Girl from Mars (9 page)

“This is for you.”

“Here.”

“I made this for you.”

I've made a tape for her.

“Laura, wait, I have to give you something.”

“Hi, how are things? I made you a tape, too. Because you made one for me. And I thought...”

1. “All I Want Is You”

2. Jamiroquai, “Half the Man”

3. Lenny Kravitz, “I Belong to You”

4. “#1 Crush” by Garbage

5. “Sweet Jane” by the Cowboy Junkies

“Hello, Laura, do you have a minute? I have something for you.”

***

The washroom door opens. Laura sticks her head in and looks around.

“Aren't the others here yet?”

I shake my head, look at her and wait to see what she'll do next. She stands in the doorway for a second, then pushes the door wide, comes in and sits down.

I have something for you.

Here. Just for you.

Listen to this.

She takes out her tobacco and starts to roll a cigarette.

“So, how are things?”she says.

“Mmmmh...”Plus head nod equals positive answer.

Here. Just take the damn tape!

“And how was the film?” she asks, still concentrating on the papers and tobacco.

“Which film?”

“Phillip said you went to the movies together.”

“Phillip and I did not go to the movies together!” Shit. “We ran into each other there.”

“So, was it good?”

“Yes.”

In my pocket is the cassette with all the songs that I...

“I saw it, too. With Phillip.” She rolls the cigarette. Looks at me. “Now we have something in common!” It's how she says it. She's smiling, but not really, not with her eyes. It looks as if she's really saying, “At last, finally!”

I won't give her the cassette.

It was a mistake.

I never should have kissed her.

But did I kiss her? Or did she kiss me?

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!

Laura lights her cigarette and then looks at me as she exhales.

No smile, no expression, no nothing. She just looks at me.

No, Laura, I have nothing for you. No cassette. Nothing. I'm sorry.

The door opens and Suse and Ines come in.

“Ta-da!” sings Suse. “Guess what? This weekend something is finally going to happen!”

I look up. What?

“Some of the tens and elevens are having a party in the old warehouse. Are you in?” Suse looks at me and Laura. I nod lightly in a way that could also mean maybe. Maybe.

Then I look down at Laura, who is drawing trails with ashes on the floor.

4

Ines and Suse are coming by around eight. It's three-thirty now. I'm sanding the bench with Dennis, and my right wrist is already aching.

“Aren't you coming to Miriam's?” Suse asked Laura at school.

“We'll see. I don't know yet. Probably not.”

The old paint on the bench was thick, and on top of that there was a thick layer of gunk that I had to scrub away with cleanser. At least Dennis is helping with the sanding now.

“Can you sew?”

“What?”

“Well, you're a girl. Didn't Mum teach you how?”

“No, did she teach you?”

There's dust everywhere. I need something to drink. She is coming tonight, she said. Just not to my house. She must really hate me.

She kissed a girl.

“What are you doing tonight?” I ask Dennis.

“There's a party at the old warehouse.”

“Oh, you, too?” This is just great.

“So, why can't you sew?” he says

“Because I can't! That's why!”

“I must have a serious word with Mum. With such poor womanly skills, we'll never marry you off!” Dennis grins through a small cloud of dust.

Ha, ha. Very funny.

But your sister kisses girls, so she'll probably never ever hook up with a man. Because girls who go for other girls turn into old lesbians. And no man will ever want her — unless he's allowed to watch.

Get it, Dennis?

Dennis takes another sheet of sandpaper and starts rubbing the next board.

“What color do you want to paint it?” I ask him.

“Not brown again.” No. Nonono. It was so ugly. “What do you think?”

“I don't know.” I have no idea, Dennis. All I know is that tonight will probably be the worst night of my entire life.

***

At eight o'clock Suse and Ines are in my room.

“Martin's coming around midnight to pick me up,” Suse says, and I wonder whether Martin thinks that's when the coach turns into a pumpkin and the horses into mice. Ines is meeting Flo at the party, too. He's with his buddies.

