Frigid Affair (14 page)

Chapter 16

I laid awake
for the longest time, staring at my sleeping child beside me and wondering how I’d gotten to this point. His innocence in all this was something I had to keep reminding myself.

Jensen was back in my life. Our lives would be forever entangled first by the train wreck and now because of the beautiful little boy we shared.  The revelations of our talk still lingered fresh in my mind, keeping me from being able to relax. Jensen, the tough protector who’d rescued me from a burning building had been corrupted by his own heart. He’d lived the past four years tormented by everything he’d never be able to change. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be okay, but predicting the future wasn’t something I was any good at. Look at what I’d gone and done with my own life. I was a living, breathing, spectacular catastrophe. People wouldn’t believe my story if I showed them a live feed.

I wasn’t sure of the time. I knew it was in the wee hours of the morning because I’d been awake for most of them. In my peripheral vision I saw a dark shadow in the doorway. Once my eyes focused I realized it was Jensen. He was standing with his arms folded watching us. I knew it was too dark in the room for him to see me looking back at him. Maybe I should have said something, but I didn’t want to risk waking Christopher. I expected him to leave, but he remained, never moving from the spot.

After everything we’d talked about my head was spinning. As angry as I’d been, it was obvious he needed my friendship more than I could have ever imagined.

I knew getting up would probably startle him, but I did it anyway, slipping slowly off the edge of the mattress. I turned to face the door, letting my arms fall to my sides while keeping my focus on the form of his body. For a few seconds I remained there, not because I was scared, but more because I knew what would happen if I moved forward. I couldn’t be selfish about my decisions anymore. I had to do what was best for my son; for our son. It was still difficult to remember Jensen needed to be included, all the more reason why walking toward him could lead us both down a road we weren’t prepared for.

I knew what had to be done; what would keep the peace between us even through hard times, but I couldn’t bring myself to climb back in that bed. One step turned into two, and then came three and four. Before I knew it we were face to face, close enough to see each other even in the pitch black. He stared down at me, never moving from his position. Both of my hands came up, my palms coursing over his cheeks. I kept them there, my eyes fixed on his. Finally I felt his arms relaxing, then slowly coming to sit on my hips. I let my hands fall down to his chest, keeping them flat against it. His fingers latched onto the elastic of my pajama pants, pulling me even closer. His warm breath blew over my lips, causing me to part them. I was hungry to feel his mouth pressing over mine. I wanted to relive what it was like to be with someone again; someone that I now shared an everlasting bond with.

His face inched toward mine, his eyes never closing as he narrowed in. His kiss was gentle, his lips remaining soft as they drug over mine. Then he held them there, silent and fragile. For a second I assumed he was changing his mind. Why else would he stop?

He picked me up with little effort and spun me around to lean against the doorframe. I wrapped my legs around his waist and fell into another kiss, this one more heated. His tongue coursed over mine, the taste of him familiar and welcoming. My hands fingered through his thick hair before taking a hold of the back of his head and forcing him even closer. My hunger only increased as our bodies began to heat up. Against his stomach my pussy throbbed. I hadn’t been with anyone since Jensen, and the idea of it happening again consumed me.

“I want you,” I whispered into our next kiss. “Take me to your bed.”

He let my feet touch the ground before he lifted my shirt over my head. Jensen leaned down and kissed the base of my neck, cupping both of my breasts as he worked his way lower. He drug his bottom lip over my belly button and played with the elastic of my pants. I felt them being shoved over my hips, stopping before they could pass my ass. He kissed the bone on either side and then brought his nose up to nuzzle across the fabric where my pussy sat. I let my head fall back, this minimal contact causing me to already lose control. He groaned, his deep voice vibrating off my skin.

He stood and looked into my eyes again, his voice broken and worrisome. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jensen took a step back and took my hand. He closed the door so Christopher wouldn’t wake up and fall down the stairs. When he turned back to look at me I could see him better from the fire illuminating the room below us. He leaned forward, sucking my lips against his, before leading me down the steps, one at a time.

“This isn’t why I asked you here,” he said as he turned and kissed me again.

