ForsakingEternity (3 page)

He reached his car and got in. Wrapping his fingers around
the steering wheel, he squeezed until his knuckles whitened and the skin felt
stretched tight.

The passenger door opened and Tom slid in. “You talked for
five minutes in a coffee shop. For all you know he won’t even be around next
week.”

“He won’t.”

Silence fell between them. He could almost feel Tom’s eyes
boring into the side of his head.

“You can’t just drop that on me and not explain, Adam,” Tom
demanded.

“I’m an adult. I don’t need you to approve my choices.”

“I’m your friend and I’m worried.”

The starch went out of Adam and he could feel himself droop,
deflated and defenseless. “He’s not from around here and he’s nervous.”

“He’s straight.” The accusation in Tom’s words hit Adam in
the center of his chest.

Adam nodded once before turning the key in the ignition.
“Straight and curious.”

Renatus wasn’t looking for a relationship. He wanted to play
gay for a while and found a quiet, out-of-the-way place to do it. Adam tried to
pretend that was fine with him. He’d have a fling, a feel-good weekend with
another man and not expect more. Inside, he knew he was lying. Ren could do
more damage in a weekend than Darius had in two years.

So why was he doing this?

The image of Ren, his face flushed, lips parted and leaning
into that kiss that never happened was all the answer Adam needed. He was doing
it because he couldn’t
not
do it. Renatus was simply irresistible.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Don’t worry, Tom. I’m going into this with my eyes wide
open.”

Chapter Two

Ren placed the large jar on the counter in front of Maggie.

“I need paper currency please.”

“What are you doing here?” The pretty redhead’s mouth
dropped open and she stared at him in wide-eyed surprise.

His smile slipped a little. “This is a moneychanger
institution, is it not?”

“Well, yes. Banks are moneychangers I guess. I just thought
you’d gone…home.” She cast a quick look around her, a reminder that he could
not behave freely here. Maggie knew him, but the other humans mustn’t think him
anything other than a man.

“Let’s count this out and you can tell me why you need
cash.” She scooped a handful of change from the jar and frowned. “Ren, why are
all these coins wet?”

“Because I found them in water fountains.”

The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement.

“I guess it’s one way for an angel to get cash,” she said,
keeping her voice low enough to mask their conversation. “Can you use some of
that mojo of yours to dry them off?” She waved one hand at the jar.

“Oh, of course.” He laid his hands on the jar and let some
of his power flow through it. “I will make sure I do that before I arrive next
time.”

“Next time? This isn’t enough for you?”

“I don’t know. How much will I need to purchase a meal in a
restaurant?”

Maggie blinked at him. “You’re eating in restaurants?”

“I need to live among humans for…a little while.”

If Maggie noticed his hesitation, she didn’t show it. She
moved the coins, counting the amounts aloud until they were all tallied.

“Wow, not a bad haul. Next time I’m short on rent I’ll have
to send Dom out to hit a few fountains.” She counted out the bills, then placed
her hand over his as he reached for the money. “I don’t know what’s up, but if
you need help call Dom. He’d be here in an instant for you. You know that,
right?”

His wings, hidden from the humans, quivered at the name.
Every feather prickled in reaction. One in particular tingled with awareness.
His fingers itched to stroke it, to soothe it as he had so many times over the
past months. Dom’s feather. Its inky smear against the white of his own plumage
had been his anchor during the longest days of his existence, his comfort
through the pain of loss.

“I cannot see him. Don’t ask it of me, Maggie.”

“He misses you.”

“And I him.” Taking a small step back from the teller
window, he carefully folded the bills and placed them in his pocket.

“We’re not busy. I’ll go see if I can leave early and we can
talk. Why don’t you go wait over there,” she said, waving toward the exit.

He gave her a small nod of acquiescence and took a seat on a
bench near the door. He perched on the edge, his hands on his knees, and
watched the humans. Most went by him without a glance in his direction, but
others would look at him with puzzlement on their features, as if they knew he
wasn’t what he seemed. He ducked his head to stare at the floor.

