Fostering Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 1) (15 page)

“Not a fucking chance.  I’m off,” I shout.

“Dalton, don’t touch that fucking door.”

“Whatever,” I reply flippantly and turn around towards the door.

“Dalton I will fucking drag you back up here if I have to.  You’ve ignored my text messages so I’ve had to resort to other measures.”  Jonas is trying to keep calm; it’s never been hard to see when he’s on the edge of his patience, he’s like an unexploded bomb.

“So you’re the Purps Manager? WOW.  Impressive that you need time to get your shit together for this.  Say what you’ve been desperate to say and then I’m out of here.”  He is not the only one shaking with rage right now.

“I want to know you’re alright after... Letitia and dinner at Barbs and Harrison’s,” he says.

“That’s it? You could have actually asked that via one of the fucking repeated text messages you sent.  Fine. I’m fine.  Thanks for your concern,” I shout back in a pissy manner.  “You don’t need to protect me from anyone anymore.  You’ve done your family duty.  Is that all? Good,” I shout not bothering to wait for his answer.  “I’ll be getting back to my date.”

Suddenly he’s moving towards me.  “You’re going nowhere and certainly not back to him.”

WHAT!

“Fuck you; I’m none of your business.”  I grab the door handle and get the door open about ten inches before it’s slammed shut and he’s right behind me, leaning over me with a hand to the side of my head with his palm flat keeping the door closed.  I know I have to turn around to face him but I don’t want to be this close to him.  I’ve made a decision to get on with things with no more Jonas moping in my head but he’s not moving out of my space.

I turn around and I’m starting to shake even more.  He leans just a little so his face is directly looking at me when he says “Mine” really quietly.  “You’re not going back to him Dalton you’re not his.”  I drop my purse in shock and plant my hands on the door beside me, I feel like I’m bracing for something but I don’t know what. 

“Mine, Dalton.” 

Whilst I am trying to comprehend the totally bizarre turn of the night he leans in until his lips are on mine.  Both our eyes are still open and I still haven’t moved or responded.  

“And only mine.”

  When I don’t really do anything like complain, shout, resist or kiss him back he steps in closer which is mad because he is already really close.  I can now feel him touching certain parts of my body.  I’m still looking at his eyes and they register the usual angry flare he’s always shown me and it keeps me frozen in place.  With a gentle firmness he moves the hand that is at the side of my head and places it around my throat, his hands are big and they encompass my neck.  He starts to slide his thumb up and down my neck and it feels good and with the anger still in his eyes it feels possessive.

“Kiss me Dalton.   I know you want to.  You’ve always wanted to.”   I gasp and shudder when he finishes this and open my mouth; he’s only a hair’s breadth away from my face so it gives him enough time to get his tongue in my mouth.  His kisses are gentle and pleading and I know that I am starting to come undone, I am starting to cave.  My resolve is wavering because I want this and I've always wanted it.  His kisses become more urgent and he takes what he wants because the hand on my neck holds me in place at his mercy.  I can feel his body now shrouding me and it feels right.  After a second later I offer my tongue to him and this is all he needs, my permission.  I feel like I’m being pinned to the door with want as my hands move from the door to grip the back of his head and I feel a groan leave the back of his throat.

“Fuck me.  Fuckin’ better than I dreamed it would be,” he says whilst looking into my eyes again and it’s the only encouragement I need to attack his lips.  I moan with him as I suck at his tongue and nip at his lips.

“There she is, my fuckin’ girl, let me have it,” he demands as a loud banging hits the other side of the door.

“Jonas open up.” 

FUCKING TITS. 

She’s like an ice cold bucket of water and a well needed dose of reality.

“Not now Letitia, get back to work,” he shouts whilst trying to keep me in place.  I push against him and he knows the moment has been broken and he’s lost my commitment to the play we were involved in.

“Come on baby, open the door, I’m on my break,” she continues.

“Let me go Jonas.  Just let me go.”   I say it on a whisper with a pleading tone in my voice and I find I can’t look at him.  He moves to open the door slightly whilst trying to contain me in the room.

