even called me a kung fu monkey and
gave me a friendly slap on the back. Maybe it was the shiner he was sporting or
the scowl on my face that made for the friendlier reception.

With the exception of it being daytime, the duffel bag
being a backpack, and the location being a library, everything else was the
same. This time
I
handed the bag over, and
I
checked the bag they
gave for the cash. I don’t know why we check it; nobody told me how much there
is supposed to be. And we never counted it. I guess the guys know not to screw
Pete over, just like Pete knows not to short change them on the product. I got
paid immediately when we got back to the warehouse. The same amount as last
night. I didn’t tell Pete not to text me again either. Now I’ve done two deals,
and I wonder when I’m being upgraded to a bigger transaction. A few bags of
weed didn’t really pay well.

Jenna sends the text message letting me know they’re done
just as I pull into the mall parking lot. I park a few spaces away from the
closest entrance. The drive over here didn’t really clear my head. I’m not in
that deep. I can still get out. I just need to decide if I want to keep doing
this. The risk isn’t really worth it for $40 a pop, but I’m not sure if Pete
will just let me walk away once I deal the hard stuff. I rest my head on the
steering wheel, and for the second time today, I have to remind myself why I’m
doing this.

***

After we got home, Mia insisted we watch a movie to relax
and unwind for school tomorrow. There is really no need to relax. School is
practically over for the year. No one does any work the last week of the school
year. The only reason we are still going is to keep up with the arrangements
for the trip. So I think she just doesn’t want to watch this horror movie
alone.

Mia comes back from the kitchen with a big bowl of popcorn
and two sodas. Jenna isn’t back yet. She went over to her house to drop her
parcels off and tell her parents she’s watching a movie with us. Mia puts the
movie into the player and hands me the remote. Our lounge isn’t very big. We
have two double-seaters and a single-seater with a broken armrest. I stretch
out on the double-seater and throw the extra pillow over to Mia, who is lying
on the other couch.

Somewhere during the opening previews I doze off, and I’m
woken up by Jenna poking at my sneakers. I move my legs and sit up straight to
give her some space. What I didn’t expect was for her to sit so close to me.
Her hand is almost touching mine. She sees me looking and stretches her little
finger out to touch mine. And that is how it stays. Maybe I am a coward. I know
Jenna wants to be with me, and I want to be with her. I probably shouldn’t even
think about stuff like this, but I have nothing to offer this beautiful girl.
The three of us have already applied and been accepted to the local college
here, but I know Jenna’s parents aren’t happy about that. They don’t want her
to go to college. They want her to go to a university. Somewhere more
prestigious than our local college. But Jenna insists she’s not leaving home.
Mia and I don’t have much choice. The education policy Dad had for us only
covered school and college for a year, after that we have to pay our own way.
So yes, I am not worthy of this girl, but damn my black heart for wanting her.
I take her hand and turn it so the palm is facing up. She looks at me like I’ve
just made her the happiest girl in the world. And she shouldn’t because I can
only break her heart. I lift her hand up and place a soft kiss on her wrist. It
smells of apples and something else, something even sweeter. Every time I smell
apples I will think of her.