Full Circle (16 page)

‘He's home today – Leo, I mean. He's working on some drawing or other. So I left Dad with him and Ali and I came by ourselves.' From her expression it was clear her thoughts had suddenly jumped in another direction. ‘Alicia is such a mouthful for a tiny tot like she is, don't you agree? Ali sounds so much more
friendly
. Oh, good, I think she's waking up. Can I get her out of the pram in a minute? I want you to see how she pulls herself right up on to her feet if she has something to hang on to. I hope she'll do it for you. She's getting so clever.' Yes, Bella was untouched by what had happened between Leo and her, not just yesterday evening but over the months when he had spent so much time at The Retreat. ‘Aren't men funny – Leo has never been interested in gardening. But he seemed quite excited – no, perhaps that's silly, not exactly excited, but really keen about what you intend to have done here. I expect it's from a design angle, don't you? He'll like to see the implements Mr McLaren uses, even though gardening isn't the same as farming. He said to tell you he'd probably look in later. When he works at home he likes to go walking. I expect it helps him to work out in his mind what he is designing, don't you? You know what I think, Louisa? I think he is much more wrapped up in Carters' than he even realizes. It's probably all to do with being the younger brother; David – oh, I'm not criticizing, honestly, but he is so terribly
serious
so everyone thinks he's the important one. And tomorrow morning he is fetching Dad and they are going into Gloucester to see the solicitor about arranging Power of Attorney. It's not for both of them – David and Leo too – but just for David. Leo says he isn't upset about it, but surely he must be hurt. It's not fair.'

‘It seems a bit hard, but don't get upset about it, Bella. Mr Carter may be getting forgetful, but he's far from needing anyone to have Power of Attorney. Come on, let's get Alicia; I want her to show me how well she can stand.'

Bella's morning visits were never long and the remainder of that one was spent admiring Alicia's latest achievement. While Louisa encouraged and praised, her thoughts were already on the afternoon, when she knew Leo would be with her. And so, with the exception of the strand that was Hamish McLaren, the pattern that was to shape their lives over the months to come was formed.

From eight o'clock in the morning of that first Sunday until daylight faded, Hamish worked on the area that was to be transformed from weedy coarse grass to lawn. First, he guided a motor driven single furrow plough, leaving the ground in straight lines of mounds and trenches.

‘No turning back now,' he told Louisa, who had been watching from the sidelines where she had erected the garden table and brought out a tray of sandwiches, a jug of coffee and a bottle of beer.

‘I certainly don't want to turn back. I can picture what it's going to be like even better than from your drawing. It all looks so much bigger now the earth has been turned. If you want to scrub your hands before you eat, you'll find a downstairs cloakroom to the left of the back porch. Don't be long or the coffee will get cold.'

‘Food? Och! But that's mighty civil of you. I intended to work straight through the day, but since you press me …' They both laughed, not so much because he had said something funny as because the sun was shining and this a very fine way to spend a Sunday. By the end of the day the erstwhile, unkempt plot was transformed into raked soil, ready for the next stage.

‘Have you given any thought to the suggestion of a small orchard at the far end?' he asked as he loaded his implements on to his pick-up truck. ‘If you don't want it then I'll get down to laying turf next time. But if you do, the trees would be better to be in first and I can turf round them.'

‘I've thought about it and I know it will cost a lot but, yes, I think the idea of an orchard, even a small one, is …' She hesitated, aware of how stupid it would sound put into words to someone who was almost a stranger, ‘… is lovely,' she concluded lamely, aware that he was watching her closely, as if he knew she was holding something back.

‘To my mind it's what this garden needs – something to raise your vision at the end of the long strip of grass. It's an odd shape for a garden, as if someone decided to chop off the end of the meadow and build a house.'

She nodded. ‘I believe that is exactly what they did, years ago, of course. Perhaps the owner was getting beyond looking after the place and decided to take on a manager.' She was aware that she had come very close to telling her new acquaintance what had made her decide to spend as much as she had on the garden. But temptation had been overcome and she was glad; such inner feelings weren't to be shared simply by way of conversation. ‘Do you have trees in stock?' Her momentary weakness overcome, she was once again the business woman.

‘Indeed I do. When would you find it convenient to come and make a selection?'

‘Tomorrow. I'll come tomorrow morning. Will you be there or will your sister be able to give me some advice?'

He had sensed her sudden businesslike aloofness and was at a loss to understand the reason. Funny creatures, women.

‘I can't be sure without looking at my diary. But if I'm out Margaret can answer any questions. I'll tell her you're coming. But I may be around the place.' Then, satisfied that he had been sufficiently cool to hide from her that she had been in his thoughts ever since his chance meeting with her at the centre on Friday, he gave her the boyish smile that was part of his nature and bid her goodbye.

She had enjoyed her day but by that time she just wanted to get ready for the evening. Although he never arranged his visits in advance, she was sure Leo would come and she meant to spend the next half hour indulging in a deep, scented bath before dressing in her most alluring underwear.

The bathroom was steamy so that as she stood up ready to step out of the water she couldn't even see her reflection, but she didn't have to look at it to know that she was a different person from the frustrated woman she had been before Leo had brought reality to her dreams and imaginings. It was like looking back at another life to think of how miserably scared she had been that the future would hold nothing more for her than fantasy. In her lonely desperation as she had pretended, imagined, strived towards attaining what she yearned, she hadn't known how far from the truth was what she had experienced. Now she knew the truth, now she was a new woman; Leo had set her free and made her whole.

She towelled herself dry and leant over the bath to pull out the plug so that the scented water gurgled its way down the pipe while, in her habitually methodical way, she rinsed away the remaining bubbles. She seemed hypnotized by the water as it rushed away, but in truth she hardly saw it; her thoughts had carried her back forty-eight hours. She didn't hear a voice call from downstairs, or footsteps or the opening of the bathroom door. The first she knew that Leo was there was his warm hands taking the weight of her breasts as she bent over the bath.

