Gabriel's Rule (8 page)

She
felt his fingers probing her and then the blunt tip of one pushed inside her.
As he thrust another finger in she felt a sting of pain which quickly turned
into something else, something warm and throbbing. Her neck ached from trying
to maintain the angle so she could watch him and she finally gave up and
dropped her head back on the bed. She felt his fingers pull back and then
suddenly one of them brushed over the puckered skin of her anus. It felt
foreign and forbidden but the more he caressed her there, the more her legs
lifted and spread to give him better access. She could feel that he was rubbing
the moisture from her own body against the opening and she held her breath when
he pushed the tip of one finger into the tiny hole. She tensed at the burning
sensation but he didn’t press any further.

“I’ll
take you here someday,” he whispered softly before dropping his mouth over her
clit again. He stroked the bundle of nerves over and over again and she felt
his finger sink deeper inside her. A tingle started in her spine and began
spreading out every time his tongue drew a slow circle around her. She cried
out in frustration when he stopped.

“Gabe,
please!” He tensed briefly when she called his name but a second later he
pressed his tongue inside her. As he plunged his tongue in, he pulled his
finger out of her hole and then pushed it back in when he withdrew his tongue.
The tension inside her kept building as he maintained a steady, even push and
pull motion. Her hands searched for something, anything to hang on to because
she wanted so badly to reach down and hold him to her. He gave her one last
stroke with his tongue and pulled it out of her.

When
he pulled his finger out too, she felt empty and she wanted to beg him to fill
her up again. Before she could speak the words, his tongue was working her clit
voraciously and two fingers sank into her vagina, her tight heat sucking him
in. Within seconds she was coming and she screamed his name as the orgasm
ripped through her. Her body bucked and thrashed and she felt one of his hands
reach up to clamp down on her arms which she must have started to move. As the
climax began to recede, he carefully pulled his fingers from her body and gave
her clit a few soothing strokes.

As
he moved up and over her to get a condom from the nightstand, she tried to
catch his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at her face. Her passion started to turn
cold as she watched his now mechanical moves. She’d been too lost in the orgasm
to see if he’d been with her through it, but now she could see for sure that
the Gabe she needed wasn’t there. He stood up and stripped off his sweats and
rolled the condom down his length. He looked huge to her and she started to
panic when she thought about how much this part had always hurt in the past and
Paul hadn’t been anywhere near as large as Gabe was. Gabe still hadn’t met her
eyes and when he muttered, “turn over” a piece of her died inside.

***

Riley’s
screams of pleasure reverberated in his ears over and over as he rolled the
condom on his aching cock. She had clamped down so hard on him that he’d nearly
come on the spot and that had just been with his fingers. Her beautiful clit
had throbbed against his tongue and when she moved her bound arms to grab him,
he had actually hesitated a second before he reached up and stopped her.
Probing her anus hadn’t been in his plan, but when he spotted the puckered skin
he couldn’t resist.

His
control had completely shattered when he pushed his finger inside that hole,
her own arousal his only lubricant. He was shaken to the core – he wasn’t
supposed to be taking physical pleasure from this; it was supposed to be about
Riley. He just needed to get inside her and finish this – he could give her
more but he just needed to hang on a little longer. He would not come inside
her, he told himself over and over again as he ordered her to roll over. He
couldn’t stain her with his darkness.

Before
he’d even given her a chance to position herself, he was over her and doing it
for her, his arms rolling her.

“Gabe…”
The desperation in her soft voice caused his eyes to flip to hers. “Gabe, I
need you to come back to me.” He hesitated and looked down at her body. He’d
rolled her on her side, her hands still bound. He needed to take her from
behind, but what he saw in her eyes stopped him. What did she mean, she needed
him to come back to her? He was here, he was taking care of her. But he hadn’t
been, not really. He’d been so focused on pulling back that he’d scared her.
She was new to this; her only prior experiences had been painful ones. What had
made him think he could just lump her in with all of clients, experienced women
who knew exactly what they were asking for?

He
may have told himself at the beginning that she was just another fuck, but he
knew that wasn’t true. Nothing about Riley was anything like his clients and
nothing had prepared him for her. Could he give her more and still keep himself
separate so that he’d be able to let her go in the morning? She was staring at
him, not afraid, but not excited either. He expected she would have taken him
however she could get him and that humbled him. He could give her more, would
give her more.

