Full Share (Shore House Book 1) (21 page)

“Who?” There was no one else in my mind but Jack.

“Rob. You think I don’t see the way you look at him?” He was disgusted. “You’re practically a groupie.”

“We’re just friends.”

“Oh yeah? What if Blaire weren’t around?”

I stood there, unwilling to address Blaire’s absence. I’d stopped hoping for it a year and a half ago. She wasn’t going anywhere, and she had nothing to do with tonight.

Jack walked out of the kitchen. The screen door on the front of the house slammed shut behind him. I stayed silent and trapped and all by myself.

I was still standing in the same spot when the door opened again. Relief flowed through me. I had no idea what I’d say to him, but I wanted him near me. I didn’t want him to hate me, and I was kind of hating myself. I stepped into the living room, waiting to face him, and was struck by the vision of Mila and Stone.

She was on top of him lying on the couch, writhing against him. Their mouths were locked together in a violent kiss as he yanked at the sides of her skirt. He raised it to her waist and reached down with both hands and squeezed her ass. They separated long enough for Mila to pull her shirt over her head. The neck opening caught on her hair, and I thought Stone would rip her head off as he threw it against the wall and kissed her again. They didn’t see me. They didn’t hear me.

“Fuck me, Stone,” she said. She was clawing at the words and was barely audible she was so out of breath. I couldn’t find a hole to crawl into. I tiptoed back into the kitchen and out to my porch, praying with each step that the old floor wouldn’t creak. I picked up my bag and car keys and walked out the back door, guiding it back against the jamb.

My hands were shaking when I touched the steering wheel. They all just did whatever—
whoever
—they pleased. No one ever got hurt, and yet I was only a witness to all of it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn’t cry until I was on the highway, back to where I could be alone, and Jack couldn’t find me.

I laid in my bed in Wilmington and stared at the chalk-colored wall in front of me. Not one picture decorated it. It was the exact same as the day I’d moved in.

My phone dinged with a text.
Please let this be Jack.
It was from Tank, and all it said was
Fuck you.

I assumed it was a joke. I sent back one of those cute smiley face emojis everyone likes. Tank would know what I should do about Jack. He’d understand.

IT’S COMPLICATED

R
icky and I stood facing the candy bar display in the commissary. Reese’s always seemed to be a solid choice. I reached for one, and Ricky stopped my hand and shook his head.

“You don’t really want that.”

“No?”

“No. That’s depression talking.” He handed me a pack of Starbursts. “These will last longer and get you through the rest of this hellish day.”

“It hasn’t been that bad today.”

“It’s a prison. Impossible to escape.”

“It’s not a prison.” I looked back at the Reese’s, and my cell phone lit up with a text from Jack. It said,
Please tell me you’re coming back this weekend.

My breath caught at the sight of it. I ran my thumb over his name and let the frustration from the weekend before return.

“What is this area we’re standing in right now?”

I pulled my attention away from my phone. “The commissary?”

“Do you know where they usually have commissaries?”

“Military bases?”

“And prisons. I snuck ten dollars up my butt this morning to come in and buy these Doritos. I’ll probably be shanked on my way back to my desk.”

I swiped the lock screen on my cell, and Jack’s message came up.

I took a deep breath and read it again. I’d thought of nothing but him since I left last Thursday. I spent the weekend with Rufus. I told him all about Jack, and what happened to people who were unwilling to open up to others. How they spent their entire lives isolated and alone. By Sunday, Rufus met me at the edge of his cage when I sat down. He was coming around. I couldn’t quite say the same for me.

“Do you want a dog?” I asked Ricky. He and Rufus would be perfect together.

“A what?”

“A dog.” I spoke as if it was obvious. It should have sounded like a clear possibility. “Man’s best friend.”

“Does it seem like I’ve got the capacity to take care of another living being? Because I’m pretty overwhelmed just with myself.”

“He’d end up taking care of you.”

“That beach house is making you crazy. It’s changing you.”

“I know.” Nothing was the way it had seemed before I’d met them. Rob, my father, my job . . . Rufus. “Everything . . . everyone seems different all of a sudden.” I lingered on my phone. I read the text message again.

“What’s that?” Ricky asked. He wasn’t used to not having my full attention, or at least me only ignoring
him
when we were together.

“It’s a text from my roommate at the beach.”

“Is she hot?”

“He is.”

Ricky examined me silently. He contemplated the phone in my hand and stared back at me. He was in shock. “You like him?”

I nodded. “It’s complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” He rubbed my shoulders, and I stretched my neck back and forth between them. “You’re both hot and you’re sharing a room at the beach. What’s so complicated?”

“Do you remember the first girl you had sex with?”

“Of course. I scribbled her name in a bible the Sunday after she fucked me, and my mother almost beat me to death.” Ricky chuckled and looked up at the ceiling, probably still thanking God for the intercourse. “Why? Is this guy a virgin?” His expression twisted to repulsion.

I shook my head. “No. Far from it. I just think he means more to me than I mean to him, and no matter how many times I try to keep it casual, I can’t stay grounded when I’m with him.”

“It sounds like you love him.”

My heart stopped beating, and a chill flew across my chest.
My God, I love Jack Randall.

The driveway of the beach house was full. The street was full. There were people everywhere, on the porches, walking the sidewalks, and spilling out of happy hour. It was exactly as I’d left it over a week ago.

