GLBTQ (29 page)

Discrimination can be demeaning and frustrating. Regardless of how you decide to deal with it, be sure to remind yourself that discrimination is a result of ignorance. It has nothing to do with you as a person.

If you're going to college, picking the right one (or technical or vocational school) can be challenging. First you have to go through what every other college-bound teen goes through: deciding on a state school or a private college; choosing a liberal arts program or something more specialized; figuring out what you can afford; applying for scholarships or financial aid. But once you've narrowed it down, how can you be sure you'll be going into an environment that's supportive of GLBTQ people?

If you're interested in finding a GLBTQ-friendly college, it's not as hard as you might think. Here are some ideas that can help.

Search the Internet.
Using a search engine, look for schools using terms like “gay-friendly colleges.” Many queer websites and publications have articles about queer-friendly colleges. Some even poll their readers to find out what's what.

You also can use the Internet to take a closer look at the colleges you're interested in. You might be able to find out a lot of information before you consider going for a visit. You can look up nondiscrimination policies, peruse majors and course listings, find out about student groups (including whether there's one for GLBTQ people), and learn more about the areas where the colleges are located.

Check out a “best colleges” guide.
One of the best-known is the
U.S. News and World Best Colleges
guide.
The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students
is a queer-specific guide that offers a list of the 100 best schools in the country for queer students.

Perhaps the most up-to-date and easily accessible resource is the online Campus Climate Index (
www.campusclimateindex.org
). This site is operated by Campus Pride, a national nonprofit group for student leaders and campus groups that works to create more GLBTQ-friendly environments at colleges and universities. The Campus Climate Index includes reviews and ratings of colleges, ranking how GLBTQ-friendly they are. It also includes information on size, degree offerings, tuition, and financial aid resources for GLBTQ students.

Investigate your colleges of choice.
What if you have your heart set on a school that doesn't have high marks for being GLBTQ-friendly? Just because a school hasn't earned an official queer-friendly designation doesn't mean it isn't good for GLBTQ students. Here are some ways to find out if the schools you're interested in are queer-friendly.

• Get a copy of the school's nondiscrimination policy.
  All colleges should have one. Look in the student handbook or an admissions guidebook. It might even be posted at the website. If you see “sexual orientation” and (hopefully) “gender identity” as categories protected from discrimination, that's a good sign. If those words aren't there, you might not have any recourse if you become a victim of harassment or discrimination by the college or its students.
  

Been There:

“I was out to my closest friends from home. As a college freshman, I was re-closeted. I didn't have anyone to talk to and just felt lost. I finally found the on-campus Alliance and have been active ever since. This year I am the copresident—I'm out to my whole campus now.”
—Cathy, 20

• Investigate the campus climate.
  Does the campus have a GLBTQ student group? Is it active? Some campuses even have queer resource or community centers.
  
• Talk to students.
  If a GLBTQ group or GSA is on campus, contact the organization to talk with one or more of the students. Most of these groups are happy to help.
  
• Check out the curriculum.
  If a school includes queer studies or similar curriculum, or even a few courses such as gender anthropology or gay and lesbian history, chances are it's a pretty friendly place (at least academically). Although entire queer studies programs or majors aren't commonplace yet, many schools have one or more classes on topics like queer theory or gender in society. Departments like English, political science, sociology, and theater also are frequently home to courses on queer topics. A lot of the class information should be available online. You can also call the school and ask to speak with someone in a particular department or in an academic administrator's office.
  

It helps to remember that the college that's right for you includes many factors, not the least of which is academics. If a college doesn't have the courses you're interested in or the major you want, it's not going to be a great match for you even if it does appear to be queer-friendly or have an “official” queer-friendly designation.

Check out the surrounding area.
When you leave for college, unless you're sticking close to home, you're also moving to another community. You'll want to do some investigating into that area to find out if it's GLBTQ-friendly. You don't have to go to school in a city to be in a queer-friendly area. Many schools in suburban and rural areas are friendly, too.

Visit the schools you're most interested in.
If you can, visit the schools you're most interested in attending. You can learn a lot on a campus visit that guidebooks, college materials, and guidance counselors don't cover. This might be a good time to explore the GLBTQ resource or community center or meet people in the school's queer group. Even if you can't do that, simple things like eating in a dining hall, reading the flyers on campus bulletin boards, and looking through the campus newspaper (which may also be online) can tell you a lot about a school's culture and quality of life. Pay attention to how you feel being on campus. Do you feel comfortable, or are certain things making you nervous? This is all information you can use when it comes time to decide where you're going to college.

