Forgotten (4 page)

Keegan was fussy. It was an unusual enough occurrence that Kaie wasn’t certain how to handle it. He made his best attempt at crafting a stuffed animal for his son about a month ago, cutting snippets from the hide door, pulling threads from the edges of their shirts, and filling it with a couple handfuls of sand Vaughan brought for the project. It was just about the ugliest thing in the world, but the little guy seemed to love it. Usually, all it took to win one of those coveted giggles was waving the poor misshapen creature around a bit. Maybe toss in a weird noise, if things seemed particularly dire. But it wasn’t working today, and neither was anything else he tried. Not even the flute. The kid seemed determined to be unhappy.

“Come on man,” he pleaded. “Your mom just left. I know you’re not hungry again already. You’re clean, you’re warm. What in the Abyss do you want from me?”

Keegan pushed himself to his feet, rocking back and forth dangerously. That was happening a lot. Peren thought it was adorable. Kaie found it worrisome. It meant the kid would be walking soon, and that didn’t bode well. He wasn’t going to be around to watch their son when that started, and then she would be stuck trying to chase down a mobile infant while running her deliveries.

“He knows what’s coming.”

Kaie rubbed his face and fought the urge to hit the small man sitting
beside him. Two days were gone
since Josephine’s warning, and the numbers ticking by in his head were growing more and more insistent. “He’s
ten
months old, Vaughan. He knows that he likes sticking everything into his mouth. That’s about the extent of it.”

“You’re wrong,” the blonde boy insisted. “He knows.”

“Gods,” Kaie sighed, making a desperate attempt to stop the crying by scooping Keegan up and tossing the little guy around. It tended to result in him wearing spit-up, but it always got a giggle.
This time
i
t stopped the constant grating howls, but the laughter seemed reluctant to put in an appearance. He wasn’t about to give up, though. “Why don’t we quit trying to assign my son god-like knowledge and act like he’s just a
baby.
What did Peter say?”

Vaughan hesitated. It was no secret that the other man was the favorite of the Mistress’s son. Or that the arrangement was one he worked for. It got all of them a good deal of special favors, like fruit for Peren and a house to themselves, though Vaughan was expected to stay in the son’s rooms except during visits. It also got them access to information that, so far as Kaie could tell
,
no other slave on the estate could get. If the price was high, no one questioned that it was worth it.

“He didn’t know. He says the whole thing is depressing and wouldn’t talk about it,” Vaughan answered with obvious misery. “I couldn’t press it too hard. I can’t get him angry at me. Not now.”

Not, Kaie understood, when the boy’s sister was about to be left alone with kid less than a year old, and no help but what Vaughan could provide by selling himself to the Mistress’s son. “I get it. Don’t press. But you didn’t learn anything? I thought you said the Mistress is trying to get him more involved
in managing the estate
. Wasn’t there anything about the Namers coming?”

Vaughan shook his head. “He doesn’t have me read all of it. He gets bored of it quickly and then has me read… other things.”

The boy turned bright red. Kaie let the matter drop. He didn’t want to know what the Lord Peter made Vaughan read
.
“So we don’t know if Josephine was telling the truth.”

“I’d believe her,” Vaughan answered lowly. “We knew the Namer was going to come back. Josephine has no reason to lie, does she?”

Kaie snorted. “How in the Abyss would I know the answer to that?”

Keegan giggled at last then spit up all over the front of Kaie’s shirt. He sighed and kissed the top of his son’s head before depositing the boy back on the blanket. He made it all the way over to the bucket of water, managed to pull off the dirty shirt and dunk the washcloth to clean
himself
off, before Keegan started crying again.

He sighed again.

“Alright.”
He wiped himself off quickly,
then
returned to the baby. So long as he kept rubbing Keegan’s back, the howls were replaced with whimpers. “So Namers are coming.
Multiple.
That doesn’t sound promising. What’s the solution?”

