Forgotten: a truly gripping psychological thriller (7 page)

After half an hour of climbing steadily I reached a monastery and, in the absence of anyone to disagree, I christened it Shouning. The setting was spectacular, high on a ledge with an incredible view of the town sprawling along the valley below. The monastery was in a similar state to the one I had visited yesterday but it was surrounded by a small meadow of wild flowers, still in bloom this late in the year. I peered through the main gate, reluctant to disturb the peace of the place but the only creature I seemed likely to disturb was a small cat cleaning itself rigorously on the temple steps. It stopped licking between the pads of one front paw just long enough to see that I was harmless then continued its ablutions.

The map indicated a path behind the monastery which led out into the mountains, and, sure enough, there was a faint track through the dry grass and scrubby bushes. I thought this would eventually lead up to a ridge, if I had the strength and inclination to get that far. Two hours later I reached the crest of the ridge and I could see the path stretching ahead of me, still climbing. I sat on a boulder, enjoying the total silence and eating an apple. It’s funny that in a country of over a billion people there are still places where you can find utter silence. It was almost eerie. Just as I was pulling on my jacket against a chill blowing down from the high mountains ahead of me I noticed something moving in the grass. Fascinated, I crouched down, to discover the biggest spider I’ve ever seen. It was one of those really creepy ones with a small body and long thin legs, and it was heading for my foot. I jumped up and gathered my things together intending to carry on up until I saw two figures ahead of me on the ridge, heading in my direction.

My heart started pounding as I realised that both were men and I was completely alone and defenceless, two-and-a-half hours from the nearest town. I had two choices, turn round and hope they didn’t catch up with me or carry on past them. Suddenly this walk seemed like a really stupid idea. There was no way I could brazen out two strange men on my own. Disheartened and more than a bit scared I set off back down the hill. I kept looking round to see if they were chasing me and when I couldn’t see them I became convinced that they were part of a gang of muggers and were teasing me before chasing me towards their waiting friends. At one point they’d halved the distance between us and then I got the idea that they knew a short-cut and were going to head me off. This made me pick up my pace to a dangerous speed and I practically ran back to the monastery. It took about forty-five minutes to get down to a point where I felt safe enough to slow down to a fast walk rather than a canter and I made my way back to town trembling and sweating.

Sitting here in the dingy safety of my room I can’t help but wonder at my reaction. I’ve walked alone before, I’ve encountered strange men on the hills before, but not in the past few years. Was my fear rational or a reaction to what’s happened to me? I don’t want to be that person, I don’t want to be ‘damaged’. I thought this trip was giving me some confidence but now I feel like it’s three steps forward and two steps back. I know I’m now wary of venturing so far out on my own again but I don’t want to be limited by irrational fears. Maybe I’ll stay in town tomorrow and get some postcards written, then see how I feel. This might all look very different in a couple of days.

I wanted to see her as soon as I read the story in the paper. She sounded like she might be lost and vulnerable and in need of a friend. And what a good friend I’ll make! When I rang the hospital they told me that she was still unconscious – obviously trying to put me off – but I didn’t mind. I liked the idea of studying her while she was unable to do anything to stop me. It would be a chance to let my imagination run wild.

They wouldn’t let me see her on my own though. I had to be supervised by that simpering idiot of a doctor. The doc fell for my story like a charm – lapped up every word. It
was
a charm – an inspiration. I’d only planned to have a quick look, but when the doctor said that there was a good chance that she’d come round I thought I might stick around and see what developed. And what a development. It’s so beautiful. So perfect.

Amnesia. Classic. I couldn’t have come up with a better scenario if I’d planned it. And the doctor likes me, will probably trust me if I behave myself and play the concerned friend. Ekachai had been so eager to telephone my hotel to let me know that she was conscious but ‘troubled’. Christ, the doc played right into my hands – even told me that he thought seeing a new face would be good for her but ‘we have to be careful’.

