God Ain't Through Yet (31 page)

T
ears were streaming down the sides of my face like a waterfall. I stood there holding those bloody panties, trembling so hard I wanted to scream. Some old memories that I thought I had buried for good danced around in my head. I recalled the first time blood had appeared in my panties. It had happened when I was just seven years old, the first time Mr. Boatwright raped me.

“Mama, what are you doing?” Charlotte asked, stumbling into her room with a towel draped around the bottom half of her naked body. It had been a while since I'd seen her naked. I had no idea that she had started developing breasts. There was no telling what else I didn't know about my own child. But I was going to find out.

“When did this happen?” I asked, holding the panties up in the air.

“Yesterday,” she muttered. I could see that she was nervous and frightened, and she had every reason to be! “I was going to tell you….”

“Oh? Well, were you going to tell me who did it?”

“Who did what?”

“Did Jacob…have you been to Jacob's house? Did he…touch you?”

“Mama, what in the world are you talking about?” Charlotte moved back a few steps toward the door, clutching the towel tighter around her.

“Or was it one of Jasmine's horny, baby-making brothers?”

“Mama, I stopped going over to Jacob's house just like you told me. And Jasmine's brothers don't even like me. They like girls with big butts.”

“What about the drugs?”

“What drugs?”

“Are you going to tell me that those boys don't smoke weed?”

“No, they do smoke weed.”

“And have you?”

Charlotte looked so frightened I thought she was going to melt into the wall that she was now backed up against. “I only smoked weed one time.”

I swayed like a palm tree. To this day I don't know how I managed to keep from falling to the ground. “You are not to ever go back to that house!” I hollered, steadying myself by leaning against the wall. “Do you hear me! If I ever hear about you going around those boys again, smoking that shit, I am going to file a complaint against them!”

“I didn't smoke weed with them! I found that roach on our floor.”

“What?”

“Uh, Uncle Otis and Uncle Bully used to smoke weed all the time when they came over here. Daddy did, too—before you ran him off. They would send me to the store to get that Glade room freshener to spray the air before you got home. I didn't like it, so I'll never smoke again. Not even cigarettes.”

“Do you mean to tell me that your daddy knew about this and he didn't tell me?” I didn't need the wall to steady myself now. I was so mad that I was stiff enough to stand up in a bowl of quicksand. I must have looked pretty menacing standing in front of my daughter; I had a scowl on my face, with one hand on my hip and my other hand holding her bloody panties.

“No, he didn't know. I done it behind his back. Uncle Otis told me to never do it again. Uncle Bully told me the same thing, and I told them I wouldn't. I don't want to grow up to be a fool like Jade.”

“Your daddy is on his way over here. We are all going to sit down and have a long talk.”

“About what?”

“About your behavior. Now get dressed and get your butt downstairs. He'll be here any minute, or so he said,” I told her, glancing at my watch.

Pee Wee didn't come, but he called. “Uh, I've got a situation here at my place that I need to address immediately. I'll try and get over there tomorrow.”

“I know you have more important things to be concerned about than your daughter. But like I've told you before, I can handle my end. You take care of yours.”

“You were right. Lizzie's leavin'. She's leavin' the shop, and she's movin' in with Henry's uncle Peabo. I…I found out that Peabo has been dippin' his spoon in her sugar bowl for weeks! Anyway, she's also goin' to be Henry's new manicurist. I guess that makes you happy, huh?”

“I don't know what makes you think that. But I will say one thing; it sounds like she's planning to milk every cow on the farm.”

I was not happy to hear about Lizzie's new venture. The damage she'd done to me was still too fresh and it remained intact. That was more than enough pain for me to deal with at the time.

Pee Wee grunted. “That's the way it looks to me. Did you talk to Charlotte yet?”

“I've got things under control for now,” I said.

“Are you sure? I do not want to ever hear about her hangin' around with Jasmine's brothers. You know how these young punks are these days.”

“And the old punks are not too much better,” I pointed out.