My hair is still wet. I blow it dry and do my best to smarten myself up.

“Surprise!” says Ines, and she pulls a bottle out of her backpack. “Time to get warmed up!” Suse reaches for the bottle and opens it. It's some kind of sweet fruity sparkling stuff. Ines stole it from her mother's cellar. I've smuggled up a couple of bottles of Dad's beer. Suse drinks straight out of the bottle without ruining her lipstick.

We have lots of time. We don't need to leave until about ten. Suse has brought makeup with her and she's trying to get me to use some.

“Eyeliner?”

“No.”

“Lipstick? Red?”

“No.”

“But, Miriam, you'll never get a man this way.” Ines takes the bottle and I get the feeling again that tonight is going to end badly. Maybe I should just stay home. No, I can't, not now that they're all here. I'll just go, drink a few beers and then say that I have a headache and leave. Yes. That's the plan.

“No, seriously now. What if a couple of nice-looking guys show up. Do something. We don't want you to be an old maid.”

Ines snorts into the bottle.

Ha, ha.

I'm the old maid. That's who I am to Ines and Suse, though they don't really care that I don't have a
boyfriend. They just want me to finally have sex. Don't ask! And don't even try to argue with them.

Flo was the first for Ines. Suse has already done it with eight guys, if I've counted correctly.

“Tonight could be the night,” she says as she looks at my reflection in the mirror.

“You bet!” Ines squawks behind us.

“Tell me, is that your first bottle?” I ask her.

“Nope,” she grins.

That's what I thought.

She holds out the bottle to me.

“Drink up!” says Suse.

And so I drink.

5

At nine-thirty, Dennis shows up.

“Hey, chickies. Want a lift?” He's hanging out with his friends in the basement.

“Sure!” Ines giggles and Suse touches up her lips with some gloss.

“Sure.”

“I'm leaving soon. Be ready in about half an hour, okay?” The doorbell rings again.

“I'll get it,” Dennis says, shutting the door behind him.

Suse falls back on the bed and laughs. “God, Miriam, he is so cute!”

I roll my eyes.

Someone comes up the stairs and Suse sits up when the door opens.

It's Laura.

And Phillip.

“Hello.”

“Hi,” everyone says.

And then I experience one of those moments when your ears suddenly plug up. They talk, but I barely hear them. Phillip sits near Ines and Suse and pulls out another bottle. They start to talk and keep drinking. Laura is standing there and I'm wondering whether I'm just imagining this whole scene.

“What do you want to do about getting over there, then, since there are five of us?” Suse asks.

“We'll walk,” Ines says. Suse sulks a bit, then takes the bottle and drinks some more. Laura looks at me and suddenly starts to rummage around in her bag. She pulls out a CD.

“Can I put this on? I just got it today and I think it's really good.”

Miriam nods. Miriam does not have a grip on things any more. Miriam's brain is no longer working well.

I see how Laura stands by the CD player and sticks in the CD, presses Play. I see that the others couldn't care less. The CD slides in and Laura pulls the CD booklet out of the case, opens it. She's reading the lyrics and moving to the music.

I am dying.

Dennis looks in. “Ready?”

“We're walking,” Ines calls out.

Dennis nods. “Okay, see you later.”

And I wonder how Ines is going to manage to walk.

***

In fact, Ines can't walk, and Suse isn't much better. Phillip has one hanging on each arm and he's struggling to keep his balance, though somehow he manages. Laura has the bottle and is walking behind the three of them. Me, too, but not beside her.

“Do you think anyone will be there?” I ask stupidly in Laura's direction. She shrugs, doesn't say anything, takes a drink and passes me the bottle. She's humming the song that she listened to three times earlier. Then she starts to sing the lyrics, only really softly. I can't even hear her properly. Something about “waiting here for you” and “wanting to tell you” and, I don't know, “for another day or two.” She sings it over and over, like a mantra.

In front of us Ines starts to laugh and starts leaning to the left. The group staggers.

