Funland (37 page)

“Man, freaked the needles right offa my cactus.”

“I mean, what did she do?”

Cowboy blew his pursed lips. “It was
weird,
man. You aren’t gonna believe this.”

“I’ll believe it.”

“I’m home alone, right? This is a Saturday night last summer, and my folks are off at a party, and I haven’t met up with Liz yet, which accounts for my being alone. I was down in the den watching
Evil Dead II
on the VCR. You ever seen that?”

“Yeah. It’s cool.”

“How about when the guy’s hand gets possessed and he starts bashing himself over the head—?”

“What about Tanya?” Jeremy asked.

“Okay, I’m all by myself and watching this sucker in the dark, so I’m pretty spooked anyway. This is only like a month after Tanya got out of the hospital. We’d been sneaking out and trying to find the actual shits that done the job on her. It was just her, Nate, me, and Samson. We knew some bums had laid her open with a busted bottle. That was no big secret. Was even in the papers. But we didn’t know
everything
they’d done to her. Maybe Nate did, but he never let on. Anyway, we ran into plenty of bums, but not the right ones. We pounded a few of ’em anyway, and took ’em on rides outta town. Then we quit.”

“You quit?” Jeremy sat up. The skin of his back felt very hot and stiff. He knew he had probably burned. He picked up his shirt, shook the sand off it, and draped it across his shoulders.

“Quitting was Nate’s idea. He didn’t see much point in going on with it, seeing as how we couldn’t find the creeps that slashed Tanya. We all figured they must’ve hustled their sorry butts outta town.”

Jeremy nodded. “So you were watching
Evil Dead,
and then what happened?”

“Well, I had to take a leak, so I stopped the movie and went into the john. We’ve got one downstairs, you know, just outside the den. It’s got a shower. No bathtub, just a shower stall. So I’m standing there with my back to it, and I finish up and tuck ol’ Sneaky Pete back inside my pajamas and I’m reaching out to flush and all of a sudden I hear the shower curtain whip open. Screaming Judas, woulda scared the piss outta me, only I’d just gone. I spin around, and there’s Tanya. Man, she’s standing there in the shower stall, buck naked and holding a butcher knife.”

“A butcher knife?”

“Fuck, man. I figured: This is it. Figured she’d flipped out and I was gonna be a carved goose.”

“Christ,” Jeremy muttered.

“Only she doesn’t come at me. She doesn’t say shit. Just looks me in the eyes and starts sliding the point of that knife down her scar.” Cowboy shook his head slowly from side to side. His eyes were fixed on Jeremy, but they looked as if they were seeing Tanya instead. “Just touching it, you know? Not hard enough to cut herself. And real slow. All the way from her tit down to her pussy. God damn. Weirdest thing I ever saw. And that bod.” His eyes seemed to come into focus. “How’d you like that bod, Duke? You ever seen anything like it?”

“No.”

“Tanned all over, and—”

“Well, what happened? Come on.”

“Yeah, okay, so she done this thing with the knife. And finally she says, ‘This is what they did to me, Cowboy. But they did worse.” Then she tells me the whole story. All the stuff they did to her.”

“Yeah, she told me.”

“Then she says, ‘They have to pay. Will you help me make them pay?’ I start to remind her how we couldn’t find the guys, and she puts the knife to her mouth to shush me. ‘Trolls are all the same,’ she says. ‘If it hadn’t been those three, it would’ve been three others. It could’ve been any of them. They’re all evil. They have to pay.’

“I guess it made some sense. I don’t know. I was pretty shook-up. Bet you were too.”

Jeremy nodded.

“So I told her I’d go hunting trolls with her from now till doomsday, if that’s what she wanted. When I said that, she took holda my hand and got me into the shower stall with her. I figured ol’ Sneaky Pete was about to have the time of his life, but what she does is take the butcher knife to my hand.” Raising his right hand, he pointed out a small pale scar on his palm.

Jeremy raised his own hand so Cowboy could see the tiny mark left by the razor blade.

“Not much of a cut,” Cowboy remarked. “Can’t hardly see it.”

“Sure bled, though.”

“Mine too. So then she cut herself.”

“Down there?”

“Fuckin’-A right, down there.”

“And made you hold it.”