He
settled her on her back and then kneeled between her spread legs so he could
reach up to where her arms rested. Releasing the belt buckle, he carefully
pulled her wrists free and rubbed them to make sure the blood was flowing well.
He dropped his eyes to hers and saw her disappointment.

“We’re
not stopping,” he said. He placed her arms so they were still above her but
this time they were on each side of her head rather than straight above it.
“Still the same rules,” he said gently as he released his hold on her arms and
shifted back. She nodded and relaxed her hands so the palms were open, but she
didn’t move her arms.

Gabe
dropped his mouth to her neck and kissed her slowly, his lips working their way
down to where her neck met her shoulder. He lowered his body so that her hips
cradled his cock and shifted so they were even closer when her thighs opened
further for him. He closed his hands over her breasts and used his thumbs to
tease her nipples. They hardened almost instantly and he felt her relax into the
mattress when his lips joined his hands to play with her. He spent several
minutes working her body until she was once again pulsing with desire. He could
feel her wetness bathing the tip of his cock which he was rubbing up and down
along her entrance, the tip just barely touching her clit on each upward
stroke.

He
dropped one hand to her clit and then lower to check if she was ready for him.
Desire licked each of his nerve endings when his fingers came away soaking wet.
He bent one of her legs up and pushed the head of his cock inside her. Her body
was like a vise on his length and he was barely even inside her. He brought his
eyes up to meet hers and saw that she was watching where their bodies were
connected. When she saw him watching her, she held his gaze as he started to
work himself further into her welcoming warmth. As her lips parted, he could
hear little whimpers coming from her every time he pushed further into the
depths of her body.

“You
are so beautiful,” he whispered brokenly. He felt her inner muscles tighten at
his words and he couldn’t stop himself from plunging all the way inside her. He
groaned as she automatically lifted her hips higher to meet his and he found
himself suddenly gripping her wrists in each of his hands, not to hold her
still but because he needed her to ground him. When he was seated as far as he
could go, his balls pressed against her ass, he asked “Are you okay?”

She
seemed to be too overwhelmed for words but he saw no pain or discomfort. When
she nodded, he pulled out and slid back in. The wet glide of her body welcomed
him and he did it again. She dropped her head back on the bed and began
thrusting her hips up to meet his strokes. He could feel her fingers stroking
his and he was surprised to see that he had gone from holding her wrists to
intertwining their fingers. The contrast of their skin was perfect, light to
dark, soft to hard. She was perfect. And he wasn’t. He was going to end up
hurting her like all the others in her life had and he couldn’t stop it. She
had already connected to him, he could feel it in her touch, in the way her
body pulled his in.

Gabe
felt a chill settle over him and he knew he needed to finish this before she
became aware of what was happening to him. He started pounding into her over
and over, his hard thrusts pushing her body up towards the headboard. She
pulled one of her hands free of his hold to push against the wood above her
head to give herself more leverage. He took the hand she had released and stroked
her clit mercilessly to match his thrusts. He had gotten control of his body
and emotions again and he focused everything on her release. He forced himself
to ignore the tears that slid down her cheeks as he plunged into her one last
time and pressed down hard on her clit. As she came apart in his arms he
stilled and watched her body give in to the pleasure that overtook her. When
she had quieted, he carefully pulled out of her, his dick still throbbing with
need. Her body was sated and her eyes drifted shut as he left her and
disappeared into the bathroom.

***

Riley
noticed his missing warmth immediately but knew he was probably getting rid of
the condom. She felt boneless and was about to drift off to sleep when she
heard a muffled sound from the bathroom. Slipping out of the bed, she found one
of Gabe’s sweatshirts on a nearby chair. She slipped it on and went to the
bathroom. She lifted her hand to knock but stopped when she realized what she
was hearing. He was moaning and she heard what sounded like skin slapping
against skin. She carefully opened the door and tried to make sense of what she
was witnessing.

He
was partly in the shower stall, but there was no water running. The bathroom
mirror gave her a perfect view of what he was doing – he had a hand wrapped
around his rock hard erection and he was stroking it hard and fast, his eyes
closed. He moaned her name and then started spurting into the stall of the
shower. Several seconds passed as he finished stroking himself and then he hung
his head. Before she could even comprehend what she had just witnessed, he
suddenly spun around and flung open the toilet seat cover. His horrified eyes
made contact with hers a second before he vomited.