“A couple of people are coming tonight who I don't really want to see, you know?” Laura says suddenly, looking at me.

“Who are they?”

“From my old class. Just a few of them. Most of them don't matter. To me, anyways.”

“And which ones do matter?” My stomach tightens a bit. I'm already a little drunk. Still thinking clearly, but a bit clouded by alcohol.

Laura looks at the ground and kicks a small stone into the ditch.

“It doesn't matter.” She grins at me, but it's not a real grin. “Anyway, we're not going to let it spoil our fun,
right, Mi?” She takes another drink. In front of us Phillip is trying to push Suse and Ines up the hill.

Laura doesn't say anything else. Then all of a sudden she runs up to the others to bum a cigarette.

And then we're here.

In one corner they've built a bar and there's a bartender selling beer, wine and strong mixed drinks called kamikazes. Dennis calls them Pussy Openers. The music is loud. There are a lot of people here. Suse stumbles into the crowd and says hello to a couple of friends. Ines looks for Flo, finds him and stays with him. I lose Laura. Phillip stays with me for a bit, but then yells in my ear that he's going to go and look for Laura.

This is one of those parties where you run into everyone you've ever known. Before long I see Laura on the dance floor with a beer in her hand. She takes a drink, looks at the people dancing and eventually disappears into the crowd.

I go and stand with Ines, Flo and Flo's friends. They're planning to start their own band, and they're talking about gear. Every now and then Ines kisses Flo.

I carry on. Suse sweeps past me and asks whether I've seen Martin.

“But I don't even know him.”

“Really?”

“Besides, it's not midnight yet, so don't worry. He'll show up.”

She thinks about it. “Do you have your cell phone with you?”

“Suse, I don't have a cell phone.”

“Oh, okay. I'll ask Ines.” And off she goes.

Whatever. I go to the bar and buy myself a beer, because Ines and the guys have finished off the drinks we brought. While the guy at the bar is getting my change, I spot Laura again talking with some girl I've seen before, and then she disappears again.

Maybe she's outside.

The air hits me in the face when I open the door and go out. There are only a few people out here. It's still too cold to party outside.

Party. I don't feel like partying. I think I'll go back to my headache plan.

I sit down on a bench and watch a car trying to park. The tires spin a bit, then the engine goes off, doors open and close. Maybe it's Martin.

Phillip suddenly sits down beside me.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Everything okay?”

I shrug.

“Not you, too,” he says, and starts to roll a cigarette.

“What do you mean, not me, too?”

“Don't tell me you don't know!”

Now I am really getting angry. I never wanted to come here in the first place. Suse and Ines wouldn't even notice whether I was here or not. Laura sure wouldn't.

“Laura's not having the best day, either.” Phillip sticks the cigarette in his mouth. He lights it, leans his head
back and exhales. “Still, it's a nice night, isn't it?” he says, looking up at the stars.

“So what the hell is the matter with Laura?” I shout at him.

Phillip sticks his free hand in his armpit.

“You know, it would be better if you asked her yourself.” And then he says nothing more.

I stand up again and go looking for Laura. I shove my way through the crowd, see Suse kissing someone but I can't make out his face.

Laura isn't on the dance floor. She isn't at the bar or in the washroom. She isn't anywhere. Then I go back outside and as I open the door, she runs straight into my arms.

And I hold her, and look at her, and she looks at me.

And then she says, “I want to go home. Are you coming?”

6

Laura says nothing as we head down the hill. She's in a hurry. I practically trip a few times trying to keep up with her. She's smoking again, drinking another beer that she's brought with her. And she doesn't say a word.

I'm panting a little because I'm in such lousy shape. At one point I stop walking altogether.

“Stop! I can't go that fast.” I sit down on a low stone wall. My head's spinning a bit. I should have eaten something, I realize. Breathe in, breathe out.

She looks at me briefly, takes a drag of her cigarette, tosses the butt on the ground and grinds it out.

“You okay?” she asks.

“I don't know. Are you?”