Many GLBTQ people are members of a sorority or fraternity. In fact, Delta Lambda Phi is a fraternity that bills itself as being “for gay, bisexual, and progressive men.” You can visit the website of this organization (
www.dlp.org
) for more information. Other Greek organizations bill themselves as queer-friendly, although some of this depends on the particular campus more than the parent organization. The Lambda 10 Project is a group for GLBTQ Greek organizations and addresses a variety of issues that can be part of being Greek and queer. Its website (
www.lambda10.org
) also features news and resources and hosts a bulletin board and chat room for GLBTQ Greeks. Information on how to help your campus organizations become more queer-friendly also is available. The point is, if you dream of being a sorority chick or a frat daddy, you don't have to give that up because you're queer.

Been There:

“Some friends and I at the University of Virginia felt that, while there are a number of GLBTQ groups on campus, there weren't enough options for GLBTQ students in terms of fraternities and sororities. There are several national gay fraternities and a handful of lesbian sororities, but neither had any local chapters. So we decided to start our own fraternity—Sigma Omicron Rho (SOR). To the best of my knowledge, SOR is the only gender-neutral queer fraternal collegiate organization in the country.

“We seek to provide a semi-traditional Greek experience and the camaraderie that comes with it for queer, allied, and gender nonconforming students who otherwise would not feel comfortable pledging a fraternity or sorority. We never ask any of our members to identify in any way—we are totally inclusive regardless of whether you're GLBTQ or straight. It's amazing because we truly feel that all of our members value and care for one another on a personal level. I was literally moved to tears at an event last semester when I looked around and realized that the very existence of SOR had touched people's lives in a very real way.”
—Meredith, 21

Leaving high school is a big transition for all teens. For GLBTQ teens, it can be the gateway to a whole new world. With increased independence, you'll most likely have greater access to other GLBTQ people, especially if you move to an urban area. You may discover a completely different social world, which can be exhilarating, frightening, and a big relief. You'll finally have more control over your environment than you did when you were in high school.

You might find that all of the experiences you had up through high school—even the really difficult ones—helped make you a pretty strong and amazing person.

All of this change and transition makes for an exciting time. It can be tempting to do everything you weren't able to do before, like spend most of your time socializing, dating, and going out. With the sudden increase in access to a whole new community, it can be easy to get carried away. The same instincts that helped you take care of yourself and keep it together until graduation are still valuable to you.

Trust yourself to make the decisions that are best for you. Even though the scenery and the people might have changed, your instincts haven't. So explore and discover new ideas and people, and most of all, enjoy yourself and your life. You deserve it.

Been There:

“The best thing about being GLBTQ is that there is so much diversity in the community. There is so much more than being GLBTQ that makes us who we are, it's just one thing that brings us together. We know how not to be judgmental of others and we grow together. When one person in this community does something positive it affects everyone, and that is important. We always move one step forward, together.”
—Yvonne, 20

A word about words. Some people are offended by the use of words like
queer, dyke,
and
fag
because they once had extremely negative connotations and were primarily used as insults. These words have been reclaimed or “taken back” by many in the GLBTQ community. Now, many GLBTQ people use words like queer, dyke, and fag as a means of asserting pride in who they are.

As you read this glossary, keep in mind that the language of the GLBTQ community is always changing. Words aren't always perfect, or even as exact as we would like them to be, but without them we wouldn't be able to talk about GLBTQ issues. And talking about queerness is one of the most important things we can do.

ally:
Someone who supports GLBTQ people. Allies often help and provide visible and vocal support to stop bullying by reporting incidents. Group members in gay-straight alliances are allies.

anatomy:
The physical characteristics of the body, often used in reference to a specific sex. An anatomical male has a penis and testicles. An anatomical female has a vagina, a vulva, ovaries, a clitoris, and breasts. People whose anatomy doesn't match their gender identity are called transgender.

androgyne, also gender bender and gender blender:
People who are androgynous or who are gender bender/blenders merge what are stereotypically male and female characteristics in many different ways. Some are subtle and some can be considered shocking. Someone who is androgynous may not be obviously male or female at first glance (or even second or third glance). There are also people who blend genders, for example, “riot grrls” might shave their heads and wear combat boots, but also wear makeup and a skirt. Being androgynous or a gender bender is not necessarily a reflection of sexual orientation or gender identity.