Riley
shut the door and leaned back against the wall next to it, her heart ripping
apart as she listened to him retch over and over. Bile rose in her own throat
as she tried to make sense of what was going on. Tears started streaming down
her face as she went in search of her clothes. In the living room, she pulled on
her pants and fumbled with the button. She heard the toilet flush and, as the
water in the sink ran, she quickly stripped off the sweatshirt and pulled on
her blouse. She was still facing the door and working on the buttons when she
heard him approach.

“That
wasn’t about you.”

That
was it? That was supposed to be some magical answer that explained everything?
She turned to face him, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on her shirt.
When he saw her tears, he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and
then jerked them down in anger. She flinched.

“Damn
it Riley, I told you I was fucked up! Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

Her
hand flew to her mouth and she turned to open the door. She felt his arms close
around her from behind. “I’m sorry.” He kissed her neck and then whispered “I’m
sorry,” against her skin. Harsh sobs wracked her body and he tightened his hold
and kept whispering apologies. He turned her against his chest and she cried
fresh tears over his bare chest.

“I
swear to God Riley, what happened in there wasn’t about you or anything you
did. You were so perfect.” She’d managed to get some control but wet tears
continued to stream down her face because she was afraid of what he was going
to say next. It was going to end something that never even had a chance to
start. She’d known that when she had come over tonight, but now it hurt so much
more.

“Honey,
something’s broken deep down inside me. I don’t understand it myself so don’t
ask me to try and explain it.” He forced her chin up so he could see her red,
blotchy eyes that still leaked water. “I thought I could give you something
special tonight – I thought it would be enough for you, but you deserve so much
more than that.” He kissed her forehead and pain lanced through her knowing this
was goodbye. She put her hand against the back of his neck and pulled his head
down so that his lips were just inches from hers.

“I’m
so sorry Gabe. I just wanted to give you what you needed.” She reached up and
brushed her lips gently over his and then she pulled free of his arms and left
the apartment.

Gabe
checked his watch as he started another lap around the park. Shane was twenty
minutes late and he was getting worried. Something was off with his best friend
and he’d asked Shane to meet him here at Gas Works Park under the pretense of
needing a workout. The weather was cooperating and the park was slowly starting
to fill up with the after work crowd. As he ran Gabe, tried to keep images of
last night from running through his head.

After
he’d watched a shattered Riley walk out of his apartment in tears, he’d ended
up putting his fist through the wall. Luckily he hadn’t broken it, but the pain
had only offered a brief reprieve. She’d been completely heartbroken and he was
helpless to change that. All he had wanted was to give her pleasure, to show
her how beautiful her body was and instead he’d ripped her apart. He could
still feel her tears on his skin, the devastation in her voice. He should have
never touched her. Maybe they’d both have been better off if he’d told her all
of it – the escorting, the stuff from his childhood.

Nausea
swept through him at the thought of being face to face with Riley and telling
her how sick and twisted he really was, how deep his depravity went and the
disgusting images that dominated his dreams night after night. Gabe veered off
the jogging path and leaned over some tall brush and emptied the contents of
his already hollow stomach. He wiped his mouth using the lower part of his
T-shirt and looked around – at least no one was around to witness his
disgusting weakness.

He
finished his run and took a detour to his truck to get a drink of water so he
could rinse out his mouth. After he drained the rest of the bottle down, he
tossed it back into the cab of his truck. Shane was just pulling his spiffy
little sports car into the space next to his truck. He held his tongue when he
watched his friend emerge, his eyes bleary and hair sticking up all over the
place. Had he actually been asleep in the middle of the day? The Shane he knew
was an unstoppable force, always on the go, driven to succeed at everything he
ever did. The guy in front of him looked like a slouch.

“Hey
man, thanks for showing up.” Gabe couldn’t keep the sarcasm from his voice.

“What’s
with the hand?” Shane motioned to Gabe’s bruised hand as he pulled the
sweatshirt off over his head and started to stretch.

“It’s
nothing. What’s going on with you?”

“What
do you mean?” Shane asked as started walking towards the jogging path. He turned
to look at Gabe. “Are we doing this thing or not?”

Gabe
bit back a nasty retort and ran to catch up with Shane. They jogged in silence
for a few minutes before Gabe repeated his question.

“Nothing’s
going on. I’m fine, just busy with classes and shit.” Shane said casually, too
casually.

“I
called you a couple days ago but you didn’t call me back. I wanted to make sure
you were okay.”

“Sure,
why wouldn’t I be?”

