Geli Voyante's Hot or Not (11 page)

‘To be honest
,’ I confess, ‘I’m still stuffed from lunch. I doubt I’ll eat much, which is a shame as they do a nice bit of zander there.’

‘
I know the feeling.’ She pats her tummy. ‘But be a good girl and eat up tonight. You’ll need your strength!’ She winks at me.    

‘Are you
seeing Jeeves?’

‘I am. Guess where we’re off for dinner?’

‘Sticky Fingers.’ It’s not a guess – it’s a certainty.

‘Got it in one!’ S
he laughs.

I
t’s their favourite restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, I quite like it, though worryingly their to-die-for ribs are wider than my body.

‘But Glinda
,’ I copy her tone. ‘Don’t you get tired of eating in the same restaurant?’

‘Each to her own, Geli Voyante. Each to her own.’

A fair point.

‘Tiggy was sniffing around by the way when I was talking to Theo. She actually said she wanted to speak to
Geli
.’ Her face scrunches up in concern. ‘I know,’ I continue. ‘She went odd when I told her Theo was taking me out to dinner, even though she shoved her rock down my throat and I took that.’

‘
I give you full permission to ruin her wedding Geli if she tries to sabotage you and Theo,’ Glinda rages on my behalf.

‘
If
we become a we.’

I can feel my anxiety returning.
Why am I sat here chatting to Glinda? I have a thousand things to do; I usually put more hours into my date grooming regime than I do my column though I don’t know why, given my dates usually end in Trouble. Funnily, my column has never been a disaster. Give it time?

‘Oh
, you will become a couple, Geli! I have a feeling you’ll have the last laugh when Theo accompanies you to her wedding. Tiggy will be green with envy, plus Calvin will fall in love with you, too,’ Glinda kindly predicts.

‘I like the first part,’ I admit – as an ego boost it is a lovely
thought to counter the anxiety. ‘But please,’ I scoff, ‘I do not want Tiggy Boodles’ cast-offs.’

I
don’t mean that. Calvin is Hot after all, but Theo is Theo and I’ll be on his arm in T-minus three hours. Eek!

It’s Glinda and Geli. Leave us a message after the beep and we’ll get back to you!

‘It’s Claire!
Guess you’ve heard about Tiggy’s engagement, Geli. Well, she wants us to be bridesmaids. I think it would be nice if you could put aside your feelings for one day – be a grown-up, sis. I know you can do it. Look, give me a ring when you get this. Speak soon. Bye!’

End of message. Next message.

‘Hi Geli. It’s Mum. Call me back when you get this. I’ve had Ursula on the phone. You know what this is about. Love you girls. Bye!’

End of message. Next message.

‘Hey Glinds. Where are you babe? You’re late. Oh wait, one sec. Hi cutie. Look at you. What’s that, sugar? Oh, I’ll have a Bud please, babe. Get one for yourself, gorgeous. Glinds, hurry up… or don’t. I’ve got some company now until you fix your hair, or do your make-up, or whatever it is that always makes you so bloody late. I wouldn’t be too late though…’

End of message. Next message.

‘It’s Sara. Good luck for tonight. Remember, you are gorgeous and clever, not Trouble at all and Theo adores you! See you in the kitchen at elevenses!’

End of messages.

‘Geli Voyante! Look at you!’ Theo whistles as I walk towards him slowly to give him maximum appreciation time.
This dress is enticing from the front, scandalous from the back.

For the record, he also looks sensational
in a pair of light grey trousers and a crisp white shirt. It would be worth being arrested to have him right here, right now. Aren’t dinner dates supposed to be fun? I have a feeling this one is going to be tortuous and far too civilised for my liking.

‘Hi Theo,’ I say
, forgetting all my nerves as I clock his easy smile and his sublime scent – Acqua di Parma, naturally. I lean in to kiss him to make the most of what social etiquette allows me to get away with in public. After all, Theo doesn’t read my column so he doesn’t know that the air-five is Hot. Oh. Wait. Jerry told me he does. Bugger.

‘No air
-five?’ he laughs. Busted, but what a laugh. I feel hot hearing it.

