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“What would you do for this?” I asked. I pointed between my legs.

Mark looked at me confused, so I repeated my question.

“I’m not trying to be coy or anything,” I said. “What would you do for it?”

“Anything,” he said. “I’d turn my life inside out.”

So I was right. I did wield power over him.

“Well,
I’m
not ready to be turned inside out yet,” I said playfully.

“Again. I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking.”

“It’s okay,” I said. I bit my lower lip. “Mark?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you go down on me again?” And then I added, “But only if you want to! I don’t want you to do it if you don’t want to.”

Mark laughed hard.

“What?”

“Oh my God, Cadence. I’d do that all day if you’d let me,” he replied.

I blushed and lowered my legs, letting them fall open, inviting him to taste me.

“I want you to tell me what feels good,” he said. “What you like. Okay?”

“Just do whatever you want,” I replied.

“No, Cadence. I want this to be spectacular for you. So tell me what you like and what you don’t. I wanna give you what you want.”

“Okay.”

He ran his tongue over my opening. “Do you like that?”

“Yes,” I breathed.

He did it again, slower. “That?”

I shifted. “Yes.”

He plunged his tongue in me. “That?”

“YES?”

“I’m confused,” Mark said.

I moaned.

He nipped my clit softly. “What about that?”

“Ohhhh.”

He drew my clit into his mouth and sucked gently, making my toes tingle and throb. “Hmm?” he asked, continuing his work.

“Ahhhh.”

He found a rhythm and continued sucking, teasing me with his tongue every now and again, making me go rigid with anticipation. I was about to blast off into space, and this was my only training class. He hummed between my legs, the vibrations making me think absurdly of rocket boosters. They kept switching on, one after the other, and now there was no way I could exit the cabin. Or my seat. I was buckled in, and the countdown had started. I tugged on Mark’s hair, but he didn’t let up. I didn’t want him to. No, I did want him to. No no, I did
not
want him to. Three, two, one. Liftoff, and
ahhhh
. . .

I screamed, arching my back, holding on to the captain’s hair, feeling the atmospheric pressure change. My ears popped, and I screamed again, tingling bursts all over as my body ripped in two. But then the cabin pressurized, normalized, and I felt my body pulled towards the ceiling. I floated on exhaustion and zero gravity. I loosened my grip, heard a faint “thank you” in the background, and drifted into sweet stupefaction.

I awoke some time later to the smell of sizzling bacon. My stomach contracted angrily, and I lay paralyzed, waiting for the cramp to subside. I needed food. Now.

I threw on my pajamas and headed for the kitchen.

“Good morning. Again,” Mark said, flipping the bacon pieces.

“How long did I sleep?” I asked.

“Thirty minutes or so,” he replied.

“You knocked me out.”

“I know. I’m pretty proud of myself for that.” He handed me a cup of coffee.

I smirked. “Yeah, I bet you are.”

“Sugar and cream,” he said, pointing to the dining room table.

I plopped in a chair and dressed my coffee. I watched Mark move about the kitchen, preparing what looked to be a breakfast feast.

“Do you like to cook?” I asked.

“I learned to like it,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“When you live by yourself, you either learn to cook or you eat out all the time and get fat,” he explained.

I nodded. “Need any help?”

“Do you know how to cook?”

“No.”

“Then just stay right there,” he replied, and winked.

I rolled my eyes and took another sip of coffee.

When all the banging and sizzling and clanking and slapping were done, Mark filled the table with several plates of breakfast treats: pancakes, bacon, sausage, hash browns, scrambled eggs, toast, and cinnamon rolls. There was also fresh-squeezed orange juice.

“Nice touch,” I said, pouring some juice.

“I’m trying my hardest to impress you,” he replied. “And I’m ravenous.”

“You and me both,” I said, and bowed my head. I didn’t think about it. It was automatic. I even did it at school, though I was much more covert about it. It’s not that I was ashamed of praying over my food, but I didn’t want to make others uncomfortable. I didn’t want to make Mark uncomfortable, so I said a quickie:
Dear God, thank you for this amazing breakfast
, and snapped my head up.

Mark was smiling at me. He’d waited to pile his plate until I finished.

“What’d you pray about?”

“The food,” I said.

“Praying it’d be good?” he asked.

I laughed. “No. I know it’ll be good. I thanked God for it.”

“But I’m the one who made it,” he said.

“Well, thank you,” I replied.

He inclined his head, then poured a massive amount of syrup on his pancakes.

“What else did you pray about?” he asked as he shoveled pancakes in his mouth.

“Nothing.”

“Didn’t thank God for anything else you received this morning?”

I froze, my fork centimeters from my lips. “Is that supposed to be funny?”

“A little,” he said, and bit into a piece of sausage.

“It’s not,” I snapped, and shoved hash browns in my mouth.

“Cadence? Seriously? I’m just joking with you,” Mark said.

“You’re making fun of me.”

“I am not. That’s not fair.”

I ignored him and continued eating.

“I really wasn’t trying to be an asshole, Cadence,” Mark said gently.

I was silent for a moment.

“What I’m doing is wrong,” I said finally.

“What do you mean?”

“Being with you. Sneaking around. Lying. Letting you do things to me,” I said. “It’s wrong, and I feel guilty.”

“Do you really think it’s wrong that we’re together?” Mark asked. “Or do you think it’s wrong because that’s what you’ve been taught?”

