Fraternizing (28 page)

“No, you stay in
your place, Alex. You went ahead and fucked a student. That’s abuse of power. You’ve
sunk low, motherfucker. That NCO of the Quarter should be burned at your feet. You
don’t represent shit that’s good for the Corps.”

I charged him.
 

He braced himself
for the impact, and both of us went down, rolling over one another and
swinging. Riley jumped in between us, taking a few punches to the face, before
finally pulling me away.

"I don’t
give a shit what you think of me, Jensen.”

He spit on my
wood floor, disrespecting
me and my place
. If I
wasn’t
feeling the excess alcohol swirling around in my
stomach while trying to catch my breath, I would have charged him again.

"I can’t
believe you’ve pursued this. You used to be someone to look up to. I don’t even
know you anymore."

I didn't care if
I had just confirmed for him that I was or had been involved with her. Correcting
the situation with Cassie was the only thing on my mind. Riley shook his head,
realizing what I had just done. A piece of me wanted to take it back, but I was
running on adrenaline, and whatever came out I'd just have to deal with.

"You're
still seeing her? Still fucking her?"

I didn’t answer. I
wiped at my lip, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.

"Who the
fuck have
you become? NCO of the Quarter, Staff Sergeant
select, brig time… none of that shit means anything to you, does it?"

I didn’t answer
him. The truth was, it all meant the world to me, but Cassie meant even more.

"I'm not
standing behind you with this shit, Alex. Fraternizing is a highly punishable
offense. What's happened to you? Pussy is all the same, man. I lined one up for
you last night. It's that easy, you know."

"Fuck you,
Jensen. If you can't see beyond the rules manual, get the fuck out of my
room."

"How did you
flip over night? Is her pussy magical? Did she cast a spell on you with
it?"

"We're not
fucking robots, that's how," I growled, my voice low and gruff.

A hush fell over
the room.

Riley shut his
eyes. Jensen deepened his frown.

Freeing myself
from the guilt of everything that had been going on with Cassie was
surprisingly welcomed. As fearful as I had been about letting the cat out of
the bag, especially to non-supportive fucks like Jensen, the release of it
brought a sense of calm over me, washing me clean of my misdeed.

"The Alex
Cruz I knew loved the Corps. Put the Corps first and everything else second. This
new you
is
sickening, man."

"When you
break out from behind the fucking mask, you'll finally see what I see, Jensen. Until
then, you'll remain blind and continue to follow orders that look good on
paper, but don't necessarily work out in real life."

"The Corps
is real life, Alex. When we don't follow orders, people die. Good leaders know
that!” he yelled, veins bulging from his neck as his face flushed red.

"And good
leaders also know how to think for themselves. Now get the fuck out of my
room,” I countered, equally passionate and angry.

He stood glaring
between Riley and me.

"I can't believe
I'm looking at both of you and don't even know who you are."

Then he turned
and stomped out of the house. I heard the roar of his Mustang and the tires
peel out of the driveway. I needed to respond to Cassie and do some damage
control before I lost everything. I was willing to lose out on Jensen because
he couldn't see me for who I was. I wasn't willing to lose out on her, and my
morning breakdown proved to me that I wasn't strong enough to hold the Corps
before her, and even more so, I didn’t want to.

 
Fighting against something that I deeply
wanted, yet trying to make myself believe that I didn’t need it, had brought me
to a level that made me hate myself. The only way to find me again was to find
her, but I couldn't be sure that she would want anything to do with me. Not
with me completely cutting her off and distancing myself from her, and now this
newfound information concerning Castillo. I had to get back to her and
straighten everything out-- if I hadn't lost her already.

"Riley, I
need some privacy."

He handed me my
phone, apparently having read my mind.

I took it from
him, thankful and apologetic, but not saying a word. When he was out of the
room, and the door closed, I skipped the text message and called her. I needed
to get everything out with her.

Not surprisingly,
she didn’t answer. I tried her number again and again, but it just rang and
went to voicemail.

As badly as I
wanted to speak to her, I needed to get my side out, so I settled on a text.

Me: I know you know all about Castillo. I
can't apologize enough. It was a mistake, and I am feeling it. You were on my
mind all night, so I tried to drown you out with alcohol and her. Fuck, Cassie.
I'm fucking sorry. Call me.

I sat on my bed,
waiting for my phone to buzz with a response, but I didn't get one. Karma hit
me as I sat, my heart racing, my hands sweating, hoping I would get a reply
from her. In all of my anxiety, it humbled me a bit, having to feel what she
was probably feeling when I acted fucking stupid and ignored every text from her.
As right as she was to shut me out, I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to open
her arms and take me back in, allow me to explain and fix everything that I had
caused, and prove to her that my fuck up was not who I was. I needed her to let
me make things right.

Twenty minutes
passed, and there was still no reply from her. Every muscle in my body grew
tense, clenching and hardening, making me completely uncomfortable. I rushed
off to the bathroom and started the shower, hoping the heat would help to sweat
some more of the alcohol out of my system while also calming me down.

I stepped in,
standing directly under the raging water. I closed my eyes and replayed
everything that had happened and how I'd mismanaged every piece of it. If I had
just told her about the award, and talked everything out with her, none of the
rest of this shit would have ever happened. I had allowed the old, mechanical
Alex to ruin shit for the real, live, emotion having Alex. I had just
completely and utterly fucked up.