“This had better be good,” he snaps peeking round the door at her, and he becomes pissed when he realizes that I’ve out maneuvred him and am prizing the door open myself.  I don’t look at either of them as I pass and walk through it. 

“Dalton,” I don’t answer him. “Wait,” I still ignore him.

The last thing I hear as I walk down the stairs is “Jonas we need to talk, can you leave the Brady Bunch family stuff I haven’t got long; my boss is a tyrant and a
hard
task master,” she says this with a sultry edge to her voice that makes bile rise up my throat and then I hear a slamming door.

I’m not staying now; I’m too upset over him doing that to me when it’s obvious he’s still fucking around with her.  I’m absolutely devastated that I let it happen and more traumatized that I wanted it and enjoyed it.  I make my way around the edge of the club avoiding the dance floor and bar so I don’t bump into any of the girls, the guy gang or Tommy and it’s at that point that I realize my purse is on the office floor.  Tough shit, I am not going back up there.

“Miss Frobisher the Manager requested I call you a cab, the fare is covered.”   I go with him and one of Tommy’s cabs is waiting with the door already open so I climb in and the door closes behind me.  I’ll be able to get in the apartment because Neely and I have a spare key hidey hole.  The girls will worry about where I’ve got to but I have no way to get hold of them now and Tommy, poor Tommy. 

I’m a fucking bitch.

I hit home on autopilot and the last thing I think about as I’m dropping on my bed is that he kissed me, he made me want to kiss him back and he then he let that bitch in.  It’s also then that I realize the fucker got his way because I didn’t go back to Tommy. 

I burst into tears and cry until sleep consumes me.

*****

Jonas

“Why the hell aren’t you behind the fuckin’ bar where you’re paid to be?” I snap at her as I pick up the in house phone and wait for the head doorman to answer.  “Make sure Miss Frobisher gets put in a cab home now.  Get it charged on the account,” is all I say as I smash the handset into the base of the phone on the desk.

Tilting her head to the side Letitia says “Jonas what was Dolly doing up here with you?”  She’s got that look about her where she’s ready to scratch some fuckers eyes out.

“Is it any of your business who I have meetings with?” Eventually she will get the message that this is just what I told her it is.  A fumble in the fuckin’ dark. 

“I actually came up here to talk to you about something.  I’ve got some err, news.”

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in this position on my bed, but I was still wearing my favorite dress and was on top of my covers.  My face felt crusty and I knew it was a combination of tears and dry makeup.  I hadn’t drunk enough to feel hung over, I was just sad, depressed and really afraid.  Depressed because things felt crazy and out of control, sad because I knew I’d have to face Tommy and the girls soon and afraid because I didn’t want to see Jonas.  Worryingly I couldn’t decide whether that was because I needed to hate him or because I wanted to be back living in that brief moment where he told me I was his.  It’s what I’d always wished for since...forever.  Just remembering the feel of his lips on mine made me run my fingers over them to see if they felt any different.  I’d never had any guy make a declaration like Jonas had and even though I was a strong woman, it still felt intoxicating.

The cruel twist was that I could never be his; he wants his life to remain private and us getting together like I so desperately wanted would mean the exact opposite, we’d become the talk of the town.  It would upset Barbara and Harrison and I didn’t want to be involved in something that I felt would need to be justified to people so that they would understand and leave us be.  I was talking as if Jonas actually wanted me, he didn’t, he was still with Tits and her interruption had proved that.  I think he just didn’t want me with Tommy, and unfortunately his fucked up head games were starting to make me question whether I was in the right place to start something new.  I wanted to feel mad that he had a hold over me that meant he got to carry on with his life whilst mine stayed firmly in the past, not moving forward and dreaming about the impossible.  I’m starting to think I need a break from my life.  When he left and went in to the navy before it worked for me, sort of, once I got over the loss I felt.  Maybe it’s my turn to get some perspective.

