GLBTQ (23 page)
Whatever the case, you might want to approach the leader of your congregation to explore her views on having GLBTQ members. If one or both of your parents is accepting, perhaps they could accompany you. Your religious leader might be willing to explore the issue with you, and the two of you can grow together. Then, perhaps the entire congregation could move toward becoming more open and accepting.
Just as accepting yourself and coming out is a process, so is change. Give your religious leader and community a chance. Several national organizations have members who are willing to visit places of worship to talk with faith leaders or congregations about becoming more open and accepting.
Q: What if my religious community won't accept me?
A:
Unfortunately, some religious communities and congregations won't be willing to change. But even if yours is one of them, don't assume that you will be forced to abandon your religion. You might be surprised to learn that, in almost every religion, some branches or denominations accept GLBTQ people. This is because the key religious texts (for example the Bible, Torah, or Koran) are interpreted in a variety of ways. Some interpretations are more conservative, others are more liberal and inclusive. Your particular place of worship might welcome only straight people, but another congregation within your faith might be more open and accepting.
How welcoming or open a place of worship is to queer people can depend on a number of different factors: where you live, the congregation's familiarity with GLBTQ people, how diverse the congregation is, the individual beliefs of the community's spiritual leader, and so on.
Some people choose to stay with their original congregation, but continue to work for change. Others opt to stay in their congregation and reconcile themselves to the idea that the faith community won't change. There is no right or wrong decision. Religion is a very personal issue and only you can decide what's best for you.
Been There:
“I'm Lutheran. Some people might not realize that there are basically two different Lutheran churchesâthe Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA) and the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod (LCMS). One is very liberal, and the other is more hellfire and damnation. There is a push in the ELCA church to allow GLBTQ pastors in committed relationships to be ordained. In the past, you could only be ordained if you were straight or, as a GLBTQ person, chose celibacy. There are those who grew up LCMS, like my mother, who are not so accepting.”
âCharlotte, 19
You might be in a situation that for now makes it difficult or impossible for you to attend a different place of worship. Maybe you're too young to drive or you simply don't have access to transportation. For these or other reasons, you might have to wait a while to make changes.
Remember, nothing is wrong with you. You deserve as many opportunities and as much happiness as anyone else in the world. Continue to explore your religion and look for ways to find your place in it despite the views of your congregation or religious leader.
Q: What if I can't find another congregation within my religion that is open and accepting?
A:
You might be able to find a different denomination, or branch, within your religion that holds similar beliefs and has a more accepting congregation in your area. For example, Christianity has many denominations. They all work within the same basic belief system and use the Bible as their religious text, but they might have different interpretations, views, and practices. Some denominations have a lot in common, some less. You might be able to find a congregation within a similar denomination that would be comfortable for you.
If no other denomination is similar to yours, or an accepting faith community within a similar denomination isn't close to you, you might have to look at other options. You may even decide to consider joining a completely different denomination or exploring other spiritual practices and traditions.
Some spiritual communities, such as the Unitarian Universalists, welcome everyone. These com-munities might have within the same congregation members who are Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, or Wiccan, or members who don't subscribe to a particular religious focus at all. The worship services are conducted in such a way that all beliefs are respected. While this could be a big change from the way you're used to worshipping, you can always visit to see what you think. You might love it and decide to stay, or you might feel that it's not the right choice for you.
GLBTQ-Positive Religious Organizations:
Affirmation (
affirmation.org
).
This organization supports GLBTQ Mormons and their families and friends. The group's website has separate sections for youth, women, and people who are transgender.
Al-Fatiha (
al-fatiha.org
).
Al-Fatiha is dedicated to Muslims of all cultural and ethnic backgrounds who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex, or questioning. The organization's website features a community space and resource center.
DignityUSA (
dignityusa.org
).
An organization supporting queer Catholics and their families and friends, DignityUSA has a website that features topic-specific online discussion groups. Also available are teen resources and links to local chapters.
Gay Christian Network (
gaychristian.net
).
This ministry serves GLBTQ Christians and those who care about them. Their site includes audio and video files of sermons, testimonies, and message boards. Also check out the documentary
Through My Eyes,
which features over two dozen young gay Christians discussing their journeys to reconcile their faith and sexuality.
Gay Jews (
http://djs28.tripod.com
).
This is a site for GLBTQ Orthodox Jews. It includes a forum, online bookstore, chat room, and links to other resources for queer Jews.
Integrity (
integrityusa.org
).
Integrity is a nonprofit organization supporting queer Episcopalians and advocating for their full inclusion in the Episcopal Church. The group's website contains resources, links to local chapters, and information about how to get involved.
Interfaith Alliance (
interfaithalliance.org
).