Oh, I’m going to be
really
careful. There’s no way that I’m going to mess this up. It’s too good an opportunity.

She looked really beautiful in her sleep and I was worried that she would look different now that she’s awake and conscious. Her vulnerability is exciting. It fizzes with potential – but that could all change if I can’t get her to trust me. And it’s time for a new challenge. I’ve got Phet pretty much where I want her. God, Thai women are so bloody weak! A few slaps and they just roll over. Boring!

With
her
I can play the knight in shining armour. Just some passing stranger who took pity on an accident victim. What a hero! I can be her friend, look after her, train her. And I could have her all to myself. If I can get her away from the hospital we could go anywhere together.

I was surprisingly tense when I went back to the hospital. I wasn’t really sure what to expect but I was ready to do a runner if there were any problems – not that I expected there to be: I’m far too well prepared.

At first she didn’t know I was there. I just stood watching her, nervous, excited and wanting her at the same time. She hadn’t changed much since I’d last seen her, except for the cuts and bruises which were yellowing and starting to heal. She looked pale but pretty much okay considering she’d come so close to death. I wasn’t sure she knew just how close she had come.

Her arrogance amazed me. I’d expected her to be nervous, shaken by her experience but instead she was snappy and irritable. As soon as she saw me standing there she’d scowled at me and said, ‘It’s polite to knock.’

Yeah, knock your fucking brains out
, I’d thought, but I played the game, polite and friendly. No point in letting her wind me up. This is going to be a long game. This will take planning and finesse. I need a strategy.

I took a good look around the room before I sat down. Not looking for anything specific, but I didn’t want to miss anything, an opportunity. The room was nicer than I’d expected, better than the one they’d first put her in. But there was nothing of any interest in there. It was just a hospital room with a bathroom and a locked window and a buzzer next to the bed. I decided I’d be better off spending my time trying to convince her to come out with me. If I can get her away from there she won’t have any support and she’ll have to rely on me. She’ll have to learn to trust me.

She threw me off balance when she started asking me questions. I’d nearly forgotten the script for a minute because I was so busy studying her. I told her I was living in Chiang Mai, bloody stupid, but I think I covered it up. She probably thought I was overcome by her beauty or something and just wasn’t listening. God, I was struck by her looks, but I can’t allow myself to become distracted by the physical. There will be plenty of time for that later.

After that first slip I tightened my control and the rest of the morning was a breeze. She totally fell for the teacher thing and my story about thinking she was somebody that I knew. I even led her on a bit, pretending that I was trying to help her. I gave her a list of towns that she might be from, every northern town I could think of. It was funny in a pathetic way. She concentrated so hard on each word, really trying to remember and all the time I’d known it was hopeless, I was just playing with her. She’d believed me straight away when I’d said that she sounded northern. Why wouldn’t she?

Christ, I deserve an Oscar for that performance! I even held her hands, comforting her, telling her I could help, get her out of there. For a second, though, I’d thought I’d blown it. She pulled away from me with fear in her eyes – she obviously didn’t want me to touch her. I laughed it off and promised to get her out of there as soon as I could. God, the gratitude on her face was pathetic, what a fucking mess. So much to work with.

I sweet-talked the doctor for all of two minutes – no problem there – I can take her out whenever I want. Just turn on the charm. Works every time. I’m going to have to play this carefully though, she has people looking out for her and the police know about her. Still, it might be entertaining just to string her along for a while until I can get her away from everybody. And then the real fun can begin.

V

Ekachai hadn’t said which would come first, the trip outside or the hypnotherapy but his grim expression that afternoon confirmed Kai’s darkest suspicions. He pretended to check her chart again, keeping his back to her as he spoke.

‘I have spoken with my friend who would like to see you in the morning if you are willing.’

‘Do you think it’ll help?’

He turned to face her, his expression still grave and she could see that he was trying to work out an appropriate answer. Eventually he shook his head and sat wearily in his customary seat gripping the arms of the chair as though he needed some contact with the real and rational.

