Girls Only! (15 page)

But even as Jenna put away her diary, she felt an unbearable heaviness.
Really
heavy.

Better Than Best

Chapter Sixteen

She had set her watch to play a soft tune instead of the beeping alarm. That way she could slip out of bed and watch the sunrise high on the bluffs. Without anyone knowing or stopping her.

Not a single dream had harassed her last night. At least, if there was, she didn’t remember it. Just as well. She had enough on her mind.

Silently, she dressed as Lara snored lightly in the bunk nearby. She glanced at Cassie and wondered how she might freak out about the missing leotard, but, oh well, too late now. The deed was done, and Cassie would just have to endure a less-than-perfect day at the gym.

Sneaking out of the dorm was easy. She was glad for the non-squeaky doors. There were no rules about taking a walk alone. But before dawn? Well, she didn’t know. But she wasn’t worried. She’d stayed in this neck of the woods several times before. It wasn’t hard to remember a place like this. And she had her trusty flashlight.

The air was fresh and clean as she stepped out into the predawn. Glad she’d brought her scuffed-up tennies, she sat on the porch and slipped them on, tying them quickly.

She’d seen the trailhead east of the main building, out behind the cafeteria. Stopping to get a drink at the lone water fountain, she shivered with excitement.

A brisk walk in the morning was a good thing. She’d learned this practice from her father, also an early riser. Not out of necessity, as was Jenna’s schedule, but because Dad preferred getting up before the sun rose over the horizon.

“I do some of my best praying before sunrise
,” he’d told her on many occasions.

Maybe because half the earth is still asleep, God has more time to listen
, Jenna used to think when she was younger.

As a preteen, she knew better. God was always available. Anytime, night or day. She just hadn’t talked with Him much lately. Not at the Girls Only meeting. Not during her quiet time, either. In fact, instead of reading her devotional, she’d preferred to write in her diary.

Pushing ahead, up the path, she could see the slightest hint of pink in the sky. If she hurried, she could make it to the pinnacle of the hill to watch the world say “hello” to the light.

A tree branch brushed against her face. It frightened her, but only a little. Though her pulse sped up, she kept moving forward. She wasn’t really scared. Not in the least.

God is with me
, she thought.

Replaying her conversation with Mom yesterday was a good thing to do right about now. What was it her mother had said? Oh yes.

“Remember, Jenna, you belong to God
.”

True. She knew that, with every ounce of her. She was a child of God. But her actions hadn’t measured up. She had been jealous, angry, and spiteful. And more. She was sure she had displeased her heavenly Father.

Reaching the highest point of the trail, she sat on a boulder, her flashlight pointed at the ground. She looked out across the sky, to the horizon. In the distance, puffs of pinkish clouds foretold the sun’s rising.

“Won’t be long now,” she said aloud.

Behind her, she heard rustling in the bushes.

Turning to look, she expected to see someone coming up the trail. But no one was there.

“Hello?” she called timidly at first. Then, “Who’s there?”

Suddenly the small frame of a woman emerged on the crest of the path. She wasn’t sure, but she thought the person might be Natalie Johnston.

“Is that you, Jenna?” called Natalie softly.

“Sure is.” She moved over on the boulder, and Natalie sat down.

“Wow, what an invigorating walk up here.”

“Nice, huh?”

They were quiet for a moment, then Natalie spoke again. “I saw you sneak out of the dorm. Anything wrong?”

There it was again. Someone asking her the same old question.

“I just need some time alone.”

“So should I leave?” Natalie asked.

“Oh, that’s all right. It’s not you I’m running from.”

Natalie didn’t question her, and Jenna was glad. The rays of the sun began to streak upward across the deep blue of the sky. They sat in silent awe.

“God sure knows how to put on a light show,” Natalie said.

Jen was surprised to hear her ballet coach talk about God that way. “My dad’s probably watching the sunrise from his study right now. He’s a minister and likes to read his Bible early in the morning.”

“Well, it
is
Sunday morning, after all,” Natalie said. “An ideal time to think—get some things squared away.”

Jenna didn’t respond. She wondered if Cassie and Lara had been talking to Natalie.

“Competition can be brutal. It causes hard feelings between friends, especially teammates.”

