Forgotten: a truly gripping psychological thriller (12 page)

‘Hey, if it’s too soon…’ Mark held his hands out in a frozen shrug. ‘Don’t worry about it. It can wait another couple of days, I don’t want to push you.’

He was trying so hard to please her and seemed so sincere that Kai felt bad for letting him down. After all, this was what she had wanted, had craved. Was she just being cowardly because she was reluctant to leave the safe and familiar?

‘Where would we go?’ she asked, trying to buy a little more thinking time.

‘How about a walk to a quiet part of town. We’re on the outskirts here; there are some pretty alleyways and old temples.’

‘I like temples, apparently,’ she grinned, remembering the descriptions of the monasteries in the diary. ‘And monks.’

He looked puzzled by her response.

‘Well, according to my diary I do.’

‘So how about it?’ he urged gently. ‘Any time you like we can turn around and come straight back. I’ll tell Doctor Ekachai where we’re going – I’ll even draw him a map if you like.’

Still she hesitated. Mark was a stranger, but then everyone was a stranger and she had to learn to trust people or everyone she ever met would always be a stranger. She felt her hesitancy disintegrating, crumbling beneath Mark’s infectious enthusiasm.

‘Okay, but you’ll have to give me some time to make myself decent.’

‘Take as long as you like. I’ll wait outside.’

He left in a breeze of optimism, leaving Kai to scrutinise her reflection in the bathroom mirror and splash a little cold water on her hands and face. She could tell she was getting better, despite her earlier fatigue and her hands no longer shook when she looked at her reflection – a big improvement: she was no longer afraid of herself. Through the journal she was getting to know herself again and she was starting to like what she’d gleaned of the person she used to be.
A good sign
she thought.
Maybe I’m a nice person when you get to know me.
She grinned at herself in the mirror and the smile looked natural, unlike some of her previous attempts, which had a serial killer quality to them. Her clothes were a bit of a let-down though – a nondescript blue T-shirt and a pair of light cotton trousers with a tie-dyed pattern. Not really what she’d have chosen for her re-entry into the world but it would have to do, she didn’t really have much to choose from.

Taking a deep breath she crossed her room, resisting the urge to glance at the bed with her scatter of belongings thrown across the covers, and went out into the corridor. No looking back.

As he’d promised, Mark was waiting just outside the door to her room and his face lit up like a teenager on a first date when he saw her smiling at him.
Funny, that’s how I feel
, Kai thought, enjoying the unfamiliar sensation, a combination of excitement and nervousness.

Mark didn’t hesitate when she ignored the lift doors and headed for the stairs instead, leaving Kai relieved that she was able to avoid a further confrontation with one of her fears. After a steady walk down two flights of stairs Kai found herself in the hospital reception area, which bristled with efficiency and competence. It wasn’t what she’d been imagining at all. It was a huge atrium, reaching up at least three storeys with clusters of soft seats grouped around brightly painted pillars. In one corner a man in a smart suit sat reading a paper and in another a family were all staring at the screens of their mobile phones. There was little indication that this was a hospital apart from the signs next to the doors, which had English translations of departments and ward numbers.

An attractive woman in a dazzling white uniform smiled politely at Kai and Mark as they passed the main desk, making Kai feel much less conspicuous than she’d expected. A row of chairs guarding the double doors of the entrance was empty except for an old woman nursing a large shopping bag and looking extremely uncomfortable. Her face was screwed up into deep lines of emotion or pain and she seemed unaware of her surroundings. Kai turned to Mark, suddenly worried.
Outside
wasn’t as attractive as she’d first hoped – there was pain out here, people who might be even worse off than herself. Mark looked at the woman and shrugged, taking Kai’s arm above the elbow and steering her to the door in exactly the same way as Ekachai had done earlier.

Instead of feeling reassured, Kai felt annoyed. She shook him off and, averting her gaze from the old woman, she strode confidently through the large glass doors as they opened for her with an obliging electrical hum. She’d done it. She was outside.

Her relief was short-lived however, as the heat breathed its dragon breath on her unprepared skin and the sun threw blinding sparks into her eyes.