asexual:
A lack of sexual feelings toward men and women.

bisexual:
A person who is emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to people of either sex.

biological sex:
The sex someone is born as. Also referred to as
birth sex, anatomical sex,
and
physical sex.

butch:
A term used to describe both males and females who act and dress in stereotypically masculine ways.

closeted:
A person who does not disclose his or her sexual orientation or gender identity. People may also be partially closeted—only coming out to a select few.

coming out:
Disclosing one's sexual orientation or gender identity to others. Some people never come out, others come out to a few individuals, others are out to everyone, and for some, the coming out process takes place more slowly.

crossdresser:
Crossdressers are people who dress in the clothing of the opposite sex. They may do this in private or in public. Crossdressers used to be called transvestites. They can be male or female and can be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

drag queens and drag kings:
Drag queens (men who dress as women) and drag kings (women who dress as men) usually present larger than life representations of men and women. They exaggerate stereotypes of men and women, usually for entertainment. Dressing as a drag queen or king is not necessarily a reflection of sexual orientation or gender identity. Drag queens or kings can be GLBTQ or straight, they may be crossdressers, or they may just dress as the opposite sex when they are entertaining.

ex-gay movement:
This movement attempts to convert people who are GLBTQ to being straight. Members encourage queer people to undergo conversion or reparative therapy. The ex-gay movement has been discredited by major medical organizations in the United States who have declared that being queer isn't a choice and cannot be changed.

femme:
A term used to describe both males and females who act and dress in stereotypically feminine ways.

FTM, also F-T-M and F2M:
Stands for female-to-male. Refers to transgender people who were born with female bodies but have a predominantly male gender identity. They may express this with their appearance (clothes, hair, etc.) or they may opt for a physical change that can involve hormones and/or surgery.

gay:
This term is often used to describe both homosexual men and homosexual women, though it is more commonly used to refer to homosexual men. As it refers to men, gay describes men who are emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to other men. The word gay didn't come into wide use to describe homosexual people until the 1950s. Before that, it was used as a code word for same-sex sexuality.

gay-straight alliance (GSA):
A student club for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning students as well as their straight allies. GSAs can provide a social haven and support for queer students. They can also work for positive change on GLBTQ issues within a school or school system. GSAs are legally entitled to exist according to a federal court ruling.

gender:
While this word may be used to describe anatomy, it's really about a person's identity as feminine or masculine rather than the physical characteristics that make someone female or male. Gender is made up of many things, including behaviors, cultural characteristics, and psychological traits that are associated with a specific sex.

gender dysphoria:
A term for the pain, anxiety, and confusion that can result when there is a disparity between a person's gender identity and biological sex. Pressure to conform to accepted gender roles and expression, and a general lack of acceptance from society, also contribute to it.

gender expression:
How you express your gender identity. It includes your clothes, hairstyle, body language (how you walk, your posture, your gestures, your mannerisms), and even speech patterns. In society, people often take their cues from someone's gender expression to decide that person's anatomical sex.

gender identity:
Your internal sense of being male or female—it's whether you consider or feel yourself to be male or female. A person's gender identity doesn't necessarily reflect her or his biological sex. It's possible to have a gender identity that is male, female, or something else entirely.

gender identity disorder (GID):
Mental health professionals often diagnose transgender people with GID. A diagnosis of GID lets transgender people get mental and physical treatment, which can be especially helpful for people trying to physically transition their gender. But a diagnosis of GID can also carry the stigma of mental illness.

genderqueer, also intergender and gender-variant:
This term describes people whose gender identities exist outside of the traditional male and female binary. Those who identify as genderqueer may identify as male and female, neither, or just “other.” These people also express gender in a variety of ways.

gender transitioning:
Gender transitioning is a complex, multi-step process of starting to live in a way that accurately reflects a transgender person's true gender identity. Transitioning primarily involves social behaviors such as changing your name, dressing differently, altering other aspects of your appearance like hair or makeup, and changing your mannerisms, your voice, and how you move. Transitioning doesn't, by definition, include surgery or other physical changes, though it may depending on the person. A physical transition might include taking hormones or other substances under the supervision of a medical professional. For some, transitioning also involves surgery.