‘I have no way to know. I have heard that therapy of this kind can be almost miraculous but there are always those who have doubts. Some say it’s dangerous to put more pressure on a troubled mind but I really do not think so.’

He was telling her the truth, at least the truth as he saw it, and he obviously felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. Kai had the feeling that he was a dedicated doctor and a kind man but he seemed out of his depth with her and his false joviality was starting to crack.

‘If I change my mind will you still agree to let me out with Mark?’

He smiled sadly and held his hands in a praying gesture under his chin. ‘I am not your keeper, nor am I a monster. Keeping you in this room is only of limited use to both of us. I want you to remember who you are and it is my job to help you to do so – in any way I can.’

‘So I can still go,’ she stated with relief.

He bowed his head in acquiescence and she let out a deep breath that she hadn’t realised she’d been holding, embarrassed by her earlier suspicions of blackmail. She didn’t have to agree to anything she was uncomfortable with. But what was the alternative? A pale, slow dawn of consciousness? Endless darkness? A life of anonymity? Surely any chance was better than no chance at all?

Mustering up a bright smile that felt much more tentative than she’d intended she said, ‘Okay, I’ll give it a go. But there’s one other thing.’

Ekachai raised his eyebrows urging her to continue.

‘You have to
be
there and
stay
there. I don’t want to be left alone with this colleague of yours. I want to know that if something bad happens you’ll be there to take care of me.

‘Of course.’

‘That’s settled then, tomorrow it is. Do I finally get to leave this room?’

‘As you wish. I can bring my colleague here or you can go upstairs. Whichever you prefer.’

Kai considered for a few seconds looking round at her surroundings – everything in its place, everything the same as it always was. How would it feel to leave the safety and familiarity of her room, her sanctuary? But she couldn’t hide forever.

‘Let’s go there. Everything’s too familiar here, a change of scenery might help.’

‘As you wish,’ Ekachai repeated, ‘I’ll collect you after breakfast and we’ll go together.’

‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘I just hope it helps. I really need to move forward, to have some sort of hope for the future.’ She stopped, suddenly visualising the days and years ahead as a blank, not a darkness like the coma but a milky whiteness. Not threatening, not frightening, not welcoming, nothing. She could feel the increasing pressure of the blood coursing round her body, focussing in her head, resonating, reverberating.

‘What happens if it doesn’t work?’ she asked the doctor, fixing his eyes with her own, allowing him no escape from the truth. ‘What will happen to me if I don’t get my memory back? Will I have to stay here?’

Ekachai smiled. ‘I doubt that will happen. As I have told you there is no physical reason for your condition. You have made excellent progress in the past week and, if it was not for the amnesia, I would be thinking about discharging you.’

‘But?’ Kai prompted.

He looked away briefly as though considering whether to reveal something to her. ‘But, there are practical things to consider.’

‘Such as?’

‘Medical treatment in Thailand is not cheap. Western patients usually have travel insurance to cover their expenses. At the moment we are thinking that you too have such insurance. As your memory is still trying to hide from us all and as no-one has come forward with a positive identification we must start to consider contacting the embassies in Bangkok. If you are unable to tell us your identity we will try other means.’

‘So I’m a liability to the hospital if you don’t know who I am? Why not just let me go?’

‘Because the hospital took you in and now has a commitment to helping you.
I
have a commitment to helping you. We will continue to treat you like any other patient.’

‘But you won’t let me go until my bill has been paid?’

‘I cannot keep you here against your will.’ His expression was evasive. ‘But, as you have nowhere to go, it is in all our best interests if you stay and continue your treatment.’

He was studying her face as though assessing whether he’d said too much. Kai considered the implications of his words. One way or another she was going to discover her true identity. She tried to imagine being told her real name by someone else, some official from her own country. It would be meaningless. He could tell her all about herself, her past, her family and it would mean nothing if she couldn’t remember it for herself. Hypnotherapy was beginning to seem much less daunting.