Foul Play (Whithall University Book 1) (13 page)

“Will you be able to tell me if he drugged me?’’

“Yes, we’ll run some bloods to check for flunitrazepam, other drugs, and test your alcohol levels. Let me go get the examiner. She’s lovely and I promise you’ll be in great hands.’’

I nod my head, my body shaking and when she gets up I reach out for her, stopping her. “These are my clothes. I haven’t washed them or anything. I put them in the bag as soon as I realised what I needed to do.’’

“That’s good Willow. Really good.’’

“Do you need me to call your friend?’’ Cole rumbles and I turn to face him, my face pale and my eyes tired.

“No. I just... I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t want her seeing me like this. I’m so sorry you have to,’’ I tell him.

He doesn’t owe me anything, hell, he hardly knows me, yet he’s sitting here basically holding my hand while we wait for a nurse to do a rape kit. It doesn’t seem fucking real. But something about having him here is making me feel safe.
He
makes me feel safe.

“Okay, but you need to tell her. And you don’t need to be sorry,’’ he tells me gently.

“This is the most I’ve heard you talk,’’ I blurt out and I watch his lips twitch and his eyes soften.

The door opens and his mum and another woman walk in before he has chance to say anything. They ask me about previous health history and take other routine details. It’s when they get to the next set of questions that I start to feel as if I’m on trial. They ask me when my most recent consensual sexual activity was and Jackie had to explain it was for DNA evidence. I didn’t take any notice. It was already mortifying enough. But then they started asking me more questions about what happened, wanting more detail, no matter how many times I told them I don’t remember. It got too much when they started asking where he touched me, where he kissed me, which led to me screaming ‘I don’t know’. They were asking me questions they knew I didn’t have the answers too, so in the end I told them where I hurt, where I knew he touched me when I woke up.

Not long after the questions were done, Cole was asked to leave the room and I didn’t argue with them. I knew what was coming and I had to use all my strength to fight back tears. With each probe and touch from the nurse the more I fell apart.

By the end of the examination I’m felt belittled, debased, humiliated and degraded. I’ve never wanted something to end so badly in my life. I was just glad that five hours later I’m allowed to leave, needing the comfort of my own bed, my own surroundings.

*** *** ***

We’ve been silent since Jackie came back a few hours after the exam, explaining the sustained injuries caused to my vagina. I didn’t think I could feel more mortified than I already did, but I was wrong. I also tested positive for the date rape drug and my alcohol levels are low.

A part of me was still holding out hope that this isn’t real, but that hope was torn away from me when Jackie revealed the test results to me. I had been praying that this was all a nightmare and that at any second I would wake up from it. None of what has happened feels real, not when I let myself really think about it all or think about Logan being the one that did all of this. It’s like my mind is trying to fight against the inevitable truth.

I’m so lost in thought I don’t realise we’ve pulled up outside our block of flats until Cole’s hand slowly lands on my shoulder causing me to jump.

“I need to go somewhere otherwise I’d walk you up,’’ he says not looking at me, his jaw hard, both hands now gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles have turned white.

“Okay. Thank you. Thank you for calling your mum and for being there for me,’’ I tell him honestly, my voice dead of any emotion. That exam took the last bit of strength I had left in me.

He finally turns his head my way, his eyes glancing in to mine. They’re blazing, a dark shade of blue, his iris dilated and the black in them standing out so much its scary.

“Never thank me. Never. I’m glad I could be there for you. Can I drop by later to check on you?’’ he asks, but the way he says it doesn’t seem like he’s really asking, but informing me he’s dropping by later.

I nod my head as I reach for the door handle. “Oh, your hoody,’’ I remember once I’m out of the car.

“No, you keep it,’’ he states quickly.

“Thank you,’’ I sigh, thankful to have his scent surrounding me. Taking in a deep breath I go to shut the door but he stops me, calling my name. “Yeah?’’

“Your keys,’’ he smiles sadly, handing them over the seat. I take them giving him a sad smile before slamming the door shut. He peels out of the car park before I even have chance to get onto the curb or wave goodbye. I turn back in time to see the back of his car screeching out of the car park.

I’m glad to find the lift is working, knowing I’d never have made it up the eight flights of stairs. I’ve been on the verge of falling asleep on and off all day, but my thoughts plagued me, keeping me awake. I don’t think even they will keep me awake much longer, I’m that exhausted.

Shuffling out of the lift with my head down I don’t see Alec until it’s too late. He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the front door and my eyes water. I can’t deal with him right now.

“Please go,’’ I tell him, my voice dead but calm.

He doesn’t say anything as he moves to the side to let me open the door, but I can feel the rage coming off him in waves. I don’t want to hear him rant and rave about me going to Logan’s, I already feel bad enough and it was obviously the worst decision I made.