“There isn’t one. I’m sorry Kaie, but any other solutions were gone the first time they took you to that cell.”

He scowled. “There’s always a solution. I’m going to get my moment. Think. Do you know anything going on in the next two weeks that could help?”

Vaughan leaned back against the wall, resignation in every line of the man’s body.
“Nothing.
It’s winter, Kaie. Nothing’s being grown, nothing’s being shipped. Lady Luna won’t return from her trip to Uraz until the spring, and no one travels this time of year. I doubt even bandits bother for another four months. The only people on the roads at all are going to be the Hollows headed for Jorander.”

He stopped. Keegan noticed and threatened to unleash the ear splitting shrieks until he started rubbing again.
“The Hollows here?
They’re being sent off as well?”

Vaughan shot him a confused look.
“Of course.
No estate keeps more than two Hollows around at any time. They’re mostly useless and tend to get murdered when they’re left
around family and friends.
It’s
mercy, but the Namers don’t see it that way. There are six here now. So when the soldiers come, four of them will be taken.”

“When will that be? Do you know?”

“Any day now.
They were expected weeks ago, but Lord Peter says the roads have been bad lately and…” Vaughan blinked. Kaie watched as realization washed over the other boy. “Oh!”

He grinned. “Seems kind of fitting, doesn’t it? I was supposed to be one of them, after all.”

“Oh no.
That’s not a good idea.”

“You said that about training my magic too.”

“And I was right! You have learned nothing
bu
t how loud you can yell before Boss Geo comes to see what the commotion is about!”

“
We weren’t caught
,” Kaie insisted.

“Fine,” the other man allowed, “but how do you intend to sneak in? The Hollows might not say anything, but the soldiers are bound to notice. They aren’t as forgiving as the Mistress; it won’t be whipping or a cut of rations if you’re caught. Someone will come across your rotting corpse in a couple months, and no one
will here will
even know to mourn you.”

“There won’t be anything to catch, if they think I’m a Hollow too.”

Vaughan’s eyes widened to the size of fists. “You can’t!”

“Sure I can. I spent a long time not speaking, before they brought me back here. It’s easier than you think. And anyone can stare blankly into space when their lives depend on it.”

“No,” his friend insisted. “I know you can
do
it, I mean you don’t want to. Kaie, you have no idea what it means to be a Hollow with the military! You’re better off waiting for the Namers!”

“They can only follow simple instructions.
There’s
only a couple of things a military would do with people like that. I’m guessing they’re the ones thrown in to enemy ambushes and certain death. That only matters if I can’t get away before we reach the front lines.”

“It might matter a lot sooner than that. I’ve heard what the soldiers say about the Hollows, when they’ve come before. They don’t just get sent off to die. I think… I’m pretty sure the soldiers have sex with them too.”

That
could make things complicated. He wasn’t going to play statue while some sword waving asshole tried to poke him. But that only mattered if someone decided to try. There was no reason to assume he would be put in that situation. He would plan for it, but he wasn’t about to scrap the idea on a possibility.

“Doesn’t matter.”
He picked up Keegan and climbed to his feet. The boy made unhappy noises, but didn’t start screaming, so Kaie started pacing. “Is there any way to get another body added to that list? Make the soldiers think there should be five?”

“I…” Vaughan stared at the floor and chewed on a lip.
“Maybe.
Are you… are you sure about this? You can’t take Peren and Keegan with you.”

“That is no different than it ever was.”

Vaughan pursed his lips. “You are leaving them to a hard life.”

Kaie shrugged. It wasn’t an easy knowledge to live with. It kept him awake since Josephine told him about the time limit on his happy family. “I’ll be doing it to them one way or another. You survived without any parents. At least Keegan will have you and Peren.”

The other man
frowned
. “I survived because she needed me. That wasn’t enough for our mother. What if it’s not enough for Peren either?”

“She’s stronger than that,” he insisted. “She’s not going to let Keegan grow up without her.”

