Get Off on the Pain (6 page)

Pulling out of the garage, I click the door shut behind me and stop to pull my helmet on. I don’t have a clue where I’m going. All I know is that I need to be anywhere but here.

My eyes linger over to the house next door when I hear some voices followed by laughter. My eyes lock with the green eyed beauty that doesn’t seem to know shit about privacy.

She’s dressed up in a little gray dress, showing off her long, toned legs and tattoos that she has spread out between both arms. Her caramel colored hair is curled and brushed over to one shoulder, making her look sexy and seductive. In other words, fucking sinfully tempting.

She and some of her friends are walking over to a black car, but she keeps her eyes focused solely on me, making my heart race and my palms sweat. The depth of her stare is almost impossible to look away from, even though I know that I should. She’s already pushed my boundaries, but she’s gotten as close I’m willing to allow. I’m not used to letting anyone in and I’m definitely not starting now, especially since I don’t plan on sticking around for long.

I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone living in that house. I spent most of my teen years staying there alone. My father made it seem like it was a good thing, like it was a fucking gift, when really he just wanted me out of his way. Just the sight of me repulsed him. To him, nothing I did was good enough. With him being the town’s Sheriff you would have expected him to be a good man, or even a decent man, when in actuality he was anything but that. I expected the good, I even wanted it, but was disappointed over and over again.

Pushing my thoughts aside, I turn away from her stare, pull out of the driveway, and ride aimlessly until I feel as if I can breathe again. It seems like it takes forever, but I eventually feel a little bit of relief. Not much . . . but some.

As much as I would like to be alone, you never really are in this shitty town. Everyone knows each other, which leads to personal and private information being bared for everyone to see. It’s one of the main reasons I wanted to escape here in the first place. I’ve never truly been free, even before I got locked up.

After a while, I find myself pulled over at the end of the alley, staring at my old hang out spot. It’s pretty much in the middle of nowhere, hidden away from the main drag at the center of town. It’s as close to alone as I’ll get. By nightfall this place will be packed with people.

From the time I turned fifteen I spent every single weekend here, and even some nights during the week. It was my only release from the fucked up shit happening in my life at the time. Even though I was always put in danger here, it was the only place I truly felt at peace, as well as the only place that allowed me to let out all my frustration and breathe.

Standing here now, makes every muscle in my body tense as I imagine the release this place once brought me. The pain that coursed through my body with every blow that I took and the alleviation that I felt with each swing.

Here, I was unstoppable. I didn’t have to stop and think about anything. All I had to do was let the heat pump through my veins and release the beast that was becoming harder and harder to tame. It became something that I couldn’t survive without, and because of that I hurt a lot of people, letting down even more of them.

Grinding my jaw, I growl out in frustration before hopping back on my motorcycle and riding. I ride for a bit, lost in thought before heading toward
Blue’s Bar and Grill
—the last place I should probably show my face, but I need a little escape before I lose the little bit of control I have left.

When I get to
Blue’s
—the parking lot is almost full; not that it’s a very big lot, but for it being a Monday night it’s packed as shit. I park my motorcycle in the far back and ignore the outgoing traffic of people as I make my way inside. A few people stop to look at me, but I stay straight ahead and keep moving.

It looks exactly the way it did when I was nineteen: the same shitty round tables that are stained up with white rings, one pool table, lingering cigarette smoke, and two dartboards that barely even work. The music is loud and the lighting is dim, which I don’t mind because I’m not here to be seen or socialize with anyone. That usually leads to me getting in some kind of trouble.

Looking straight ahead of me, I spot an empty stool at the bar and quickly make my way over, taking a seat and waving the bartender over as I reach for my wallet.

“What will it be?” The blonde bartender asks hurriedly from the other side of the bar while slamming down a few beers and grinning at the crowd in front of her.

“A beer and a shot of whiskey,” I call out.

A minute later, a shot of Jack and a Miller Lite gets slammed down in front of me. “Six fifty,” she says in a rush. “And I need your I.D.”

Recognizing the voice, I look up and stare at the side of Ava’s face. It feels like an eternity since I have seen it, and I can’t help but to feel a little bit of happiness seeing that she’s okay. She’s too busy communicating with another customer to notice me, so I pull out a ten and set it next her hand. I have no idea how this is going to go.

