Going All the Way (13 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Carrie was halfway out of the shower the next morning when Stu called. He was on his way and wanted to talk to her in private. She wasn’t sure what that could be about, and wasn’t sure she wanted to find out. Not now, not when R
yan would soon be over. But she needed to stay on task. Once they won this account, she would be free to put her past behind her. And Ryan? Would he stay? She hoped so. She only wished she could be sure.

“What is it?” she asked a little harsher than she intended when Stu arrived on her doorstep.

He looked tired, his face drawn. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened at the office, the other day with the team. And since you haven’t been back…”

“Okay.” She stood aside, and he walked in. In other words, he was stressing about the Costas account and needed her to reassure him that they had it in the bag, and that they would be able to work together. That she would follow through and be there for the presentation. Some things never changed. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure.”

They went into the kitchen, and she poured him a cup.

“Carrie, I’ve been a mess. The company is a mess.”

She smiled and took a deep breath. Typical Stu. It was always about him. “Really? I couldn’t tell.”

“The truth is you were the real talent in this company. You knew how to reach inside people’s souls and pluck at their heartstrings. I barely even recognize there is such an organ.”

“The very fact you call it an ‘organ’ says it all.”

He laughed. “You always knew me so well. Could see past all the layers of bullshit and pull out the truth.”

She stared at him, at the new lines etched in his face, at the puffiness of sleepless nights under his eyes. She softened. “So what’s the truth now? What do you want, really?”

“I want you to come back. Our stock is plummeting, and everything I’ve built is in jeopardy.”

Tension knotted her shoulders at the panic in his voice. Why was she always the one to pull him down off the cliff? “I’m here, aren’t I? You already have me back. I’ll help you as much as I can on this one account,” she said gently, when what she really wanted to do was usher him right out the door. And quick, before he sucked her back in.

“That’s not what I mean. Not what I need. Or at least, that’s not all I need.” He stepped closer, his gaze imploring.

She stiffened, looking deep into his dark eyes. Eyes she had once thought she’d love forever. But forever didn’t last very long. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying things haven’t been the same for me since you left. I’ve been floating loose. I need you to ground me, to keep me on track. I need you. I want you back.”

Her stomach tensed. She couldn’t deal with this, not now. She could barely keep her own life from flying apart; she certainly couldn’t take care of him, too. “You make me sound like a good, strong rope.”

“Like I said, I’m not good at this stuff.”

That was the understatement of the year. He wasn’t good at people—at caring about what they need, or how they were feeling. No, as usual it was all about Stu. With Ryan, things were different. She could see that so clearly now. Even if she was afraid of losing herself in him, she wouldn’t lose who she was. Unlike Stu, Ryan was strong enough on his own that even if she gave all of herself to him, she wouldn’t lose who she was. She could still be Carrie. With him, she could be stronger.

“Carrie?” he said, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Where is all this coming from?” she asked. “I’ve been gone two years. I barely heard from you in all that time.”

“I know. I didn’t know how much I missed you, how much I needed you, until I saw you with that ridiculous dog that day in the park.”

“Riley? I love Riley.”

“Fine. You can bring him home with you if you want,” he offered.

“Home? Your home?” she asked with a note of incredulity.

“Our home.”

She shook her head. “I can’t bring him anywhere. He’s Ryan’s, not mine.”

Stu’s forehead crinkled, his eyes narrowing. “Ryan? From work?”

“Yes. As you know, he lives next door.”

“Even better, you can still visit,” Stu said without missing a beat. He reached for her hands, stepped close, and peered into her eyes with that same intensity that had won her over in college. When he’d set his sights on her, he hadn’t let up until she was his. He was a man who didn’t stop until he got what he wanted. It was an attractive trait, and he’d made it so easy to get caught up in his world, his energy, but now she knew better.

She dropped his hands and took a step back from him. “Things didn’t go well for us the last time we were together.”

He closed the space between them. “Because I didn’t appreciate what I had. I didn’t value you. I do now. I know who you are and what you mean to me, and I will never let you forget it again.”

She shook her head. This was getting out of control. “I’m seeing someone,” she said, grasping for the first thing she could think of to get him to back away.

“Ryan Burton?” he asked, looking incredulous.

“Yes.”

“Is it serious?”

Was it?
Yes, she wanted to say, but didn’t. She wasn’t ready. Not yet. And certainly not to Stu. “I don’t know. It’s too soon to tell. We’ve only just met and we don’t know each other very well.” That was putting it mildly. But she still couldn’t stop thinking about him. And after last night…she didn’t want to.

“Do you still love me?” he asked, moving closer, and slipping his hands around her waist.

She placed her hands over his and gently extricated them. “Stu, I was married to you. I’ll always love you.”

He looked triumphant. “See?”

Riley whined. She turned to look at him and saw Ryan standing in the doorway, a look of thunder in his eyes.

…

Ryan stood rooted to the spot, stunned to see Stu’s hands on Carrie’s waist, his lips nearing her face. If Stu kissed her, he would lose it.

“Ryan,” Carrie said when she saw him, her face filled with dread as she took a quick step back.

What t
he hell is going on here
? He wanted to yell, but didn’t. He kept his mouth shut even though his insides were tying themselves in knots from holding it all in. He couldn’t believe he fell for it all. He knew better, knew there was something between her and Stu, and still he let himself hope.

“Stu came by to check on our progress,” she said, with a bright smile.

A blatant lie. He heard what Stu wanted. He wanted her back.

“So you’ve been banging my ex?” Stu said, taking a step toward him.

