George Washington Zombie Slayer (16 page)

Finally, amid this zombie and Redcoat killing spree, the British officers gave the bugle call for the zombies to “fall back,” but several of the undead were in a “feeding frenzy,” and would not withdraw until they had finished feeding.

After a few moments, the officers regained full control, and the British soldiers and their zombie compatriots had uncontested possession of bloody Lexington Green. This first combat of the Revolutionary War was a victory for the British soldiers, both living and dead.

The
British troops were all reformed in line of march amid the screams and cries of the women and children of Lexington. They marched off victorious, to the sound of the drum and the fife, towards Concord.

Chapter 38

Washington Prepares for Command

George Washington sat in his favorite Lazy Boy recliner in the parlor of his home at Mount Vernon
and continued reading aloud to his wife Martha a letter he had just received from Paul Revere, which detailed the recent conflict at Lexington and Concord. He continued reading page two to her.

“
…Yes, my dear friend George, the conflict at Lexington was murderous, as I have said, and more skirmishes would follow, at the North Bridge, and thereafter yet again. Fie, how I wish I would have been able to fight, but exhausted was I after my midnight ride of nearly fifty miles, in my forlorn hope to warn our brother patriots.

We had the last laugh on these British fucks though, for, when arriving in Concord, they found that all the muskets and shot and powder had been carried away to parts unknown, and their march had b
een for nothing. And even worse, they would have to march back to Boston the same way they had come, through the lands and townships of the people they had murderously fucked with. Once blood had been drawn, we had but one thought:

I
t’s on now, baby!”

“Your friend, Mr
. Revere, writes with skill and drama,” Martha said to George. “I almost feel as if I am there in Boston.”

“Indeed, so,” George replied. “I continue…”

“The lobsterbacks march back to Boston was a costly one! Our countrymen, stirred and angered over the patriot blood spilled, were determined to make the Redcoats pay with blood of their own. And throughout the march, Minutemen snipers and marksmen picked off the British Redcoats, one at a time. First by the tens and then over a hundred! From the trees and bushes and fields of our homes, we made them paint the road to Boston red with their blood!

But alas, I fear the coming storm
. I fear the staggering might of the British military as we know they are ruthless cocksuckers. I believe we shall all rely much upon you, my friend.

I look forward to seeing you at the Second Continental Congress in May.

                                                                      Your friend,  Pauly

Washington folded the letter and looked at his wife and could see a tear streaming down her cheek. She looked away when he noticed, and he stood from his recliner, walked over to her, and placed a gentle finger upon her cheek to brush it away.

“What’s this?” Washington asked his wife.

“Oh, George,” Martha replied. “I am afrighted!”

“How so?”
George replied.

“I have always know
n that this is the moment you were born for,” Martha replied. “I have always known that you are the one man that America needs to bring true freedom to our nation! But after Patsy’s death, I am so scared of losing you!”

“You’re not g
oing to lose me,” George stated.

Martha stoo
d up and turned away from him, and shivered. George stood beside her and, wrapping his strong arm around her, hugged her tightly. There was a knock at the parlor door and George called out for the knocker to enter.

“Sir,” Reebock said, “shall I pack your military uniform for our trip to Philadelphia?”

Martha began crying upon hearing the question and she ran from the room.

“I
’m sorry, Sir, if I upset Miss Martha,” Reebock said.

“It’s all right,” Washington replied. “She is just sad to see me
leave.” George Washington stood tall and walked over to his slave and friend Reebok.

“Yes,” George Washington said firmly. “Pack my military uniform.”

Chapter 39

Washington Takes Command

George Washington and his slave Reebock made the trip together by horse to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to attend the Second Continental Congress in May of 1775.  By rights, the gathering was really an extension of the First Congress, and nearly all of the previous delegates were there. There were also two new delegates present, including Washington’s old friend Benjamin Franklin and another Washington acquaintance named John Hancock.

At age thirty seven, Hancock
was a successful merchant and businessmen and was one of the wealthiest men in Boston. He was well respected as an importer and exporter, although he may also have been something of a smuggler, sometimes running afoul of the British in efforts to avoid paying taxes, fees and duties. Distinguished in bearing, he perhaps may have considered himself the best candidate to lead the soon-to-be –created Continental army.

But any thought of “General”
John Hancock vanished when George Washington presented himself before the delegates of the Second Continental Congress. Arriving in his own custom made, red, white and blue military uniform, George Washington was an impressive sight to behold. At over six feet in height, he towered over most of the other delegates. He wore his blinged-out gold dentures and carried a highly polished ceremonial sword upon his belt. Poised, distinguished, wealthy and impressive, this Virginia farmer looked every inch the part of a military General.

