Give Us a Chance (32 page)

I'm relieved that he's here. When shit like this happens, I don't know what the hell to do or how to help. My dad's been through a lot more than me and he has this commanding presence that people find comforting, especially when things are uncertain. He's always been strong, except when he had his breakdown. That's why we were all so shocked when that happened. It just shows how much he loved my mom, which again, is why I'm so afraid to love someone that way. If that kind of grief can bring down someone like my dad, the strongest man I know, then what would it do to me?

"How is he?" Ivy asks the doctor.

"Good. The surgery went very well. We were able to get all of the mass without harming the surrounding nerves."

"Is it..." Liza can't even say the word.

"We don't know yet if it was cancerous," he says. "It didn't appear to be, but we won't know for sure until we get the results back."

"When will you know?" Ivy asks.

"Sometime tomorrow."

"Can we see him?"

"Not yet. He's still recovering. I suggest you go home and get some rest and come back in the morning. He should be ready for visitors by then."

"Thank you," Liza says.

We go sit down and fill everyone in. As Ivy and Liza are talking, my dad gets up and goes over to the doctor and says something to him. I glance at Nash, who just shrugs.
 

My dad comes back and says to Ivy and Liza, "Do you girls need a ride home?"

"I'll give them a ride," I say.

Ivy shakes her head. "No. I want to stay."

"We can't see him until morning," Liza reminds her. "Let's just go."

Ivy still says no, so Liza takes her down the hall and the two of them talk.

While they're gone, I take my dad aside, away from my brothers. "Why were you talking to the doctor?"

"I wanted to remind him that Steve is self-employed and doesn't have some fancy insurance plan and is living off disability."

"Why'd you tell him that? It's not like he can cut the price of the surgery."

"No, but there are other things they can do to keep the costs down. If they don't, Ivy's family's going to go bankrupt trying to pay the bill. Just with the surgery alone, the out-of-pocket costs are going to be high. Add in the hospital stay, medications, and it's going to be a hefty bill."

"They're already having trouble paying their bills," I say. "They can't afford that."

"Well, this isn't the time to talk to them about it. You need to take them home. You should probably stay there tonight, in case they need anything. Do they have a spare bedroom?"

"No, but I can sleep on the couch."

He glances behind me. "So Nash said you're not seeing Ivy anymore."

I sigh. "I never said that. We're just—never mind. I don't want to get into it." I look over at some people passing by. An older woman is sobbing as another woman tries to console her. The woman's husband is probably dying and she can't deal with the grief.

I don't want that to be me someday. I don't want to feel that kind of pain. That kind of grief. Why doesn't anyone understand that?

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Jake

"Ivy's good for you, Jake," I hear my dad say.

I turn back to him. "Yeah, I know."

"Then don't do something you'll regret. Sometimes you only get one chance at these things."

I glance back at the grieving woman, but she's gone, so I look back at my dad. "Can I ask you something? About Mom?"

"Go ahead."

"If you'd known when you met her what was going to happen to her, would you have still dated her and married her?"

His brows draw together in concern. "Of course I would have. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because when she died, it nearly destroyed you."

He nods. "I didn't handle it well, and I can't apologize to you boys enough for that. It was a difficult time for all of us, and a lot of that is my fault. If I could go back in time and change anything, it would be that. But Jake, I would never want to go back and change my decision to be with your mother, even if I'd known my time with her was limited. I'd never want to give up the memories I have with her and with all of us as a family." He glances behind me, where Austin and Nash are sitting. "And if I hadn't married your mother, I wouldn't have you boys. I'd have Nash, but I can't imagine trying to raise him by myself. I could barely handle the first three months alone with him. Thank God Barb came along."

"So you don't regret anything?"

He shakes his head. "No. Not at all."

I guess I already knew that, but I still wanted to hear him say it.

"We're ready to go." Ivy appears beside me, her coat on.

"Take care," my dad says, giving her a hug. "We'll come by tomorrow and see you."

"You don't have to."

He smiles. "That's just what we do."

She smiles back. "Thank you. And thanks for staying here so late."

My dad and Austin leave, then Nash and Callie say goodbye and I take Ivy and Liza home.

"Bryce texted me about about your car," I say to Liza as we go inside the house. "He couldn't start it, so his friend towed it back to my dad's house. Bryce will work on it tomorrow."

"Okay. Tell him thanks."

"I will."

 
Liza hugs Ivy. "I have to go to bed. I'm so tired."

"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning."

When she's gone, Ivy walks to the door. "Thanks again for all your help."

"I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay here tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Why?"

"Because my dad told me to."

"What?"

I smile. "I'm kidding, although my dad
did
tell me to. But all joking aside, I don't want you and Liza being alone tonight. You might need something or...I don't know. I'd just feel better if I were here. I won't bother you. I'll be really quiet."

"Um, okay. Then I'll go get you a blanket and pillows. I'll be right back."

She insists on making up the couch, then says goodnight and goes to her room. I go in the bathroom and take the paint cans and brushes out of there so Ivy and Liza can use the room without tripping over everything. It's the only bathroom in the house.

It's now after one in the morning but I'm wide awake. I'd like to watch TV but I'm afraid it'll wake them up so I just lie on the couch, staring at the ceiling for what seems like forever. When I finally start to drift off, I hear Ivy beside me.

"Are you awake?" she whispers.

"Yeah." I sit up. "What do you need?"

