Authors: Nyrae Dawn

Freeing Carter (45 page)

BOOK: Freeing Carter

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"
I can
'
t
."
I shake my head.
"
I can
'
t do it anymore. I can
'
t handle it anymore. I won
'
t. This is it. You have to do it. And I don
'
t know
...
I still don
'
t know
..."
Does it make me a jerk that I don
'
t know if I can forgive her? That I want to
,
but I
'
m scared
,
too?

"
I will. I
will.
I love you
,
Carter. So much and I don
'
t expect you to forgive me. Not now
,
maybe not ever
,
but I do love you. And I hope
...
I hope I didn
'
t ruin your love for me.
"

She didn
'
t. Couldn
'
t.
"
That
'
s why it hurts so much
..."

"
Oh
,
baby.
"
She
'
s crying harder now.
"
I
'
m so very sorry for what I
'
ve done to you.
"
She reaches for my hand
,
and then stops.
"
Can I?
"

It surprises me
,
but I actually want it. I nod my head and she pulls me to her. Hugs me the way she did when I was a kid and got hurt on the court. Hugs me like I
'
m Sara when she has a nightmare.

"
I love you. I
'
m so sorry. I love you.
"

I don
'
t say it back and I don
'
t think she expects me to. I just let her hug me. The tighter she holds
,
the more she
'
s letting me go. She
'
s finally setting me free.

Epilogue

June

Mom pulls me into a crushing hug the second Kira
,
Travis
,
and I walk into the house. It
'
s just as tight as the one she gave me when we left the school
,
less than thirty minutes ago. Balloons and streamers hang all over the place behind her. I have no doubt they
'
re all over the rest of the house
,
too. There
'
s a huge cake in the middle of the kitchen table. She definitely went overboard.

"
M
om
,
seriously
.
I won
'
t even make it
to
college if I die from crushed lungs first.
"

Smiling
,
she lets me go.
"
I can
'
t help it. I
'
m just so happy. My baby graduated high school.
"

"
Awww
,
I
'
m proud of my baby
,
too.
"
Travis ruffles my hair like I
'
m five.

"
Get off.
"
I try to push him
,
but Mom
'
s al
ready pulling him into a hug
.

"
I
'
m proud of you too
,
Travis. Your mom
'
s in the other room if you want to see her.
"
When she lets Travis go
,
it
'
s Kira
'
s turn. She wraps her arms around my girl and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Mom
'
s words change when she talks to Kira.
"
Thank you for everything. I can never repay you for everything you
'
ve been to us.
"

"
You
'
re welcome
."
Kira smiles at her
,
something passing between them that I don
'
t understand. They
'
ve become really close the past seven months.

"
Okay
,
enough of that.
"
Mom pulls away
,
before touching Kira
'
s hair.
"
I like the blue. I think it might be my favorite.
"
She
'
s wearing a blue camo skirt too. Girls in camo? Hot. Her shirt is a white tank top that she actually drew pictures on. Doesn
'
t sound sexy
,
but it is.

"
Figured it might be cool to match the school colors for graduation
,"
Kira replies. Feeling a little left out of the conversation
,
I pull her against me
,
wrapping my arms around her from behind.

"
Don
'
t lie
.
It's
really because
blue is
my favorite color.
"

Kira laughs as Mom rolls her eyes.
"
Just like your father.
"
The sadness that used to tint her words when she speaks of Dad isn't there.

"
That
'
s because we were both cool.
"

With another head shake
,
Mom heads toward the family room. Kira grabs my hand before pulling me along behind them. The room is packed with people: friends from school
,
parents
,
Dad
'
s parents came down from Washington
,
too. Besides the two months they stayed here while Mom was in rehab
,
they
'
ve been down a couple other times in the past five months too.

"
Carter! Kira! Carter! Kira!
"
Sara runs up to us
,
almost tripping in excitement
,
but I catch her before she falls.

"
Hey
,
Twig. Did you see me on stage? How
'
d my hair look?
"
I pretend
to
smooth it and Sara cracks up laughing. It
'
s going to be hard
,
leaving her for college in a couple months
,
but I know she
'
s in good hands. Mom
'
s dealing well with sobriety and
Sara is still living with Bill
.
It was a little confusing for her at first, but Sara looks at everything like an adventure. She sees the good in it all, because she doesn’
t know there’
s another option. I wish everyone in the world could be a little more like my sister.
I’m glad she has that.

"
Not pretty like Kira.
"
She unwraps herself from me and hugs Kira.

"
Thanks
,
kiddo. Since it
'
s summer
,
we
'
ll have to do yours sometime.
"

Sara
'
s eyes get so big
,
her smile wide that I can
'
t help but laugh. Then she falls into her rambling excitement
,
the words in too much of a hurry to come out right. Still mumbling
,
she runs off
,
I
'
m assuming
,
to tell Bill or Mom.

Ready to sneak Kira away for some privacy
,
I groan when someone taps my shoulder.

"
Congrats
,
Carter.
"
Margie gives me a hug. She teaches the class I go to once a week. Who
'
d have thought? Carter Shaw in a class for teens with alcoholic parents. No one
,
I
'
m sure
,
but I am.

"
Thanks. Glad you could come
,
too.
"

Next we
'
re interrupted by my grandparents. Mom
'
s dad wasn
'
t invited. They stopped talking when she got out of rehab. At first she tried to make it work
,
but finally she realized he
'
d never stop hurting her. She made the choice to walk away because it was best for her
. She still pays for his nursing care, but that’s all
. Personally
,
I think we should have thrown a party for
that
.

Bill comes up to us next
,
then Mom
'
s sponsor. Even after seven months clean
,
five months out of rehab
,
she
'
s still doing her meetings
,
twice a week. She
'
s gotten pretty close with her sponsor too.

Mrs. Z is next.
"
Mr. Shaw
,"
she smiles.

"
Mrs. Z
,"
I throw back at her and she laughs.

"
Still the same kid. Don
'
t change. And know I
'
m proud of you. For everything.
"
I started letting her tutor me a little bit. And it actually helped. Helped me organize my thought
s
and make sense of what Shakespeare
'
s crazy ass wrote about.

"
Thanks. Probably won
'
t be majoring in English or anything
,
but thanks.
"

Shaking her head
,
she walks away.

"
Hey
,
Mom.
"
Lana comes up behind us and she and Kira hug. She
'
s called Lana
"
Mom
"
ever since they got back from LA.

"
Hey
,
you
.
Wow. I can
'
t believe you graduated.
"
She wipes her eyes and they hug again.
"
I
'
m sorry we couldn
'
t find Caroline again. I
'
m sure you wanted her here.
"

Caroline is Kira
'
s biological mom. They talked for a little while
,
but she falls off the map a lot.
It’s hard for her to stay off the streets, which sucks.
My girl
'
s strong though. She knows she doesn
'
t need her. She knows who she is without her.
Having Lana helps.