Give Me Love (35 page)

“Jared loves me? How do you know?”

“Come on, Evie, it’s him you need to talk to about this shit, not me. Okay?” Travis exhaled loudly and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You know going back to normal after the tour isn’t an option,” I pointed out. “We’re on the verge of signing a major record deal, and we’re about to go on tour with one of the hottest bands alive. If we don’t fuck this up, when we come home people are gonna know us, and life's gonna be different. We’ll be recording more songs, doing interviews, more shows, more tours, music videos.” I waved at the Sins of Descent members crowding around the table laughing it up and drinking. “This shit is our life, and we choose this. We live for this. How does a relationship fit into all that?”

Travis shook his head impatiently at everything I said. “You make it work, Evie. It’s that hard and it’s that simple.”

This time, when I reached for his drink, he didn’t stop me, so I downed it too.

That was about when I felt a hard wall press up behind me, heavy hands coming to rest on my shoulders. I knew it was Jared, not because I had eyes in the back of my head, but because I knew the feel of his hands and the sweet clean scent of his skin, even over the smell of alcohol so strong it damn near seeped from the walls.

He leaned down close to speak and his warm breath against my ear gave me shivers until his words sunk in. “Out of all the chairs in this place, and after what just went down between you and me, I find you sitting here, next to
him
.”

I half turned in my seat, incredulous, my voice loud enough for the whole table to hear, and I didn’t care one bit. “You aren’t going to tell me where I can and can’t sit now, are you?”

He lifted his arms from my shoulders, straightened, and took a step back. “Damn straight.”

I stood up carefully because three drinks thrown back in rapid succession wasn’t for the weak. Then I raked him over with a scathing glance that was, unfortunately, fuelled by alcohol. The table went silent and rather than embarrass myself by turning into screaming basket of drunk trash, I hissed quietly. “We need to talk.”

Matt, eyeing our conversation with a knowing look, turned to face me in his seat. “I warned you, Evie.”

My eyes widened and I shook my head to indicate he should shut up, but my non-verbal warning was foolishly unheeded.

“This is what fucking happens. Better now than later.” He waved his hand towards Jared dismissively.

Turning towards Matt, Jared unfolded his arms. They were now tensed by his side, fists clenched, knuckles white. It wasn’t looking good for Matt, and before I could open my mouth to speak, Jared beat me to it.

“What the hell did you say to her?”

All eyes at the table swivelled to Matt, including mine. “Nothing she didn’t need to hear.”

I closed my eyes at the reckless statement.

“Let me guess...” Everyone turned back to Jared and his seething tone. “Three weeks ago, you stuck your fucking nose into business that wasn’t your own. You did this by spouting a load of bullshit, and it must have been bullshit because you don’t know me from Adam. Then that bullshit you spewed got her so wound up she shuts down and can’t even talk to me about it. Are you happy now? Is that your mission? To make other people as miserable as you? Because you let that shit fester inside her and sat back for the fallout. Tell me, because I really want to know, exactly what it was that you
fucking said to her?”
The last part ended on a shout, making me flinch and effectively silencing the tables surrounding our already subdued huddle.

Matt had stood up in the middle of Jared’s rage. “I fucking told her that she’s better off without you!” he shouted back.

That was when Jared had cocked back that clenched fist of his and slammed it in Matt’s face.

“Holy shit!” Henry’s voice startled me out of last night’s recount of events and back to the dirty pile of weeds at my feet. “Where was I when this happened?”

“I told you, Henry. You were wankered at the bar.”

I grabbed the nearby bucket and started shovelling in the pile of weeds. It wasn’t easy because Peter was running through them like it was a sprinkler on a hot day. I paused a moment to admire his joie de vivre.

“Well, what happened after that?”

“I told him we were over and to leave.”

“Did he?”

I nodded because watching him leave made my chest hurt and remembering it made it hurt worse. “Yeah,” I muttered.

“Have you heard from him?”

My phone had remained determinedly silent. No sweet or funny messages from Jared and no angry or appeasing ones either. “No,” I whispered, putting down the bucket and wrapping my arms tightly around my knees.

“Now
that
answers the question.”

I tilted my head to look at Henry. “What?”

“Of why you’re up at fucking eight in the morning weeding the garden. Right. I’m going to get a coffee, and when I get back, you’re going to tell me what Matt said to you, and we’re going to sort this stupid shit out.”

I picked the bucket back up and went back to shovelling the weeds into it with determination, Peter dancing and barking at my feet. When Henry returned, he shoved a cup of tea in my face and growled at me to “Sit the eff down.”

I sat. Henry sat.

“Talk.”

I talked.

Henry summed it up. “So basically what you’re telling me is that some guy―”

“Matt is not just some guy. He’s got experience in this kind of life.”

“Don’t interrupt me. Some guy tells you the life of a rockstar is a rocky road and all relationships lead down the path to Shitsville. Rather than voice your concerns to Jared, your boyfriend and the man you’ve known for how many years...”

“We were only together for―”

“That wasn’t a question.” Henry's voice steamed over mine. “You listen to some guy you’ve known for like...a day. Then, when the going gets a little hostile, which mind you, I too would punch a guy out if he stuck his nose in my business like that, rather than act like a normal person, you put your silly ‘I’m a fucking idiot’ hat on and tell Jared to get lost?”

I was still riding the tails of anger, but as he spoke, I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach that evolved into a dull thumping ache in my heart. I’d said I’d never hide anything from him, so why didn’t I just talk to him?