Their prying eyes made him feel conspicuous, something an
angel should never be. A tingle of unease washed over his skin. He kept his
eyes averted and willed the people to pass by, tried to force the vulnerability
away.

“Is something wrong?”

His head snapped up and Maggie stood before him, her purse
in hand and her expression concerned.

“The humans watched me as they passed.”

“Is that bad?”

“No. I’m just unaccustomed to attention. I suppose if I
intend to be among them, I should expect to be noticed.”

She gave him another worried look before directing him out
of the bank. Once in her car she sat, key in hand, and stared at him as if he
were a riddle to solve. But then, to her, he probably was. “What’s going on,
Ren?”

He pointed his head forward and stared at the traffic
clogging the busy streets.

“Would you look at me?”

He tried. He truly did, but the act of turning his head and
meeting her eyes was more than he could handle. “Please, Maggie. Do not ask
what I cannot answer.”

“Then tell me what you can answer. Why do you need money? Is
it part of some mission, or task, or whatever angels get sent to do?”

“I have a date,” he blurted, unable to think of a more
dignified way to say it. His cheeks felt hot, hotter than could be blamed on
the sunshine.

“A date?” She stared at him, her attention seeming to pierce
the side of his head as he kept his eyes firmly forward. The light changed and
the cars began to move in a sluggish procession. “You’re dating a human? I
didn’t expect that one.” She started the car and backed out of the parking
spot. “So what’s her name?”

He kept his eyes focused on the cars moving around them
while his face grew hotter.

“Adam.”

She muttered a curse and the automobile lurched and slammed
to a halt as it hit a curb. “Okay. I really wasn’t expecting that. I thought
you weren’t into the boylove.”

“I don’t know if I am.” Or if he wasn’t. He didn’t know what
this yearning was or why he suddenly saw men and wondered what it might be like
to touch them.

A car horn honked and Maggie put the car in gear with
another curse. “You ran from Dom every time he tried to get close.”

He wanted to deny it, but the words would not come. It was
true. He had fled. The physical arousal he’d felt in the arms of his friend
frightened him.

“This attraction between males is frowned on in the Heavenly
Realm. The desire shamed me.”

“You hurt him.”

Ren’s eyes closed as an answering hurt sliced through his
own chest.

“That shamed me even more.”

A sad silence fell between them as she drove. Her
uncomprehending anger rolled over Ren in waves, pushing his guilt even further.

He should not have come here. He should have visited a bank
closer to Adam. Instead he’d come to Maggie for the comfort of being with
someone familiar. The stupid, thoughtless action reopened a wound he’d thought
healed.

Maggie didn’t utter a single word during the drive but her
anger with him was palpable. She pulled into a parking lot surrounded by trees,
giving them some respite from the heat of the sun. The excited squeals of
children playing rang from a nearby playground, but silence stretched out
painfully between the two of them.

“When are you going to tell me about Adam?” she asked after
several minutes.

“I do not know what to say about him.”

“Where did you meet?”

“I went to a coffeehouse in New Hampshire yesterday. He was
there.” Ren chose his words carefully, not wanting Maggie to know he’d
purposefully gone in search of a man. What would she think of him?

“New Hampshire? Ren, that’s on the other side of the
country.”

He cocked his head to one side. “Is his location a problem?”

“No, of course not. I’d just assumed he was closer, I
guess.”

Silence fell again, and the need to make amends grew.

“Maggie, despite the initial misunderstandings between us, I
count you as a friend.”

Her jaw dropped open and her eyes went wide. “Initial
misunderstandings? Ren, you were going to take me to Hell and feed me to
demons.”

“Someone had to do it.” Dom certainly hadn’t been making any
move toward taking the woman where she belonged. He’d been too enamored with
the sweetness and purity he’d seen in her.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Please.”

He stared at her, baffled. “I was upholding the Law. I had
no choice. The Law is my duty, the core reason for my existence.”

“I would have died!”