‘On its way out
,’ I smile. ‘You’ve just earned an insider sneak peak at its replacement. And wait, how do you know about the air-five, huh?’ I cheekily tease.

‘Ah, g
uilty! Let’s just say Geli Voyante, I have a secret interest in you.’

‘Oh really?’ I flirt back. ‘Well
, I hope I can help you out tonight by giving you the
full
Geli Voyante tour,’ I suggest filthily. Like you do.

‘A personal tour
, huh?’ Theo mutters, pulling me closer to him.

His hand hasn’t moved off the small of my back since I greeted him and now it’s sliding deliciously southward
towards my bum. His hand doesn’t have far to travel given there is one downside, or plus, to wearing children’s clothing. Some might be obese enough to be adult-size, but that doesn’t mean they are adult height. Theo doesn’t seem to mind though as he groans into my ear, pulls me even closer to where he is propping up the bar, then slides his hand to cup my bum.

I can feel him tracing the lacy lines of my French knickers, lightly running his finger over the top
, then switching tactics and running it underneath. I feel jolts all down my leg from this and a tell-tale hotness between my legs. I just want to hook my legs around him and have him take me up against the bar counter. It would be worth being banned from The Ledbury and facing charges for this to happen. How could one finger cause this much pleasure?

‘Oh
,’ I mutter. ‘Theo… stop that.’

‘No.’ H
e growls this into my ear. And then he does something that makes me nearly explode. He scoops me up over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift, drops a twenty on the bar for his drinks, then bundles me into the cab that brought me to The Ledbury mere minutes ago. 

‘Back home?’ the cabby guffaws, clearly impressed with Theo. 

I can’t even answer him given that my mouth is currently locked onto Theo’s but he takes that as an affirmative to take me back to Bedford Gardens where Glinda and I live. The next thing I know, I am on the hall floor with my French knickers ripped in half by my head, my dress up over my hips. One heel is still on my foot, the other is residing near the door.

I can see a flashing red light on the ceiling and it looks like it’s flashing a four – four messages – but it doesn’t matter right now who has phoned because Theo is giving me a very stubbly present that’s about to set me off screaming. Thank go
odness Glinda has already gone out and that these walls are thick.

‘Fuck,’ I yell, moaning in delight. Forget Theo gently teasing me up and down with his tongue, he’s
now kissing me and his stubble is doing something to me that I didn’t know stubble could do. ‘Theo!’

Blood is rushing round my body
, and I need more. ‘Please Theo,’ I manage to throatily rasp as my lower tummy starts convulsing. ‘
Please
.’

This is torture. Until The
o gets in me, I will not be fully satisfied, even if he is licking me in such a way that it should be illegal. Well, it actually is in some American states, isn’t it? I want to make him hard until we can’t control ourselves any longer. I want Theo’s sweat-sodden skin under my own with the salty taste of Theo on my lips.
Is this too much to ask for?

‘
Geli,’ he moans, as I frantically claw at him, managing to grasp his hair and tug at it in impatience.

But, he gets the hint and proceeds up my body, taking my dress off and
disposing of my bra by ripping it off with his teeth which gives me a dangerous shudder when he strays violently close to my nipple.

I’m laid
here, on the hall floor, trembling in anticipation. Theo is staring down at me with a hungry look in his eyes. It’s like the look of a madman and the man is mad for me.

He
’s above me, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, when the answer-phone kicks in. I must have been moaning so loud I didn’t hear it ring.

It’s Glinda and Geli. Leave us a message after the beep and we’ll get back to you!

‘Angie. Are you there? Hello? Or Glinda even? Hello? Are you two screening me? Call me! It’s Tiggy. You were joking about Theo
, right? Hello? Is anyone there?’

End of messages.

Perfect timing Tiggy
. Just what I need when Theo is above me and I’m trembling in anticipation, waiting for him to enter me with his rather epic penis. He now has a weird look on his face instead of the lustful look he had mere moments ago.

‘Stupid bitch,’ Theo mutters leaning down to kiss me. ‘Maybe we should call her back and let her listen.’

