Garden of Serenity (9 page)

“Collin, why are the men unwilling to tell me of their ailments?” she asked when the eunuch finally returned with a second hot drink. She had cleared the exam room of breeders for a much-needed break.

“They fear you will send them through the door.”

“Won’t healers on the other side cure what I cannot?”

“Is that what Bresilee told you?” Collin’s face pinched. “Jahara, I can only speak from my own experience. The men sent through that door never return. Everyone believes if they say they are sick, they too will be sent away. So no one complains.” Sadness rippled over his face. “Only once did I see a man go in there. Never have I seen him again. For four years I’ve been in the well-check. Since that time, I’ve warned all the men not to complain.” He puffed out a breath. “Not that anyone in the past has cared about their wellbeing. Even those you healed today I reported as healthy with no abnormalities.”

“All humans have problems with their bodies.”

Arching a brow, Collin smiled at her.

“But breeders aren’t human.” Jahara could barely push the words from her throat. As minimal as her exposure to them had been, she’d never believed men didn’t deserve fair treatment. “They are seen as less here.”

“But closer than eunuchs.”

“Collin, I—”

He lifted his long fingers, brushing away her concern. “Jahara, in all my years, all the healers combined have not shown me the respect you have offered to this clinic in one morning.” He bowed. “You are truly gifted among women. I look forward to serving your needs.”

What an odd place this
Garden of Serenity
. It was anything but
that
.

It was hours later before Jahara emptied the cubicles and found herself at the sink, flexing her tired fingers under the soothing rinse of the chemical wash. The jade stones of Merenith’s ring glinted in the muted light, reminding her of all she had lost. As much as she wanted the band to mean something, Jahara knew she was only fooling herself. Merenith hadn’t given it to her. The woman hadn’t even seemed moved that she’d chosen to wear it. Her heart pinched. As much as she wanted a committed relationship, two years condemned to this Hades surely guaranteed she would end up old and alone.

In just two days’ time her life and everything she’d accepted as reality had become blurred as if she were looking at the world through an out-of-focus lens. To add to the confusion, Collin’s had stunned and shamed her. She couldn’t fathom the amount of ridicule these male breeders put up with on a daily basis. Though it shouldn’t really surprise her. She’d seen how Kylie had treated Brenimyn during the breeding demonstration.

Brenimyn
.

The man had done as he’d promised in the bathroom before dinner—he’d made her first copulation not only bearable but pleasant. Oh, who in Hades was she kidding? The experience had been mind-blowing. She’d practically begged Brenimyn to service her.

Fortunately, she’d been left to her own embarrassment this morning. The guest bed had been conspicuously empty when she woke. She was grateful Ishawny had thought to save her from making up some flimsy excuse for her behavior. She couldn’t seem to reconcile her sexual attraction for the blond couple last night with the sense of betrayal weighing heavy on her heart.

Jahara fisted her hands and pressed them to the small of her back, arching her stressed muscles. Granted, the woman had been masterful with her technique. Ishawny was definitely a wonderful guide, preparing her for the male. And the man had been equally talented in his ministrations. She leaned against the wall, filling her lungs with the memory of how it had felt to be joined with him. Her body tingled even now at the thought of the breeder.

Stupid
. She was mooning over her first copulation as if she didn’t have a woman waiting for her outside these walls. That worry clogged in her throat. She just couldn’t go there right now. This whole thing was not her choice. Some food, more well-checks, and then a quiet night at home, that’s what she needed to focus on. Jahara walked through the archway into the empty waiting room.

“Collin, would you—” The words stuck in her throat. It wasn’t Collin sitting behind the desk waiting to serve her the midday meal. It was Brenimyn’s dimpled grin and piercing eyes that greeted her as she rounded the corner.

“Collin is taking the afternoon off,” the man said, flashing an arrogant smile. “If it would please you, I’ve brought you some food.” Brenimyn didn’t remove his muscular legs from the corner of the desk spread with the makings of a picnic.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why is that, Jahara? Do you not enjoy my company?” He crossed his arms over his bare chest, tendons and muscles flexing with the movement. “I thought what happened between us last evening was quite satisfactory for everyone involved. Maybe you’d like to spend your noon break doing something more pleasurable?” He lifted a hand and the heat of his touch tingled down her cheek. Perhaps it was simply the embarrassment over what he intimated.