A nonpartisan, clergy-led grassroots organization, Interfaith Alliance is dedicated to protecting religious freedom and promoting common ground among religions. The group is active in lobbying for GLBTQ civil rights.
JQ Youth (
jqyouth.org
).
This site is for GLBTQ Jews ages 17â30. Check it out to find links to books and other resources, stories from young queer Jews, and discussion groups.
Soulforce (
soulforce.org
).
Soulforce is an interfaith group that applies principles of nonviolence to stopping inflammatory or false information about GLBTQ people. Resources at the organization's website include publications, videos, information on interpretations of religious texts, an online community center, and information on how to become involved in advocacy efforts.
Metropolitan Community Churches (
ufmcc.com
).
Metropolitan Community Churches have for decades been places where GLBTQ people can worship. The organization also has a long history of advocating for queer rights. Visit the site for online classes, discussions of Bible passages often used against GLBTQ people, and other resources.
Resources for Queer Christians
Roughly 77 percent of Americans self-identify as Christian. The resources below specifically address issues of homosexuality and the Bible.
What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality
by Daniel Helminiak.
Written by a Roman Catholic priest, this book provides commentary on biblical passages. The author concludes that the Bible supplies no real basis for the condemnation of homosexuality.
Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality
by Jack Rogers.
A professor of theology, Rogers provides a discussion of GLBTQ issues in Christianity. His primary argument is that being queer and Christian are not mutually exclusive.
For the Bible Tells Me So.
This documentary is about the conflict between Christian fundamentalism and homosexuality. In the film, real families discuss their experiences.
forthebibletellsmeso.org
Through My Eyes.
See Chapter 9.
Q: None of these options works for me. What can I do?
A:
You
still
have more options. Some GLBTQ people decide that they can't, at least at this point in their lives, reconcile their sexual orientation or gender identity with organized religion. While the prospect might be scary for you if you've grown up with a strong religious background, it might help to remember that religion is about exploration. Give yourself the opportunity to explore what is right for you.
You might look into other religious traditions and find one that's more accepting and feels like a better fit. You could move to a new denomination, or you could eventually end up some place where you find an accepting religious community in your original denomination. You might also opt to practice your religion on your own. Observing your faith or exploring your spirituality in a more personal way (outside of a formal setting) may help you clarify what you believe.
Remember, whatever decision you make now doesn't have to be permanent. You can change your mind. You might decide that you need to leave organized religionâfor a short period or for longer. In the meantime, you could maintain your religious practices or explore your spiritual beliefs as an individual. Or maybe you'll eventually decide that religion doesn't have a place in your life at all.
Been There:
“Around 14 or 15, I got deeply religious and bought myself a Bible. I began attending church regularly and went to study groups and nightly Bible classes. I suppose I was trying to make it work, since everyone assumed I would get into it if I just tried harder. But in the end, it just never worked. It wasn't for me. When I think about the specifics, it's like everything I do and the things I like are all wrong so that I'm bad. But I'm
not!
I'm not bad, so the problem is elsewhere. Since then, I've explored a number of different religions and spiritualities.”
âOrlando, 19
The decision to leave organized religion, change religions, or practice on your own might be upsetting to your family. Talking to them about it calmly and rationally might help, especially if you explain how and why you made your decision. You could choose to add that you're not closing yourself off to religion, you're just taking another path, at least for now. You might come back, you might not.
Some parents or guardians respect such decisions (even if they don't like them). Others do not. If you're living at home, you might be in a situation where you must still attend your family's choice of religious services. Even if you hear anti-queer messages at these services, try not to take them to heart. These messages are often the result of fear and ignorance. Not everyone in your religion believes them and neither should you. Know that you are a good, kind person who is just as worthy as anyone else in your faith community.
Q: I grew up dreaming about a wedding. Do I have to give that up?
A:
During the last several years, same-sex marriage has been a topic of great debate. Unfortunately, what's considered legal and valid varies depending on where you live. Marriage or civil unions for same-sex couples have been legalized in Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, and Washington, D.C. But in California, passage of the controversial Proposition 8 initiative for a time reversed the state's same-sex marriage law. And so, the debate continues.
But legal or not, many GLBTQ people still celebrate the special love and commitment between two people. They do this either by holding their own private ceremonies or by holding ceremonies within open and accepting religious communities. Same-sex weddings or commitment ceremonies don't mean that one person has to wear a tux and the other a dress, although you can definitely do that if you want. A ceremony can be however you and your partner want it. It can be a traditional wedding, take place on a beach, or be in your parents' backyard. It's up to you. If marriage is what you dreamed of, you don't have to give up that dream just because you're queer.