“Look, I am not in the mood for one of your mouthy beat-downs. I know I've caused you some grief these past few weeks.”

“Yes, you sure have, but you're not the only old punk I was referring to this time.”

“What?”

“I don't want Charlotte around you and your friends when you all are smoking weed.”

Pee Wee remained quiet for a few seconds. “Uh, don't worry about it. It won't happen again.”

“You're damn right it won't. Call me when you get a chance. I've had a splitting headache all day, and it just got worse.”

My head felt like it was going to explode by the time I got through “straightening out” my daughter. No matter how many times I asked her who was responsible for the blood in her panties, she wouldn't tell me. She continued to say, “I don't know!” By the time we went to bed, we were both in tears.

I took off work the next day and called to see if I could make an emergency appointment with my regular OB/GYN so I could have Charlotte examined. But there were no appointments available for another three weeks. I ended up dragging her to the free clinic on Morgan Street where the homeless people went. It took a young doctor just a few minutes to tell me what I should have known already: Charlotte had had her first menstrual period. That's why the blood was in her panties.

“She's only eleven,” I yelled. Then it hit me: I had started my first period when I was her age. “Uh, thank you, doctor,” I muttered, on my way out the door.

“Happy?” Charlotte said with a smirk on her face as soon as we got out into the hallway. “What you got to say now?”

I gave her a tired look. I drove in silence for the first few minutes. “Honey, you could have saved us both some grief if you'd just told me what it really was.”

“I tried to, but you kept hollering and screaming at me to tell you the boy's name that made me bleed. I don't know anybody I like enough to let him do that to me….”

Her last sentence made me feel so much better. “I'll pick up some pads,” I told her.

I suddenly felt very
old
. Even though I was already well into middle age, I had never really felt truly old until now.

“You do know that if you do something nasty, you can get pregnant now,” I mentioned, giving Charlotte a sharp look out of the corner of my eye.

She nodded. “Jade told me a long time ago that getting pregnant was no big deal. She told me about those abortions you made her get.”

That Jade. I was convinced that there was no hope for her, or of the two of us ever restoring our relationship.

I spent the next few days concentrating on my job. The times that Pee Wee came to the house to see Charlotte, he said nothing about Lizzie's betrayal and departure, and I didn't ask. I decided that if and when he wanted to discuss it with me, he would.

Since none of my neighbors reported to me that they'd seen Jacob lurking around my house or car again, I assumed that he had gotten the message. The only relationship between the two of us now was the one that involved the legal issue regarding his mother's unpaid funeral bill. But he got the last laugh on me with that one, too.

Two weeks after I had his paycheck garnished, his employer notified me by certified mail that Jacob had quit his job. That same day, my mother called me up to tell me that Scary Mary had told her that Jacob had fled the country and moved to Montreal, where some of his relatives lived. “You won't have to worry about him bein' in the way no more,” she told me with a chuckle. “And with that wench out of Pee Wee's hair, maybe you got a chance of getting him back. Get on it!”

“Who said I wanted Pee Wee back?” I asked, glad she was in her house so she couldn't see the look on my face. I was sick and tired of people trying to tell me how to live my life—even my parents. I didn't want to remind my mother that had it not been for her, Lizzie would never have entered my life in the first place!

“Why not? Other than him havin' a restless, wanderin' pecker, ain't nothin' else wrong with him. And how many times do I have to tell you that ALL men are dogs? But as long as you keep 'em on a tight enough leash, you can make 'em behave.”

J
ade was released from the hospital a week later. By then, Vernie had fled. I didn't get to see him in person before he boarded a plane for Alabama, but he called me up from the airport. Just like that sweet Mexican that Jade had tried to bully into marriage.

“Annette, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry I didn't have a chance to get to know you better. Just from the few times I did see you, I could tell you are a good woman. I don't believe any of that stuff Jade told me about you,” he said, his voice trembling.

“Vernie, I am really glad you called. I have always been on your side, and I am so sorry that you had to go through all that mess with Jade before you took action. I don't condone violence, but in this case, she had it coming.”