George Washington was chosen by unanimous consent of the Second Continental Congress to be the commander-in-chief of the Continental Army which, at that point, did not
yet exist. The Congress was now in uncharted territory, especially because it lacked the legal authority do many of the things it was about to do.  The Continental Congress created currency, appointed diplomats and established a national army for Washington to command. Although it lacked the power to tax anyone, the Congress appealed the individual colonies for both soldiers and financial assistance.

Thus, the Continental Army was born, with George Washington as its Commander, ready to battle for the freedom of the American continent.

This Congress did make one last ditch effort at peace with Britain, sending an “Olive Branch” proposal which George the Third would not even accept or examine. Instead, the English King declared the Colonies to be in a state of rebellion, and took the step of hiring Hessian soldiers to augment British and zombie forces and help to quell this American Revolution.

Hessians were German soldiers, mercenaries really, hired by the British to fight in America, as the British found it exceedingly difficult to find British citizenry who were willing to partake in the battle
to sustain immoral British overseas colonial expansionism.

The Hessians were well trained,
hard-drinking, somewhat smelly, generally unruly, and noted for toughness in battle, generally poor hygiene and bad breath. They were motivated to fight by the monthly pay they received from the British, as well as by promises of land grants and war spoils like gold, silver and the occasional rape.  In 1775, it was good to be a Hessian.

Sadly for King George III, the use of these Hessians likely swayed many British loyalists
in the Colonies to support the American Revolt.  Even the most conservative of loyalists were personally insulted that the English Monarch would attack Americans with boatloads of drunk, stinky Germans. Fighting the British soldiers was bad, and fighting zombies was even worse. But fighting Germans was the last straw and simply intolerable!

On the American continent, the call went out for volunteers for the Continental Army, and young men came from far and wide to train and fight with George Washington. They came by the hundreds, and then by the thousands, eager
to fight for freedom and glory. Printed signs and placards were hung in every town and village in the Thirteen Colonies.

***   Gen. Washington’s 1775 Call For  ***

SOLDIERS in the CONTINENTAL ARMY!

(God-fearing, WHITE males ONLY Please).

When George Washington’s slave Reebock saw the printed broadside asking for only white volunteers to be soldiers, he was furious, and fearlessly directed his anger at his legal owner, George Washington. Reebock found Washington alone in his study in the Philadelphia home in which he was staying, reading his mail.

“You are a fucking asshole
, mon!” Reebock howled at his master. “Asshole, Asshole, Asshole, Asshole!’

“Excuse me?” Washington replied, somewhat angrily.

“Asshole!” Reebock repeated yet again.

“What is your problem?” George Washington asked.

“Didja SEE the recruitment posters?” Reebock asked, still outraged.

“Why yes, I did,” Washington replied. “Aren’t they lovely?”

“Yeah, dey LOVELY, mon” Reebock replied. “Except you’re askin’ for WHITES ONLY!”

“Well, duh,” Washington replied. “We can’t very well arm the blacks
as soldiers!”

“Yeah,” Reebock shot back.
“And why not?”

“Well, they’re not used to firing muskets, for one thing.”

“I know how to fire a musket,” Reebock replied.

“Well, you,” Washington said, “of course YOU know how, but your average black
can’t--“

“If I ca
n learn,” Reebock replied, “den THEY can learn, mon!” Reebock’s voice started to show traces of his childhood Jamaican accent, as often happened when he was angry.

Washington sat in stunned silence for a moment, unable to think of an appropriate reply.
  Then he said the best reason he could think of.

“Well, blacks aren’t FREE to fight,” George Washington said.

Reebock actually laughed when Washington said this, laughed at the hypocrisy and the ignorance that his “owner” could not yet discover in himself.

“The only reason that blacks ain’t free is
‘cause
you all
plucked us up from where we was and chained us here so we couldn’t leave!” Reebock said.

“Well…
there is some…um… truth in that.”

“You say that YOU”RE fighting to
become free?” Reebock continued. “You can do the same for us.”

“In what way?”
Washington asked.

“Let us b
lacks fight this war with you, mon” Reebock said. “Let us fight alongside you. And if we fight, and we live…den set us free. FREE! ”

“Ha-haha,” Washington laughed, finding humor in the proposal.

“I ain’t fucking jokin’, mon!” Reebock shouted.

George Washington was speechless.
He knew his slave would have been really, really angry if he had seen Washington’s previous day’s order instructing army recruiters to disallow soldiers who were “elderly, infirm, negroes or vagabonds.”

“Give me,”
Reebock said, “No…give US all, da chance to fight for our OWN freedom. Just like YOU.”

Washington thought long and hard for a moment. He had no intention wh
atsoever of allowing blacks to fight as soldiers, but had no moral or ethical reason for disallowing Reebock’s proposal. Plus, he didn’t want to piss his slave off any further. He decided he needed to stall.