“I don’t have an I.D, Ava; not a valid one at least.”

A look of surprise registers on her face as she sucks in a deep breath and her eyes land on mine. “Oh my God.” She throws her hand over her mouth before reaching over the bar to wrap her arm around my neck. She squeezes tightly before speaking. “Memphis! Holy shit!” She pulls away and wipes a tear away from her eye. “You’re back! When did . . . I don’t know what to say. When did you get out?”

I take a deep breath and quickly down the shot of Jack before looking up to meet her familiar hazel eyes. I see the hope in them, but I know that what she is expecting is never going to happen. What we had was in the past and only for fun. There’s no going back now. I’m ready to move on and I was hoping she would be by now as well.

“Ava,” I growl.

“What?” She whispers and starts to move toward me as if baiting me to kiss her, closing the distance between us. It only confirms the look in her eyes is as I thought it was: hope that we will pick up right where we left off.

“I told you to move on when you came to visit me. That hasn’t changed. You and I both know that I’m no good for anyone. Besides, I won’t be sticking around for long.”

She nods her head and forces a small smile, trying to mask her disappointment. “I know. I know.” She wipes at her eyes again and leans over the bar further to touch my face. “I’m sorry. It’s just been so long and I missed you.” I grip her arm and push it away as calmly as I can without making her feel like shit. She shakes her head as if just now waking up. “I have moved on though, Memphis, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed you still. Don’t give me shit for that. I can’t help that I care about you.”

I take a swig of my beer while looking her in the eyes. She looks nervous, as if she’s hiding something. She always got that look in her eyes when she was about to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t approve of.

“Fuck, Ava. Come out and say it.”

She looks away for a second while chewing on the inside of her mouth. Someone from across the bar calls her name, but she puts her hand up to silence them.

Swallowing, she looks behind me before mumbling
fuck
under her breath and gripping the towel draped over her left shoulder.

I feel someone brush against my shoulder, causing me to grip my beer and tense up. “What’s up, baby? Is this asshole bothering you?”

The familiar voice makes my blood boil. Ryder fucking Lane. The last person I ever wanted to see before I can manage to get out of this shithole town.

Flexing my jaw, I tilt back my bottle of beer before cracking my neck.
Keep calm. Keep fucking calm.

Ava nervously runs her hand through her hair and pleads with her eyes for me not to do anything stupid. It’s taking everything in me to not turn around and knock him on his fucking ass.

“Well, Ava, are you going to say something or should I ask this asshole myself?”

“Really, Ava?” I question in a flat tone. “Good choice. I thought you had higher standards.”

Ava looks up at Ryder with a worried look, but I keep my eyes straight ahead, knowing that if I see him it’s all over. There will be no holding back. I calmly grab my beer and take another swig.

I hear a deep throated laugh before a shoulder bumps with mine, sending me into the bar. “Well fuck me. It’s been six years already? It felt more like two, but I’m sure you feel differently about that.”

I squeeze the bottle and take another drink of my beer, preparing for what stupid shit is bound to leave his mouth next.

I feel his hot breath next to my ear before he snickers and reaches for the beer that Ava has just set down in front of him. “I figured you would be too much of a pussy to ever show your face around here again. You have a pair of big fucking balls, Carter. I give you that shit.”

Fighting to keep my shit together I nod my head at Ava, letting her know that I need another shot. She gives me an apologetic look before reaching for the Jack and pouring it to the rim.

She slides it in front of me before looking beside me. “Ryder,” she says in a clipped tone. “Don’t do this shit. Please. No fighting here, dammit. I’m already close to losing my job. This is stupid. Get over it. It’s in the past now.”

Reaching for my shot, I slam it back and close my eyes as the burn slowly flows through my body, not doing shit to calm my nerves like I had hoped. I open my eyes to set the empty glass down. When I look over my shoulder I notice the chick from next door walk up, sweaty and out of breath.

She holds up her finger and smiles while fighting to breathe evenly. “Another round, Ava.” Leaning back, she brushes her damp hair out of her face and turns slightly in my direction, her eyes landing on me. She looks a bit surprised and somewhat excited to see me, but hides it quickly. “Make mine a double,” she says, her eyes burning into mine.