“I'm glad she's going to be all right and I still love her. But…but I don't
like
her. Does that make sense to you?”

“It makes a lot of sense to me because I feel the same way. I don't like a lot of the people I love.” We both laughed. “Do you think you'll ever come back to Ohio? Or do you think you will try to resume your relationship with Jade in Alabama?”

“HELL NO!” Vernie roared. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to holler like that. But I wouldn't try to resume a relationship with Jade in heaven!”

“That's a very potent statement, Vernie, but I understand. You don't have to apologize for anything to me. I just wish you the best.”

“I called up my mama the other day, and she's already got me an appointment with a lawyer when I get home.”

“Oh? I am so sorry to hear that. Are you thinking about getting a divorce?”

“Annette, since the day I married Jade, that's all I've been thinking about! Before I left, I did hug her and I told her that I was sorry about hitting her with that lamp. She didn't even apologize for hitting me first, but she told me that she was glad nobody got killed. She also told me how upset she was about me making her break off her silk-wrapped nails when we were struggling over that lamp.”

“That's Jade for you,” I mumbled.

“Anyway, I'm sorry I hugged her now because I think she took it the wrong way.”

“What do you mean by that? Does she think you're going back to Alabama just for some R and R?”

“I don't know what that damn girl thinks, and I don't care!” Vernie yelled. I was so glad to hear him being so much more assertive. I was sorry that he had not been that way sooner. Maybe his marriage would have had a chance.

“She kissed me on my jaw and told me to take care of myself. She also told me to ‘stop being such a crybaby' and to get to know my Bible better so I could be a better husband.”

I rolled my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “And what did you tell her?”

“I don't even remember what rolled off my tongue. But I know I didn't say anything about being a better husband to
her
. All I want to do is get the hell out of this state!”

“Good luck, Vernie. You have my address and phone number, and whenever you want to communicate with me, do so.”

 

I didn't tell Rhoda about my conversation with Vernie when I met her for lunch the following Friday. I was in a fairly good mood and I wanted to stay that way. I hadn't read the newspapers or listened to the news on the radio in the last few days so I didn't know about Mike Tyson biting off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear during their fight a few days ago. I didn't think it was funny, but when Rhoda told me, I laughed with her. By the time we finished lunch, I felt like my old self. But I knew I wasn't…

Pee Wee had started coming to the house every day now, but he still had not said anything about the future of our relationship. He didn't bring up Lizzie's name, and I didn't either. One reason I didn't ask him his business was that I didn't want to know if he had another reason for not mentioning our future himself. And it was a reason that Rhoda had brought to my attention. “Maybe he's still out there because he's involved with somebody else now,” she'd suggested.

That was one thing that I had not even thought about. And if that was the case, I didn't want to think about it.

I decided to work late that night. Rhoda collected Charlotte from school and dropped her off at my parents' house so she could spend the night there.

After work, I stopped by a nearby deli and ordered a chicken salad for dinner. I took my time eating it, half of which I left on the plate. When I left the deli, I stopped at the Grab and Go convenience store to pick up a few feminine products and had a chat with the long-winded cashier. It was around nine thirty by the time I made it to my side of town.

There was some construction going on along my usual route, so I had to drive down Rhoda's street to get to mine. There was an ambulance parked in her driveway again! It screamed out of the driveway before I could even park my car.

Bully was standing in the front doorway with his shirt hanging open and a dazed look on his face. “What the hell is going on this time?” I yelled. “Where's Rhoda? Where's Otis?”

“Otis had a union meeting tonight. Rhoda's in de ambulance with Jade,” Bully told me with a weary voice, still looking dazed. I knew that Bully and Rhoda had been lovers for decades, and I knew they cared about one another. They were one of the most passionate couples I knew. But what I couldn't figure out was why a handsome man like Bully was so attracted to a woman—his best friend's wife at that—with as many problems as Rhoda. But what did I know? There were probably people thinking a lot worse things about me.

