Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms (4 page)

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 39

There are five basic variations on positions from behind:

1. First, you can be on your knees, facing away from your partner, with your hands on the wall.

2. Second, you can be on your knees with your hands on the mattress.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 3. Third, on your knees with your elbows on the mattress.

4. Fourth, on your knees with your shoulders on the mattress.

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5. And fifth, lying down on your belly.

With all the kneeling positions, you can have your thighs together or apart, and you can change the angle of your legs relative to your torso. Widening the angle will prevent deeper penetration, while narrowing the angle will allow deeper penetration: An extreme example of narrowing the angle between your torso and legs is called “half-tortoise pose” in yoga. You sit on your heels, with your torso laying down over your thighs and your arms stretched out in front of you. You’ll be folded up in a little heap.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms This provides a good angle for hitting the g-spot, but again, allows for deep penetration. Go slowly and gently at first.

This provides a good angle for hitting the g-spot, but again, allows for deep penetration. Go slowly and gently at first.

3

For the

Advanced Student*

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Chapter Eight: Female Ejaculation

Not all women are able to ejaculate, while some women ejaculate every time they have an orgasm. No one really knows why either of these things might be true or how to change it. If you’re not already an ejaculator but you’d like to try for it, g-spot stimulation is one way to do it.

Allow a high level of arousal to build up over a long time—say, an hour. Following the theory that a woman’s urethral sponge is similar to a man’s prostate, what you’re doing is allowing fluid to build up in the urethral sponge, which will be expelled with orgasm.

Some women have described pressing on the g-spot at orgasm and thus triggering ejaculation. That’s another trick to try.

Ejaculation is something that might change over your life. Hormonal changes seem to influence ejaculation, so that some women start to ejaculate when they reach menopause, whereas other women stop ejaculating when they reach menopause. It’s kind of like how some women get acne when they go on the pill, but other women’s acne clears up when they go on the pill.

No one is sure why or how different women respond The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 45

differently to changes in hormones; it’s one of those questions that’s still unanswered.

So if you don’t ejaculate now, wait a few years and see what happens!

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Chapter Nine: Bigger Orgasms

Let’s acknowledge that having extended orgasms is the sexual equivalent of running a marathon. For most people, just jogging a few times a week will bring you all the fitness and health you need. You might occasionally do the odd 5k run, but it’s neither necessary nor appealing to put in the effort required to train for a marathon. So, too, with orgasm.

Regular orgasms are plenty to keep most people satisfied, and occasional excursions into the world of multiple or larger orgasms is an exciting but rare ad-venture. For lots of folks, it would be more effort than it’s worth to aim for anything more complicated. And that’s just fine—“regular” orgasms are great. If you’ve tried half the things in this little booklet, you’re already having better sex than most people in the world. So only try out the stuff in this section because it’s fun, not because you feel like it’s necessary in order to have adequate sex. This stuff isn’t even frosting; it’s the candy that decorates the flowers on the cake.

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Here’s how it works:

A woman’s orgasm happens when you cross a threshold of tension, and in general, the more momentum you have when you cross it, the faster you finish. So the way to generate a bigger orgasm is to slow down your approach. Slow approach, less momentum—so instead of flying over the threshold, you can float up to it and hover there. Imagine driving a manual transmission car up a hill so that you stop right at the top of the hill, and don’t slide back down or slip over the edge.

You just come to rest delicately at the top.

In order to gain this kind of control, you have two homework assignments:

1. First, do Kegel exercises. This is where you squeeze your urethral sphincter, the muscle that you use to stop yourself from peeing. There are all kinds of regimens about how often and how long to do these, but the basic rule is: the more the better. That means more exercises, more often, held for longer and longer periods of time. At first, it might be just a second or two, but you can build up to quite a long tension. Strengthening the PC muscles will increase the intensity of the orgasmic experience and give you more control over your arousal level.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 2. Your second homework assignment is to train yourself to be able to reliably have an orgasm within 20 minutes of manual stimulation. This gives you greater control over your arousal level, knowing that even with the normal wear and tear of daily life on your mood, stress level, relationship stability, and all the rest of it, your body will cooperate effectively. When you’ve got these things down—and this alone might take a few months of practice—you can try this technique for generating an extended orgasm:

3. Imagine that arousal levels happen on a scale of 0

to10, where 0 is no arousal and 10 is orgasm. Start at 0. Go up to 6, then back down to 2. Up to 7, down to 3. Up to 8, down to 4. Up to 9, down to 5. Up to 9.5 (right on the screaming edge of orgasm), down to 6. Back to 9.5, down to 7. You’ll need to make a conscious effort to relax your abdomen and thigh muscles, because that tension can push you over the edge. You’ll sense the arousal spreading from your genitals, radiating into the rest of your body.

Back to 9.5, down to 8. Back to 9.5, down to 9. By now, you’re constantly hovering around orgasm.

This whole process might take 45 minutes or an hour.

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Chapter Ten: Anal Play

Anal play is an additional sensation, different from both clitoral and g-spot sensations. If you’re interested in trying out penetration, there are three rules to suc-cessful anal penetration: relaxation, lubrication, and communication.

* Relaxation. The anus is composed of two sphincters of muscle. The outer sphincter is under conscious control, and the inner one is not. The inner sphincter will clench when you feel stressed or anxious or threatened in any way, and it will take the outer muscle with it. This is why relaxation is so important. Two things are necessary to ensure relaxation: 1. The person being penetrated should be the one in control. You can press your hips against your partner’s finger (with its extremely short, clean, and well-groomed fingernails!) at your own pace.

2. The penetrator has to work with the “winking” of the anus. As your become aroused, your anus will clench and unclench. It is crucial that your partner not try to move while you’re clenched—you’ll just pull against the sphincter and cause pain. Stay 50

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms aware of the tension levels in the muscle and work with it, never against it.

* Lubrication. Pain with penetration comes from two sources. The first is when the anus clenches and the penetrator moves out of synch with it. The second is friction from inadequate lubrication. Unlike the vagina, the anus produces very little of its own lubrication so it is absolutely necessary to use lube. I love silicone lube because it lasts a long time, stays where you put it, and doesn’t evaporate, unlike water-based lube, and it’s latex compatible, unlike oil-based lubes.

The ultimate in silicone lubes for anal play is Eros Power Cream, which has a thick, almost Vaseline-like consistency and last for an eternity.

* Communication. As vigilant as you are about the winking, it still takes explicit communication in order to make sure you’re both comfortable with what’s happening. This is challenging for a lot of people when they’re communicating about fairly straightforward, common sexual practices like vaginal penetration or even foreplay. But communicating during sex about anal penetration? Oy. You might be best off using a sort of shorthand. “More? Less?

Deeper? Faster? Slower? Like that? There?” your The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 51

partner asks. “Yes. No. Slower. Deeper. Less. Like that. Wait. Stop. Lower. More,” you say. This is not the time or place for grammatical sentences.

Whenever you want to stop, say so. Your partner should wait until you’re relaxed, and slowly and gently withdraw. Once you have some practice, anal stimulation with other stimulation can add some serious intensity. Some women find they love anal penetration, and other women are never interested. It’s okay either way—whatever makes you happy.