Four Years Later (6 page)

Fuck that
.

“Can I ask you a question?”

She glances up at me with startled wide eyes, her lips parted. “Um, sure.”

“Do you really think I can catch up on all of these assignments quick enough so I can get back on the field and play the rest of the season?” My heart feels like it’s nearly stopped as I wait for her answer.

Chelsea sinks her teeth in her lower lip, flicking her gaze away from mine. “I … don’t know. You have a lot of missing assignments.”

“Will you help me?” I clear my throat, hating how hopeful and pleading I sound. I don’t beg. If shit doesn’t go my way, I let it go.

But I can’t let this go. School, football, my sister’s approval … I need it. I want it.

“I
am
helping you.” Chelsea smiles, her voice soft, her eyes filled with this sparkly glow that’s pretty damn mesmerizing.

“I know. You are. Can you help me more, though? Like with the portfolio and stuff? Maybe I can see you more than just twice a week?”

She blinks, looking at me as though I’ve lost my mind for making the suggestion. “I don’t know …”

“I’ll pay you,” I interrupt.

“Of course you’ll pay me,” she retorts, making me smile. Okay, my tutor is a little feisty. Good. I was hoping she had a backbone. “It’s just that I have a pretty packed schedule.”

“Tutoring around the clock, huh?” I lean back in my chair, curious to hear what’s keeping her so busy.

“Well, no. Not exactly.”

“Heavy class load?” I suggest.

“Definitely that.” She nods.

“Your social calendar is jammed with upcoming events.” I don’t even know where I’m coming up with this crap. “I’m guessing you’re part of a sorority, right?”

She laughs, scrunching her nose. “Not quite. And no, I’m definitely not in a sorority.”

“Steady boyfriend who never lets you out of his sight?” Okay. I threw that last one out because I had to fucking hear it. Does she have someone? Even a casual someone? I’d like to know. Why, I’m not exactly sure, because I don’t have plans on ever doing anything with this girl, but I’m curious.

Her cheeks turn this rosy pink as she drops her head, studying my open file with rapt attention. I know it can’t be that interesting. “No. No boyfriend.”

Relief surges through me, which is absolutely ridiculous. I should not care.

“How about you?” she asks. “Do you have a girlfriend?” Her voice shakes on the last word and I stare at her, willing her to look up, but she doesn’t.

“Nope. No girlfriend,” I mimic her answer. She lifts her head at that and I find myself momentarily lost in her gaze. Stupid. “Why do you ask? Hoping for a chance?” I smirk at her like the asshole I am, because I can’t help myself.

She grimaces. “Yeah, right.”

Ouch
. I bet she looks at me and sees a dumb jock, which is kind of true. She probably likes brainy, skinny dudes who study all day and never make a sexual move on her. They probably make her feel safe.

I am the farthest thing from safe for her, especially when I look at her and all I can think about is what she looks like naked.

Fucking get over it, Maguire. This chick is not your type.

“I have another job, I’m taking sixteen units this semester, and my tutoring schedule is the heaviest I’ve ever had,” she explains. “So it’s going to be sort of hard to fit you in for extra help. I’m sure you’re busy, too.”

I am. But not at the moment, what with my reduced work schedule and my temporary suspension from the football team. “Not as busy as I was last week, that’s for sure. Listen.” Leaning forward, I rest my forearms on the table, trying to get close to her so I can get my point across. “I’ve got to accelerate these tutoring sessions. I need to get back onto the team. I—”

“Why?”

I lean back. “What?”

“Why do you need to get back on the team?”

Because I want to get in my sister’s good graces again. I don’t want Fable mad at me anymore. And maybe if I’m too busy, Mom will eventually give up and stop hassling me.
That last one is pure bullshit. In my dreams Mom will stop coming by and begging for money. “They need me.”

She studies me closely and I’m tempted to look away, but I hold my ground. I have the distinct feeling she doesn’t believe me, but what do I care? “Then write about that.”

“What?” I ask again like I’m stuck on repeat.

“Write about how much your team needs you. There’s your first piece for your portfolio.” Chelsea smiles, looking awfully pleased with herself. “And you’re welcome.”