Turning around when I’m inside the door I brace myself, ready to explain to Alec that I don’t want to talk, so that I can shut the door and go to bed. He doesn’t wait for me to talk or explain, he just barges right in, shoving me to the side before getting in my shower. My mouth gapes open in shock.

Last night when he left angry I knew he’d need time to cool off, but he looks just as pissed as he did when he left last night.

“Do you think I’m some sort of fool? Think you could fucking play me? I fucking knew. I knew,’’ he roars, slamming his fists on either side of my head, caging me in. I flinch, my body tightening. Does he know? How did he find out? Oh God! Did someone see what Logan did to me? Bile rises in my throat and I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to bring up anymore vomit. Not after the amount I did after the examination.

“Get away from me,’’ I cry out, my whole body shivering with fear. “Get away from me.’’

He looks me up down with disgust plastered on his face. “You’re a fucking whore,’’ he spits out.

“Get out,’’ I scream, tears pouring down my face.

He doesn’t listen. Instead he leans in, getting closer in my face. “I bet you were laughing at me behind my back this whole time. Having your boyfriend wrapped around your finger this whole time so you can fuck your ‘best friend’. You’re a slut,’’ he shouts in my face, spit splattering across my cheeks as I turn away from him. He grips my jaw to face him causing me to cry out. “Girls like you need teaching a lesson,’’ he grits out.

What is wrong with me? How did I not see this side of him or Logan? I’ve never seen a rage like the one flaring behind Alec’s eyes. It’s like a darkness inside him has been unleashed and he’s finally showing his true colours.

“I didn’t sleep with him,’’ I grit out, not wanting to tell him what really happened.

He laughs menacingly, throwing his head back before reaching into his back pocket for his phone. “No? What’s this then?’’ he bites out. He grabs a fist full of my hair forcing me to look at his phone. A high-pitched screech bellows from my chest as I take in the picture of me naked in Logan’s arms. He’s taken it at an angle where it’s not showing my full face. After all, how would he explain a passed out girl in his bed, naked.

I throw up in my mouth and because of the grip Alec still has on my hair I’m forced to swallow it back down.

“Oh my God,’’ I gasp in horror, blinking back tears.

“Oh, there’s more than this. Seems like Logan likes sharing his exploits,’’ he tells me in distaste.

“Get out,’’ I shriek, pulling away from him. He grabs me harder by the hair, but I turn, kicking him in the shin, causing him to howl in pain and let go of me. I run for my room, but he’s much quicker than me and swings me around.

“We aren’t finished,’’ he growls looking pissed.

Yes we are
, I want to scream out. I fight back, slapping his hands away, but then everything flashes and I’m knocked to the floor, crying out in pain and I hold the palm of my hand to my throbbing cheek.

“You’re fucking worthless,’’ he grits out, his eyes vacant.

I’m still in shock that I don’t see him leave until the front door slams behind him causing me to jump.

This cannot be happening to me right now.

Logan destroyed me without even blinking.

Now, with his help, Alec has broken me.

Crawling my way back into my room, I grab my phone where I left it this morning, ignoring the million messages and missed calls blowing up my phone. I only want one person right now. One person I know will make all this go away.

The phone rings and an agonising cry tears from my mouth when I think she isn’t going to answer.

“Hi, this is dial a ride, how may I help you?’’ my mum answers and normally I’d laugh at her greeting, but a pained moan slips past my lips.

“Mum?’’ I cry.

“Baby?’’ she asks worriedly, her tone serious.

“I need you,’’ I sob.

“I’m on my way.’’

Sleep just isn’t happening for me. My brain won’t shut off long enough to let my body rest. Since I got off the phone with mum I’ve laid awake staring blankly at my bedroom door, long after the sun set. I’ve heard Allie come back and call out for me, but I remained quiet. Even my phone has buzzed on and off all day but I haven’t been able to find the will to answer to anyone.

So much is happening right now that I can’t focus on just one thing. Everything is just hitting me at once, shouting over each other in my head and it feels like I’m about to explode. I was raped by my best friend, hit by my boyfriend and there is a naked picture and probably others floating around of me during or after my attack.

I brace myself when the front door knocks, wishing I had warned Allie not to answer to Alec or Logan. She doesn’t know they’re dangerous. How could she? I didn’t even think they were capable of such cruelty.

“Hi Mel,’’ Allie greets, the surprise in her voice echoing down the hall. “Um dad? Is everything okay?’’

“Where’s Low? She called me,’’ my mum asks, sounding distressed.

“Willow? She isn’t here. I’ve not heard from her all day,’’ Allie answers seeming confused and troubled.

“She has to be here. Is she in her room?’’

“I’ve not checked. I called out when I got back but she didn’t answer. I presumed she was still out,’’ Allie explains, her voice sounding closer.

The door to my room opens quietly, the light from the hallway blinding me for a second.

