Forgiving Reed (Southern Boys #1) (6 page)

Chapter Ten

After the barbeque, I laid low. I crawled back into the shell I found safe. The one that kept me from guilt and situations that may bring it on. If it was only Rhett and me, things were a little easier.

I had been having these crazy dreams where he was still alive and happy. In those dreams, he was there with us, watching Rhett, loving him. I always woke up with a sense of loss all over again. On those days, I felt drained and empty. It was like losing him all over again.

Days I spent in the classroom were so hard. I had to paint on a happy face and pretend my life wasn’t black and sad. I began wondering if I shouldn’t take Reed up on the offer. I couldn’t go on like this. I had to move forward, for Rhett.

***

My day turned out to be an awful one. I had two kids throw up during class, and a third one on the playground. It appeared the stomach flu had struck, and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. If they weren’t throwing up, they were crying because their friend was. I had reached my vomit quota for the day. All I wanted to do was go get Rhett, and then get home for a hot shower.

I left school with one hell of a headache, plus a bitchy attitude I was trying to tame. What made the task real hard was when I pulled into my parents’ driveway and saw that damn black truck. 

“No!” I whispered to myself. I slammed my Escape into park and jumped out, leaving the door standing open while I stared off toward the fields just south of the barn. My heart sank and my eyes filled with tears.

“Hey, baby girl, what’s wrong?” Momma asked as she walked up next to me.

“What’s he doing here, Momma? Why’s he holding my son?” My gaze met hers, waiting for her to tell me why Reed was holding Rhett along the fence line. I turned back to watch as he took Rhett’s little hand into his and gently stroked along Hurricane’s mane, my dad’s prizewinning horse. My chest tightened as the scene played out in front of me. Reed smiled down at Rhett, and he giggled when Hurricane let out an ‘hfph’ noise.

“Answer me, Momma.”

“He’s helping your daddy. The fence needed replacing, and Reed’s kinda become the handyman around town. He offered his hands, your daddy couldn’t handle it all on his own.”

“Of course he offered.” I wiped away the tears and cleared my throat. I turned to face Momma. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t allow men Rhett doesn’t know to carry him around.”

I never gave her a chance to answer. I walked off in their direction. Reed looked up as my feet crunched against the gravel, making my presence known. “Hey.”

“Can I have my son?” I held out my arms. Rhett came on his own, and I held him close. I swiveled around, walking back toward my car. I could hear his steps coming fast behind me.

“I was just showing him the horse. He looked like he was having some fun with it.” His deep, husky voice caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand and chills to run down my spine. I was fighting to control the tears that were so close to spilling over. “Kori, I’m sorry if I did something wrong.”

I placed Rhett in his car seat and slammed the door shut, bracing myself against the door. I took in a deep breath, and when I was sure I could control my heart from taking over my brain, I turned to face him.

“You’re here to help my daddy. You’re not here to take the place of my son’s father. I don’t need you to swoop in and save us. I’m doing fine on my own, and I don’t need you, or anyone else, for that matter.”

Once in my vehicle, I floored the gas, spinning loose gravel. The moment I hit the main road the tears fell heavy. Seeing him hold my son was too much. It hurt knowing Rhett may look at him as a substitute for Blake. I wasn’t ready for something like that, and I wasn’t sure I ever would be.

My heart ached fiercely with every breath I l took. My throat burned, and my stomach tightened.

***

“Did you hear that? Listen…” Blake whispered as we lay in bed side by side.

“Dah, Dah,” filtered in through the speaker of the baby monitor. “Dah…Dah.”

“He said Dada, did you hear him, Kori?”

Blake’s excitement was evident. I smiled and rolled toward him, placing my hand on his bare chest. “I heard him, baby.”

“I told you his first word would be daddy.” His cockiness was oozing in his words. He tickled me, and I attempted to roll away, only to have him follow me across the bed. His body pinning mine to the mattress. He held both of my hands above my head with one of his. Using his other hand he continued to torture me over and over, by tickling my sides.

“Okay, please stop. Blake, seriously, you’re gonna make me pee my pants.”

He chuckled and leaned over me to place his lips against mine softly. “I love you so much, Kori. You have no idea how special you are to me.”

“I think I have an idea. You’re pretty special, too.”

Lowering his body over mine, he braced his arms next to each side of my face, grazing over my jaw with his thumb, just before kissing me once more. “Marry me?”

