Fraternizing (24 page)

"Hey, man. Riley
threw some steaks on the grill. Come and get some before we eat it all."

I fixed my
hardened gaze on Jensen, not saying a word before his face scrunched.

"What the
fuck, man? You got some incredible news. What's wrong with you? You've been
coming home, locking yourself back here for the past few days."

My expression
didn’t change. He was a serious source of contention for me. And even if things
between us were back to being civil, deep inside I still harbored a bit of
animosity towards him.

"Fuck it. If
you want some, you know where to go."

He closed the
door, leaving me to fester in my shit stain mood and billowing anger. This
wasn't a good mixture, and I felt like at any moment I was going to combust,
violently.

The next morning,
standing in front of the class, I worked hard on the training that I had been
giving myself for the past few days. I figured out how to scan the room without
allowing my eyes to land directly on Cassie. If I did, it would be the end of
me. I couldn't take looking at her because by looking at her, I knew I was only
inviting myself to take the route back to self-destruction and that was the
last thing I needed.

Or so I thought.

"Because so
many of you performed less than exceptional on the last test, we have a bit of
an incentive for you. Hopefully this will wake your
asses
up. I don’t want any of you in any unit with me, in combat, with average scores
tagged onto your ass. If people can't communicate, we lose fellow Marines. You
need to know your shit. You understand that?"

"Yes,
Sergeant," the class called out. Cassie's voice, as soft and fragile as it
could be at times, stood out amongst all of the rest. I tried blocking it out,
not wanting it to seep in and knock me off my post again.

 
Sgt. Newsome stepped forward, giving the
details for the challenge.

"Alright,"
he said, clapping his hands together, "the person who has the highest
average for this last test and the next two coming up before the field training
op, will be pulled from the duty rotation."

Chatter began to
fill the room as excited and eager faces lit up at the prospect of escaping a
night of duty.

As soon as the
word duty hit my ears, my last duty night came crashing back into me. That
night, the risk, the sweet reward, and the utter frustration at the end of
it...it swept in like a tidal wave, taking my focus away from everything else
in that moment.

I stole a quick
glance in her direction, knowing ahead of time that I shouldn't have, but did
it anyway. She was looking at me, not with the same desire that usually shone
through her sex craving eyes, but with something more along the lines of
emptiness. She didn’t look sad, but she wasn't as vibrant as she normally was.

Damn!

I fucking hated
myself all over again. I did this. Not only was I hurting myself, but I was
also hurting the only girl who had taken me, shook me, and claimed me.
All because I was a selfish bastard.

After speaking to
Jensen and Newsome, I walked out of the classroom. There was no way I was going
to be able to stand in there one second longer without losing my shit. As I
walked out, passing just a row over from where Cassie sat, I caught a whiff of
that restraint breaking vanilla aroma, and it sent my mind into overdrive. I
picked up the pace, plowing through the door and stomping down to my office
before I turned around and really punished myself.

Unfortunately,
later that night, I was stuck with inspecting the rooms on Cassie's floor. As
soon as I found out the others had already divvied up their assignments,
frustration tore through me like a jackknife. I was either the world's biggest
asshole, and I deserved the torment that came with having to see her in every
location possible, or my attempts at staying away from her were unrealistic and
an utter waste of time. Either way, having to see her so
close
to me and not being able
to touch her was unnecessary misery.

After inspecting
the room directly next door to hers, I gathered myself before turning for her
room. No way was I going to walk in
there
, unprepared
and fail myself. I swallowed, took a couple of deep breaths,
then
confidently walked into her room, greeting her and Ruiz on the way in.

"Good
evening, ladies."

"Good evening,
Sergeant," they both responded, the sweetness of Cassie's voice nowhere to
be found.

I averted her
eyes on my way in. No way could I look into them and find anything other than
happiness, joy, and want. Her indifference was a silent killer, even if she had
no idea.

I did a quick
sweep, definitely not as thorough as I would normally do. I just couldn’t stay
in her room any longer. Thoughts of moonlight on her sun-kissed body, my lips
on her,
her
lips on me-- all of it was much too vivid,
and I couldn’t handle looking at it any longer.

"Good job,
ladies," I mumbled as I walked out of the room, looking at Ruiz but
deliberately avoiding Cassie.

Confusion filled
Ruiz's face, but she calmly responded, "Thank you, Sergeant."

I walked out of
the room, my bitch card hanging low before me, letting me know just how far I
had fallen. All I could think about was going home and drowning in a twelve
pack.

And as soon as
field day was over, that was exactly what I did.

Waking up the
next morning, I dressed in my Service Charlies with little enthusiasm for the
day. Friday should have been a welcomed day. It brought the weekend and free
time, but too much free time was too much time to think, and lately my thoughts
were chipping away at my wall of restraint.

"You ready, man?"
Jensen asked, standing in the kitchen, fully dressed after having woken up
early and doing a rather intense workout session. I heard his ass in the garage
and thought about joining him, but nixed that idea rather quickly. I didn't
want conversation getting too deep with him.

I looked at him
but didn’t respond.

Riley came
strolling in, a Red Bull in his hands. I grabbed it from him, popped the top,
and polished that bitch off in one long gulp.

"Fuck, dude.
You look like you needed that, but asking would've been cool."

"Shut up,
Riley," I muttered, moving about the kitchen and looking for the coffee
pot.