I parked on the lawn. I didn’t even pretend I was in the driveway. Just pulled right up and locked the car doors next to the front door of the house. I took a deep breath, not sure what I was going to say to Jack when I saw him. When my car was in PARK, I texted him,
I’m back.

Even with me returning, nothing I was willing to tell him was going to explain why I was an idiot. Why I obviously wanted him and yet refused to have him. At the rate I was going, he probably already hated me.

I walked around to the backyard. Mila and Stone were lying together on the hammock. She was giggling at something he’d said, and he . . . was . . . smiling. I stopped, unable to move forward, and tried to digest the sight. She really could work miracles. Maybe she could work on me.

“What happened to you last weekend?” she asked and tried to climb out of the hammock, but Stone pulled her back down to him and kissed her.

I left them and their love and entered my porch. Jack had strung some of my shells along a string of white lights that hung from the walls of our bedroom. Like the beds, his thoughtfulness moved me. The direction was always closer to him.

“Where have you been?” Mila came in the screeching porch door and flopped on my bed.

“Sorry. I felt sick last weekend.” It was kind of true. “How’s this weekend so far?”

“It’s a-ma-zing.”

I started to say something, but the ecstasy on her face confused me. I shook my head. “What’s going on with you and Stone?”

Mila rolled onto her back and let her arms hang off my bed above her head. “He made me want to be with him a second time.” She was even shaking her head at the absurdity of it. “I couldn’t wait to see him this weekend. We’ve been together every day since last Thursday night.”

“Every day?”

“Every single minute of every day. I can’t get enough of him.”

I joined her on my bed and stared at the shell light strands. “These lights are awesome.”

“They are.” She took a deep breath. “Jack disappeared at the same time you did last weekend.”

“He did?”

She nodded. “I thought you two were together, but then he came back pissed off late Thursday night. He wasn’t himself the rest of the weekend.”

“No one to hook up with?” I regretted it the minute the words flew out of my stupid, immature mouth.

“No one he wanted to hook up with.” Mila’s voice was soft and gentle like her. She was working on me the way she’d repaired Stone.

I had to change the subject. I wasn’t about to tell Mila or Jack that I was a virgin and the first person I’d seen have sex was my mother with my French teacher on my bed. I wasn’t going to explain that I was completely fucked up, and that even though I fought the urge to rip Jack’s clothes off every time he was near me, it wasn’t enough for me to trust him. Nothing might ever be enough. I took a deep breath. “Why Stone?” I asked and rolled on my side to face her. “I mean, out of all the boys in Dewey, what did he do that made you want seconds?”

A peaceful grin settled on Mila’s face. She was even more content than I’d known her to be. “He told me he loved me.” A full smile took over as if she couldn’t contain it with mere human strength. “And he told me if I let him love me, he’d never leave me.” I got a little choked up hearing her. “It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard, and he knows, you know? He knows what that means to me and he said it, and I’m going to let him love me.”

I swallowed hard. “Wow.” I meant it.
Wow, Stone. You fucking good guy.

He called her name from the backyard, and Mila left me alone to ponder her newfound love. Without her beautiful face pulling me toward the romance, it made me feel lonely.

I wandered the house until I found Rob in his room. It was so rare to find him alone.

“Blaire’s got a bachelorette party this weekend.” Rob said like it wasn’t the best news ever. An entire weekend without Blaire looming over him. Rob could hang out the way he used to when he didn’t live with his girlfriend. “I’ve missed you, Nora. Why don’t you ever come down to see Heather?”

“Heather, our roommate who’s now in rehab?”

“Yeah. Before she went off the rails? I haven’t seen you since you graduated.”

“I’ve been busy,” I lied

“With what? Where are you working again?

“SafeOne Insurance.”

“What do you do?” Rob lit the end of a joint, causing me to pause for a second and evaluate what was in it. I’d seen Rob roll all kinds of powders in joints before and forget to mention the exact drug combination.

“I adjust claims.” He blew smoke rings into the air. “Auto claims.”

“That sounds like it sucks.”

“It’s fine.”

Rob took a drag, and another, and then finally handed it to me. “That’s what I like about you, Nora. You’re always fine.” His phone tweeted with his obnoxious notification of a text. It continued for at least ten more times. “That’s my girl. She’s rarely fine.”

I took a drag of the joint and closed my eyes as the thick smoke drifted down my throat. The notifications continued without him checking his phone. I couldn’t dismiss them. They wouldn’t be ignored, but Rob had no problem. He picked up his guitar and strummed it until I handed the joint back to him. “This is just weed, right?”

Rob’s eyes were closing. He was fading into his own abyss. “Oh, yeah. It’s some seriously great shit, though. You’re going to be completely fucked up.”

“Great,” I said and reclined on his bed.

“What’s up?” Jack asked and leaned against Rob’s bedroom door. His voice reached every corner of my interior.
I love him,
I thought. Panic struck me as I tried to ascertain whether I’d said it out loud.

“You wanna smoke?” Rob said. I closed my eyes and hid from Jack’s scrutiny.

“Blaire’s not coming down?”

“Nope.”

I hadn’t told him I loved him. I exhaled and relaxed. I laughed because my lips and mouth were forced into the expression. I had absolutely nothing to do with it or any other emotion I was feeling, but the disappointment in Jack’s eyes forced me to own it. I hadn’t wanted this to be the first time he saw me since last weekend. I’d hoped I’d have something poignant to say, but now that I was so high, I could barely come up with my name.