He is
waaay
too good-looking. Sitting this close, asking me super-uncomfortable questions like whether I have a boyfriend. I mean, talk about awkward. Why does he care? And because he asked, I had to ask back, under the pretense that I want to know how busy he is.

Please
. I’m dying of curiosity to know if he has a steady girl, because he’s definitely good-looking enough to have one. He’s a total catch, though maybe not so much on the intelligence part.

Well. That’s a lie. I’ve looked at his academic file. I probably know it by heart. He’s smart; he’s just not applying himself. Something’s distracting him and I don’t know if it’s football or whatever, but he’s barely bothering going to class.

Right now, he’s tapping away at the keyboard of the laptop he pulled out of his backpack a few minutes ago. That was sort of fun, suggesting the story idea. Here he was, trying to wheel and deal with me, convince me to meet with him more often, when really the guy just needed to focus and actually work.

“You should go to class, too, you know,” I suggest out of the blue, causing him to peer at me from above his laptop. “That all counts toward your grade. The more absences you have, the worse your grade becomes.”

“It’s gonna take more than me showing up in class to improve my grades enough to get back on the team quick, and you know it,” he says, annoyance tingeing his voice. “I’ll consider your advice, though.”

“Good.” I nod, feeling stupid. And I never feel stupid with anyone. I’m the smart one. I’ve been told more often than not that I’m the one that makes others feel dumb. Uncomfortable. Or they flat-out don’t like me, think I’m some sort of freak of nature with the too-big brain and the thieving father.

Blowing out a harsh breath, I push all thoughts of my dad from my head and slap Owen’s file shut, grabbing a textbook out of my backpack and setting it on the table with a loud thump.

Owen doesn’t even glance up from his laptop screen, his fingers tapping rhythmically on the keyboard, and I’m glad to see him getting into it. This is what he needed. A push, the realization that hey, he’d better get to work before he fails and ruins everything.

He can handle it, though. I know he can.

I flip open the textbook and start reading, feeling bad that I’m giving him no real direction, but what else am I supposed to do? He’s the one who needs to do the work. There’s nothing else I can do but wait him out while he writes. So I may as well work on my own assignments to pass the time.

It’s either that or stare at him unabashedly while he works.

Stealing a glance at him, I drink him in, my breath stalling in my throat at the sight before me. His brows are furrowed in concentration, his mouth scrunched, those pretty green eyes narrowed as he stares at his laptop screen. His fingers keep up an impressive pace and he looks up, catches me staring at him.

His fingers pause and I hurriedly look down, staring unseeingly at the words in front of me while deep inside, my heart is racing a bazillion miles a minute.

He doesn’t resume typing for a while and I slowly start to realize it’s because he’s still staring at me. I can feel the weight of his gaze pressing on me, burning my skin, making me want to squirm in my chair. I refuse to look back up, resting my elbow on the table so I can prop my cheek on my fist, hiding my face from his eyes.

“Must be real interesting,” he drawls. “What you’re reading.”

There’s no hiding for me. He can see right through my act.

“Fascinating,” I murmur, not even sure what the heck I’m reading, since the words are all blurry thanks to my gone-hazy vision. All I can think about is him. Owen. Watching me and teasing me, the scent of his cologne and soap and shampoo and whatever else he uses tickling my senses. That spicy, autumnal scent that’s driving me crazier the deeper I breathe him in.

“What’s it about?”

I still refuse to look at him. “Shouldn’t you worry about your own work?”

“Sorry.” Now he sounds irritated.
Great
. “Just trying to make conversation.”

“Don’t you want to get a move on this stuff so you can get back to playing for your team?” I finally drop my hand and look at him. Really look at him, and I can tell my words affect him.

He doesn’t need to antagonize me when he should be using his time much more wisely.

“You’re right.” Heaving a big sigh, he starts typing again, his fingers going clackety-clack upon the keys. “Keep me on track, Chelsea. I think I’m going to need it for the next few weeks, months, whatever. Need
you
.”

Those two words pound a restless rhythm in my soul the rest of the time I sit with him. The entire walk back to the tiny apartment I share with Kari, I feel those simple words pulse in my blood with every step I take. I hope she’s not home because I want to sit alone on the couch, in the dark quiet, and savor the simple words.

Need. You.

