Give Us a Chance (27 page)

"Get over here," I say, standing next to the bed.

"Why?" She asks in a teasing tone as she saunters over, smiling, her eyes on me.
 

I take her face in my hands and kiss her, hard, thrusting my tongue in her mouth.

She moans, hanging onto the elastic band on my shorts. I tip her head back and kiss her deeper, and we keep going until we're forced to take a breath.

Our eyes lock and I see her desire, how much she wants me. So why won't she do this? Why won't she let us be together that way? What is she afraid of?

I kiss her again, softly at first, then harder, as my hand wanders down to her breast, my thumb circling over her nipple. She moans even loader and grips the fabric of my shorts so hard she yanks them down. My erection hits her stomach and her hand immediately goes around it. I groan at the feel of her touch, her hand knowing exactly what to do. I reach down and slide off her panties, letting them fall to the floor, then I rip my comforter back and coax her onto the cool white sheets.

Our mouths are still connected, my tongue flicking over hers, teasing her because she knows it'll be flicking somewhere else in a minute. Even though we don't have sex, I love pleasuring her, hearing her moan, putting a satisfied smile on her face when we're done.

I hover over her as we kiss, my hands planted beside her head. She grabs my ass and I instinctively lower myself over her. She inhales sharply and I realize that without trying to, I've managed to line myself up between her legs, the tip of it touching her opening. Shit. If she tells me to stop now, I don't know if I'll be able to. Obviously, I'd stop. I'd never force myself on her, but damn, I'm so close. So damn close.

I lock my eyes on hers, looking for an answer. Her hands are still on my ass and she pulls me closer, the tip sliding in just barely. Even just that feels good. She smiles slightly and that's all the answer I need. I push myself the rest of the way in and she sucks in a breath and closes her eyes. I keep still for a moment, and kiss her, savoring how she feels, because fuck, she feels better than any woman I've ever been with. I pull out, then thrust inside her again, harder, deeper.

"Oh God," she moans, her hands digging into my back. She continues to moan as I move in and out. I want her to enjoy this but I don't think I'll be able to last that long. Not after waiting so long to be with her. At this point I'm ready to burst. But I force myself to slow down, wanting to make her happy, wanting to make this the best she's ever had. I slip my hand between us, landing on the spot that I know will get her there. I've barely started when she pulls my hand away.

"Keep going," she whispers, pushing her hips into me. She's breathing hard, biting her lip. I suck her lip free and cover her mouth with mine, kissing her while my hips follow a pattern of long, deep thrusts. Moments later, I feel her nails dig in my back, her body trembling, and then she breaks from my lips. "Jake," she moans as she releases. I don't wait for her to finish. I want to be right there with her, so I keep going, and just as her body relaxes, I release. And it's the best it's ever felt. I've had sex so many times I've lost count, but the sex I had just now? Nothing compares to that.

We take a moment to breathe and then I slowly pull out of her. I lie beside her, reaching down to remove the condom, then realize it isn't there. Fuck! I wasn't even thinking. I totally forgot to put one on. I never forget. I've got a whole stash of them right there in the nightstand, so how could I forget? How could I be so damn careless?

I look over at Ivy. Her eyes are closed and she has a serious look on her face. She realizes we didn't use a condom and now she's freaking out. Is she not on the pill? Shit. What if she's not?

I turn to face her. "You okay?" I ask, brushing my hand along the side of her face.

She turns away from me. Damn, that's not good.

"Ivy, talk to me."

She's quiet. Too damn quiet. Is she mad at me? We both forgot the condom. Not just me. But if she wants to blame me, that's fine. I should've taken care of it. They were right there next to the bed, but I got caught up in the moment and forgot.

I gently rub her arm and kiss her shoulder. "Ivy, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

She still doesn't say anything, and I get this sinking feeling as I look at her, now staring at the wall, steadily breathing.

I kiss her shoulder again, still rubbing her arm. "Ivy, please talk to me." When she doesn't, I say, "You're not on the pill, are you?"

