Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms (9 page)

Hip Rocking

Distinguishing between real rocking and fake rocking takes careful attention. Earlier in arousal, hips move less rhythmically and less reliably. If your partner is a hip-mover, you may notice a kind of rolling, searching motion, like their pelvis is feeling around in the dark The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 105

for the light switch. (How’s that for an unsexy simile?) But as they become increasingly aroused and myoto-nia (involuntary muscle contractions) takes over, the pelvis movements because more purposeful, more thythmic, more thrusting.

Don’t mistake
size
of rocking for
intensity
of rocking.

Small movements can be just as indicative of arousal as big movements; it’s a matter of the tension in the muscles, not the external, behavioral manifestation of that tension.

Facial Expression

There is no particular facial expression that indicates orgasm; instead what’s important is that at orgasm your partner is not thinking about their face. The “O”

Face – jaw dropped in an elongated O shape – is only one possibility among many. They may have their lips barely parted, jaw tense. They may have a crinkle between their eyebrows, or their eyebrows may be raised up into the hairline. Lots of people close their eyes at orgasm, the better to focus on the sensations inside their bodies, but it’s not at all necessary. (Orgasming while looking into your partner’s eyes is an intimate and lovely thing. Do try it if you haven’t.) The thing to notice is that it’s utterly unself-conscious, that their 106

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms attention is turned away from their appearance, the social mask is gone, and you have an unmediated view of the person under the persona.

Now, a really gifted faker can fool you; they’ll know all the tricks and there’s just nothing you can do. Every symptom of orgasm
can
be faked, it’s really a matter of knowing that it’s a symptom and knowing how to reproduce it convincingly.

But. The reason I think it’s worth posting this is because a partner who pays close attention to their partner’s arousal is a better lover than one who doesn’t. The quality of your attention to your partner is a major factor in both your own pleasure and in your ability to give your partner pleasure.

My sister tells me that research on the human mirror neuron system shows that adult humans can distinguish between the motion of an arm that reaches to pick up a cup and the motion of an arm that reaches to take a drink from a cup – I mean BEFORE the arm actually reaches the cup, our brains respond differently.

At a neurological level, we are sensitive to this kind of distinction.

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 107

It appears that some people are more sensitive than others. Think about it in terms of watching an actor. Some people can be convinced and moved by a screwed up face and a trembly voice. Others can tell when an actor’s doing something real and when they’re… well, faking it. (Like, why is Hugh Laurie so totally, totally amazing? Cuzza stuff like…he says that while he’s shooting “House,” his leg really does hurt.

We’re all convinced because he’s convinced himself.) Some people can’t tell the difference between the person and the persona.

If you’re an insensitive lover, inattentive to the details of your partner’s arousal and unable to discriminate between the person and the persona, you’ll be easy to fool. A few panting sighs and you think she came all over you.

Be sensitive, pay attention to the details. Notice how your partner moves and breathes. Not only will it be clear to you how real their orgasm is, you’ll be a better overall lover.

108

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Chapter Twenty-Six: Conclusion

By now you know all the amazing ways you can have an orgasm: with hands, mouth, toys like vibrators, focusing on your clit, your g-spot—just to name a few.

You’ve learned the best ways to go for simultaneous and multiple orgasms, and even hands-free “energy”

orgasms.

But let me end this guide the same way I began it, by reiterating the most important thing I want you to know:

There is only one kind of orgasm.

Sure, you can achieve it all different sorts of ways. But in the end, an orgasm is simply the explosive release of sexual tension. The destination is more important than the journey. So if one path doesn’t get you there, try another. And another.

Learn what works for you, and just have fun experimenting with the rest.

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