GLBTQ:
An acronym that stands for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning.

heterosexism:
The idea that heterosexual people are the norm and that GLBTQ people are somehow abnormal; the assumption that people are heterosexual. Heterosexism contributes to homophobia.

heterosexual:
People who are emotionally and physically attracted to people of the opposite sex.

homophobia:
Homophobia is when someone feels a negative emotion like fear, anger, or suspicion toward someone for being GLBTQ. Homophobia can also take the form of ignorance about queer people. Homophobia can be very overt, like someone shouting “dyke!” or “fag!” in the hall, or it can be subtle, like a teammate quietly trying to avoid being near you in the locker room.

homosexual:
People who are emotionally and physically attracted to people of the same sex.

intersex:
People who are born with a mixture of both male and female genitals or with ambiguous genitalia. In many cases, the doctor or parents “choose” the child's anatomy and the child has a series of surgeries throughout infancy and childhood to definitively assign one anatomical sex. The surgery doesn't always result in a physical sex assignment that matches the person's internal gender. As a result, some intersex people grow up having gender identity issues that mirror those experienced by transgender people.

lesbian:
A woman who is emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to other women.

MTF, also M-T-F and M2F:
Stands for male-to-female. Refers to people who were born with male bodies but who have a predominantly female gender identity. They might express this with their appearance (clothes, hair, etc.) or they may opt for a physical change that can involve the use of hormones and possibly surgery.

omnisexual:
See
pansexual.

out:
Living openly as a queer person. When GLBTQ people tell other people that they are queer, the process is called “coming out,” as in “coming out of the closet.” Being outed is when someone accidentally or purposefully reveals another person's sexual orientation or gender identity, often before that person is ready to do so.

pansexual, also omnisexual:
Pansexual and omnisexual are terms used to identify sexual orientation. Those who identify in this way may be emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to people of either biological sex or gender expression.

passing:
The ability to be accepted in society as someone of a different biological sex. Being able to pass is important for many transgender people, especially those who want to completely transition physically. They have to undergo a Real-Life Experience where they live as their correct gender identity for a period of time, usually one year, before the surgery is performed.

queer:
Refers to people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning. Sometimes used as a slur, the term has been reclaimed by many GLBTQ people who use it as an expression of pride. Some GLBTQ people prefer to identify as queer rather than gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, because they feel it encompasses more of who they are or gives a greater sense of unity with the entire community.

questioning:
Being uncertain of one's sexual orientation or gender identity.

sex reassignment surgery (SRS):
In sex reassignment surgery, a surgeon modifies the primary sex characteristics (the genitals). Some transsexuals who need a complete physical transformation undergo SRS in conjunction with hormone therapy. It is sometimes accompanied by surgeries on secondary sex characteristics as well (breasts, Adam's apple) or cosmetic surgery.

sexual behavior:
Sexual behavior only describes sexual activity, not sexual identity. For example, a man may identify as gay but still engage in sexual behavior with women. That's still considered heterosexual behavior. Or a woman may not identify as a lesbian but she may take part in sexual activity with a woman. That is homosexual behavior.

sexual identity:
How a person views and identifies himself or herself in terms of his or her sexual orientation or behavior. Some people may identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight; other people may refuse to identify with a particular label. Some GLBTQ people choose to identify as queer for this reason. An individual's sexual identity is decided by that person, so a person who participates in straight sexual behavior may still identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual and vice versa. A person's sexual identity can change over the course of his or her life.

sexual orientation:
A term used to describe who someone is emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight all describe different forms of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation—and being queer—isn't just about who you have sex with. Because of that there have been suggestions for a more accurate phrase such as “emotional orientation” or “affectional orientation.” But for now, sexual orientation is the common phrase.

straight:
Synonymous with
heterosexual.

transgender:
When you're transgender, you have a gender identity or gender expression that is different from your biological sex or physical anatomy. Transgender is a broad term that covers many groups. It can include transsexuals (in all stages), drag kings and queens, crossdressers, people who are intersex, and others. People who are trans may identify themselves in a variety of ways. Being transgender isn't a reflection of sexual orientation. Transgender people are often straight, but they can also be gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

transitioning:
See
gender transitioning
.

transphobia:
Transphobia is when someone feels a negative emotion like fear, anger, or suspicion toward someone else for being transgender. Transphobia can also take the form of ignorance about transgender people.

transsexual:
Often used interchangeably with
transgender,
though there has been some controversy over this. Generally it refers to people who don't identify with the sex they were born and who may change their bodies through hormones and possibly surgery to reconcile gender identity and physical sex. All transsexuals are transgender, but not all transgender people are transsexuals.