Fourteen (11 page)

He shifted uneasily and stuck his hands in his jean pockets.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Evan.”

He laughed uneasily and shrugged.

“It happens.”

“It sucks.”

“Yeah.”

I looked around to see that almost all of the kids and parents were gone. The small amount of sun we’d seen today was disappearing behind the clouds, and I grabbed his elbow, pulling him toward the abandoned jungle gym. I stopped him at the bottom and grabbed onto the sides before stepping up onto the bottom rung and climbing up to the top. After situating myself and dangling my legs in between the bars, I looked down at him.

“You coming up?”

“I guess so.”

I held on to the bar I sat on and watched as he climbed up, getting settled next to me and holding on just as tightly as I was.

“What are we doing up here?”

“When you were little, did you ever think that sitting up here made you feel like the king of the world? You could see everything in the playground and watch everything everyone else was doing?”

“Well, no. I do now, though.”

I giggled and leaned over to gently bump my shoulder against his.

“I’d climb up here when someone would say something mean about me,” I said, looking out over the expanse of the small playground. “No one else was really brave enough to sit up on the top like this, so I felt like it was my escape.”

“How long have we been . . . ?”

“Since middle school, you’ve all been making fun of me for my weight.”

“Did you ever have someone fight for you?”

“Christina and Vince wanted to, but I wouldn’t let them.” I looked over at him, resting my chin on my shoulder. “It was never their battle to fight.”

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes, Anna.”

“I’m not dragging anyone else into this when I don’t have to. Christina and Vince are their own little unit, and I wasn’t going to let something like them defending me cause them to be made fun of, too. They have their own lives; this is mine.”

“You can’t always be this stubborn.”

“Yeah.” I grinned. “I am.”

“I’ll fight for you.”

I snorted and looked away from him.

“You’re going to have a hell of a time when we go to school tomorrow, Evan. Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“You won’t until you’re in the middle of it.”

“You’re really always like this?”

“Yes.”

“Good to know.”

“This is me, Evan. I’ve never compromised that for anyone, and I won’t do it for you.”

“I don’t want you to.”

I looked back over to the playhouse. A few children were running through the doorways and laughing innocently when I felt his hand covering mine. He trailed his fingers over the back of my hand and slowly worked them underneath my palm.

“You’re not like anyone else,” he said, sliding his fingers in between mine. “It’s hard trying to pin you down.”

“That’s bad, I’m guessing.”

“No.” He laughed. “You’re different and I like it.”

“Mm.” I looked back out over the playground.

While we’d climbed on the jungle gym and had a conversation about how stubborn I was, the kids and their parents had abandoned the playground and the sun had begun to set behind the trees. I didn’t know how I didn’t hear parents call their kids or the shouts and tantrums when they were told that they had to leave, but Evan and I were the only two left on the entire playground.

“I do!” Evan exclaimed, bumping my shoulder with his.

“Okay.” I laughed, looking over at him once more.

He tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips.

“I mean it!”

“All right!”

“Believe me.”

“I believe you!”

“Are you lying?”

“Yes.”

“Anna!” he exclaimed.

“I’m being honest with you!”

“Why do you think it’s so hard for me to like you?”

“Because you never have before!”

His face fell and he shifted uncomfortably, looking out toward the playhouse again.

“I’ve made mistakes, Anna,” he said. The muscle in his jaw twitched. “This isn’t one of them.”

“At least, not yet, right?”

I snorted feebly and swung my legs in between the bars as I looked down at my lap.

“Hey.” He removed his hand and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look over at him. “I will never consider getting to know you and being with you a mistake of any kind. Believe that, okay?”

Easier said than done.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I wanna hear you say the words, Anna.”

I huffed. “I promise.”

“That’s better.”

He trailed his thumb over my bottom lip, and I looked away from him, noticing the sky had turned to a pink color.

“Doesn’t this hurt your ass?” he groaned.

I looked back over at him and laughed at the expression on his face.

“I’ve got enough padding back there.”

“Knock it off.” He rolled his eyes. “Your ass is fine.”

My face burned, and I looked away again, listening to him clear his throat.

“I mean it’s . . .”

“Stop talking.”

“Yep.”

“We can get down, if you want. There’s a little platform in the playhouse that we can sit on.”

“What time do you need to be home?” he asked as he pulled his legs out from the spaces and climbed down.

“I don’t think it really matters.”

I waited until he was safely on the ground before I climbed down and jumped to the ground in front of him.