“No, I … and you.” Jahara rubbed at her face, not knowing what kind of trick he was playing on her. These same sensations happened every time he was around.

He laughed. “You have nothing to fear from me, woman. I thought I proved that last night.” He winked. “Please sit. I’ve brought you food. We can discuss other recreational activities later.” A force pushed on her shoulders and her feet wobbled as she stumbled forward. She was losing her mind.

“Why have you come here? I’m sure you don’t need a well-check.”

“Can’t a breeder offer services to a woman? After all, that is the purpose of the Garden of Serenity.”

The warmth of a hand caressed her breast, but she ignored the memory of his touch.

“But you belong to Kylie,” she said. “Which means my copulation schedule is
not
your concern. I’ll contact Ishawny and schedule another session in a day or two. Breeding is breeding.” It was only momentary, but she was sure Brenimyn flinched at her words. Just as well, she had no intention of getting involved with a single breeder. She’d already decided having multiple partners would no doubt keep Merenith from being jealous. “I mean, it just doesn’t matter who impregnates me. I have no doubt Ishawny’s regular partner is just as skilled.”

“The problem is, Ishawny’s services are no longer available.” He cleared his throat. “But more importantly, I wish to become your breeder.”

“What if I want another? Having multiple partners has a sort of anonymity about the paternity. It just doesn’t matter who sires my offspring.” She wanted to believe that, but at the moment with this man’s gaze prickling along her skin, she knew it was a lie.

Brenimyn rose with great care. His gaze stopped searching her face and locked on her eyes. “I don’t believe that, Jahara. There’s something between us.” He stepped toward her.

Fingers trailed down her arm.

“You felt it when you touched me at the demonstration.” He swung the chair standing between them out of his path. “I saw the awareness in your eyes. The same look that sparks in them now.”

Hands threaded in her hair.

“You wanted me last night almost as much as I wanted you.” He stood an arm’s length away, but the air around her pulsed.

Lips pressed tenderly to hers.

“You feel me now even though I am not near.”

“What in the name of Hades is going on, Brenimyn? None of this is making sense.” She pulled her eyes from his and stepped back, instinctively swiping at her mouth. “I am neither a stupid woman nor a schoolgirl who needs to be coddled.”

“You’re acting like both right at the moment.” He returned to the desk and leaned his hip on the edge, nonchalantly swinging his foot.

Energy and confusion coursed through her, making her pace.

“Think, Jahara. How could this be? How can I touch you, but never move?”

Knuckles skimmed her cheek. “Stop it!” She rubbed the sensation away. “It’s something they put in the food that makes women hallucinate and helps make the copulating bearable until conception has occurred. There’s got to be a logical explanation for what I’m experiencing.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, humor twinkling in his eyes. “Are you finished speculating? Because I can tell you the facts if you’re interested, or I can just wait here while you try to attempt to put together a puzzle with missing pieces.” He lifted a shoulder. “Either way, I’m good.”

His arrogance was exasperating. This was not the timid man who had been presented to the women the other day. Hadn’t she sensed his strength and dignity even as he stood docilely by Kylie’s bed?

“Okay, funny man, you think you’re so smart. Let’s hear your explanation. You don’t know all the facts either. You aren’t in my head.” She pounded a finger on her temple “You have no idea what things are happening to me.”

“Oh Jahara, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m the one doing those things to you.”

“Wait, what? I don’t understand.”

“Jahara …” Her name dragged slowly over his tongue.

“Only a telepathic could …” Pieces clicked into place, forming a picture that she could barely contemplate. “But that can’t be … you’re …” She turned to him, the words fading between them.