“Isn’t it though? Somewhere in the back of your mind you had to think about it.”

“Have you? Thought about it?”

I nodded and kissed him again. “I am right now. Tell me Jensen, are you as hot for me now as you were back then?”

His hand dug into my hair and I felt him pulling on it, controlling the way my head was positioned. “I can’t help from wanting you. You’re the only woman who has ever made me forget the pain. I crave reprieve and that’s what you represent to me; you’re a new beginning.”

“I can’t promise you anything else, Jensen. We’re both emotional. You coming back into my life is complicated. I don’t know where I want us to stand. All I know is that I want you like I’ve never wanted another. You gave me Christopher. Parts of me can’t deny that connection.”

“I didn’t come to your room to wake you.”

I pulled away so I could look at him and not want to savor his sweet lips. “Why did you?”

He sunk down on the couch and held out his arms for me to join him. He didn’t start talking again until I did it. “I keep thinking it’s all a dream. I had to make sure you were still here with me. He can’t be real. I don’t deserve him.”

I slid my hand up to his cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes as I did it. “He’s real. Trust me, I birthed him. My vagina will never be the same.”

He pulled me on top of him. “Let me be the judge of that.”

“It might be like the first time all over again,” I teased. “Do you think you can handle it?”

“I’ll try to keep up.”

I snickered against his mouth. “You better. I expect a repeat performance, and then another after that.”

“I’m pretty sure I remember a shower and the best head of my life. Is that in the cards for me tonight?”

I grinded my body, digging my crotch against the center of his pants. “It’s very possible.”

Jensen ran his hands up the front of my chest, underneath the wire to my bra. My boobs popped out, and in no time at all he was sucking on one of my nipples while pinching the other.

I don’t know about anyone else, but after being abstinent for a good amount of time the mere brush of someone else’s body causes an intense reaction. The fact that his lips were attached to my breast only heightened the situation.  My body arched as a soft moan escaped me. Being with Jensen had nothing to do with sexual deprivation. I wanted him. I wanted his hands on me, his lips kissing me, and his thick cock inside of me.

I reached down and started fidgeting with his pants, eager to break his stiff package free.

“In a hurry,” he asked.

“Yeah, take off your pants while I get on my knees. I want you in my mouth.”

Apparently when a woman says something like that to a man he reacts quickly, as if he’s on a time limit. If only they did it for other reasons instead of sexual gratification. Once his jeans were around his ankles I yanked them off. He lowered his boxers, allowing me to remove them the same way. His rigid cock bounced up, catching my immediate attention. I licked my lips and narrowed in on the prize, letting go of all the reasons being with him was a terrible idea. As soon as I took him into my mouth I savored the smooth feel of his long shaft against my tongue. While my saliva traveled down the circumference, I sucked on the very tip, sticking my tongue in his little hole. He breathed in a bout of air only to exhale it out loudly. His hands dug into the fabric on the couch as I bobbed my head, taking him in as far as my throat would allow. The back of my hand located his balls. They were warm to the touch and also hard, reminding me how much he needed an explosive outcome.

While I continued savoring his awesome bulge, my hand traveled up his hairy inner thigh. I let my fingernails tickle the sides while I continued with the same rapid pace of sucking. His palm landed on the top of my head and soon I could feel him grabbing a bunch of my hair in order to control my movements. He pushed me down on his supple cock further, causing me to gag. He did it again and again, getting off on the fact that I was still managing his large size.

I could tell he was close. I knew his release would be an explosion of pent up fulfillment, so I pulled away, diving down lower to lick up the center part of his balls. I drug my tongue up the back of his shaft and spit on the tip, dragging my saliva around before sucking his length back in between my hungry lips.

His cock jerked, Jensen’s ass lifting off the sofa when it became to much to handle. I could taste his salty release as it shot against my tonsils, causing me to swallow immediately. I kept my lips tightly surrounding him until I knew he was spent, and then I backed away, wiping my face and waiting to be equally rewarded.