I get lost in her deep green stare before my eyes wander down the slick skin of her damp breasts, glistening as her chest quickly rises and falls. She must have been in the group that was dancing when I first came in.
Fuck!
The last thing I need to be thinking about right now is fucking her out of that little dress and imagining what she would sound like while screaming my name.

I look back up to her eyes to see her zoned in on my chest. Her eyes slowly check me out, taking me all in before she notices me watching and focuses her attention back up on Ava.

“Sure, Lyric.” Ava gives Ryder a wary look while backing up. “I’ll be right back.” She grinds her jaw while pointing to us. “No shit. Got it?”

“Yup. Sure thing, babe. No shit.” Ryder takes a seat next to me and tilts back his beer. I can almost imagine the smirk on his face as his eyes bore into the side of my face and it only fuels my fire more. The only thing I can do to ignore it is focus my energy somewhere else, so I look back up into Lyric’s eyes and hold her stare, feeling my heartbeat calm down a bit.

She’s standing there, still breathing heavily while mirroring my look. She looks lost in thought as if she’s taking this moment to figure me out. That’s the last thing she should want to do.

My jaw flexes as her eyes dart down to my lips and then back up to my eyes before swallowing hard.

I feel Ryder’s breath close to my shoulder, but I keep my eyes on Lyric, fighting for control. “You do realize that Ava is mine, right asshole?” He leans in close to my ear and lets out a small laugh. “Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her, and definitely don’t put your fucking hands on her. You’ve already done enough fucking damage to this town.”

I chug my beer and slam it down on the bar, close to losing it. If one more fucking word comes out of his mouth, all control is going to be lost. The focusing shit isn’t going to work for long.

Lyric’s eyes move from me to Ryder before she scowls. “Stop being a dick, Ryder. He’s not bothering you.”

Ava appears back in front of us with three mixed drinks, causing us all to look up at her. She sets them down and gives Lyric a nervous look before sighing. “I’ll put them on Ryder’s tab since he’s being a total jerk right now.”

Lyric grabs one of the mixed drinks and sets it down in front of me with a smile. “Enjoy. Thanks to Ryder.” She gives Ryder a dirty look and then grabs the other two glasses. “Stop starting shit, asshole, or next time you come see me I’m charging you double. Landen’s looking for you.”

She gives me one last look before disappearing into the crowd. As much as I want to turn away I can’t, until she’s completely gone and no longer visible.

Now I really feel the urge to get the fuck out of here.

Standing up, I drop a twenty on the bar while shoving my wallet into my back pocket. “I’m out, Ava.” I toss my empty bottle into the trash beside her and take a long drink out of the glass that Lyric set down in front of me. “Thanks for the drinks.”

I turn around and get ready to walk away, fighting with everything in me to ignore everything Ryder has just said. The best thing for me to do is to just leave.

“Say hello to your mom for me.” Ryder lets out a small laugh. “Or maybe not.”

His words cause me to lose control, and before I can even think my elbow connects with the back of his head, causing his face to slam down onto the wood of the bar.

I press my elbow down into the center of his neck as hard as I can and lean into his ear. “If you ever say shit about my mother or my family again, I won’t hesitate to fucking kill you.” I grind my jaw while increasing the pressure into his cervical spine. “You fucking hear me!”

Backing away, I take a deep breath and look around me. Everyone in the bar is staring and suddenly I hear my name being whispered around the room. I’m fucking losing it. I need to get out here and fast. The room is starting to spin.

I’ve been back in town for less than a week and already I’m going to be the talk of the town again. Well shit.

Grabbing his face, blood dripping down his hand, Ryder jumps up and shoves me backwards. “Fucking piece of shit!” He looks behind him toward Ava who is now gripping the back of his shirt and telling him to stop. He pushes her hand away and points at me. “You’re lucky we’re in my girl’s work or that shit would not slide. Oh, and did I mention that my dad is the new fucking Sheriff? You better watch your shit.” Ava grabs his shirt again. “I fucking know, Ava. Get your hands off of me.”