Jenna sucked in some air and held it in. So Cassie and Lara
had
blabbed their complaints. “Then . . . you must know what’s going on with certain people?” she asked hesitantly.

“I see what I see.”

Natalie had admitted, in so many words, that she knew about the ongoing conflict. Jenna was actually relieved.

“What’s the biggest hassle between you and the other girls?” Natalie came right out and asked.

Jenna thought about her answer. It might sound strange to say she resented Cassie and Lara for growing a few inches. “It’s complicated,” she said in a near whisper.

“Try me, Jen.”

Taking another deep breath, Jenna considered. She wanted to tell someone the truth. Someone like Natalie, who was also
very
small in stature. “I’m afraid of something.” She paused, thinking. “I really don’t want to be stuck being this size my whole life.”

Natalie nodded. “I understand where you’re coming from. Because, you see, I’m the same size now as I was at fifteen.”

Jenna worried. “You mean you didn’t grow after that?”

“Not a millimeter. And I was always small to begin with.” She glanced at Jenna and smiled a sympathetic smile.

Such bad news
, Jenna thought. “So I’m basically the size I’m going to be? Is that what you’re saying?”

Natalie shook her head. “Not necessarily.”

“How will I know?”

“You won’t, Jen. But one way to determine your height is to look at your own parents.”

Jenna sighed. “Well, that’s a problem. They’re very small.”

Natalie chuckled. “I know your parents, Jen, and I never think of them as short people.”

“You don’t?” She was shocked to hear this. “Why not?”

“Some people stand out as tall in my thinking,” Natalie explained. “You don’t even notice their size because they’re so consistently bighearted. Know what I mean?”

Her parents
were
very generous people. Exactly as Natalie said. “Then there’s a good chance I’ll be about the size of my mom or dad?”

“Most likely, unless you have a very tall aunt or uncle somewhere in the family.”

“All of us are fairly short.”

Natalie stood up just as the sun peeked over the horizon.

Jenna joined her quickly. “I’ve been so jealous of Lara. Cassie too.”

“Because they’re taller than you?” “Sounds lousy, I know.”

Natalie went on to tell her, in great detail, how she’d had to overcome her envy toward certain tall friends. “I wanted to switch places with all of them somehow.”

“That’s how I feel now,” she confessed. “But I don’t want height to get in the way of teamwork.”

“Or friendship?” Natalie said, turning to face her.

She pushed her hands into her pockets. “Friends are forever.”

“Push for perfection, but don’t push your friends away to get there.”

“I’ve stepped on some toes trying to get to the top.”

“You’re not alone in that,” Natalie said.

They shared even more openly, waiting for the full-blown sunrise. When it came, Jenna said, “Thank you for finding me up here.”

Her ballet teacher and friend smiled. “I’m very glad I did.”

They headed down the trail together. Jenna quickened her pace as the trailhead appeared.

“Are you late for something?” Natalie asked.

“I hope not.” She was worried, wishing she hadn’t taken Cassie’s leotard. Jenna dashed across the lawn. Was it too late?

Better Than Best

Chapter Seventeen

The dorm was in chaos when Jenna walked in. Mattresses were upturned, suitcases were in disarray, girls were fussing.

“There’s the culprit!” shouted Cassie, pointing at her.

Jenna cringed.
I’m too late
, she thought.

“You stole Cassie’s leotard, didn’t you?” screeched Lara.

Livvy looked on in stunned disbelief.

Before Jenna could say a word, Cassie rushed over, carrying the red-and-white leotard. She dangled it in Jenna’s face. “How could you do this?”

“You . . . found it?” Jenna said, knowing.

Lara’s hands were on her hips. “In your suitcase. What’s with
that?
”

Cassie didn’t wait for an answer. “Wait’ll Coach Kim hears about this,” she hissed.

Coach Kim!

This was crazy. Things were way out of control.

She could plead with Cassie not to tell Coach and Tasya. But that wouldn’t help the real problem. No, the. more she protested, the worse things might get.

There was only way to handle this mess. “I hid your leotard because I wanted revenge,” Jenna admitted. “I wanted you to have a bad day at the gym, Cassie.”

The girls gasped, staring at her.

“But I was wrong,” Jenna continued. “I’m sorry.”

Cassie’s eyes nearly bugged out. “That’s it? You’re
sorry?
”

“You won’t believe this, but I was on my way to return it,” she said.