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that you’re a young woman old enough to make your own decisions.”

“Ah, yes, moral relativism,” I said.

“Nope. I’m not talking about moral relativism at all. I’m talking about you being old enough to define your boundaries, decide your values based on what allows you to live a good life—”

I opened my mouth to object.

“—as long as you’re not hurting anyone else,” Mark finished.

I grunted and shoved a pancake in my mouth.

“Are you enjoying breakfast?” Mark asked.

“The actual breakfast? Yes. The conversation? I don’t know,” I replied, downing the rest of my juice.

“Well, I’m enjoying both,” Mark said.

“How can we go from oral sex to talking about God?” I asked.

“Why can’t we?”

“Isn’t it disrespectful?”

“I don’t think so.”

I chewed on my bottom lip.

“There’s more to eat, you know,” Mark said, observing me.

“Funny,” I replied, and piled my plate again.

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Cadence,” Mark said. “I mean, you’re not doing anything wrong being with me.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t share my values,” I replied. I didn’t know what that meant, mostly because I wasn’t sure what his values were.

“Then why are you with me?”

I jerked my head to look at him. “What does
that
mean?”

“Calm down. It wasn’t meant to sound aggressive. I love that you’re with me. I hope you continue to be with me. But I don’t want you feeling guilty about it all the time.”

“I don’t,” I said. “I mean, most of the time I don’t. But I really don’t like lying to my parents.”

“I know.”

“Not because I especially like them right now. I think they’re mean to me. I’ve been so good. I’ve tried so hard. And nothing. They would have never let me drive if I weren’t failing your class, and they’d never let me go anywhere if Avery hadn’t come into the picture.” I pushed my eggs around the plate.

“Well, maybe you can look at those things as divine intervention,” Mark said.

I studied his face, but there was no hint of sarcasm. He wasn’t making fun of me. He was trying to make me feel better.

“So what happened that night?”

I tensed, unsure if I wanted to reveal the details of that fateful evening.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he said quickly.

“No, it’s okay. As long as you don’t judge.”

“I’ve never judged anyone over anything,” he said.

“Skeletons in your closet?” I asked, smirking.

“Several. But we’re not going there yet,” he said. “We’re talking about you.”

“Ah, yes. Me. Me and my big mistake,” I said, scooping more eggs onto my fork. “Well, there’s not much to tell.”

“I’m sure there is,” Mark teased.

I sighed. “All right. I made a big mistake. I didn’t listen to Gracie when she told me not to go to that party. I went because Dean invited me.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Dean.”

“But he’s a loser,” Mark said.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m aware. But my boyfriend had just broken up with me, and I was vulnerable, okay?”

“I understand,” Mark said.

I chuckled. He didn’t understand, but whatever.

“So anyway, he invited me to a stupid party. I’d never been invited to a party. I wasn’t popular or anything, but I wasn’t an outcast either. Just one of the regular, mostly see-through kids.”

“Regular, mostly see-through kid,” Mark repeated. “I like that.”

I nodded. “I went, and I spent half the night trying to get Dean’s attention. It was stupid. I was gonna leave, but I went to the bathroom first. And that’s when he came in and offered me cocaine.”

“And you took it just like that?” Mark asked.

“Well, no. I didn’t want to, but he was really cute, and I was really vulnerable. You remember me telling you about the vulnerable part?”

Mark nodded.

“So I did. And I won’t lie. It felt amazing. I felt like I could do anything, like I was the tallest person on the planet stretching up to heaven. I felt like an angel, like I could fly around and save people and leap from buildings and discover the secrets to the universe.”

Mark scowled.

“I’m just being honest,” I said.

“I know. It’s just hard for me to understand. I don’t see the appeal.”

“You don’t see the appeal of feeling invincible?” I asked.

“But you weren’t really invincible. You just felt that way,” Mark said.

I thought for a moment. He was right, and there was nothing I could say to it, so I just moved on. “And then I made out with Dean.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Mark groaned.

“What?! You asked!” I said.

“That’s worse than snorting cocaine.”

I laughed.

“It really was. I don’t know why I thought he was all that. He made fun of my breasts—”

“I don’t wanna hear any more of this part, Cadence,” Mark interrupted.

“All right, all right,” I said. “So some other people came into the bathroom. I didn’t know who they were, but that didn’t matter. I remember becoming best friends with all of them, and that’s when we hatched our brilliant plan to go rob that convenience store out on Old County Line Road.”

“God help us.”

“That’s what I said in court!”

Mark narrowed his eyes at me while I cracked a smile.

“You’re getting frustrated with this story.”

“I’m not,” Mark said. “I’ve never robbed a convenience store, but I’ve done some crazy shit in my past.”

I perked up. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Nice try. We’re not done with you yet.”

I shrugged. “Well, we walked from the house to the convenience store. That’s how close it was. And Dean had the bright idea of holding up the store owner with a tranquilizer gun.”

“Smart one,” Mark said, rolling his eyes.

“I was in charge of watching the door. I don’t really know what went on inside, but I remember feeling like we could get away with it. I guess that’s what cocaine makes you feel. Like you can get away with anything. But we didn’t. We were stupid and wasted, and the store owner called the cops.”

Mark grunted.

“Long story short, we were arrested. I went to court. The judge gave me a lecture and ten months hard time—”