Carrie gasped, a look of horror on her face. Ryan stared at her, and a chill moved through him. Why would she be upset? Because the secret was out? Or because she didn’t want Stu to know about them? Her words came back to him.
We only just met, and we don’t know each other very well.
Apparently he didn’t know her at all.

“Don’t you think that’
s a tad bit unprofessional?
” Stu pushed, while Ryan did everything he could to swallow his tongue, to keep from lashing out at the man. From saying what he really wanted to say—Stu Steinhem was a first class jackass.

“I must say,” Stu continued. “Burton Consulting has been a huge disappointment. First off, you couldn’t come up with an advertising campaign to save your life, or your job, for that matter. And the lack of professionalism is completely unacceptable.”

The dam broke and a flood of anger washed over him. “My lack of professionalism? You treat your employees, and apparently your ex-wife, like dirt. Nothing is ever good enough, and you push them to the breaking point.”

Stu stiffened, taking a large step toward him. “Excuse me?”

“Do I need to spell it out for you? What you need is a class in how to motivate and keep your employees. Or let’s see, management 101,” Ryan added, digging the hole deeper.

“I’ve heard just about enough,” Stu stated, blustering toward him.

“Have you? Because considering you’re here pressuring your ex to come back to you when we all know she’d rather walk through fire and eat glass says it all.”

Stu’s face reddened under the onslaught of insults. “How dare you?”

“Ryan, this is between me and Stu,” Carrie started, rushing toward them. Riley whined and ran to her side.

“Is it?” Ryan asked. “Because it seems to me this needs to be said and for some reason, you won’t say it. You won’t tell him what he needs to hear—that he’s an overbearing, arrogant dick. And yet, you go running every time he snaps his fingers? Why is that? What kind of weird dysfunctional hold does he have over you?”

“That’s enough,” Stu stated. “You will not talk to her that way.”

“
I won
’t? Now you’re going to tell me what I will say and who I will say it to? You’re a user, Stu. You use up everyone around you until they have nothing left to give, then you throw them away.”

“How dare you talk to me like that? You know nothing about me, and nothing about Carrie.”

“Don’t I?” he challenged.

“You’re fired. I want you out,” Stu spat. “Out of my company, out of my house, and most of all, away from my wife!” Stu yelled, and brought his fist into Ryan’s gut.

Before he could hit him again, Ryan retaliated, quick and powerful. A one shot slam. “Ex-wife!” Ryan roared.

“Stop it! What is wrong with you two?” Carrie screamed, stepping in between them.

Ryan moved back, heart pounding and adrenaline pumping. “Don’
t worry, I
’m out of here. He’s all yours.”

“Ryan! My relationship with my ex is my business. My fight!”

“Then you should have told him to get lost.”

She looked stunned. “Why? Because he wanted my help?”

“I can’t deal with this, Carrie. You two obviously have some baggage you need to clear up. Call me once you do.”

He turned and walked out of the room. He should have known better. He did know better.

He just didn’
t listen.

He was better off with no distractions in his life. No attachments, and certainly no one close enough to cause him this much trouble. He knew that. He’d just convinced himself this time was different. That she was different.

Obviously, he’d been wrong.

…

Carrie stood alone in the middle of her living room amidst the chaos of overturned furniture and shattered glass. Ryan had stormed out and Stu had followed, and as usual, she was left alone to pick up the pieces. She went over it again and again and still she didn’t know what the
hell had happened. One moment she was thinking they might have a chance, and the next he turned into someone she barely recognized. But how well did she know Ryan anyway? So much for coffee together and then on to the office. She wasn’t going anywhere near that place.

She quickly changed into her yoga pants and sports bra and decided to go on a run to try and get the anxiety out of her system. She ran full steam ahead, half hoping the whole time that she would see Ryan trudging up behind her with Riley by his side. But two miles later, he still hadn’t showed, and it was just as well. As she crossed the street back to the front of her house, she was surprised to see boxes stacked up on Ryan’s front porch. She walked up and knocked on the screened door.

“Ryan?” she called through the screen. Riley came running toward her, barking.

Ryan walked out of the bathroom, a box in his hand. Dread swirled in her gut.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

He stood on the other side of the screen without opening the door. “You heard Stu. He wants me out.”

“What about the Costas account?”
About us
? She tried to ask, but couldn’t force the last question over the lump in her throat.

“I’m going to head out to my dad’s place in Malibu. I’m sure you and the team can handle the Costas presentation. Things got a little…messy. I think it would be best after what happened this morning if I cut my losses on this one and leave.”

“But…”

“I’ll be in touch,” he said dismissively, and by his tone they both knew he wouldn’t be.

She stood frozen trying to take in what was happening. But her brain felt stuffed with cotton and her stomach was bottoming out. For a quick moment fear and loss enveloped her, before she pushed it away. She would not succumb to that, not now. Not with him. She’d trusted him, even though she’d known better, and she’d let him back in. And now he was leaving her? She started to turn.

“Carrie?”

“Yes?”

“Take care of yourself.” He shut the door. Take care of herself? Seriously? Was that the best he could do? After everything they’d been through?

“You’re a coward, Ryan Burton,” she yelled through the closed door. “A chicken-shit coward.” One who was so afraid of making attachments with people he turned tail and ran every time he got close. Running from one job to the next, and now he was running from her, leaving her before she could leave him. He was an idiot and a user, and she was tired of being used. She wished she’d never met him. She swatted at her face to keep the unshed tears from falling and stormed off his porch. The man obviously had issues. To hell with him, to hell with all men. She was supposed to be focusing on herself, anyway.