“You betcha. Held my hand right against her twat and she says, ‘Your blood’s in me, my blood’s in you. We’re blood lovers.’ Not blood brothers, like that Injun thing you hear about, but blood lovers.”

“Said the same thing to me. Pretty much. So then what? Did you make it with her?”

Cowboy’s eyes widened. “Did you?”

“No.”

He looked relieved. “Me either. But she kinda hinted it might go that way if I stuck with her and kept on going after trolls. Don’t know if she really meant it. Hasn’t happened yet.”

“You don’t think it was just a lie, do you?”

“Who knows? I keep waiting. Maybe I just haven’t proved myself enough.”

“Has she done it with any of the other guys?”

“Nate. But I guess they were doing it before, so it didn’t have nothing to do with the pact. If she’s put out for any of the other guys, I haven’t heard about it. But I know she did the ‘blood-lover’ thing with ’em.”

“Maybe she wouldn’t do it because of Nate.”

Cowboy grinned. “Now, that’s a dandy thought. Hope you’re right. Maybe our turn’s coming up.”

“Now that Nate’s out of the way.”

“Guy must have rocks in his head, dumping her like that. We’re all itching to put it to her, and he’s got it made, and he throws it all away. Just ’cause he’s got his shorts in a knot over killing a damn troll.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said.

He thought: That’s not why at all. But hell if I’m going to spill it.

The truth was his secret, his edge, and his alone.

Nobody gets to tell Tanya about the banjo girl but me.

“Are we meeting tonight?” he asked.

“Yup. Sure as shootin’, Duke. Same time, same place.”

That’s too long to wait, he thought. Much too long. I have to tell her
now.

Thirty-three

“Look who we’ve got here,” Joan said. She didn’t sound very happy to see the boys.

Dave stayed at her side as they crossed the boardwalk toward the pair. Both kids had corn dogs and were munching and talking while they strolled along. Joan stepped in front of them. They looked startled at first, then came up with nervous smiles.

“How are you fellows doing?” she asked.

“Reckon I’m all in one piece,” said the kid in the cowboy hat. The side of his head was bandaged. He wore a skimpy swimsuit and no shirt, as if he were showing off the wounds on his torso. The cuts looked a little raw, and a lot like the one Dave had seen that morning in the mirror. “I sure want to thank you,” the kid told Joan. He glanced at Dave. “You too. I was about two steps short of the ol’ stewpot.”

“Glad we could help,” Joan said.

“How’s the ear?” Dave asked, trying to remember the guy’s name.

“Well, he’s stitched on good and tight.”

“You really took care of that guy,” the other kid said. Wayne. Something Wayne. He looked in pretty good shape except for the faint shadow of a bruise on his forehead. “No kidding. The way you got him in the chin, looked like you were going for a field goal.”

Joan’s face went red. Dave knew it wasn’t a glow of embarrassed pride. “I’m just glad things worked out,” she said.

“So, what’s the story on Chingachgook and his pal?” asked the one whose ear had been taken off. “They cooling their heels in the hoosegow?”

“They’re both in custody.” Dave said. “One’s still in the hospital.”

“Hope it’s the one tried to gobble my ear.”

“It is,” Dave said.

“Man, I just bet,” Wayne said, looking at Joan with awe in his eyes. “I thought he was a goner, the way you nailed him. That was
really
cool.”

“There was nothing cool about it.” She turned to the other kid and glared at him. “I’m glad you weren’t hurt any worse than you were, but you were asking for trouble and you got it. And you got a lot of people hurt, including an innocent bystander and my partner. So you’d better watch your step, buddy. You cause any more trouble around here, I’ll be on you like wet on rain.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, looking stunned and guilty. Dave suspected that the look was a sham. “I’m sorry.”

She glanced at Dave. “Let’s go.”

He stayed beside her as she hurried away.

“Couple of shitheads,” she muttered.

“Well, they got hurt pretty good for their trouble.”

“I think the Wayne kid enjoyed it. He stripped the shirt right off that one gal. Probably got in some feelies.”

“Two against one, and they were both bigger than him.”

Joan smiled. “You on his side?”

“He had to defend himself. Even if they were girls. Some are tough.”

“Yeah? Think so?”

“I know of one, for sure.”

“She’s bigger than you too. But you’ve got prettier legs.”

Dave looked down to compare. “I’d say it’s even.”

She patted his rump.

“Watch it, partner. None of that.”