While he leaned back to take a second for himself, I dropped my pajama pants, kicking them off of my ankles one at a time. My breasts were already underneath my bra from him playing with them earlier, so I unfastened the clasp and dropped it beside me. Standing naked in front of him made me feel empowered. He took me in, inch by inch, his eyes making a trail as they moved. I spread my legs and reached one hand up to graze over my right nipple. It was hard already, but tingled as I made contact. With slow movement, I glided the back of my hand down my abdomen until I reached the base of my pussy. I circled over it, keeping my eyes focused on him watching me. “Is this what you want? Do you remember how I taste?”

He took his cock in his hand, limp and lying to the side, then began slapping it against his skin as if to wake it up quicker. “I think you need to get over here so I can be reminded.”

Instead of following his directions, I motioned with my finger for him to come to me. Then I backed up until I was closer to the area rug in front of the fire. I got down on my knees and then laid on my back, my pussy the first thing in his view. Like a wild animal he crouched down and came toward me, sliding his hands up my thighs until he was positioned between my legs. “Your pussy is already wet.”

I took his head and pushed his face into my pussy. “Clean me off.”

The second his tongue flicked my throbbing clit I was lost in waves of euphoria. My hunger for him was only increasing as we reacquainted ourselves with each other. I’d forgotten how much pleasure he’d given me, and now that it was fresh in my head I wondered if I’d be able to resist wanting him over and over again.

Little did I know, the bond we shared with Christopher was turning into something neither of us expected. I was overwhelmed by the pleasure he offered, forgetting about the past, the pain, and all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. While in his hold nothing else mattered. I wanted him, and it was obvious he felt the same. Once again we got carried away in each other. This newfound relationship could be the end of everything if we let it consume us. Only time would tell if we could build something out of the ashes we’d been living in, but for the first time I was ready to find out if it was possible.

Chapter 17

He devoured me
like his favorite dessert, savoring every single place his lips were able to reach. He picked me up and carried me to his bed, laying me down on the soft fabric of the comforter and spreading my legs so he could climb in between them. He was slow and endearing, kissing me more, while using his hands to pleasure me in other places.

When he entered me, it wasn’t like before. He moved at a appreciative pace, his muscles holding most of his weight from crushing me. When we switched positions he wanted me to remain close, instead of sitting up to give him a better view of my chest. Before, he’d seemed like it was his favorite part of a woman, though I was beginning to think this new side of him was the true Jensen coming out.

Before it was about fucking. I needed to be ravaged and taken advantage of, which he’d done a good job at.

The person I was in bed with now was gracious. His focus was on making sure every part of me was tended to. I matched his rhythm, my body still weak from the orgasm he’d given me earlier. My breathing was heavy and strained, so I appreciated the slower paced movements. I couldn’t stop touching his chest and running my fingers through the small patch of hair on his skin. As long as I could feel him I knew this was really happening and not just a vivid dream I’d wake up from.

This wasn’t the same man I’d been with before. I can attest that this man making love to me had been buried by a web of lies he’d concocted in order to get close to me. Now that the curtain had been dropped, there was nothing holding him back except himself, and while I worried he’d relapse, I knew I was experiencing the best of him.

Whatever was happening between us wasn’t love. It was a carnal desire built on uncertainty. It was dangerous and the consequences would determine whether Christopher was raised with one parent or two. Neither one of us were thinking about that though. We were too overcome in pleasure to consider this could pose a threat to a healthy relationship.

My focus remained on the way our bodies worked together to find a common reward. I knew Jensen was going to last longer this time. He held me close, still constantly kissing me as if I was a delicious treat. When I sat up straight he went right for my breast, cupping both and then massaging them. I arched my back and swayed my hips, my clit rubbing against his cock as he slid in and out of me. I tried not to moan or cry out too loudly on account of Christopher being asleep in the room above us, but some things felt too damn good to hold my excitement in. As I reacted to the fantastic sensations I was experiencing while in this position, Jensen brought his hands down and cupped my ass. He slowed my pace down again, almost forcing my body to grind against his harder. I let him lead, because let’s face it, I was coming off my rocker by the second.

Just as I was about to break down, he halted us. “Woman, you need to slow down. I can’t handle the way you make me feel.”