She slowly turns to me. "What?"

"You're not on the pill. That's why you're upset."

"No. I'm on the pill. I have been for years. Why did you—" She stops, pausing for a moment, then says, "We didn't use a condom."

"I thought that's why you're upset."

"Why?" She sits up, propped up on her elbows. "Do you have something? An STD?"

"No. But still, I always wear one. That's the first time I've done it without one."

"Me too." She lies down again and looks up at the ceiling. "I didn't even think about it."

I don't understand. She doesn't seem upset about the condom, which means something else is bothering her. She still has that serious, almost sad, look on her face.

"Ivy, tell me what's wrong."

She closes her eyes. "Let's just go to sleep. I don't feel like talking."

"Go to sleep? It's not even nine o'clock. Now tell me what's going on."

"Can we please not talk about this?"

"Talk about what? I don't understand. Was it the sex? Did I do something wrong? Or...oh shit, did you not want to do it? Ivy, I thought—"

"Jake." She opens her eyes. "It's not that. It's not that I didn't want to do it. I did. I've wanted to for weeks now."

Weeks?
Is she serious? Then why the hell did we wait so long?

"Ivy, you need to tell me what's going on here. If it's not the sex and it's not the fact that we didn't use a condom, then why are you upset?"

She smiles but it seems forced. "I'm not. I'm just tired. You wore me out."

"You know you can tell me anything," I say, resting my hand on the side of her face.

"There's nothing to say. Everything's good."

She's lying. Something's wrong but she won't tell me what.

"Ivy, don't lie to me. Just tell me what's wrong."

She looks at me. "What are we doing here, Jake?"

"Doing where?" I know what she means, but I'm trying to buy time because I don't have an answer. I don't have a fucking clue.

"What is this? You and me?"

I sigh. "Honestly? I don't know. I mean, obviously we're dating and you're my girlfriend, but if you're asking me to look into the future, I don't have an answer."

She closes her eyes and nods.

"Ivy." I wait for her to open her eyes.

"What?"

"You know how much I like you. How much I love spending time with you, right?"

"Yeah."

"So let's not rush into defining this, or trying to figure out the future. We have plenty of time to do that. It doesn't need to be done tonight."

"I know. I was just asking."

"I'm not going anywhere, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm really tired. I think I need to go to sleep. You can go watch TV if you want."

"I'd rather stay here. Turn around."

She flips on her side, her back to me, and I mold my body to hers and we fall asleep. I wake up at two in the morning, my mind replaying her question, trying to find an answer.

What are we doing here?
I told her we didn't need to figure that out yet, but now I'm thinking we do, or at least
I
do, because I can't have that talk with her until I know where my head is at.

I need to know what this is I'm doing with Ivy. It isn't just a casual relationship where we go out once or twice a week. It's more serious than that. I see Ivy every single day. When we're at work, we check in with each other throughout the day, talking on the phone or texting. She comes over here almost every night. She sleeps here several times a week. We spend all our weekends together. We have real conversations about our careers, our families, what's important to us. We talk about everything, except our relationship. We avoid that topic, and I avoid thinking about it.

The bed moves and I hear Ivy loudly exhale as she repositions herself, now facing me.

"Are you awake?" I ask.

"Yeah. I woke up and now I can't sleep."

"Me either."

My eyes adjust to the dark and I see the silhouette of her in the sliver of moonlight coming through the blinds. I lift my hand up and move her hair behind her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she whispers.

"Looking at you," I whisper back.

"You can't see me. It's dark."

"I can still see you." My hand moves along her jawline, then grazes her lips. I lean in and kiss her, just barely.

She kisses me back, and then does it again as her hand moves down my chest. Sensing where this is going, I reach around her waist and pull her against me. She wraps her leg around me and we continue to kiss, my hand skimming over the curve of her breast, then down her stomach, between her legs. She lies on her back, and I follow, lying over her, then sliding inside her, moving slower this time. There's no need to rush. We have all night.
 