“Will? Are you okay?’’ Allie whispers, stepping into my room. Walking over she bends down at the side of my bed, getting a good look at me. She gasps and seeing the pain on my best friends face pains me.

“No,’’ I croak out, my voice dry from all the crying and lack of sleep. Jackie told me to keep dehydrated which I haven’t managed to do, so I don’t think that has helped my throat any.

“Low?’’ Mum calls softly, my eyes stay fixed on Allie’s. Something passes through her eyes, regret, guilt, shame, pain, heartbreak? I don’t know, it’s hard to fixate on one since so many flash through her eyes.

The light turns on, blinding me once again and this time I close my eyes until I know I can adjust to the lighting.

Hearing mum and Allie’s gasps I know they’ve seen my bruised face. I’m just glad that’s all they can see because if they see how broken I feel inside it would kill them. I’ve never felt this empty, so hollow and vacant in all my life. I hate feeling like this.

“Low, what happened to you?’’ Mum whispers, taking a seat next to me on the bed. She reaches out for my hands, her warm hand cupping my cold ones.

“He raped me,’’ I croak out, not able to sugar coat it or hold back the blow. A lone tear slips free when I see her jolt with alarm and dread, before pain washes across her face.

Allie getting up and moving away causes another tear to fall. At first I think it’s because she can’t stand to be next to me, but when I see her pale horror stricken expression I pause.

“I’m so, so, so, sorry,’’ she whispers, looking at me sadly before turning to look at my mum with pain and guilt in her eyes.

“Who did this to you,’’ my mum quietly sobs out, squeezing my hand. I sit up in the bed trying to get comfy which is hard to since everywhere on my body is still throbbing. 

“Logan,’’ I manage to get out. Even his name tastes bitter coming from my mouth.

Mum’s head whips to Allie’s, a look of recognition and horror on her face. I glance to Allie and see tears falling down her cheeks looking ashamed.

“What’s going on? Why do neither of you look surprised?’’ I ask, sitting up straighter and sliding my feet out of bed.

“Low,’’ Mum says softly. She looks on at me with a sad expression, but there’s no flicker of surprise in her eyes that Logan would do this.

Or...

“Do you not believe me?’’ I ask, getting to my feet, not caring I’m only wearing a pair of knickers and Cole’s hoody. It’s big enough that it falls easily to my knees.

“Of course we do,’’ Mum tells me fiercely, but doesn’t look me in the eye. Why isn’t she comforting me, telling me everything is going to be okay? And why does Allie look like it’s her that got raped and not me?

They’re not making sense and they’re acting secretive.

My throat clogs with emotion and I try to hold back a sob, I try so hard it comes out strangled and painful.

“Then why are you acting weird? Do I disgust you? I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay, I need you to make the memories go away,’’ I beg, my voice rising as the tears finally fall.

“Low, no,’’ my mum says, her voice high-pitched and gravelly. Walking up to me she pulls me into her arms, holding me tight. I hold her back in a tight grip, just needing her.

“He raped me,’’ I shrill my voice scratchy. “He raped me. He was supposed to be my best friend, mum. My best friend. We’ve known each other for so long. How could he do this to me? How?’’ I demand, clutching at her coat.

“Oh baby,’’ she says thickly. “I’m so sorry, so very sorry. It’s all going to be okay. We’ll go to the police. Have you been to the hospital?’’

Those words again. ‘I’m sorry’. Why is she sorry? That it’s happened to me? The funny thing is neither mum nor Allie seem surprised. They could be in shock, yeah, but something doesn’t feel right. I pull back from mum, letting her wipe away my tears. She’s mindful of the bruise Alec left, looking at me tenderly.

Allie’s head is bent, looking to the floor. Her body is stiff, anxious and panic stricken. My mum eyes her with sympathy, unsettling me.

“What is going on?’’ I ask, in a deadly calm voice, looking between them.

“It’s my fault,’’ Allie whispers and my God, the agonising pain in her voice cripples me. She crumbles to the floor on her knees, quietly sobbing and I turn to mum for answers.

“Tell me, goddamn it,’’ I shriek, feeling like everything is about to crumble for me once again.

“When Allie was younger Logan tried to rape her,’’ a deep masculine voice interrupts and I jump in surprise. My head shoots to Allie’s dad, Sam, surprised, I didn’t see him come in. He stands by the door looking just as stricken as mum and Allie do.

“No,’’ I shake my head, not believing him and I look to my mum, repeating myself. “No.’’

“Yes baby. It’s why we stopped talking to his parents.’’

But... no! This can’t be happening. Why would they let me hang out with him if they knew what he was like? No! This is just another nightmare, it’s not real. I would know. Allie’s my best friend goddamn it. We’ve hung out longer than me and Logan have. We would have baths together, sleepovers, we did everything together. She wouldn’t keep this from me. Not this.

