Ghosts in the Morning (23 page)

‘Yes, right!’ I shouted, and I saw Graham jump.

‘What the –’

‘Sorry, Graham, sorry, I just...er...look, I was just thinking...oh nothing, nothing. Anyway, l
ook, I’ve just had a bath, the water’s still
nice and
hot. Why don’t you jump in, it’ll warm you up?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, I
’ll maybe have
a quick shower
later.
I was just going to sit down, watch a film, maybe.’

‘Oh right.
’
Think, Andrea, keep going
. ‘Look,
I tell you what, I’ll get you a nice
big
glass of
cold
wine, while you have a
hot
bath – you don’t want to catch a chill
, do you? The
n you can sit down in front of the TV
, put your feet up.
I’ve got a few bits to do in the kitchen,
and the boys are out,
so you can have some peace, you can watch what you want
with another nice glass of wine in your hand.
’

‘Why are you suddenly being so nice?’ Graham’s tone was sharp, tinged with curiosity
and a hint of suspicion.
.

I forced a soft calmness into my voice. ‘Oh, it’s um, well, it’s Christmas, I’m trying to show a bit of Christmas spirit. Look, it’s been
really
rough lately - for both of us – I just thought we could try and take a step back for a bit.
Get on an even keel. So, l
et’s just try and have a relaxing day, we both need it, don’t you think?’

Graham sighed and his shoulders dropped, sloughing off some of the weary tension he was holding there. ‘Okay, okay, I’ll have a bath, and a drop of wine. And maybe, as you say, in the spirit of things, after that we can try and find a film that we
both
want to watch.’

‘Okay, yes, good, good,
I’d like that,
’ I said. Graham began to undress for the bath as the clock continued its circuits.

The police would be here soon.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock
.

***

‘Can
you tell us where, um, where it happened, please
, Mrs. Halston?’ The man
who had spoken
was taller than Detective Sergeant Blud.
And though Blud was wide enough, this man was b
roader, too
. H
e looked like he did a lot of weightlifting, I could see muscles straining beneath his shirt. I wondered if he took supplements, steroids perhaps, they said that’s what a lot of these gym addicts did.
..

‘Er, Mrs. Halston
, can you tell us?
Now, please,’ Blud said, unable to keep the impatience from his voice.

‘Easy, Blud, easy,’ said the other man.
He had introduced himself as
Detective Inspector Solston,
and it hadn’t been so clear from from his title that he was Blud’s superior, it was certainly apparent from his demeanour. He exuded a calm authority that Blud was trying unsuccessfully to emulate. So...t
hey had sent a D
etective Inspector round
with Blud instead of
Police Constable
Andrews, they must have felt there was something in the evidence relating to Graham, something more concrete.
Time to bring the big guns out.

DI Solston breathed out gently and his face slipped into a mask of disarming concern.
‘Mrs. Halston, I
do
appreciate
that
this is
not easy, not easy at all. It is likely, Mrs. Halston, that you are in shock and I am going to ask one of my colleagues to look after you. Is it okay, Mrs. Halston, if we go upstairs?’

‘Of course, of course,’ I said and wiped fresh tears from my cheeks. ‘I’m sorry, I’m miles away, I’m just, I ...’

‘There there, Mrs. Halston, I understand. Listen, we’
re going to go upstairs now, I’m going to leave you with one of the
women from our Support Division, PC Deirdra Jonson, she
will
have a
little chat with you
. S
he’s over there,
look,
she’s very experienced at, um, this sort of thing.’ Solston put his hand gently on my arm
. I could feel its strength.
‘Deirdra,’ he called across the room. ‘Deirdra, would you look after Mrs. Halston, please.’

‘Of course, sir, now, sure Mrs. Halston, why don’t you come over and sit with me.’

I shook my head. ‘No, I just...I just want to show them where to go, it’s my house, I should...’ I
led the two policemen up the stairs to the bathroom. I pointed a shaking finger towards the door. ‘
Grah
a
m...he’s...he’s in there
, it’s...I don’t want to go in....’

‘No, that’s okay, Mrs. Halston, sshhh, that’s okay, no-one’s going to make you go in there. Mrs. Halston,
are you okay,
what’s happened to your hand, it’s bleeding.’

‘Oh, I...I...I cut it...with the glass...it was in his hand when I...when I...found him. I thought if I took it from his hand, I might be able to...to save him.’ I sobbed loudly and Solston put his
hand on my arm again.

‘Deirdra,’ he called. ‘Please take Mrs. Halston downstairs, make her a cup of tea.
And get her hand checked out.
Thank you.’
His voice had changed. Business-like now.

‘There was...there was a note
.
..it...’

‘Okay, Mrs. Halston, leave things to us now, thank you,’ Blud said brusquely. I was surprised he had been a policeman for so long, he was clearly not suited to working with the public. Solston waited until Deirdra had joined me and begun to lead me back downstairs, then
turned
and nodded
to the paramedic who was at the bathroom entrance,
and
entered the bathroom.