“Your dad really doesn’t pay much attention, does he?”

“No.” I sighed, starting toward the playhouse. “He’s . . . I don’t even know.”

I heard his footsteps behind me. “Hey!” I yelled when he pulled on my elbow, leading me toward the big yellow slide. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t say anything as he plopped down into the end of the slide, spreading his legs. I looked at him skeptically, and he laughed, rolling his eyes before grabbing my hand and gently pulling me down to rest in between them.

“I’m watching the sunset with you,” he said.

My heart threatened to beat out of my chest, and I cleared my throat so that my voice wouldn’t crack and give me away when I spoke. “You’re one of those cuddlers, aren’t you?”

He leaned forward, grabbing onto my waist and pulling me backward until my back was pressed up against his chest. He kept his arms around my waist, and I looked down, wondering if he could feel every little imperfection that my shirt was hiding—the stretch marks, the rolls, the way it was softer than what I was sure he was used to.

“I never have been much of a cuddler before,” he mused. “I guess a lot of things about me are changing, huh?”

I forced myself to relax against him, placed my hands on his wrists, and leaned my head back against his chest. He felt solid. I’d never been held like this by anyone else before, and I couldn’t say that I hated it. I felt safe and strangely secure.

“Do you consider it a good change or a bad one?”

“Definitely a good one, Anna.” He slid his legs down beside mine, keeping me close and trapped against him. “Most definitely a good one.”

“And you’ll still think all of this tomorrow?”

“I wish you’d trust me,” he said. “I know it’s hard, and I know it’s gonna take time, but I really wish that you would because I mean it.”

“I’m trying to, Evan.”

“I know. I
know
that. I just . . . ugh.”

I laughed and rubbed his arms, watching as the pink in the sky disappeared and black overtook it.

“We’re getting there.”

“Progress.”

“Yes.” I smiled and closed my eyes, tilting my head and taking a deep breath, the scent of his musky cologne filling my nose. “Progress.”

We stayed there, talking about whatever came to us until the sun completely set and I had to lead him back through the woods, laughing each time he squealed when he was
positive
something furry had brushed up against him. How he knew it was furry when he was wearing jeans was beyond me, but I was too busy laughing to even think of asking him about it.

He held onto my hand like it was a lifeline, and I swear, if I hadn’t been laughing so hard as he tripped over the board to get back through the fence, he probably would’ve dropped to his knees and kissed the ground.

Who knew
the
Evan Drake didn’t like nature?

“I’m glad you think this is funny!” he barked, stalking off toward the gate.

That only made me laugh harder, and before I realized it, I was hunched over, clutching my stomach and doing my absolute best to stay on my own two feet. By the time I caught my breath and looked up, he was standing by the gate with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Are you done?”

I just wasn’t used to seeing the king of the school screeching like a little girl and hopping around to avoid a branch buried underneath some leaves.

“Good.” He smirked and held out a hand to me. “I’ll walk you to your door.”

“Now you’re going to be a gentleman, huh?”

He shrugged, and I walked up to him, letting him lace our fingers together before he unlatched the gate and led me around to the front of the house. He stopped at the steps, and I made it to the second one before turning around.

“Thanks for hanging around with me today,” I said, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

“Pleasure was all mine.”

“Since when did you get so proper?”

“I guess you just bring it out in me.”

“Mm-hm.”

He grinned and stepped up on the bottom step, winding his arms around my waist and nearly pulling me off the step altogether. I closed my eyes and smiled when I felt his lips on my cheek, lingering longer than usual.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said.

“Yeah.”

“Have a good night, Anna.”

“Drive safe,” I managed as he stepped away from me.

“Always.”

“It’s gonna be rough tomorrow, you know.”

He smiled. “You gonna stick around with me?”

“Of course.”

He fished his keys out of his pocket. “Then it’s all going to be okay.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll see you later.”

He smiled and turned, walking back to his car and climbing in. I stayed on the steps until he backed out and beeped the horn twice, disappearing down the road. With a smile on my face, and a little bit of hope in my heart, I turned and walked into the house.

Maybe people could change after all.

Social suicide.

That was really the only way to describe what Evan had done to himself after he was seen with me on Friday night. I was getting my books out of my locker and cringed as Steve, Brittany, Grace, and Adam cornered him at his locker. Their expressions and hand gestures gave away what they were saying.

The pointing in my direction hadn’t been subtle, either.