“Forgot myself.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate it. When you get to my place, you can do it to your heart’s desire.”

“What time do you want me?”

“How’s six?”

“How about seven? I’ll need some time to take a bath and get my costume together.”

The costume. They hadn’t discussed her plan since early morning. Dave had been hoping the whole idea might just evaporate, but he supposed he had known, all along, there wasn’t much chance of that. Once Joan had made her mind up about something…

You wouldn’t want it any other way, he told himself. Suppose she had been happy to wash her hands of Gloria? Said the bitch got what she deserved, it’s none of our business, forget about her and let’s have a ball? You’d think she was a heartless jerk.

It’s her heart making her do this.

Making her take such a risk.

She sure doesn’t
want
to come back here after the place closes. She’s probably more scared than me. But she isn’t going to back out.

Heart
and
guts.

“Let’s wear vests,” he said.

Joan gave him an amused frown. “Who’s going to be shooting at us?”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. Those things cramp my style, and we’ve got no reason to think the trollers go around with guns.”

“I’d wager they carry knives, at least. I’d rather catch the next blade in Kevlar.”

She met his eyes. And nodded. “I’d rather you did too. Okay, we’ll go with the vests.”

“How about the rest of your ensemble?” he asked.

“Violins, a clarinet…”

“No brass,” he added. “You’ve got too much of that already. But have you decided what you’ll wear?”

“In addition to the vest? I don’t know.”

“You haven’t got a closet full of filthy rags?”

“Maybe we could roll a bag lady.”

“I could stop by Gloria’s and pick up her stuff for you.”

The cheerful, mischievous look vanished from her face. “Wouldn’t fit.”

“The tights might be a little snug…”

“God, I’m not gonna wear Gloria’s tights. Or anything else. They’re hers. And they’ve been pawed by the creep who…took them off her.”

Joan’s words jammed images into Dave’s head of Gloria on her back, struggling and screaming as rough hands ripped at the clothes.

“Besides,” Joan said, “if I wore her stuff, it might destroy evidence.”

“Yeah.”

Evidence. The hairs of a stranger. Maybe blood. Maybe semen. Dave hadn’t noticed anything like that, but the crime-scene guys were experts. The smallest trace…

“Are you all right?”

“Thinking about evidence.”

“I’m sorry. I should’t have mentioned it.”

“No, you’re right. I made a mistake touching her stuff in the first place.”

“That’s how you figured out…”

“Yeah. That too. Exactly. Just like I said, a mistake. If I’d kept my hands off her things, we wouldn’t be any the wiser. We wouldn’t be doing this tonight.”

“Shame I can’t get her in stereo,” Cowboy said, cupping a hand behind his bandaged ear.

“She’s pretty good, isn’t she?”

The banjo girl was standing near the long line in front of the Hurricane, tapping her foot as she pounded out “The Rock Island Line.” Wearing what she was, she didn’t look like a bum anymore. Jeremy liked her dress. It was short, showing off her slender legs, and the weight of the banjo pulled it tight against her breasts.

She’s still no Tanya, Jeremy thought.

How could a guy like Nate go for her, when he already had Tanya? It didn’t make sense.

Unless it might be something about the way she seemed kind of innocent and mysterious.

Innocent. Sure. Jeremy remembered how she’d snapped at him Wednesday night. She’s a bitch, he thought. And tough as nails. Probably about as innocent as a whore.

I’ve gotta tell Tanya about her!

Why did Cowboy have to show up and get in the way?

Jeremy felt as if time were running out, as if his chance would be lost forever if he didn’t get in touch with Tanya soon.

The banjo went silent. Cowboy clapped, as did several people waiting in the line for the roller coaster, and others who had stopped on the boardwalk to listen.

“Reckon I wouldn’t mind plucking
her
strings.”

You’d have to stand in line behind Nate, Jeremy thought. “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed either,” he said.

She strummed a lively tune on the banjo and started to sing.

I had me a guy and he lived in the bog
With an old .44 and a one-eyed dog.
The dog was mean, and so was he,
But they weren’t near half as mean as me.

Jeremy felt a hand clutch his shoulder. “Hang on, buddy,” Cowboy said. “I’ve gotta take me a whiz.”

“See you later.”

He watched Cowboy push slowly through the crowd. Then he hurried in the opposite direction.