Vaughan let out a slow breath. “My mother said that too, once.”

“That won’t happen with her.”

“You can’t be sure of that. Peren’s too young to understand what she’s signed up for, but we both know this life has broken more than have survived it.”

Kaie snorted. “You’re big brother routine is touching.
Truly.
But Peren’s plenty old enough to understand. She’s what, twenty?
And a mother.
At some point, you’re going to have to face the fact that she’s a grown-up too.”

“More like twelve,” Vaughan muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “It doesn’t matter how old she is. She’s still my sister, and Keegan is still your son. That’s supposed to mean something.

Kaie shook his head. He couldn’t explain how much it meant to him. He couldn’t even give Vaughan a hard time about the unfair comment about Peren’s maturity. The conversation couldn’t continue. It was too easy to think about Peren curling up into herself every night, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Too easy to imagine all the ways his life might end up ruining hers.

“I need to know where this pick-up is happening, and how to get there without my own Hollow shadow or Boss Geo interfering.”

“I… You want me to figure all of that out?”

“No. You find out the first part. Smart people will handle the rest.”

The boy nodded, not responding to the insult.

“Okay. Then we just have to figure out a way to set the Autumnsong estate on fire without killing anyone.”

Vaughan groaned but didn’t argue.

“What do you think?”

Peren tilted her head to the right, the way that always reminded him of a bird. “It’s not stupid.”

“Of course not,” Kaie scoffed. “I’m asking if you have any ideas about ditching the Hollow escort and Geo.”

“Yes.”

He waited. She said nothing else, just tucked a blanket around Keegan. The kid didn’t
so
much as whimper.
Brat.

Peren came back to sit against the wall, taking her usual place under his arm. He felt the tension drain from her shoulders as she pressed against him. This was Kaie’s favorite part. Well, second favorite, but a close second. Would she still relax like that, when he was gone?

“Well?”

“Well what?”

He scowled at her, but she batted her long blonde eyelashes at him with such an overdramatic imitation of innocence, the expression dissolved into a chuckle. “Well, what’s your recipe for rat stew? You know what.”

“Oh that. Yes. I have a cunning plan.”

“Gods woman.
Cut the games and just tell me.”

She snickered and poked him in the side hard enough to bruise. “That’s not asking nice.”

Kaie rolled his eyes. “Peren, precious, would you please tell me what you’ve thought of to keep the bad folks from scooping out my brain again?”

“Better.” She tipped her head up like she was thinking.
Or trying to get a kiss.
It was hard to tell with this girl. “But no. You haven’t earned it yet.”

He sighed. “What?”

“You’re always so serious.
All sweaty work-outs and broody plotting.
And broody storming out.
Some of it is quite sexy, but it’s no fun. You should tell me jokes or a story. You were always good at telling stories.”

“Peren,” he squeezed the bridge of his nose between the fingers of his free hand. “I don’t know any stories
anymore
.”

“So make one up!” She insisted. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle her or laugh. Both options were appealing.
“Or… oh!
Sing me a song!”

Mother of his child.
Laugher it was. “I’m not singing.”

“I bet you have a great singing voice!” Peren prodded. “If you won’t sing for my idea, won’t you sing for me?”

He twisted around until they were facing each other, tucking a strand of her hair back behind her ear. “I am not going to sing, Peren.”

She sighed and slumped back against the wall, pulling away from him. “You’re no fun. Sometimes I miss when you were fun.”

He tried to keep his face blank.
S
he saw through it. She lifted a hand to his cheek, flashing a smile that showed off the gap in her front teeth. “Hey, I said sometimes. This, all this, it means you’re leaving. I just wish you could be happy for a little bit of the time you’ve got left with us.”

“What makes you think I’m not?” That
hurt too
.