"I couldn't sleep. I wondered if I could sit here with you and watch TV. We'll keep the volume low so we don't wake up Liza."

"Have a seat." I move over on the couch and grab the remote, turning the TV on and immediately lowering the volume to almost mute. "Here." I hand her the remote.

"This is fine."

It's an old black and white movie. I set the remote down, realizing she doesn't really want to watch TV. She just wants it on in the background. From the light of the TV I can see her better and notice that she's wearing a white tank top and pink pajama pants with hearts all over them. She must keep some spare clothes in her bedroom for when she stays here. The pajamas are so girly with the pink hearts everywhere, but that's one of the things I love about Ivy. She can be tough as nails on a construction site, but she's not afraid to show her girly side when she's at home. I love both sides of her, the rough and tough carpenter, and the soft, sweet girl in the pink heart pajamas.

"This is weird, isn't it?" she asks in a voice so low it's almost a whisper.

"What's weird?"

"How much everything's changed in just a week. Last Friday, my dad was fine, even had one of his friends over for dinner. Liza was out with someone from work. And you and I went to dinner and a movie and then I stayed at your place. Now, a week later, everything's gone to hell."

I hold her hand, rubbing it lightly with my thumb. "It seems like that right now, but things will get better."

"Maybe. Or maybe they won't. Things didn't get better with my mom."

"This isn't the same."

"It feels like it is," her voice cracks. "There was a mass, and the doctors did surgery, but the cancer had already spread. She was gone a year later. It feels the same, Jake. It's like it's happening all over again." She breaks down crying.

I put my arm around her. "It's not. It's not the same." I don't know if that's true so I shouldn't be saying it, but I can't take seeing her this sad.

She continues to cry as I hold her against my chest, smoothing her hair, rubbing her back, doing anything I can think of to do to comfort her. But I don't think it's working. She's too upset, which I understand because I'd be the same way if it were my dad.

 
God, I fucking hate all this grief. I feel like it's all around me. Like it follows me wherever I go. Surrounds me whenever I try to escape it. First Nash lost Becky, then my mom died, then Callie came into our lives, after having lost her entire family. And now Ivy might lose her dad. It's all too much. Maybe it's like Nash said, and I just can't avoid it. It's a part of life and I need to learn to live with it.

Eventually Ivy and I lie down on the couch and she cries until she falls asleep. We wake up to Liza's voice as she stands behind us.

"You guys need to get up. It's after seven. We have to go."

Ivy shoots up from the couch. "It's after seven? Shit. I'll go get dressed."

I'm still wearing the clothes I had on yesterday. Liza is dressed and ready to go, in jeans and a sweater, her blond hair pulled up in a ponytail. I gather up the sheet and blanket from the couch and move it aside.

"You want to sit down?" I ask Liza.

She sits beside me, staring straight ahead. "So um...I thought you two weren't together anymore."

I swear, if someone says that to me one more time I'm going to scream. But after finding Ivy and me sleeping together on the couch, I understand why Liza said it.

"We're still kind of working things out."

She's quiet, then asks, "What does that mean?"

I can't explain this to her. I can barely explain it to myself. Or Ivy. My mind's a freaking mess right now and I've had almost no sleep.

"It means we need some time to think. Or
I
do."

She sighs. "If you're breaking up with her, just do it. Don't drag it out." She turns to face me. "I like you, Jake, and I appreciate all that you've done for my family, but don't do this to Ivy. She really likes you, and she's already hurting, thinking things are over between you two. So stop dragging this out. Just end it so she can move on."

"I don't want to end it. That's not what this is about."

"Then what is it about? What are you doing, Jake? Because whatever it is, it's not fair to Ivy. She's going through enough right now and the last thing she needs is some boyfriend who can't make up his mind as to whether or not he wants to be with her."

"I DO want to be with her. But it's more complicated than that."

She stands up, and I can feel her anger. "It's not complicated. You're just making it that way so you don't have to make a decision."

I drop my head, shaking it side to side. "That's not true."

"Whatever, Jake. I'm going to see if she needs any help. You should just go back to your apartment."

Ivy races into the room. "I'm ready."

Liza gives me a look, urging me to go back to my place, but I'm not going to do it. She doesn't know the whole story and she has no idea how much I love her sister.

"Let's go." I grab my keys from the table and we go out to my SUV. Ivy and Liza sit in the back and talk while I drive to the hospital. When we get there, I drop them off, then go find a place to park.

As I'm walking to the hospital entrance, I call my dad.

"Any news?" he asks when he answers.

"Not yet. We just got here."

"I'll head over there."

"Dad, thanks for doing this. For being here for Ivy and her sister."

"She's become like part of the family. Even if you can't get your head out of your ass to see that you two belong together, Ivy will still be welcome at our house."

Leave it to my dad to tell it like it is. When it comes to giving advice to his kids, he doesn't hold back.

"Message sent, Dad. You don't have to keep saying it."

He sighs. "You boys frustrate the hell out of me. Can't see what's right in front of you. You're getting to be as bad as Bryce. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, bye."

When I go inside, Ivy and Liza aren't there. I ask the nurse where they went and she says they're with their dad, so I return to my spot in the waiting room. I wonder how long they'll be in there. I need to go home and shower and put some clean clothes on but I don't want to leave without telling Ivy.

I've got so much work to do, but even if I went home to do it, I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I'm too worried about Ivy and her dad and her sister. And then I'd be thinking about what I'm going to do about Ivy and me. So getting work done? Not going to happen.