“You were already dead.” She had fallen prey to demons, shot
and poisoned by humans under their control. Only Dominicus’ determination kept
her alive.

Pain filled her face and she leaned back until there was as
much distance between them as the confines of the car would allow. Ren reached
out to cover her hand with his but she jerked away, the action stiff with anger
and hurt.

“If you are so big on the Law, why are you on Earth and
dating a human guy? Weren’t you the one telling Dom that angels and humans
don’t mix?”

“I reviewed the documents before I returned to the Earthly
Plane. As Dominicus pointed out, the Law prohibits offspring. There is no
chance of two men producing a child. I am not outside of the established
rulings.” His face went hot once more. Why did truth feel like prevarication?

The look in Maggie’s eyes made it clear she knew he wasn’t
being completely forthcoming. “What about the guy thing? I thought that was a
no-no.”

“It is socially shunned among my kind but the Law says
nothing on the subject.”

“I don’t understand you, Ren. Why? If you wanted to be with
a man, why not Dom? He loves you.”

“And I, him.”

“But you’re going out on a date with Adam. You broke Dom’s
fucking heart, insisting you couldn’t be with a guy. Now you’re hooking up with
another man.”

“I simply couldn’t. Not at that time and not with
Dominicus.” The emotions between them were too raw, the risk too great. Could
it be possible to love another too much?

She turned away from him then, staring out the windshield
with such resignation it broke his heart all over again. “He misses you. He
runs his fingers over that one white feather and looks so sad.”

The white feather. His feather, now a living part of
Dominicus, just as Dom’s black feather had become a part of his own wing. The
intimate exchange marked them for all to see.

He reached up to stroke Dom’s feather, forgetting for the
moment he had hidden his wings.

“Ren?” Maggie’s voice drew his attention back to her. “Are
you okay? You look a little lost.”

“It is nothing.” Just a relationship that never was and a need
he’d been to cowardly to face.

“Ren, I…” Maggie nibbled her lip and looked away.

“What is it?”

“Dom wants to get a blessing for us. He said it would be
like being married and since we can’t get legally married here he’d get a
blessing from the Most High.”

“Ah, little one, why does this make you frown? You should be
rejoicing.” He reached up and brushed his thumb over her brow, wishing he could
erase the unhappy creases marring it.

“I guess because I’m not sure how you’d feel about it,” she
said with a self-conscious shrug.

“Why should he be anything less than happy for you?” He
shouldn’t be. That little kernel of sadness and regret for what never was
shouldn’t be there. Taking a deep breath he willed it away, saying goodbye to
the little part of him which wondered about what might have been.

Dom was finally happy.

Ren grazed his fingertips over her face to cup her jaw.
Tipping her head up he looked into her eyes and willed her to see the truth in
his heart. “Maggie, accept this blessing and be happy. It means much more than
any human acknowledgment ever could. And know that you have my blessing, too.
Make him happy for me.”

“I want you to do something for me, Ren.” She placed her
hand on his arm, pinning him with that slight contact.

“I will gladly do anything in my ability.” Anything for this
woman who had saved his friend.

“Good. Come see Dom.”

Ren’s heart broke a little. “Oh, Maggie. You are a sweet
human, a pure soul. But you ask the one thing I cannot give. I will promise
you, give my oath, that if I am ever able, I will see Dom. But I cannot see him
now. I’m not strong enough, not brave enough to face him.”

She opened her mouth to protest but he leaned over and
silenced her with an affectionate brush of his lips against hers. “Now, I must
go. Goodbye, and remember, I bear you on my heart as well.”

* * * * *

Ren materialized on the college commons, his power drawn
around him to hide his presence from the humans. He stretched his wings,
relieved to hold his true form after a day of masquerade.

He’d barely found a comfortable bench on which to sit and
wait for Adam when an angel appeared beside him. The interloper wore heavenly
robes which gleamed in the autumn sun and his wings brushed against Ren’s own.
Ren didn’t need to turn to know the angel had the deep brown wings of a
guardian. The safety and peace he emanated were all that were needed to
identify him.