I clutched my books tightly to my chest before turning on my heel and starting toward the science room. After sitting down on the stool, I leaned forward to cross my arms on the table and rest my chin on my hands. Focusing on the board, I found that the words began to jumble the longer I stared at them.

The door opened again, and I closed my eyes when the doorknob hit the filing cabinet behind it. The metal
clang
that resounded through the empty room echoed in my head, and I didn’t open my eyes until the stool next to me scraped against the floor.

He sat down hard, all but slamming his books on the tabletop and leaning over to rest his head in his hands. His chest was heaving as he stared down at his textbook, and I sat up straight.

I wanted to say something to him, but he didn’t look all that friendly right then. In fact, he looked like he wanted to rip someone’s head off, and I
really
didn’t want it to be mine. But this past week had been all about learning to trust and changing and chances, so backing down now would only prove that nothing had changed between us.

“Evan?” I asked, leaning back a little just in case he did lash out at me.

I jumped back when he held up a hand.

“Please don’t,” he said through his teeth.

I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around my books, and went back to staring at the numbers on the chalkboard. We sat in complete silence until the bell rang. I sat up straight when the rest of our class started piling in. Mr. Streeter walked in and took attendance before announcing that our homework for the night was on the board and that we had the entire class period to work on getting our projects together. Conversation immediately picked up around the room, and I slowly looked over at Evan.

“We can’t use
them
for our project anymore,” he said, his voice low as he kept his eyes centered on his textbook.

“Okay.”

“Any ideas?”

“What about . . . ” I tapped my fingertips against my chin, looking around the room as if it might have the answer to all of my questions. My eyes landed on Mr. Streeter as he sat at his desk, grading a stack of papers. “What about our teachers? And maybe we could go door-to-door? Ask our neighbors if they’d be interested in helping us out?”

“Like Girl Scouts or some stupid shit?” he snapped.

“Do you have any better ideas?” I rolled my eyes and turned back to face the front.

He groaned, and I watched from the corner of my eye as he rubbed his hands over his face.

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his hands with a loud
plop
onto the table. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, sure.” I looked down at my notebook and played with the spiral wire.

Unfortunately, it kind of was. If he hadn’t chosen to be with me on Friday night instead of going to hang out with Brittany, none of this would be happening to him right now. Did it give him the right to be mean to me? No, it really didn’t, but it was understandable under the circumstances.

“The teachers . . . and neighbors . . . that’s a good idea. We can do that.”

“Sure.”

“Anna, I’m just . . . they’re . . . I . . .” He groaned again and rapped his fists lightly on the desk. “Please don’t be mad at me, okay?”

“I’m not. I’m just . . .” I sighed. “I’m not.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Let’s just work on the paper, okay? We’ve got enough information to at least start on it.”

“Yeah, that’s good.”

I pulled the papers out of my notebook and handed him half of them. We spent the rest of the class, asking each other questions about things we thought could be helpful. When the bell rang, I took the papers Evan offered me and shoved them back into my notebook.

“I have practice tonight,” he said as he slammed his books closed and stood up. “I’ll come over afterward, all right?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“I’ll see you at lunch.”

He slid off the stool, smiled humorlessly and said, “I, uh . . .”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled before turning on his heel and walking out.

I puffed out my cheeks and followed him. I felt a little guilty about everything that was happening to him. Granted, I liked spending time with him, but I didn’t enjoy the way he’d seemed forced to give up everything he’d known just because of me.

“. . . don’t know who she thinks she is.”

I caught the tail end of a conversation before I kept walking.

“It will never work out with them. He’s got to be just using her to get a good grade on this project.”

I held my books tighter to my chest, keeping my eyes focused on my locker door as my heart beat rapidly in my chest.

“Maybe he’s just sick. I mean, really, Evan doesn’t do girls like her.”

I walked a little faster, making it to my locker in record time and shoving my human physiology stuff inside. I did my best to block everyone else out and hurried to grab the books I needed for my English class before I slammed my locker shut.

“He’s only using her. I know it.”

I practically ran to the classroom and plopped down in my seat. Kyle came walking toward me, and I held my breath when I saw his eyes focus on me. He’d been sitting in the seat in front of me all year, and aside from a few polite smiles, he’d never acknowledged me before.

“You okay, Anna?” he asked, standing beside his seat.

I blinked at him, my breath whooshing out of my lungs. Just because I’d been halfheartedly expecting it didn’t make it any less shocking when he spoke to me. He might’ve tried to shield me from my locker last week, but it was still weird that he was talking to me where people could clearly see and hear him.