“Annette, thank de Lord you're here! She dood it again! She dood it again!” Bully chanted.

“What did Jade ‘dood' this time?” I asked, following Bully into Rhoda's living room.

“Of course you must know by now!” Bully said, turning to face me with his hands up in the air and waving like he was directing traffic.

I gave him an impatient look before I let out a loud groan. “Bully, I do not know. If it's not too much trouble, please tell me what is going on.”

“Sorry. I grovel in modification,” he said, giving me a slight bow, then lifting my hand and kissing it. “Forgive me, please. I am so overwhelmed.”

There were a lot of things I loved about Jamaican men. Like the level of sensitivity some of them possessed and displayed, their charm, and especially their sex appeal. Bully had all of those qualities, but he was also the most exasperating man I knew!

“Bully, who did what?” I removed my hand from his and glanced at my watch. “Has there been an accident or something worse? If you don't tell me within the next few minutes, I am going to leave.”

He finally got to the point. Like Otis, when Bully got excited, his accent thickened and his English got more convoluted. I could barely understand what he was saying. “Let me tell you. De server come a little while ago with divorce papers from Vernie. Jade was in Red Rose with some girlfriends when he come. He go dere and serve she. Right in de public eye, Jade explode. She catch afire like de burning bush! I predict so much hell to pay soon, I can already smell de brimstone. Anyway, she get so upset she have panic attack, can't breathe. She makes it home in the nick of time, waving divorce document like it was a death notice. Lo and behold, she falls and hits her head on corner of de coffee table. Me and Rhoda think it's better she go back to hospital because she was bleeding like crazy. I hope she is not doing too badly. Losing her man the way she did, that's pretty bad.” Bully paused and gave me a curious look. “Of course, you know what
that
feels like, huh?”

I ignored Bully's last comment. “Jade must not be doing too badly if she's going out to a bar,” I quipped. I didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did, but it was hard not to when it involved Jade.

“Oh, she had to be at Red Rose tonight. Very big night dere tonight. She talked about it all day! Tonight was de monthly hot body contest night,” Bully explained.

“She just got out of the hospital and she's out entering a wet T-shirt contest?”

“Not wet T-shirt,” Bully said with a dismissive wave. “Jade say wet T-shirt contest is for ghetto crowd. Only hot body contest for her—and she always win at least first or second place. She's a tart, that one.”

“She sure is, Bully. Listen, I'm not even going to bother going over to the hospital. I'm tired,” I said, looking and feeling like I'd been up for the past two days. “When Rhoda gets home, tell her I stopped by, and tell her to call me if she feels like it.” I started walking toward the door; then I stopped. “No, don't tell her to call me up tonight. You don't even need to let her know that I was here. I'll talk to her tomorrow.”

I went home and went straight to bed, and I didn't open my eyes until the next morning. And as soon as I sat up in bed, Rhoda called.

“Annette, I'm losin' my mind. I'm losin' my child,” she whimpered so softly I could barely hear her. A split second later, her voice rose like a phoenix. “How will I ever be able to show my face again in the Red Rose? Vernie had Jade served with divorce papers there last night! And in front of her friends!”

“While she was competing in the monthly hot body contest…”

Rhoda gasped, then lowered her voice to a roar. “How did you know that?”

“I was passing by your house on my way home when the ambulance was pulling away last night. Bully told me. I told him not to tell you I was there.”

“Can you believe that Vernie can be so mean? She's in bed now, doing fine, but still upset. No woman in her right mind ever wants to go through a divorce! Look at you! If Pee Wee had done to me what he did to you, I'd have probably killed him before I let my marriage end in divorce. I'm so glad that you decided not to get a divorce.”

“There are a lot worse things than divorce, Rhoda.”

“Such as?”

“Well, there are too many for me to list. But divorce doesn't scare me.”

“Humph! You must know somethin' the rest of us don't know.”

“I wouldn't say that. But like I said, divorce doesn't scare me. As a matter of fact, it looks like I'll be getting one after all.”