The ambulance had arrived ten minutes before the policemen. I had been on a first aid course years ago, I remembered the course leader saying that the ambulance service
in Jersey
prided themselves on being able to reach any address in the island in under fifteen minutes. They had taken eight minutes after my phone call. The first paramedic had checked me over quickly, mumbled that I may need to be treated for shock
– he hadn’t noticed my bleeding hand – and
had then rushed upstairs with the second
paramedic
to
wher
e Graham
was
. I heard them doing
all of the usual checks –
‘can you hear me, hello, can you hear me’
- but they were going through the motions,
they weren’t stupid,
they could see it was too late.

‘Would ye like sugar, Mrs. Halston?’ PC Deirdra Jonson said. She had a thick Irish singsong lilt to her voice. It was homely, reassuring.

I nodded and wiped more tears. My eyes were stinging, raw, and my hand had begun to throb again.

‘I’ll put two in for ye, so I shall then.’ She stirred the cup. The backs of her hands were pale, freckly. She was plain, yet somehow attractive in a motherly way. I had an urge to put my arms around her and snuggle in tightly,
I just wanted to
be held
like a young child
. I thought of my mother and how the only time she touched me was with a sharp hand, or a push away.

I could hear the low murmurs of the policemen upstairs.
I thought that t
hey would be discussing the note. I knew what it said,
I
could remember it word for word.
The note was handwritten in G
raham’s distinctive handwriting, with its funny loops on the ‘l’s and the ‘t’s.

Andrea

I am so sorry
. I know they say this is the coward’s way out, but I think it’s the best option. I do not think I would survive in prison and also I wish to spare you from the shame that you do not deserve. I killed
two people
, Andrea, and
I am so ashamed
,
but
I cannot undo it
it’s too late
. I am a murderer. That cyclist he used to go out with Nikki and then I suspected Nikki was seeing him again and I knocked him over in the car and he died. I had been drinking and I knocked him off his bike and he died.
I lost the plot I killed that football player too I just lost it when Nikki finished with me. I know t
he police
will find everything out and th
ey will put me in prison and I
can’t face putting you and
the boys through the pain and shame of seeing me
there
and I don’t want you all having to waste your lives visiting me
.
I know this is hard but I think it is
the best way.

I love you Andrea. Tell the boys I love them too. I’m
so
sorry.

Graham

‘Maybe ye should stay somewhere else tonight,’ PC Deirdra said. ‘Do ye have any family
or friends who would...
you know,
your parents, perhaps
...
somewhere ye could go?’

I shook my head. ‘No, no, I don’t.’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘
My parents are dead. But, I
mean, t
here’s Anita, maybe
...she’s a friend...
but the boys...
no,
no,
we’ll be fine here tonight, it’s fine honestly.
’

I took the mug of tea, felt its comforting warmth, as PC Deirdra took my other hand, the one with the cut, and placed it in her lap. She gently unwound the toilet paper, and beckoned one of the paramedics over.

I smiled sadly at PC Deirdra.
The numbness I felt was clearing, I had begun to think about how life was going to be, how it
was going to change
for
the boys and I
. Financially,
I was sure things would
be fine
. I knew that Graham was eligible for ‘
Death in Service
’ from his audit firm, whereby
the insurance company would pay out
a multiple of his salary, so I knew that would be a fairly sizeable amount. I also knew that Graham
had a bit of cash and a reasonable share portfolio tucked away as well.
So...t
he boys were getting older,
maybe I could use some of the money to
help them get started, maybe it was time for them to gain some real independence.

The paramedic finished putting a dressing on my hand, then Deirdra gave me
another gentle squeeze. ‘Ye okay dear
?
’ she said, nodding towards my hand.

I smiled back at her and wiped away the last of my tears.

‘Yes, I’m okay. I’m absolutely fine.’

Chapter 15

‘Thank you
so much
, Deirdra, it was
really
kind of you to come,’ I said.

‘Sure, now, Andrea, it’s no bother. Now, like I told yo
u, any time ye want to call me, ye don’t hesitate, okay?’ Deirdra gave my shoulder a squeeze and walked away from the church with a little wave.

There was a crunch on the fine gravel that surrounded the church’s imposing entrance and a man reached out
and
shook my
limp
hand, muttering his sympathies. I didn’t recognise him, somebody from Graham’s firm perhaps. There were a lot of people milling around outside the church, I could hear snippets of conversation. ‘
Such a young bloke too, a real shame
’, and ‘
a good turnout for the funeral, a popular guy for sure
’ and ‘
poor woman, tough on the kids too’
.

‘I’m so sorry for your loss, Andrea.’
An American style phrase, it sounded pretentious, out-of-place, and I look
ed
up to see that the words ha
d
been uttered my Nikki, Graham’s secretary.

My lips involuntarily curled up in distaste, but I forced them down, and gave a slight nod and a whispered ‘thank you’.
Nikki would not see the hate in my eyes,
she wouldn’t have that satisfaction,
I was wearing sunglasses; large frames and impenetrable jet-black
lenses.

‘Andy, darling, my poor girl, come here,’ Anita said, and squeezed me in a tight bear hug. She was dressed in a long, black dress peppered with a pattern of dark red roses. She managed to look glamorous and garish at the same time.
‘Are you okay, my poor darling?’