“Hello?”

He waved a hand in front of my face, and I jumped back.

“Sorry,” he said, sitting down.

“I’m fine, thank you,” I said to the back of his head.

A few more months, Anna. You can make it through a few more months.

I slid onto the bench at the lunch table where I usually sat with Christina and Vince and leaned back against the wall. I pulled my legs up to my chest and watched the door anxiously.

The comments hadn’t gotten any better. Everyone was apparently talking about how Evan was so sick or just trying to get a good grade or feeling sorry for me after all these years. I was ready to jump out of my skin. Everything I had forewarned him about was happening, and though even the littlest comments stung, at least I was semi-used to them. Evan wasn’t, and I was worried how he would handle this particular brand of attention.

He had more to lose than I did, and he was losing it at an alarmingly rapid pace.

I picked at my bottom lip, staring at the end of the bench as I waited for Christina and Vince to show up while trying to calm the nerves I felt when I thought of Evan sitting with us.

Would Christina and Vince be okay with it him sitting here? Would they be mad that I hadn’t asked them if it was okay? Would it matter?

I moaned and buried my head in my hands, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths as I listened to the normal clatter around the cafeteria.

“You going to make it, Anna?”

I looked up when I heard Vince’s voice. I dropped my arms onto my knees and forced a smile as I dropped my feet to the floor.

Looking between the two of them, I said, “Uh, Evan’s going to sit with us today.”

“I figured.” Vince shrugged, plopping down onto the bench and immediately tearing open the top of his bagged lunch. “He’s been getting hell all day.”

I groaned again and dramatically flung my arms onto the tabletop, burying my face in the crook of my elbow.

“What? Something I said?” he asked around the food in his mouth.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Christina said with sarcasm.

“You know it.”

“You’re both sickening,” I said with a huff, lifting my head and resting my chin on my forearm.

“You love us.” Christina grinned as she pulled open her own bagged lunch. “Otherwise you wouldn’t put up with us.”

I furrowed my brow and watched the two of them eat their lunches.

“Can I ask a question?” I asked, sitting up straight and looking at the doorway.

Where the hell was Evan?

“Always.”

“You two are always hanging out with me, yet you’re still considered popular.” I tapped my fingertips against the tabletop. “Why do you think it’s such a big deal with Evan?”

“Evan’s been the golden boy,” Vince said, shoving a potato chip into his mouth and pointing at me with his greasy finger. “He’s never stepped out of their comfort zone.”

“Ugh. Could you finish chewing before you speak?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

He scowled at me and grabbed another chip, jamming it into his mouth. Christina rolled her eyes and gently bumped her shoulder against his. “We never really participated in their stupid shit,” she said with a wave of her hand over her shoulder. “We’ve always done whatever we wanted and never bothered with whatever they were doing when it didn’t have to deal the squad or the team.” She flicked a crumb off the table and smiled at me. “We’ve always been just on the outskirts and never got involved with their personal lives. Evan did.”

It made sense; Evan had been with the in-crowd for a very long time. Christina and Vince had always been on the outskirts—popular because Vince was a football player and Christina was a cheerleader—but had never really participated in the crap that came with it. They were genuinely nice people that kept to themselves and associated with the others when they had to, nothing more, nothing less.

I looked down at my hands and then jumped when a tray slammed down on the table next to me as Evan climbed onto the bench and sat down in much the same fashion as he had that morning in human physiology.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing his fork and stabbing at what was supposed to be coleslaw.

“Hey, dude.” Vince smacked Evan on the arm. “How’s it going?”

“Ouch, Anna!” Vince jerked back and winced, reaching down to rub his leg.

I glared at him, silently telling him to shut up.

“Peachy,” Evan grumbled. “Fucking peachy.”

I looked over at him briefly before placing my hands in my lap and looking over at Christina.

“Don’t you eat?” Evan asked me.

“Not school food.”

He grunted, going back to poking his food with his fork. “Smart. Tastes like ass, anyway.”

“You want to do dinner or something later this week?” Christina asked.

I smiled gratefully at her as we filled the awkward silence with dinner plans. Christina, Vince, and I did most of the talking. Evan grunted and said a few things here and there, but for the most part, he kept stabbing his food. I wanted to touch him, put my hand on his back, or grab his hand under the table and squeeze it just to reassure him, but I wasn’t sure of the reaction I’d get, and God knew I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his wrath ever again.