“Because you’re different this time.
Before, with you being all lost and broken, you needed me. This time you don’t need me. You don’t need anybody. You’re all angry and intense and full of fiery purpose, and it doesn’t seem to leave you room for anything else. I like to think you stay here because you want me… But if you do, it’s not because I make you happy. I know that. I just wish it could be.”

Kaie grimaced. He wanted to tell her how wrong she was, how the glimmer of happiness he got from imagining her in his cell was just a shadow of what he found here with her and Keegan
.
T
he words got caught in his throat. If he said it out loud, she could use it against him.

“It’s not a game Peren.”

She shook her head and folded her legs up against her chest. “You’re wrong. That’s all life is.” Peren tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ears and pursed her lips. For a moment, Kaie was afraid she was going to cry. She didn’t.

“Boss Josephine told you about the revolt last time you were taken,” she began slowly. “They asked me to join them. I didn’t, because of Keegan. And because I knew you would be mad at me, if I threw away my life for yours. But I do know everyone
who did
. Not all of them were from East Field, either.”

Kaie arched his eyebrow as he tried to banish images of Peren being executed from his mind. “Who in West Field gives a damn about me?
Aside from you.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled.
“Plenty of people.
You have this thing about you – you always have – where people around you just feel more… hopeful. I’ve never been able to figure out what it is. You remind us all of what we used to be, and what we might be again.
Some people hate you for it, but mostly it makes everyone want to be with you.
On your side.”

“Anyway, only one person from West Field joined the actual riot. The plan was to bring you here – to me, I think – once the others got you out. So there had to be people here waiting, to protect and help you when you got here and could plan the
escape. None of them were caught
. They’re all still waiting for your great bid for freedom.”

Kaie flinched. “I’m going to lead a bunch of idiots to their deaths to cover my own escape.”

Peren studied him thoughtfully. It was the same look she gave to the stew every night. It left him feeling a distinctly unpleasant kinship with his dinner.
“Why not?”

He scowled.
“Because.”
Because he liked the tiny smile on her lips each morning, when she looked through him and saw something good. Because he never wanted her to look at him the way Josephine did, back at the well, with disappointment and
a
desire to be done with him. Because she and Keegan would be left behind to face the consequences of anything he did to get away and it was bad enough that he was abandoning them without adding more deaths to his name. Because he didn’t want his son growing up thinking he was a monster.

“Oh. Because. I see now.” Peren shrugged her shoulders. “They don’t need to die to be a distraction. And that’s really all you need.”

The instant the last word was out of her mouth, everything snapped into place. It was all so perfect he laughed out loud.

“I knew you would figure it out,” Peren said softly. She leaned forward and ran her fingertips across his jawline. “I didn’t think it would be harder to say goodbye this time. I didn’t think it could be.”

Kaie grinned and caught her fingers up in his hand, kissing them as he tugged her gently forward, into his arms. “I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

She gave him a stern look, but let him pull her close. “Don’t think you can have your way with me, just because you’ve figured things out.”

“Or because I have almost every night?” He teased.

She stuck out her tongue.
“Exactly.
I’m not that kind of girl.”

“Come on Peren,” he coaxed, kissing her wrist as he pulled her into his lap. “This might be my last night with you. Tomorrow, I might be running for my life, with nothing but dreams of you to keep me company. If you say no, we can forget it. But, if this is our last night, couldn’t we spend it like this?”

She blinked, looking at him owlishly. She pulled back from the kiss he was trying to place on her neck, but not far enough to be a rejection. “Why did you say that?”

Kaie smirked. “Because I am trying to be so charming, you have no choice but to bed me.”

Peren laughed, hard enough to turn her face red and bring out a handful of snorts.
“Oh no!
It’s going to take more than a charming smile to win me over! You are going to have to earn it!”

“Earn it?” He tried to frown but got the feeling it wasn’t very convincing. “I told you already, I’m not singing!”

“If you want me to take these pants off, you will this time!”

And, because he really did want those pants off, this time he did.