‘Christ,’ she mumbled, shielding her eyes with the back of her hand and making instinctively for the shade.

‘Here,’ she felt Mark nudge her hand.

Kai squinted up at him and saw he was offering her a pair of sunglasses. Grasping them gratefully and still shading her eyes with one hand, she hurriedly put them on. She lowered her hand slowly and discovered that she could see adequately enough to take in some of her surroundings. Kai was surprised to discover that she was in the car park that was visible from the window of her room. It didn’t quite fit in with her perception of the twists and turns of the corridor and stairs she had followed to get here, or maybe it was the unexpected heat that was disorientating her.

‘You okay?’ Mark asked, his bulk looming over her and blocking out some of the light.

‘Fine,’ she breathed, ‘just a little shocked by the heat.’

‘Just stand still for a couple of minutes. Get used to it.’ He leaned against the wall next to her and together they studied the car park.

‘What do you think was wrong with that woman in there?’ she asked, uncomfortable with the silence that was threatening to blanket them.

‘She seemed upset,’ he said. ‘Maybe someone died.’

Kai was surprised that there was no interest in his voice. His concern for invalids seemed to extend no further than herself and her unusual predicament.

‘Don’t you care?’ she asked.

He shrugged. ‘At the moment I’m worried about making sure you have a good time and that occupies most of my capacity for sympathy. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I’m not very good with illness and all that.’

‘So how come you’re here?’

He turned to her grinning, ‘Because I’m pretty sure you’re not infectious.’

She laughed and allowed him to persuade her away from the wall and out into the sunlight. It was strangely liberating to leave the car park and get away from anything connected with her recent past but Kai couldn’t help but look back after crossing the busy road. The hospital was still there – a reassuring white cliff rising above the sea of traffic.

As Mark had promised, the streets were quiet and most people who passed seemed to barely see them, obviously too occupied with their own business to notice two more European tourists. Kai discovered a second function of her sunglasses – as well as keeping her from stumbling blindly into the path of the intermittent traffic they allowed her to study her surroundings, and passers-by, unobtrusively.

The alleys that Mark led her down were narrow with high walls looming on either side. An occasional spill of bright pink hibiscus brightened up their path. Kai found herself fascinated by the Thai script that covered the posters on telegraph poles and gates and was even more interested to discover so much in English. It was like she’d crossed over into another world that was not only enchanting but surprisingly hospitable.

Above the walls the sky was impossibly blue and cloudless, occasionally flecked with sparrows or a dove hurrying away to an unknown rendezvous. Bumble bees buzzed heavily among the blooms and, when she looked down, the road was alive with ants, busy with some endless task.

‘God, it’s so alive!’ she breathed, unable to believe that she’d been reluctant to leave her room and witness this. ‘It’s not like England in the winter.’

‘No,’ Mark agreed, ‘It’s more like…’

The rest of his sentence hung in the air, unspoken, as they both realised what Kai had just said. She stopped and closed her eyes, willing herself on but all she saw was static and darkness, tinged red by the sunlight bleeding through her eyelids. ‘Mark,’ she said, trying to keep the rising panic out of her voice. ‘I don’t know where that came from. I don’t remember England in the winter but I know it’s not like this. How do I know that?’

He studied her face, excited by her revelation. ‘You must remember; somewhere in your subconscious you know that this is foreign. Maybe it’s sort of like an instinct. Surely it’s a good sign.’

‘Who knows?’ she shrugged. ‘Maybe I read it somewhere, like in my journal or a magazine.’ She thought of Ellen and her prism of light. Had she really unlocked something in such a short space of time? Was there going to be a flood at some time in the near future? And was she really ready for it?

‘Is your journal helping?’ Mark asked.

She shrugged. ‘Not much, not really. It’s too hard to relate to myself.’

‘Does it mention your past much, like what your job is at home, who your friends are, that sort of thing?’ He was studying her intently as though his need to know her past was even greater than her own.

Kai wasn’t prepared to share her new understanding of herself with him, especially as his interest suddenly seemed too intense, his questions too personal.

‘I suppose when you write a diary it’s just for yourself,’ she said. ‘You know all the background, you understand all the obscure comments and references otherwise it would be like writing an autobiography. It’s all about the trip.’