When it's over, I hold Ivy in my arms, overwhelmed with feelings for her. Feelings I've had for weeks, but that are now even more intense.

We fall asleep, and in the morning she's gone. There's a note saying she had to go back to her apartment before going to work. But she didn't have her car. Did she take the bus? Or a cab? Why didn't she just wake me up? She must've been in a hurry to get home.

The bed feels empty without her. The whole apartment does. Is it just because I'm used to her being around? Or is it more than that?

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Jake

A little after eight, I call Ivy at work to check in.

"Hey," I say when she answers. "You snuck out on me this morning."

"I had to do some stuff at home before I came into work." She sounds different. Distant, more reserved.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine," she says, in a higher than normal tone, which I've noticed she does when she's not being truthful. "I have to get back to work."

"So I'll see you tonight?"

"I can't. I'm going over to my dad's house to have dinner."

"Then come over when you're done."

"I have things to catch up on at home. I'll just stay at my place tonight." She says it fast, like she wants to hurry up and get off the phone.

"You sure you're okay?"

She laughs a little. "I'm fine. Stop asking. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah. Bye."

Why is she acting this way? Racing out of my bed this morning? Hurrying me off the phone? Not wanting to stop by tonight, even for just a few minutes?

I obviously did something to piss her off but I have no idea what. This is my first relationship and I'm feeling completely lost. I need some advice. I need to talk to Nash. He's the relationship expert. Unlike me, Nash has always had relationships. When he dates a girl, she becomes his girlfriend. He's never even had a one-night stand.

"Nash, what are you doing tonight?" I ask when he answers the phone.

"Callie and I are going out. Why?"

"I need to talk to you. Without Callie around."

"What's this about?"

"Ivy."

He sighs. "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything, but she's acting strange and I thought you might be able to give me some advice."

He chuckles. "Finally coming to your big brother for girl advice. About time."

"Yeah, I'm desperate. What can I say? So when can we meet?"

"You could come over tomorrow night. Callie has class at six."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

That night, I call Ivy and we talk for a few minutes, but then she hurries me off the phone, saying she has things to do. I go to bed, but only get a few hours sleep, the rest of the time spent lying awake, wondering why Ivy's acting this way and missing her because she's not beside me.

The next day at lunch, I stop by the library to see her. She's done with the fireplace mantel but is still in the same room, doing trim work on the built-in bookshelves. She'll be done here at the end of the week and then she doesn't know what she'll be doing for a job. Nash hired her for his next project, but it doesn't start for a month, meaning she'll have to go three weeks without a paycheck unless she finds some other work. I was thinking maybe that's why she's been so distant. I know she worries about money and never has enough.
 

"Ivy," I say, getting her attention. She had her back to me but turns when she hears my voice.

She looks startled, and isn't smiling like she normally does when she sees me. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. You barely talked to me yesterday."

"You can't be here."

"Why not?" I shut the door and walk up to her. "What's going on?"

She glances at the door. "It doesn't look good. I don't want people seeing us together at work."

"We're just talking." I skim my hand down her arm. "Although I'd like to do more than talk. Let's go have lunch so I can at least kiss you. I know it's only been a day, but shit, it feels like forever since I've kissed you."

She looks down at the floor.

"Ivy, I know you're upset about something. Would you just tell me what it is? Is it because this job is ending? Are you worried about money? Because I can give you some. Whatever you need, I'll—"

"No." She looks up at me. "I don't need money. And I'm not upset." She smiles. "You worry too much."

"Will you stay with me tonight? I'm meeting up with Nash after work, but you could come over after that. Maybe around eight?"

"Not tonight." She clears her throat. "It's that time of the month. I'm not feeling so great."

"Oh. Okay. Then how about lunch? I'm sure you can take an hour off."

"I really can't. And I just ate. I had an early lunch. But I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

This is getting irritating. I've told her a million times to be honest with me and now she's hiding something from me.