Loud banging starts to rain on the door of my apartment; it’s just after 2.30am and I’m not sure about answering the door, in reality I don’t want to talk to anyone.

“Dolly, come on honey, I’ve got your purse.”  It’s Neely.  My first thought is to open the door a bit, say thanks whilst taking the purse and shutting the door again, but I’ll never get away with that.  Plan B is to play tired, play up a headache and get it over with.

“Hi, thanks for bringing the purse.”  I start leading into my Plan B.

“Oh no, not on your fuckin’ life is that going to work,” she says as she barges past me and comes in.  “You must be upset because I know I would be.”

  WHAT?  There is no way she can know what went down in that office tonight.

“Sorry I bailed, it was a bit of a shock learning that Jonas was managing Purps and our conversation was interrupted by Tits.  I wasn’t keen on explaining the supermarket smack down in front of her so I bailed and luckily she kept him occupied so I could make a quick escape.  I feel terrible about running out on Tommy but I wasn’t feeling like great company after that.”  An explanation with some truth provided but still lots of missing vital information.

“Occupied...That’s one way to put it, he’s gonna be occupied for about the next eighteen years I reckon and what a total schmuck he is, never mind it’s his mess not yours.”

“Neely, I’m not following?”

“Jesus, you don’t know?  Letitia’s pregnant.  She announced it to the guys on her return from the office as she was taking up her station behind the bar.”

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

This was it. 

Devastating. 

There was no other way to put words around what I was feeling.  How could something so shit be happening?  I’m not entirely sure I know how to deal with this, I’m feeling a bit lost and I want to hate him with every fiber of my being but that’s going to take energy that I just don’t have or want to find at this time in the morning.

“Dolly, are you OK?  I’m sorry I wouldn’t have joked or told you like that if I thought you knew, I thought that’s what he was telling you in the office.  We all did when she came back to the bar and announced it the way she did.  It made sense that he wouldn’t want to discuss that in front of Tommy.”

“Neely, I need sleep, thanks for bringing my purse back, can we pick this up tomorrow?”

“Dolls, let me stay with you.  I’m around then if you want to talk.”  She’s always been able to see through me and my emotions so figuring out I’m struggling with this news is expected.

“Honestly, not necessary, thanks for the offer though.  I know where to find you if I change my mind.” I’m trying to be normal in a bid to get this over as quick as possible.

“Hey.  Look at me,” she says softly, “I know you’re not OK with this, I know you and I can tell you’re hanging on until I go.  You don’t have to do that, let me be here for you,” she whispers getting closer to me.

“Neely, please, right now I’m barely keeping my shit together and I can’t do this tonight.”

“OK then. I’ll come by in the morning, maybe we can do breakfast?”

“OK.  Night,” I say and shut the door behind her as she leaves.  My new mantra is now ‘Don’t think about it...at all push it to the back of your mind and keep breathing’...in and out, in and out. 

I might as well check my phone now because if I don’t I’ll be wondering if he’s tried to call me.  He hasn’t and as expected there are a few texts from Neely asking where I was, a couple from Tommy saying he hoped I was OK and he’d be in touch soon and finally one from him.  A single word.

Jonas:
Sorry
.

Sorry.

Fucking sorry. 

What kind of shit message is that?  What is he actually sorry for? 

I can feel myself falling apart again and I head back to my bedroom and repeat the process from a couple of hours ago which is collapse and cry until sleep envelops me.

The next morning I look in the mirror at myself and practice my brave face, my ‘I don’t give a flying fuck face’, but all I see looking back at me are eyes that have lost their sparkle and someone who, no matter how times she says she doesn’t care, really does.  I know I’m shutting down, I’m grieving again like I did years ago and I can’t talk to anyone because saying this out loud will just confirm how bereft I really am.  One thing is for sure it will kill me to watch them raise a child together, so it seems like my idea to leave and get perspective is a good one.  For the first time in my life the comfort of my hometown, my friends and my family can’t provide the security blanket to shield me.