Full Share (Shore House Book 1) (14 page)

“Just on the weekends. Unfortunately.”

I think.

“What do you do? Where do you live? Tell me something about you—”

“Nora!” Rob yelled from the other side of the deck. “Nora.” He sang my name like the chorus of a heavy metal love song. He was alone, and I’m sure uncomfortable because of it.

“Friend of yours?” Derrick asked. He was suddenly less excited about me.

“Yes,” I said. “I’m going to go see what’s up, or else he’s never going to stop. It was nice to meet you.”

“Yeah.” Derrick paused. He was going to ask for my number. I inched further away. He didn’t need my number. He’d find someone else before the night ended. This was the beach. There was always a Plan B. “Hopefully I’ll run into you again. Without spilling my beer on you next time.”

“Sounds good.”

The crowd was now immense. Stories of the line to get in and the sobering wait monopolized the conversations as I pulled myself through the inner circles of friends and housemates. I emerged from the last one as Rob put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close for a hug.

“Man, you are a sight for sore eyes.”

“Where is everyone? Why are you alone?”

“I don’t know. After waiting forty-five minutes to get in here, I had to go the bathroom. I thought I was going to piss myself and die of dehydration all at once.” He sucked me into Rob’s world. “So I left everyone at the bar and by the time I waited in line at the bathroom, they were all gone.”

“It’s this weekend. Fourth of July isn’t easy.”

Rob’s attention abandoned me and fixed on his hair as he ran his hands through it to perfect his unkempt look. I stared past him at the water and tried to remember what it was I loved about him.

Blaire walked up beside us. She was angry. At least that was what her glare and quiet hello depicted. I was never sure what Blaire was. It never seemed to be her own emotion, always an extension of Rob in some way. She was a moron and pathetic, but I was worse than her. At least she allowed her emotions to hinge on
her
boyfriend. Mine had been attached to someone else’s for far too long.

The night continued, and we moved on to Que Pasa and Northbeach and finally the Starboard. I was drunk and tired by the time Andrew from Baltimore hit on me. He managed to only spill his beer on himself, but the constant threat of being doused twice in one night left me on edge as the words slurred from his lips. He’d been abandoned by his friends who were probably equally as solid in their form at this, the eleventh hour of their partying.

“We’ve been drinking since noon,” he kept saying. Not repeating it one sentence after another, but with every lull to our painful chat, he’d interject it.

“Andrew, I’m going to go. Maybe you should, too.”

“We’ve been drinking since noon.”

“I heard. It’s impressive,” I said earnestly. I didn’t want to wound him any more than he had himself. “I’ll see you later maybe.” I turned to walk away, and Andrew grabbed my arm. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Where are you going? Do you want to get some food?”

I took a deep breath. If I didn’t lose him now, he’d be with me forever. “No. My head is pounding. I need to go home and get some Advil,” I lied.

“I’ve got some right here.” Andrew reached in his pocket and pulled out six pills. Four were small blue ones and two were Advil gel caps. He ran his finger over the group of them, trying to decipher through drunken eyes which ones I should take.

“Everything okay over here?” Jack asked and stood next to Andrew. He towered over him. His height plus his obvious ability to better manage his liquor were a strong contrast to Andrew, who barely acknowledged Jack when he’d spoke.

“Hey,” I said, so thankful he was there.

Jack’s eyebrows lifted as he noticed the pills in Andrew’s hand. He looked back at me, questioning my participation.

“I was just telling Andrew I had a headache, and he was nice enough to root through the apothecary in his pocket for some pain relievers for me.”

“Oh.” Jack nodded as if the idea of me taking one of those pills wasn’t ridiculous. “I need to talk to you.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the unbearable crowd. I glanced back to make sure Andrew wasn’t following us, and he tilted his head back as he swallowed some pills and downed them with his beer.

Jack pulled me all the way to the front patio, where there were six inches for us to share. I stood in front of him. The crowd behind me surged, forcing me to lean against his chest, and I lost myself there. Somewhere between his shoulder and the rough fabric of his T-shirt that dragged against my face. I could have stayed until the bar emptied. Until we were the only people left in the night.

“Drugs are bad.”

His words pulled me back. “I’ve heard that.”

“I’m serious. Don’t take anything from that guy.”

I laughed right in Jack’s face. Well, more like his chest, because he was a normal size and I was an elf. “I wouldn’t take directions from him.”

He pulled my hair off my shoulders and gathered it in his hand behind my head the same way he had the first day we’d met. He kept pushing it away as if he didn’t like the sight of it, but the way he fisted his hand made my head drop back and my eyes close. I wanted Jack to control me.

I inhaled deeply and forced myself to face him. “Do you prefer girls with short hair?”

He rested his forearm on my shoulder and leaned down until I could feel his breath on my cheek. I closed my eyes and let it dance across my skin. “Your hair is perfect.” He wrapped the ponytail around his hand and tightened his grip. “It makes me think of all the things I want to do to you.” Jack pulled me back by the hair, and I opened my eyes again. I lost myself in the deep blue staring back at me.

I longed for him to take me home. I stepped back from him as the idea washed over me, leaving me with a fresh feeling of want. Jack didn’t smile, he didn’t make a joke, and he didn’t look away. I was sure he knew it, too. No matter what I said to hide it, I felt his understanding of what I needed from him.

It scared me through three more beers, until the crowd thinned out and most of the people we lived with found us. They were a wave of exhaustion. Falling, yelling, singing, slurring. All of them were out well past their bedtime, but happily among their equals. I walked home with Tank and a half share.

“Tank, remember the time you kissed me on the back of the bus on the way to our senior trip?” the half share asked.