Mark looked disappointed and she felt a bit like she’d let him down by not sharing what she was starting to believe about herself, but she had to be certain of her memories and not deceived by shadows from her subconscious. And she had to be certain of Mark. She didn’t want to have her hopes turn to despair if his friendship was only a passing interest. She had resolved to give it time and that’s what she intended to do, despite her traitor mouth wanting to blurt out things that she didn’t understand. Time to move on.

They walked in silence for a while, Kai trying to recapture that feeling of wonder at her surroundings.

‘How long have you been in Thailand?’ she asked trying to shake Mark out of his despondency.

‘Just over six months.’

‘You must like it here, to have stayed so long.’

‘It’s great,’ he responded with enthusiasm. ‘There’s nowhere quite like it. I love the religion, the weather, and the people are wonderful, really friendly and helpful.’ He looked around as though trying to find something to support his feelings and pointed at a brick structure, half visible over the top of a wall.

‘See that?’ She nodded

‘It’s a stupa. It marks a holy place. Thailand’s full of them, loads more than English churches. You can be wandering down the most awful side street and suddenly you’ll come across something like that, painted gold, just shining at you. It’s fantastic. The other day I was sitting in a café having dinner when a group of monks walked past. There must have been about a dozen, all in their saffron robes. It was like a parade or something.’

Kai studied the brickwork. The stupa didn’t look fantastic. It looked decrepit and abandoned. She smiled at Mark’s eagerness and headed off along the alley.

‘Hey,’ he said, ‘sorry if I sound like some sort of fanatic. I just really like it here.’

‘No?’ she said feigning surprise.

He grinned shyly. ‘Did I get a bit carried away?’

‘Just a bit. Still, it’s not a bad quality in a guide. Where are we going?’

‘I want to show you one of the oldest wats in town.’

‘What’s a wat?’ she asked, amused at the ridiculous sounding question. ‘I mentioned one in my diary. Is it a type of temple?’

‘It’s just what the Thais call temples,’ he shrugged. ‘Funny name I suppose.’

They continued through the labyrinth of streets, Mark telling her which way to turn at every junction instead of leading the way. It was a nice gesture, making her feel more independent, more in charge. Eventually they stopped in front of a nondescript wooden gate and Mark turned the iron handle, stepping back to let Kai pass. For a moment she was frozen to the spot, it was like she’d stepped through a doorway in time and suddenly gone back hundreds of years.

The door led into a dusty courtyard, its stone slabs cracked into crazy paving with grass clinging tenaciously to any hint of soil. They wandered across to the far end of the courtyard where an ancient temple sat, its roof supported by huge wooden pillars which bore the scars and scratches of time, dark markings like ancient writing. A short flight of steps and a lipped door guarded the inner sanctuary. Kai climbed the steps and peered in uncertainly.

‘It’s okay, you can go inside, just take your shoes off first.’

She slipped off her sandals and sunglasses and stepped across the threshold on to the cool, polished stone inside. The smell of incense took her breath away for a second and she gasped, struggling for air. The feeling passed quickly and she stepped further away from the door, allowing her eyes to adjust to the gloom. The temple was surprisingly plain, the walls undecorated and the pillars painted a flat, dark red. At the far end, glowing faintly in the dim light from the doorway was a huge, golden Buddha, his hand raised in blessing and his mouth curved fractionally into a faint smile.

‘Wow,’ she whispered.

‘Quite something, isn’t he?’

She simply stared, too intimidated by the sheer size of the figure to move. The flames from a few candles were multiplied into a bonfire of light by the reflection from the dazzling paint on the figure, so that his white eyes looked like they were staring out from a furnace. His expression was benign as though he was used to suffering and the blaze could have no power over him. He was invincible in his passivity.

Kai felt suddenly saddened by what she had lost. The figure should have sparked memories of the other wonderful and improbable things she had seen on her travels, but there was nothing there, no echoes, no comparisons.

‘Over here,’ Mark said and she tore her eyes away from that benevolent gaze and joined Mark in a dim corner. ‘Look.’