My dick grew hard
and ached with the tension that had built up. I looked down, finding it
standing erect and pulsing with pain. I took hold of it, gripping as tightly as
I could and began to move my hand back and forth. The harder I stroked, the
more intense the pain became. When I slowed, the pain turned into stabs,
sending sharp aches all over my body. I couldn't stop. I had to stroke the
frustration and anger out of me.

I started up the
hard strokes again, finally feeling like I was bringing some relief to the
surface. The need to come came quickly, but with stronger and more intensified
movements, the backlog hit. I could feel my release but couldn't quite get to
it. I balled my free hand up into a tight fist and banged on the shower walls,
yelling out my irritation. I began to picture Cassie in the shower with me, the
way she allowed her body to helplessly fall
into mine, her
sweet and sensual neck, her perky tits and intoxicating smile
. All of it
wrapped into one was picture perfect perfection, and I finally came, long and
hard. My groans filled the shower, and the beats on the wall gave way for the
powerful release I let out.

I leaned up
against the wall, allowing the water to run over me while I caught my breath. Flashes
of her smile continuously hit me, making me even more eager to finally fix
everything I had done wrong where she was concerned. I jumped out of the
shower, not even bothering to dry off, and grabbed my phone to find an awaiting
text message.

Cassie: Well, I can give you one thing. At
least you're honest. I wish you could have been more forthcoming with me,
though. I would have appreciated the heads up on getting pushed away and then
hearing about you fucking your colleague. The one who just so happens to hate
my fucking
guts.
If you were trying to humiliate me,
congratulations, Alex, you've done that just well. Let's do what we promised to
do in the very beginning and act like we don't have any history. A few more
weeks and I'll be long gone anyway.

A couple of
things stood out in her message. The first thing that hit me was that she would
be leaving in a few weeks. I hadn't even thought about that and it sent panic
flaring up inside of me. I didn't want her to leave, but the fact that she
would be was very real, and it gave me even more of a push to try and make
things right.

The second thing
was that she said I had fucked Castillo, which hadn't happened.

Me: I did not fuck Castillo. I never meant
to humiliate you, and I am terribly sorry. I don't want you to go.

Cassie: It's all out, Alex. If you fucked
her, you fucked her. Can't take it back now.

Me: I'm telling
you,
I did not fuck her last night. Who the fuck told you this?

My patience was
growing
paper thin
. As badly as I had messed
everything up, I didn’t need any extra help with further pissing off and
keeping Cassie away from me.

Cassie: Does it matter?

Me: YES!

Cassie: Ruiz.

I could have
broken everything around me at that moment. Instead, I pounded on my dresser,
trying to figure out how I was going to destroy that bitch for sticking her
nose where it didn't belong.

Me: It's a goddamn lie. I never fucked her,
Cassie. I promise you.

Cassie: Even if you didn't, something
happened and I don't really want to dig into it. I have tests to study for. Have
a good day, Sgt. Cruz.

Her cold and
distant response was what finally sent me over the edge. I had already warned
Ruiz, but she hadn't seemed to learn her lesson. Rage erupted from me, sending
my drawers from my dresser flying across the room and hitting the wall with a
loud thud. I could have swallowed nails in my bout of wrath, chewing them up
before doing so. If there was anything more I hated than a rat, it was
a person who couldn't mind their
own fucking business. Ruiz
had been given the warning to back the fuck off or face whatever I had on her,
and thanks to Riley, I had plenty. If she was ready to play hardball with me, I
was ready to smash her ass.

Monday morning
finally came. I'd spent all day Sunday gathering up everything Riley had found
on Ruiz and double checking it all, making sure that everything was lined up
perfectly for me to bust her ass and get rid of her once and for all.

I'd tried calling
Cassie, but as expected, she didn't take any of my calls. I felt like she was
long gone, but I wouldn't allow myself to give up, so I kept trying. Jensen
never came home after our fight, which was fine by me, but I couldn’t be sure
he hadn't gone to the higher-ups and run his fucking mouth.

I left before
Riley, blazing the streets trying to get to base to take care of my growing
list of problems. I parked my truck and ran to the barracks duty hut, speaking
to the Pfc. on duty.

"I need you
to get Pfc. Angelica Ruiz for me."

He sifted through
the duty book and found her name, nodding as he stood and walked out of the
building. The sergeant on duty with him looked at me questioningly, probably
wondering why I was in such a hurry and why I had a bruise on my left cheek. Fucking
Jensen.

"I need the
secondary room," I told him.

He handed me the
key to that room.

"And you
didn't see me here," I roughly told him, frowning my face and peering into
his eyes.

He looked like he
understood, so I backed up, giving him space to get back to doing whatever it
was that he was doing.

I walked to the
secondary room, taking a seat in the chair at the table that sat facing the
door. So many scenarios ran through my mind on what I would say to her when I
got her into the room. I wanted to rip her a new asshole. I wanted to break her
down. I wanted to fucking destroy her.

The Pfc. knocked
on the door then opened it, standing there with Ruiz by his side.

"Come on in,
Ruiz."

Her eyes shot
open, and I could smell the fear radiating from her body. It was a welcomed
sign to me. It gave me the green light to pounce.