I ran my hand over the side of his face while peering into his eyes. “I can’t stop. I want to come again. Pinch my nipples. Let me fuck you just a little.”

He kissed me ravenously, only pulling away to flip me over. He rolled me on my stomach and pulled my ass up in the air. I felt his hand coming down over my sensitive pussy. He drove a couple fingers inside, roughly shoving them in and out. Once they were removed he leaned forward and brought them to my lips. “Suck them,” he requested.

I did as I was told, savoring the taste of my previous release. I could feel him messing around with my ass. He was poking me in the hole to see how I’d react. I shimmied a bit and turned back to look at him for a second. “Are you waiting for a go ahead?”

“Are you giving me one? I’ve wanted to fuck that ass since your pants came off.”

I lifted my butt in the air more, shaking it around to taunt him. The pressure of him entering me caused me to cry out. I wasn’t tense, but he was large and quite frankly hurt me. A few seconds later my body naturally relaxed, allowing him his way with my backside. This time he was the one moaning nonsense. He had a strong hold on my hips as he slapped against me over and over again.

When my knees became weak, I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost myself again. I reached between my own legs and traced tiny circles over my swollen clit. When it wasn’t enough, I drove two fingers inside my spent pussy, rocking even harder against them.

My orgasm was like fireworks going off in the night sky. My head flew back and I cried out words with no meaning. Behind me, I felt Jensen tightening, finally giving in to his own second release.

Afterwards I lay in his arms. The wind outside vibrated off the windows while we remained surrounded in the heat of each other. He played with my hair, every once in a while kissing the top of my head in between conversations.

He told me about his childhood and what it was like to grow up with a bunch of sisters. I spoke of my brother and how I missed our little arguments the most. We talked about my pregnancy. Jensen wanted to know every detail, so I gave him the rundown. I could tell he would have liked to be around. In my defense I did look for him, at least until I thought he was a criminal.

By the time I closed my eyes to go to sleep I was confident we could be friends, maybe even something more. We had a very convoluted relationship. Obviously we enjoyed sleeping together. We just needed to figure out how to be normal people when we weren’t getting it on, for the sake of our son.

I had no idea what was going to happen between us. Either one of us could wake the next day and decide this was all a big mistake again. We wouldn’t know until the time came.

For now, I was content in his arms. I felt safe, happy even. It was enough to make me wonder if it was at all possible for us to build something stronger, or if we’d ruined it by jumping the gun again and having sex.

Before I dozed off Jensen gave me an idea of where he saw things going, at least for the time being.

“I think I want to date you.”

I leaned on my elbow and traced one finger over his left nipple. “That’s so weird.”

“I’m being serious. We’re obviously attracted to each other. We have a lot in common. We have a kid together. We’re also the only human beings for miles. What’s stopping us?”

“For starters, a past we can’t get over.”

“What if we can? Amantha, I’m here for the next few months. Let’s make the most of it. Stay with me, here in this house. Let me get to know my son. Let me prove I can be someone you can count on. When spring comes along you can decide where you want this to go. If you want space I’ll give it to you. If we have to share custody and keep our distance we’ll figure it out. I’m just asking for some of your time. If you say yes it means we can keep doing this together. I don’t know about you, but you’re addicting.”

I smiled and buried my head against his warm skin. “Okay.” It wasn’t a hard decision. My cabin was getting too small and Jensen had every right to know Christopher. There was no sense in me dragging him up and down the hill every day. This house had plenty of room and I knew Bob and Eve would be fine with it. They’d offered it to me in the past whenever I needed it. “I’ll agree to your terms. No promises. We’ll be ourselves and see where it takes the three of us.”

He kissed me lightly on the nose. “Say that again for me.”

“What? The three of us?”

He smiled. “I’m going to make this work.”

“I want you to know, even if I’m not a part of it, you’ll never be alone again. Neither of us will.”

“That might be the best thing I have ever heard someone say to me.”

I could tell how much it meant when he pulled me closer. For now I was content with this situation, but much like Jensen I knew how life could take unexpected turns without notice. I had to keep my guard up, because it was the only way I’d ever be able to handle another devastating loss.