“Shane,
I’m sorry I didn’t remember the anniversary…”

Shane
cut him off, his tone short. “Don’t worry about it. I would have forgotten
myself except my parents called.”

“How
are they doing?”

“Proud
as peacocks. Dad’s already picked out where my office is going to be.”

Gabe
fell silent. He knew Shane hated talking about the future that had already been
mapped out for him. “I’m worried about you,” he finally said.

Shane
slowed to a stop and put his hands on his hips to catch his breath.

“Gabe,
I told you, I hadn’t even given much thought to the anniversary.”

“It’s
not that…well, not just that. You’ve changed – there’s something different
about you.”

Shane
shook his head and started running again. His response was noticeably agitated.
“Look man, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m all good. Maybe you’re the one
who’s changed.” He looked at Gabe’s hand again and said, “Is that because of
Riley?”

Gabe
glanced down at his damaged hand and finally said, “Yeah.”

“What
happened?”

“I
messed up. I messed everything up.”

“Did
you sleep with her?” Shane asked, slowing their pace so they were both walking.
Gabe just nodded but the pain he was in was clear as day.

“Is
she okay?”

Gabe
flipped his eyes up from the ground he’d been studying. “Yeah, of course, I
wouldn’t hurt her!”

“I
didn’t mean is she okay physically Gabe. I would never ask you that question.”

Gabe
took in a deep breath and nodded. He was quiet for another moment and then
said, “Something’s been happening to me after I meet with clients.” Gabe
stopped walking and started moving around, agitated. They were in a quiet area
of the park, but Shane still led Gabe a little further off the path so they
wouldn’t be overheard.

Gabe
stopped and started a couple of times. Finally he said, “You know I never come
when I’m with clients.” Embarrassed, Gabe avoided eye contact. He and Shane had
discussed this once before early on in their careers when Gabe was trying to
figure out why he struggled so much when Shane and Logan didn’t. His friends
had both assured him it probably had to do with the newness of the whole thing
and he just need to get past the stigma of being paid for sex. It wasn’t
something he’d ever brought up again but he figured Shane and Logan suspected
he continued to have issues since he’d pared down the amount of escorting he
did.

“Yeah,”
Shane said gently, no incrimination in his voice.

“After,
I usually just leave right away but the last time I got physically sick. The
client didn’t see or hear anything…” his words tumbled out. “It happened again
last night after Riley, but it was worse.”

“How?”

Poor
Gabe was starting to wear a path in the grass from walking back and forth so
much.

“When
we were done I went into the bathroom and jacked off and then I threw up. She
saw the whole thing.” Gabe looked up at Shane desperately as if he needed an
explanation for his behavior.

“Did
she say anything about it?”

“She
was upset. She cried and tried to leave. I was mad and embarrassed and tried to
explain that it wasn’t about her but I don’t know if she believed me.”

“Maybe
you should try talking to her again,” Shane offered.

“And
say what to her? Sorry I fucked you but I get off on controlling women during
sex but I can’t stand it if they touch me. Or how about that I’d rather jack
off in a shower stall then in your beautiful body. Oh yeah, and by the way, I’m
so disgusted by what a sick, weak, twisted fuck I am that I need to puke in a
toilet before I can even function around you again.”

Gabe
stopped pacing and dropped down to the ground, his head on his knees, his hands
clasped behind his neck. “I thought that if I could be normal with anyone it
would be her, but something inside me just shuts down. I promised myself I
wouldn’t use her like I did all the others, but that’s exactly what happened.”

Shane
bent down next to him. “You don’t use women Gabe, not the way you’re talking
about. Your clients know exactly what they’re signing up for. They know it’s an
act and they don’t care what you do or don’t get out of it. As for Riley, that
woman was ready to kick your ass the other night for trying to tell her what to
do – if she hadn’t wanted to be with you last night she wouldn’t have been.”

Shane
dropped down to sit next to him. “Hell, I don’t know what normal is with a
woman but what if she can help you figure it out? Maybe it doesn’t always have
to be you taking care of someone else. Maybe, it’s okay to trust someone else
to give you what you need, even if you don’t know what that is. I saw the way
she looked at you that night at the bar and I didn’t see a woman who wanted
Gabriel, sex professional extraordinaire, I saw a woman who just wanted Gabe.”

They
were silent for a long time and Gabe was glad Shane didn’t push him to respond.

“Hey
Gabe, one more thing and then I’ll shut up.” Gabe lifted his eyes and knew that
Shane would be able to see the wetness there. “Maybe it’s time to consider letting
Gabriel go.”