“This is the first guy you’ve been with that I actually like, but I don’t think you see him, like really
see
him
.
He’s wanted you since the moment you both met, but you were so swamped in your pile of emotional dork bullshit you couldn’t see the light. Now you two finally get your shit together, and not even waiting until you reach the first hurdle, because every relationship has hurdles, you create one out of thin air just so you could dump him before he breaks your heart. You’d be lucky if Jared would take back a lunatic like you. Tell me this, did it work? Because from where I’m standing, you’re already in love with him, so you’ve already done what you were trying to avoid doing and gone and broken your own heart anyway.” Henry leaned forward in his chair as he spoke the words that cut deep. His eyes were hard and angry and directed at me.

I took a gulp of scolding tea, and it burned my tongue. I felt it scorch all the way down but it didn’t hurt half as much as knowing that Henry was right. My actions were rash and thoughtless and when I’d woken up it felt like Wile E. Coyote had dumped an anvil over a cliff and it had landed on my chest. Is that why I’d done what I did? I thought I’d let go of all the fear, but maybe I hadn’t. Obviously, I hadn’t because the going hadn’t even gotten tough before I got going.

“Fuck,” I muttered.

I dumped my tea on the outdoor table, raced inside to the kitchen, grabbed my phone off the bench, and raced back out to the chair. In a panic, I started to randomly punch numbers in.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I wailed. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Henry. I need to ring Jared. I need to sort this shit out. What did I do? Henry, God, if you weren’t so wankered last night this wouldn’t have happened.” I pointed my finger accusingly at his chest to make my point. “You weren’t there like a best friend should be while I lost the plot.”

Henry snatched the phone out of my hand, calmly went to my contacts, and dialled Jared’s number before handing it back.

I stood up and started to pace, holding the phone to my ear, feeling my stomach churn.

“I feel sick,” I muttered.

It went to voicemail and I hung up the phone, closing my eyes at the sound of his voice. I already missed hearing it and missed him. Knowing he wasn’t mine anymore and the fact that it was on me made it all the worse.

“Voicemail,” I muttered. “Can’t say what I need to over voicemail. Shit, Henry.”

* * *

Over the next two days, Jared’s phone continually went to voicemail, so I didn’t text. I’d never
not
been able to get in touch with him. He always,
always,
made himself available to me. I felt like I should have been stripped naked and marched to the town centre and taken ten public lashings to atone for my sins. I cuddled Peter late into the night while he reclined on his back, snoring heavily and consistently, his furry belly heaving up and down. He liked to keep his little front paws propped over the sheets and his head shoved half under the pillow to avoid any light. He was now the survivor of a broken home. This meant he needed to be spoiled to appease my guilt, but I wasn’t sure how to do that considering he pretty much had run of the house already.

The night before we flew out to kick off the tour, we had a minor celebratory dinner, just the six of us, out on the back deck with the barbecue.

Henry stood up, holding a beer, and cleared his throat. Everyone went silent to listen, all assuming it would be a pre-tour pep talk. However, Henry turned until he was facing me, his eyes finding mine.

“So everyone by now knows that Evie was operating under a mental deficiency the other night, and what I want to know is―”

“Jesus, Henry, we did this speech yesterday morning. Are we seriously going to re-hash it?”

Henry finished taking a pull of his beer and sat it down carefully. “Tell me this, Evie, have you spoken to Jared?”

I pushed the food around on my plate. “You know I haven’t spoken to Jared.”

“And why is that?”

“Because when I ring it keeps going to voicemail, asshead. That’s why.” I passed off a piece of sausage to Peter along with pat.

“Have you left a message?”

Looking away, I answered quietly. “No.”

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“No!” I shouted.

Peter flinched and I immediately gave him another piece of sausage.

“We all love you.” He waved his hand around the table and everyone nodded their agreement. Mac glared because she was still in the throes of anger from my actions. “We all care about you. We’re all here for you.” The last comment was said with a pointed glance at Mac. “But Christ, Evie, look at you. You look like shit, you’re not eating, and…and…”

Mac entered the conversation. “And your shoes don’t match your freaking pants.”

All eyes swivelled to assess my silver sandals and mustard coloured capris as though we’d suddenly teleported into an episode of Project Runway.

“Jared’s a hothead,” I told them.

Everyone was silent, as though processing my announcement and wondering what it had to do with my fashion faux pas.

“You’re stubborn,” Jake responded.

“He leaves wet towels on my bedroom floor,” I pointed out.

Mac snorted. “It’s a wonder he can find clear floor space to leave it there.”

I glared at Mac, evaluating her sanity. “I’m tidy. You’re the one that leaves my clothes in chaos, you…you chaos merchant,” I hissed.

“Stop getting off track,” Henry ordered.

I held up my hand and rattled off each finger. “He’s opinionated, overbearing, violent, arrogant...” I finished with what I considered the death blow. “And he wants four kids.”

Even Mac sucked in an audible breath at that last one.

I nodded at her.

“Yet you still love him anyway,” Henry offered softly.

I pointed my fork at him. “Damn you, Henry.”

“Stop trying to convince yourself that it’s not going to work.”

“Newsflash, Henry. He’s not answering his phone. I don’t need to. It’s already over.”

“The man’s not an idiot,” Frog offered.

All eyes swivelled to Frog, and Cooper expanded upon Frog’s statement with a shrug. “What he’s trying to say is that only an idiot wouldn’t fight for you, Evie.”

Frog nodded.

“Okay, I’m over this conversation. Evie, get upstairs, ring Jared, and leave a message this time. We don’t wanna see you ‘til it’s done.”

At Henry’s order, I stood up, picked up my plate in one hand, Peter in the other so he was tucked under my armpit, gave them all a glare so frosty icicles should have been forming off their interfering eyelashes, and exited the deck.