I’m probably insane for thinking this way. Boys don’t matter. Boys are bad. Look at my father. He’s done nothing but hurt Mom their entire marriage. That she still supports him and remains married to him despite everything he’s done makes me want to hit something.

Preferably my father.

I don’t romanticize anything. I’m straightforward in how I think, what I do. Everything has a cause and an effect. A reason. And there is absolutely no reason for me to react this way when it comes to Owen. I hardly know him, and what I know of him doesn’t impress me.

But I want him. I want to keep looking at him, get to know him. I want to know what it feels like to have him touch me. I want to touch his lips and see if they’re as soft as they look. I want to feel his arm slide around me and hold me close. I want to …

My cell rings just as I approach the front door of my apartment. Pulling the phone from my pocket, I check who the caller is and answer. “Are you home?”

“Nope, and you won’t be either when I come and pick you up in twenty minutes,” Kari says cheerily, in this tone that tells me she’s up to no good.

“What’s going on?” I ask as I unlock the door and enter the apartment. It’s quiet and dark, would have been the perfect scenario for me to sit and go over what happened with Owen earlier again and again, but …

Kari is totally ruining that option. And she’s not even home.

“We’re going out for drinks. I talked to these two cute guys in the library and they asked if we wanted to meet up with them later tonight.”

“Kari. I’m not even old enough to
order
a drink.” Uneasiness slips over me, settling low in my stomach. If they want to meet for drinks, they are most likely older. They’d probably run screaming the minute they met me. Kari’s good at the flirtatious, carefree thing. Me, not so much. “Who are these guys?”

“I don’t know, but they’re pretty. And when I say pretty, I mean gorgeous. They’re in a frat.” At my hesitation she rattles on. She knows I’m going to say no or come up with some sort of excuse. She’s got me all figured out. “Hey, we can just drink water and eat appetizers, Chelsea. We don’t have to tell them we’re not old enough for alcohol.” Kari mutters something unintelligible. “I’m telling you, we need to get fake IDs, and soon.”

The very last thing I want to do is get a fake ID. I’m not about to get into trouble with the law. “Where do they want to meet us?”

“The District.” Kari’s voice is practically vibrating. Her excitement is infectious. I can feel it bubble up inside of me despite my apprehension. “I’ve never been, and you know I’ve been dying to go there.”

Kari wasn’t exaggerating. The young, beautiful, and very trendy types hang out at The District. Kari would definitely fit in.

Me? Not really.

I set my backpack on the tiny kitchen table and go sit on the couch, heaving a big sigh. “I don’t know. I have home—”

“If you say you have homework, I’m going to beat you.” Kari’s voice is so fierce I don’t doubt her threat for a second. “You never, ever go out. Ever. You’re going to shrivel up and die an old maid if you don’t at least make an attempt at a social life. Despite what your mom says, and who is she to talk, boys are not the devil. They’re actually a lot of fun if you’d just talk to one once in your life. Come on, Chelsea.” Her voice takes on that pleading sound that tends to work on me. “Do it for me. We’ll have fun.”

I want to believe her. I desperately want to fit in. It’s been a struggle since I was nine and they accelerated me into the sixth grade when I should have been in the fourth. The older kids wanted nothing to do with me; the younger ones thought I’d ditched them and ignored me. I’ve been an outsider ever since.

Even now. Kari’s the only one who stuck by me, even when we were in different grades. Look at her now, my roommate, helping me out. Trying to get me dates.

“For once in your life you should ignore your responsibility and go hang out with a boy. Have some innocent fun and kiss him.” I start to protest but she cuts me off. “I’m dead serious. There is nothing wrong with meeting a guy, flirting with him, have a little make-out session, and then move on. It’s called being young.”

My problem is I don’t know how to be young. I’ve been saddled with all of this intense responsibility all my life. If it’s not trying to keep up my grades, it’s trying to take care of Mom when Dad’s ditched her yet again.

I swear I’m a middle-aged woman trapped in a teenage body.

“Fine,” I say, sounding all put out, feeling all put out, too. I don’t want to do this. But I don’t want Kari to hate me, either. I never go out with her. I’m always studying or working or avoiding real life so I don’t get hurt. I’d rather lock myself up in my room and study when I don’t really need to than go out and have fun.