***

Riley
jumped back when the plate she’d been holding slipped from her gasp and
shattered at her feet. The diner went silent and all eyes were on her as she
bit back tears. Nell hurried up to her, broom and dustpan already in hand.

“Nell,
I’m so sorry,” she croaked.

“Now,
now, don’t you worry about it darling. It’s just a plate – got hundreds more
just like them.” She smiled broadly but when Riley reached to take the broom
from her, Nell shooed her away. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you go check
and see how the folks at the counter are doing?”

Humiliated,
Riley drifted behind the counter and grabbed the coffee pot and automatically
started refilling mugs. One customer looked at her nervously as she passed and
she supposed she deserved it. She’d been a mess from the moment she’d left
Gabe’s apartment two nights ago. Her eyes burned from all the tears she’d shed
and as soon as she’d walked into the diner, Nell must have been able to tell
she’d been crying because she dragged her into a hug and told her things would
get better. But she knew they wouldn’t because she was completely and totally
in love with Gabe Maddox and he would never feel the same.

She
had hoped she would be enough for him, enough of whatever it was he needed to
find peace within himself but she had just made things worse – whatever she’d
done had made him hurt so bad that he’d become physically ill. He’d made her
body come alive and when he had intertwined their fingers, she’d felt like more
than just their bodies had merged. But it had all been physical for him and not
even good enough that he could let himself go inside her. She wanted to believe
what he had said about it not being about her, but that cruel, inner voice that
had been implanted in her brain when she was a child reared its ugly head and
reminded her that there was no way a woman like her could be enough for a man
like Gabe.

“Hey
Riley.” She snapped her head up to see Shane settling onto one of the few
counter stools available. He was wearing sweats and a tight, white T-shirt that
showed off every well-defined muscle. His slightly too long hair was mussed,
probably from running his fingers through it, and she could see a shadow of
stubble starting to show.

“Hi,”
she said as she handed him a menu. She’d never seen him in the diner before so
she was instantly suspicious of the timing. He flipped casually through the
menu but his eyes never really seemed to actually settle on any one item. “He
told you about what happened, didn’t he?” she ventured.

“Yeah,
he did.”

Riley
felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“Can
you take a break and join me for a cup of coffee?” At her hesitation he sent
her a charming smiled and she swore he was just seconds from batting his
amazing blue eyes at her.

She
glanced at her watch and then said, “Let me go make sure it’s okay with Nell.”

When
Nell assured her it was fine, Riley motioned to Shane to join her in a back
booth that was away from most of the hustle and bustle. Coffee in hand, he
dropped down across from her. In some ways he looked so boyish, but she noticed
that the carefree tone and happy go lucky smile he flashed never quite reached
his eyes.

“Is
he okay?” Riley asked. She knew her inquiry was like writing
I love him
on her forehead but she
needed to know.

“No,
actually, he’s not. He’s pretty messed up about the other night.”

Riley
shook her head and forced back the fresh tears that threatened to fall. “I
know, I screwed up…I should have just left him alone like he asked.”

“He’s
upset because he thinks he used you.”

That
caught her attention and she sat up. “That’s not true! He didn’t!” Shane raised
his hands in surrender and she realized she was nearly yelling at him. People
turned to look at her again. Shane leaned forward so only she could hear.

“I
know that. But it’s what he believes.” When Riley didn’t say anything in
response, Shane took a long swig of his coffee. After he returned the mug to
the table he leaned back and studied her. She knew he was measuring her, trying
to see if she was worthy. “Did he tell you about his mom?” Riley nodded. “So
you know what she is?”

Riley
nodded again and said, “She was there that night when we got home. I think they
had a fight and then she left.”

Shane
nodded as if that made perfect sense to him. “Gabe was best friends with my
brother Michael. They met in Kindergarten. That was back when his mom was still
doing good – she had a good job, they lived in a nice house. His dad was never
in the picture so it was just him and his mom. Then she got hooked on the pills
and it all went to hell.”

“He
said they lost their house.”

“Yeah,
he was probably ten, maybe eleven. They ended up moving to a crappy
neighborhood and we figured we’d never see him again since he had to switch to
a different school. But a week later he shows up at our house on Saturday
morning to play basketball just like he’d been doing every day for a couple of
years. He’d managed to figure out how the bus system worked.” Shane took
another sip of his coffee.