“That’s hard to believe,” Lara snipped.

Livvy stepped forward. “Stay out of it, Lara. Listen to your team captain.”

Lara rolled her eyes, mumbling as she sat on a bunk. “Some rotten captain we have.”

“This is between Jenna and me,” Cassie said, scowling at Livvy.

Heather stood on her bunk, like she was about to conduct a meeting. “Let Jenna talk!” she shouted.

Cassie blinked and sat next to Lara. Livvy, Heather, and Manda sat down, too. All in a row, like their togetherness was meant to be moral support for Jenna.

Looking around, Jenna felt so ashamed. “I’ve let all of you down,” she said, measuring her words.

“You go, girl,” Heather whispered.

“Shh!” said Cassie.

Jenna sighed and sat on the bunk across from Cassie and Lara. She looked right at them. “More than anything, I wanted to be the best gymnast on the team. But in the process, I forgot to be the best
person
.”

The dorm was quiet. No one blinked an eye.

“It’s not easy admitting this, but I’m telling you straight—I shouldn’t have taken your leotard, Cassie. And I shouldn’t have let jealousy get to me, Lara.”

Lara’s face broke into a smile. “You were jealous of me?”

“You’re growing and I’m not.” This was tough stuff.

The atmosphere was charged. Not the way it was at a gymnastic meet. This was way different.

Cassie’s eyes glistened. Some of the other girls were sniffling. Livvy, Heather, and Manda linked arms.

Brushing her tears away, Cassie stood up. “I was wrong, too, Jen,” she said.

Lara’s eyes widened. “You?”

Cassie looked only at Jenna. “You called it right. You accused me of yelling at a critical time—before you perform. I wanted to distract you, get your focus messed up.” She put her head down. “I was jealous of you, too.”

“Whoa, heavy stuff,” Lara said, a glint in her eye.

“Telling it like it is makes you feel light inside,” Jenna spoke up. “Nothing heavy about that.”

Lara’s mouth dropped open. Was she going to spout off something snippy?

Jenna hoped not.

“You’re better than best, Jen. I’m not kidding.” Lara surprised her, and by the looks on their faces, Lara had surprised everyone else.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cassie said, turning and sitting on the bunk with Jenna.

“The whole team’s been selfish. Anyone can see that,” Lara insisted. “But Jenna’s the only one who had the nerve to apologize. She isn’t team captain for nothing.”

Jenna was amazed at the turnaround.

“I say we team up and start caring about each other again,” Lara continued.

“The way we used to,” Cassie said, leaning her head on Jenna’s shoulder.

“I’m in.” Jenna raised her hand.

“Me too,” said Lara.

“Me three,” said Cassie.

Livvy, Heather, and Manda were grinning, sticking their thumbs up.

The girls spent the next fifteen minutes cleaning up the dorm room. Mattresses were replaced on the bunks, suitcases were put in order. Towels and sheets were tossed into the large hamper provided. Most of the girls packed their suitcases for the return trip home. Jenna helped Cassie straighten up her bunk and Lara’s, too.

“I thought this day was going to be shot to pieces,” Cassie said. “It’s mind-boggling. I never thought we’d be working together like this.”

Lara was quiet, but she nodded her head.

“ ‘Think sisters,’ remember?” Jenna said.

“Boy, won’t Coach be surprised!” Cassie said.

“He’ll definitely see a difference in us today,” Lara spoke up.

“You bet he will!” Jenna was pumped up with confidence. But there was something else she had to do. “Does anybody know anything about Nels?” she asked, knowing full well she was asking for it.

“Nels who?” Lara joked.

Jenna smiled. “Very funny. Is he a foreign exchange student or what?”

“Beats me,” Cassie said. “He seems so European somehow.”

“Why don’t you ask him, if you’re curious?” Lara said.

“Good idea,” Jenna said.

The All-Around Team, as well as Livvy, Heather, and Manda, headed off to the cafeteria together. They ate breakfast and attended the early-bird ballet session.

But there was something Jenna had to do alone. Something very important. Something involving Nels Ansgar.

Dear Lord, help me pull this off!

Better Than Best

Chapter Eighteen

Ballet with Natalie Johnston was extra special today. Several times Jenna caught her eye. Then there was her occasional knowing smile.