Instinctively she gasped before she realized who it was then, just as instinctively, she made a soft sound in her throat that told him more than any words could.

‘I would have come sooner had I known where you were,' he whispered. ‘I wanted to be sure your young friend had gone.'

‘I hoped you'd come,' she whispered. ‘I wanted to be ready – scented bath oil – the lot.'

‘You don't need any of that, my beautiful Louisa.' He turned her round and moved his hands down her body before dropping to his knees. She pressed his head close against her, even though this had never been part of her dreams, never something she had even imagined as part of lovemaking. But as his tongue moved and caressed her it awakened sensuality such as she hadn't known possible. With her eyes closed she moved her body against him as she drew him close. She had neither the will nor the power to stop herself. There was no past and no future – only this. She heard Leo breathing fast, she felt his hands holding her to him just as hers pressed his head close as she moved against him, yet she seemed removed from everything except what drove her. Closer and closer she came to what she knew would happen … yes … yes … she wanted it to last forever and yet she wanted the moment to come. It must … yes … yes. She heard her voice as she cried out, then, so soon, the moment was gone. Had they been lying close, then the wonder would have stayed with her. But here in the bathroom, the moment reason returned so too did … was it embarrassment or shame? She slumped forward and fell to her knees, wanting him to hold her. Instead, breathless, he sat back on his heels, laughing.

‘Wow!' he chuckled, but there was admiration in his mirth. ‘I didn't expect
that.
I thought we were just warming up. You recovered?'

She felt hurt, ashamed of what she had allowed to happen. More than that she was embarrassed by her nakedness, feeling it was nakedness of her soul as well as her body. As she had been consumed by something she'd had no power to stop, where had
his
thoughts been? Had he watched her and been pleased with himself that he had such power? Had he been laughing even then?

Reaching for the bath towel she stood up, wrapping it around her.

‘Go down and put the coffee on,' she said, her casually friendly tone making it clear that she was moving on, the brief interlude over. ‘I won't be two minutes throwing some clothes on.'

He looked at her quizzically, his eyes shining with merriment. ‘I can think of much better ways of thanking me than giving me coffee,' he teased.

But she wasn't to be drawn. Later, she would think about it, but in truth she felt confused by what had happened. To be dressed and sitting together discussing something from the news, something too far removed from their personal lives to stir their emotions, was what she wanted. And that's exactly what they did, neither of them expecting to find the ease in each other's company that they had known until so recently. But surprisingly they both enjoyed airing their views on France's recent turmoil arising from the revolt in Algeria, and their own impression of newly elected President de Gaulle. If they expected the incident upstairs would have made their usual almost platonic friendship impossible, they were proved wrong.

For more than an hour they sat smoking and talking, the conversation moving easily from current affairs to the progress in the garden. When finally she walked with him to the front door he cradled her face in his hands and tenderly kissed her mouth.

‘May I come tomorrow?' he asked softly, confident of her reply.

‘You know you may.'

Walking back along the lane to the farmhouse, he looked back at the evening and frowned. What was the matter with him that he could have been content to spend an evening with her just as he used to before their relationship altered? The truth was that he had never known a woman like Louisa. He had confidently believed that behind the calm exterior she presented to the world there was passion she held in check, and he had proved that to be true. But even after that he hadn't expected her to respond as she had this evening. God, but what a woman!

Next morning she drove to the nursery, telling herself that Hamish would have gone off to keep an appointment and her choice of trees would be guided by his sister Margaret. She also told herself that her only reason for preparing herself for his absence was that, despite his assurance of Margaret's knowledge – and despite reminding herself of her strong opinion that a woman was every bit as capable as a man – she wanted Hamish to advise her. He was doing the work, so his should be the choice. As she drove on to the gravel patch that served as a car park she had an upturn of spirit as he came towards the car.

‘I've been making my personal selection,' he greeted her as he held open the door. ‘I remembered what you told me you were prepared to lay out on trees, and I've spent the lot.' There was a laugh lurking just beneath his words and immediately her mood rose to match his. ‘But I want you to make your own choice without being told mine first and then we'll compare. We go this way, down to the end of the field.'

It was a morning such as she'd never spent before. The sky was a summertime pale blue even though it was only spring, and the sun shining down on them was pleasantly warm. A nursery at that season of the year was filled with promise. If in the days when Louisa had worked in that dingy office in Reading she had been told she would find excitement, yes, real excitement in walking among rows of potted flowering shrubs and plants waiting to be taken to adorn gardens as spring gave way to summer, she would have brushed the idea aside without a second thought. Yet on that morning the atmosphere seemed to cast a spell on her. She found herself chattering to Hamish as if they had known each other all their lives and when Margaret left the ‘shop', as they rather grandly called the large wooden shed where she manned the till and served small utensils such as hoes, rakes, pails, garden twine, packets of seeds etc., she felt that in both brother and sister she had friends.

‘You wouldn't believe this, Mags,' Hamish greeted her. ‘You saw the trees I thought would suit this lady. Well, I didn't say a word, I just left her to look for herself and, you know what?'

‘From the cocky look on your ugly mug, my guess would be that she chose the same ones you had.'

Louisa looked from one to the other, both of them enjoying the moment. Her initial resentment that he must have been discussing his work on her garden with Margaret, or Mags as he called her, was so short-lived that she was barely aware of it. With these two it would be difficult for ill humour to get a foothold.

‘I hadn't realized you two were so alike,' she said, speaking her thoughts aloud as they came into her head.

‘Och!' Hamish answered with a grin. ‘But isn't that the way with twins?'