My giggles turn into moans as he lowers his mouth to my already erect nipples and starts tweaking them very gently with his teeth but then, in one quick move, my legs are around Theo, and then, then Theo is plunging into me. It’s the complete opposite way to what he’s gently doing to my nipples. Each thrust makes me hit back and forth against the cold, hard wooden floor, but I only feel the pleasure.

As I
go to wrap my arms around him, he lifts his mouth from my nipples and pushes my arms above my head. His face is inches away from me and he’s just staring at me with that madman look in his eyes that would worry me if this was some stranger and not Theo, and… oh my… oh yes... he wasn’t… argh… making my body buck and grind in such a phenomenal way, because, if I pause to think about that look, that look is the look of a pure, crazy something… and... and...

I scream out
loudly as I orgasm, tears streaming down my face, and I’m fully aware that Theo is still intently staring at me. My body however has responded to Theo’s extraordinary technique and I close my eyes tightly as the sensations wash over me. Do I care if I have bruises tomorrow? No.

A
ll I care about is the warm ripples flooding my body, the ones I am experiencing from tip to toe, and the dizzying happiness I feel as Theo comes with a few more thrusts and I see his manic look subside. He looks serene and, thank goodness, doesn’t smirk like he does when he delivers the end of a column speech. That was
everything
... that look aside. Ignore that, Geli.

My body feel
s like it has been at boot camp. My hip is throbbing, my heart is racing, my mouth is smiling, and my tears of relief, sorrow and joy are trickling down my face.

‘Have I hurt you?’ Theo whispers
, clocking my tears.

He pulls out, a sensat
ion I hate after such closeness, and that’s when I notice he doesn’t have a condom on.
Shit
. But it doesn’t matter right now because Theo is looking at me with such concern for my tears. He’s sat us both up and I’m cradled in his arms, my back against his chest, his mouth nuzzling my neck.

‘No,
’ I mutter. ‘I’m fine. That was…
intense
.’ I try to explain, but how can I explain
that
?

‘But amazing?’ he murmurs.

His breathing is still ragged and I can feel his heart pounding into my back; his fingers are lightly stroking my hip.

‘The best,’ I say twisting around to look at him.

My eyes are still filled with tears and I am really praying right now that Theo feels what I’m feeling and this is not the start of Trouble. He smiles momentarily but then his face darkens.

‘What?’ I ask panicking. It’s surely not Trouble already? Can I not have a longer “moment” than ten perfect seconds to cherish?

‘Shit,’ he swears, ‘I didn’t put a condom on. I’m so sorry, Geli.’

‘It’s
OK,’ I mutter. ‘I’m on the pill. I’m clean.’

He looks a little uneasy. ‘I migh
t not be,’ he admits sheepishly, his fingers stopping their reassuring touches.

‘Oh?’

‘I should find out in a few days. I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ he says shooting me this puppy dog look.

I’m about to answer him as extreme panic hits me – how could he have been so stupid if he knew he might have something? – but
the answer-phone kicks in… again.

We’re
popular tonight, I think. We just sit there in silence as there’s an ominous pause, but then all thoughts of the forgotten condom leave my head as I hear a voice I’ve not heard in years:

‘Hello. Ummm, I guess you’ve heard about Tiggy’s engagement. I’d like to see you, Angelica. It’s been far too long… Geli, please. Please talk to me. Your sister doesn’t bear me any grudges, so why do you? Look, you can’t keep avoiding me forever. You’ll have to see me at the wedding, but I’d rather we cleared the air before then. Please Geli, don’t ruin your stepsister’s wedding. You’re still my daughter. I… I love you. When I left your mum, it had nothing to do with you girls. You’re a grown-up now. You should understand that these things... these things happen. Please. Call me.’

‘Stepsister?’

I’m crying
now for a whole different reason. I can’t take this. Clinging to Theo, I start sobbing and he wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair.

‘
Tiggy Boodles
is your stepsister?
’

I can’t answer him. The sound of hearing his voice
, the man I’ve referred to as my “mother’s ex-husband” or as “Tiggy’s foul stepfather” – the man who also happens to be my father – it’s brought back a flood of memories. Memories I’d rather not recall.