He smiled at her like he was tasting her. I should have turned away, but they were enticing in their flirtation. “Yes. You dared me to.”

“I might dare you again,” she said, and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. I fell back two steps and let them walk alone the rest of the way to our house. By the time I arrived, they were carrying a beach blanket and walking back toward the bay.

I sunk back into my invisible place and fell into my bed.

I awoke to the sound of Mila’s voice and a banging on the side of the porch. She was outside. I rolled over and found Jack’s bed empty. I wished he were in mine, but I wouldn’t think about that. He’d either met someone or found somewhere else to sleep.

“Not here,” a guy said not far from my head.

“What’s wrong with here?” Mila was seductive. There were pauses between her words, and I imagined her kissing him. Whoever he was. I leaned up to hear better.

“Um, we’re outside. Standing up.”

Relief flowed through me at the realization that it wasn’t Jack.

“Haven’t you ever had sex standing up?” she asked.

There was a thump on the side of the house just past the wall of windows I slept under.

“This is what you want?” he asked, and there was a longer pause. I fought against the muscles in my arms and legs not to stand up and watch them. “You want me to
fuck
you right here against the side of this house?” Oh . . .

There was silence and then the sound of a zipper. It was followed up by some short, stifled grunts.

“Ah, yes,” Mila said breathless. “Just like that.”

I was mortified, and disturbed, and aroused. I could have crawled under my covers and died. I hid my head beneath the quilt, and the heat almost suffocated me. In the darkness of my porch, and during the performance outside my window, I slipped my fingers inside my underwear and touched myself. I was gentle. Mila and her friend were not. They thumped against the wall again, and my pace quickened. I thought of Jack between my thighs on the beach, and lying next to me in the bed he’d made for me. My breaths were deep as I listened to the sounds from outside. The heat rose up inside me as I closed my eyes. I arched my back chasing the heat as the muscles in my thighs tightened. I played until I was on the verge of coming and then slowly caressed myself until I heard Mila say, “I’m about to come,” from outside my window. I finished, shaking beneath my covers and squeezing my thighs together in silence.

When my breathing steadied, I pushed the home button on my phone, and it doused my bed tent with light. I quickly turned it off. I tilted it down toward the mattress and hit it again. It was four thirty in the morning, and Mila was having sex against the side of our house.

I was alone.

Again.

I THINK IT’S A BAD IDEA

“Y
ou are such a selfish bastard!” Blaire said in a hushed fury just inside the kitchen. This was why a porch was not a bedroom. It should have four walls and one door. We could never shut our door because we were always trying to steal air conditioning from the kitchen. Blaire should close it now.

“Shh. My head is killing me.”

“Your head.” This apparently infuriated her more. I opened my eyes and found Jack in the bed next to me. He was back. He didn’t stir from the fight. “Where were you last night?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t come home until five. That’s what I’m fucking talking about. You weren’t with Nora, because I checked her room. She was asleep. Alone.”
That hurt.
“You weren’t in any of the other rooms, either. Not in your car, not passed out on the lawn, not asleep in the hammock. Where the fuck were you?”

“You’re crazy. I ran into some people I knew, and we partied. That’s it.”

“What people? We’ve been together for four years. Any people you know, I know.”

“That’s the problem with you. You think you share my life.”

“I’m supposed to share your life. That’s what being in a relationship means.”

Their voices trailed off as they mercifully left the kitchen. I closed our door and moved the chair holding the box fan in front of the windows near my bed. It pointed mostly on Jack, but at least one of us should get some air. I didn’t want to hear another word from the house.

I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. I didn’t wake up until three thirty in the afternoon. I’d slept the day away, and so had Jack. It felt like he was avoiding me, even in his sleep. He hadn’t come home and climbed in my bed. There were no funny comments from him in the morning about how he knew I wanted him. When he finally woke, he was quiet and evasive as he stood from his bed and went directly into the shower.

I found a leftover pizza and put the whole pie on a sheet in the oven, knowing someone would finish the rest. Food and liquor didn’t go to waste here. Even day-old food. I took a slice and left the rest of the pizza on the stovetop next to the beer bottles with cigarette ashes dotting the rims.

When Jack got out of the shower, I got in. I let the water wash away the day before that had felt like a week. I let it drown out the questions of why I was alone and every other person around me had found someone, at least for the night. In Rob’s case, at least one person.

Because it seemed as if everyone else in the house was still passed out, I took my time. I dried my hair in the bathroom and put on my makeup.

The dresses I owned were mostly plain. I was a shorts and tee kind of girl. Soft fabrics, clean lines. I’d brought my one red dress because it was the Fourth of July, and some juvenile parade-wear still pervaded my packing. Heather had made me buy it. It was more her than me. It was more everyone than me, but I was tired of being me, and I was sick of being alone. I slipped the dress over my head and let my towel fall to the floor at my feet.

“What is that?” Jack said as he opened the back door to our porch and stopped just inside, staring at me. I straightened the dress. It was short, but not tight. The neckline was plunging, and it laced up the back. “Happy birthday, America.”

I pulled my hair to one side and ran my hands up and down the back of the dress, searching for the strings that cinched the corset effect. I found one and leaned to the side, hoping the other would fall like a pendulum into my hand.

I could feel him still watching me, but I couldn’t let what Jack did move me. I’d learned a lot of things last night, and that was the harshest. He was, as he’d said a hundred times, on vacation, and that included many nights that I wasn’t going to be a part of.

He walked behind me to see what I was doing. “Oh my,” was his reaction to the back of the dress. “Are you taking a Taser out with you tonight?” I ignored his statement, and he took the string from my hand. He pulled both sides tight. “Good?”