I was not a
coffee drinker, but when an entire night of restlessness took over, I needed
something, anything to get me through the day. I stood in front of the sink,
filling the pot, when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. My
eyes were damn near bloodshot, heavy bags sitting underneath, and a scowl
looking like a permanent fixture. This was all courtesy of Cassie and the hold
she had on me. Moving away from her was supposed to be the right thing to do,
but every day that I stayed away, my body felt like the punishment was growing
larger and larger.

By the time I got
to the schoolhouse, I’d had two full mugs of coffee. That coupled with the Red
Bull, and I finally felt like I was energized enough to make it through my day,
but I knew that the looming crash was coming. No sleep and all caffeine didn’t
look promising for me.

Before getting
the day started, I darted off to the bathroom, throwing handfuls of water on my
face, hoping that I looked somewhat presentable as I was scheduled to be in
front of damn near the entire schoolhouse this morning. After looking myself
over, I took the fuck it approach. So what if I looked like I had drank all
night and gotten no sleep because that was, in fact, exactly what I had done.
And if anyone had shit to say about it, then they were probably going to be on
the receiving end of a very belligerent asshole.

Because that was exactly what I was feeling like.

As I walked out
and stood before the throngs of Marines, from all different companies, I
thought it would be best to fill my head with mindless chatter. It was all I
could do to make time pass by as we stood, awaiting the Company Commander and
the Commanding Officer. My eyes drifted in and out of the endless rows of
Charlie clad bodies standing at attention, and all of their eyes focused on
where I stood. I kept telling myself not to look for Cassie, but I did it
anyway, picking her out almost immediately. As soon as our eyes locked, my
throat began to close up from the sneer that she gave me. Voices echoed in my
head, and I realized that the ceremony had begun.

"Good
morning, Marines," Colonel Davis called out.

"Good
morning, Sir," the crowd replied in perfect unison.

I watched Cassie.
Her mouth moved so smoothly, and all I could imagine were my lips on hers, her
lips on my cock, running them up and down in that soft and delicate fashion
that only she knew how to do.

"This
morning, we are here to recognize one of the finest Marines working for the
battalion.
 
Not only has Sgt.
Alejandro Cruz been selected for Staff Sergeant, but he has also been
names
NCO of the Quarter. We couldn’t have picked a more
deserving individual."

He turned away
from the crowd, now facing me.

"Sgt. Cruz,
on behalf of the battalion, I want to thank you for your selfless service and
dedication to training these young Marines to the best of your ability. You are
a shining example of what a Marine Corps NCO should be, and we are thankful and
grateful to have you."

"Oorah!"
someone yelled from the crowd, the universal, motivational congratulatory call.
A few more followed before Colonel Davis signaled Major Kinsley to step forth,
silencing them all.

"I want
every Marine, veteran and new, to take a look at this fine Sergeant standing
before you. As Marines, we pride ourselves on integrity, great moral character,
as well as performing the duties of our job. Sergeant Cruz, you have shown your
high dedication to training our future Communications Marines while guiding
them on the
ins
and out, rights and wrongs of the
Marine Corps. Your impending promotion
is highly deserving
.
Thank you for your service, and congratulations on all of your
accomplishments."

The
Major's
and Colonel's words gutted me, leaving me hanging
from a very sharp hook. How they could stand there and say the things they said
without knowing the real and true me was devastating. Not only was I nothing
like their perceptions,
but
I had willingly strayed
and become anything but a model Marine, less known a fucking NCO of the
Quarter. Bile rose in my throat, heat flashed through me, and my legs had begun
to tingle. Passing out was surely coming, and mixed with the previous night's
twelve pack, this morning's Red Bull, and the two mugs of coffee, I only hoped
it would remove me from my misery.

What should have
been a very momentous occasion had turned into a fucking nightmare. My
conscience wasn't sitting well with the idea of all of these Marines looking at
me as something that I was not. I couldn’t have fallen further from the tree,
and the guilt accompanied with the words, the looks of admiration, and the
pride from my higher ups were pushing me further and further towards the ledge.

Major Kinsley
signaled for me to step over to where he and Colonel Davis stood. Colonel Davis
handed me a plaque. The feel of it in my hands was like holding molten lava,
scorching me, begging me to drop it where I stood. I had to pull my shit
together and stand there, pretending to be proud of what everyone thought I
was.

 
I stood between the two, smiling as the
photographer from the base newspaper snapped our picture. I looked fucked up,
and I felt much of the same. I didn’t deserve shit, but I couldn't tell them
that. Not without openly tarnishing my reputation. Deep inside, the guilt was
destroying me much more than anything they could ever do to me anyway.

After the
ceremony, the Marines mingled with one another before heading into classrooms
for the day. I caught sight of Cassie hanging out with Dalton and the two other
kids from the bowling alley. She looked back at me from time to time, her eyes
slicing through me, making me feel even less. As much as I wanted to be rid of
her, I still wanted her, and it was that conflict of emotions that seemed to be
eating me alive.

"…
so
you down tonight or what, NCO of the Quarter?" Jensen's
voice brought me back.

I looked around
the circle, my eyes landing on Riley who looked like his cat had just died. Jensen
and Newsome stared at me questioningly but didn’t say anything.

"What’s
that? I must have spaced out."

"The Tavern
tonight. We're taking you out to celebrate."

"Oh. Naw,
I'm good."

"Fuck
that," Jensen said. "I don't know what the fucks going on with you,
but you've been a fucking recluse all this week. It's time to get your ass out
and about. And this is the perfect excuse to do it."