“You’re lying. Tell me they’re lying,’’ I shout at Allie. Her body flinches and she can’t look me in the eye. “Tell them Allie,’’ I shout, my voice hoarse and broken.

She lifts her head and the look on her face takes the breath out of me and I have to take a step back.

“I’m sorry.’’

“You’re sorry?’’ I laugh sounding insane.

She nods again wiping away her tears, but I’m so angry, so furious, and I feel so betrayed that all I see is red.

“You’re sorry?’’ I roar, and look at my mum feeling deceived. “How could you keep this from me? He raped me. He drugged me and raped me. I don’t even know what’s worse, wanting to remember or not remembering. How could you?’’ I scream, and reach for the picture frame of me and Logan, one I’ve successfully managed to avoid looking at since I came back. “Look? Look?’’ I scream again, shoving it in her face. “We were sixteen,
sixteen
. How long have you known? How long?’’ The picture drops to the fall, smashing into a thousand pieces and I laugh looking down at it. It feels just like my heart does right now.

“Baby, calm down. You don’t know the full story,’’ mum tries to tell me but it falls on death ears.

Smashing the picture felt good, it felt freeing and a little piece that died inside me comes back to life, so I grab another, one of me and Allie this time and do the same, smashing it at my feet.

“Low, you’re going to hurt yourself,’’ Mum panics, tears in her voice.

“Hurt myself? You can’t hurt when you’re already dead inside. You could have prevented this. You could have stopped this from happening. All this time you knew, she knew and you both let me be around him,’’ I shudder disgusted, walking over to my dresser and picking up anything I can smash. Perfume bottles, more pictures, ornaments, kindle, everything. I don’t even feel the glass crunching under my bare feet I’m that numb.

“Willow,’’ Mum screams trying to reach me.

“He damaged me, broke me, he made me bleed,’’ I ramble, my voice high and full of rage. My tub of pens flies across the room, nearly hitting Sam in the head. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. Not anymore. Not now.

My whole life feels like a lie, like everyone was laughing at me behind my back.

“Oh, Low,’’ mum chokes out. She reaches for me, but I slap her hands away, ignoring the pain in her eyes. “Please,’’ she begs. “Let me hold you.’’

“Don’t touch me, don’t touch me,’’ I shriek and begin pulling at my hair, screaming out so loud my voice cracks and I fall to the floor, ignoring the broken pieces of glass and other bits beneath me. I feel detached from my own body. Hands reach for me and I hear my mum plead to stop. At first I think she’s telling me to stop screaming, but then I realise I’m banging my fists on my head like some crazy woman.

Two strong arms slip under me, holding me in to their hard body and making sure the hoody covers my private parts. I bite my lip to stop myself from crying out in pain, not realising how much I was hurting until now. His scent fills me to the brim and I take in a deep breath, relaxing my whole body into him.

I’d know that smell anywhere.

Cole walks off with me in swift movements and I keep my eyes closed since my vision is blurred from tears and exhaustion.

I blink my eyes open when a door opens, a cool breeze cooling my body and I shiver.

Doors open and close behind us and light footsteps follow, but I don’t bother looking up to see who it is.

“Can you give us a minute?’’ Cole rumbles, his voice deep, dangerous, but still polite.

“I’ll wait out here,’’ Mum says gently and I feel her stare on the side of my face.

I don’t know how Cole knew what I needed, but I was so grateful to him in that moment. I just needed time, time alone to think all of this over. I wasn’t ready to hear anything else, not at the risk of losing more of my soul in the process. I feel betrayed by everyone.

“Who gave you the black eye, Low?’’ Cole asks me as he places me down on his bed. The comfort I didn’t get from my own bed seeps in and I snuggle into his pillow, beginning to feel attached to his scent.

“Alec,’’ I deliver softly.

“The boyfriend?’’ he grits out.

“Not anymore,’’ I amend, feeling sick to my stomach. I’ve literally been walking around blind, not really seeing people for who they really are. “Why is all this happening to me?’’

“I don’t know Low, but I promise nothing and no-one will ever touch you again,’’ he affirms, sounding dead serious.

“You can’t promise that,’’ I tell him feeling empty and really tired, my eyes drooping.

“Wow, dude, who’s the hot MILF in the living room?’’ CJ whistles entering the bedroom. He takes one look at me and pales, but I close my eyes once again, finally feeling safe to close my eyes.

Sensing I’m ready to collapse, Cole shushes CJ. “I’ll be back soon,’’ he breathes, his breath blowing across my face as he gently moves a strand of hair out of my face.

“What the fuck happened?’’ CJ hisses as they move out the room.

With heavy eyes I cuddle further into Cole’s bed, feeling intoxicated and comforted by his scent, my whole body relaxed as I fall asleep.