“I know. I’m a man. You can say it.” Though she sensed how the words crushed his spirit, the man remain standing tall and proud. “We’re stupid animals, right? Good for breeding and manual labor, but nothing that would require thought or emotion?” He looked at her, anger contorting his normally serene features. “Don’t you think I’ve heard it all? How could I possibly have any gifts reserved only for females?” Filling his lungs, he pushed away from the desk. It was his turn to pace. “Well, you know what, Jahara? I have an answer to that question, but trust me you’re not ready to hear it.” Brenimyn stalked around the room like a caged animal, raking his fingers through his hair.

“I can tell you this much … my Dame is an angel walking this realm. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving me here twenty-seven years ago. She kidnapped me from the Garden. Brought me home. Loved and schooled me with my birth-sisters. She challenged me and pushed me to find my gift and develop it. We lived in such a remote part of the territory that everyone in my village simply accepted it. There were no other men. I didn’t know I was different until three years ago when some government official traveling through found me. They forced me to come here to join their breeding stock. My Dame told me never to let anyone know I have the gift. Until recently, I shared my secret with no one.”

“Brenimyn, I’m sorry.” Jahara apologized for all the women who believed he was nothing, for being hidden away from the world and for being forced to perform sexual acts with females who considered him nothing more than a means to increase the female population. But she couldn’t speak those words. She reached for him, her fingers tentatively brushing the corded muscles of his forearm.

He looked at her, his eyes begging her to believe.

“I didn’t know it was possible. All the things I’ve been taught …” She hesitated, the reality before her warping again. “It doesn’t matter what I thought before.” Jahara couldn’t possibly assimilate all the information he’d thrown at her. None of it seemed possible and at the same time—it was all completely logical. How could the same woman who birthed gifted females keep those gifts from their male offspring? “You’ve opened my eyes today, Brenimyn.”

His eyes narrowed. “Does that change anything?”

The anger riding on his words pushed her away. “I … I’m not sure. I haven’t had time to process this. I need …” Her voice fell away. She had no idea what she needed.

“What, Jahara? You need what?” He pressed his palm between her breasts, the contact buzzing through her, quickening her pulse. “The truth you seek is right here. Feel it. Feel
me
.”

“What am I supposed to do?” She stared at the pain creasing his face. “I didn’t ask for you to pick me out of all the females available to you in the Garden.” She ignored the single tear that worked itself free to travel down her cheek.

His hands found their way to her arms and he pulled her close, his heat and scent overwhelming her senses. “Jahara, since I found you in the community room two days ago I haven’t been able to think of anything else. Last night was the most amazing night I’ve had in a
very
long time.”

“Yeah, well it goes without saying it was the best sex I’ve ever had.” The words came out before she thought about them.

He leaned back, arching a brow, the dimple on his cheek dancing about with his delight. “Best sex?”

She hadn’t meant to admit that, especially to him. “I mean sex with a
man
, idiot. And it’s not like I have a lot to compare it to.” She hoped that knocked him down a notch or two. “And don’t go changing the subject.”

“That
is
the subject, Jahara. I’ve never had an experience that powerful or intense with any woman. And I really don’t want you to leave here and choose another breeder. I want more of what I had last night.” He leaned down, his lips brushing feather light across hers, gauging her reaction.

She didn’t want to feel anything for him, didn’t want to react to his mouth urging her to open to him, but her body wouldn’t listen and she parted her lips, allowing his silky heat to fill her. Jahara’s hands found their way to his hair. She molded her body against his as if he were made for her. She had to think it was just what happened to all females during the mating ritual to keep it from being offensive. This was not unique to her and Brenimyn.

Finally he released his spell on her and she fell back a step, giving her air to breathe and room to think. “Brenimyn, our relationship can last only as long as it takes you to impregnate me. You must always remember my heart belongs to another.” Perhaps if she kept repeating it, she’d come to believe it as well.

“Tell me she can give you what we’ve experienced. You admitted yourself you’ve never had such wonderful sex.”

“That’s not quite what I meant.” She stepped back again, putting distance between her heart and his. “Granted, being with you was physically pleasing. But we both know without love, copulating is nothing more than our primal need to continue the next generation. And there was definitely no emotions involved.”