Tears filled my eyes and spilled over. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Soon, though. I’m ready for you to be my wife.”

I woke with a jolt and began looking around the room. My cheeks were moist from the freshly fallen tears. It felt so real, like he was there, holding me. I broke and sobbed to the point of exhaustion. It was all just a dream.

I was torn because the dreams of Blake were welcomed, yet extremely sad. They left me aching for him in such an intense way, it was almost crippling. His voice in my ear felt so real, and his touch, sometimes I could still feel it hours after one of my dreams.

Then the bad parts washed over me, and I would cry for hours after the visions faded. When the presence of him could no longer be felt, the anger hit and took over. I felt like sometimes the anger was out of control. Like I was going crazy with it. That thought was scary.

I had to find a way to deal with this. A way to handle the range of emotions coursing through me daily. It was then that I admitted I may not be able to do this on my own. I may in fact need someone to help guide me.

Chapter Eleven

“It’s right next to his daddy’s house. You can’t miss it. It’s a huge place. He’s done most of the building himself.” I turned on to Cooper Lane and drove south. It had been three days since I yelled at Reed. I have been going over the entire scene in my head. I needed to apologize to him. He didn’t deserve my anger, not when all he was trying to do was be a friend. I directed all my hurt and frustration toward him, and now it was time I let him know he did nothing wrong. I acted out of line, like a complete bitch.

Once my tires made contact with the gravel driveway, my stomach began to flutter. My heart raced, and for a moment I contemplated turning around to go back home. I took a deep breath and gently pushed the gas pedal as the huge, beautiful home came into view.

His father’s home still sat on the edge of the property, but off in the distance, Reed’s home towered over it. It was breathtaking, with a welcoming wraparound porch. It had its very own porch swing tucked off to the side.

Placing my Escape in park, I climbed out and nervously twisted my hands together. I heard a ferocious bark, and a jolt of fear ran through me. I hugged the side of my vehicle. Defensive mode kicked in as I pictured the dog behind the bark.

“Diesel! Get your ass back here,” Reed’s deep voice called out, and the beautiful Husky halted in his tracks. Whimpering once, he turned and ran back in the direction of the house. I let out the breath I wasn’t aware I was holding until then.

Looking up, my chest felt tight, and the air in my lungs constricted. Reed was standing at the edge of the porch. He was shirtless, tan, and perfect. His jeans were hanging low on his hips, hugging his thick, muscular thighs. My mouth went dry at the vision of him wearing his worn boots and Stetson. A tingling sensation started at the base of my neck and rolled down my back, overwhelming my senses.

He was watching me with one eyebrow lifted. I realized his mouth was moving, and I forced myself to snap out of my lustful state. Feeling ashamed and slightly embarrassed, I averted my eyes, looking off toward the field to our right.

“I uh, um, just wanted to stop by and say I was sorry.” I looked back up just in time to catch the tail end of a grin.

“Sorry for what exactly?” His voice was so deep and sinful. I needed to get my shit together. I was fumbling through my thoughts, and they were running rampant.

Mentally counting to ten, I looked up and forced a smile. “I was awful to you, and you did nothing to deserve it. I needed to apologize for acting so childish and cruel to you. You were trying to be a friend.”

He bit the inside of his lower lip, and it brought back memories. The gesture was one he used often when fighting the urge to laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked placing my hands on my hips.

Reed shook his head and chuckled. “You apologizing. That’s just not you, Kori, you’ve always been too proud.”

He held my gaze, and I felt the heat rise in my neck. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that this gorgeous man stood before me half naked, or the anger his cockiness provoked in me.

“Maybe I’m not the same person I once was. People change, Reed. Things happen, and things change.” I shrugged as if that was the only explanation needed for my actions.

“I don’t buy it. Under all the hurt and anger you are still the same girl. But for your sake I’ll pretend to go along with your conclusion.”

We stood in his driveway in a silent stand-off. I really wasn’t sure what this man wanted from me. I couldn’t decide if I should say more or just turn and leave. My inner conflict battling its way throughout my mind came to an end when he spoke next.

“I was just about to head over to the lake and do a little fishing. Feel like going out in ‘Old Benny?’” He grinned and his eyes lit up.

“You do not still have that old hunk of junk.” He nodded, and I laughed. “I’m surprised that hunk of metal still floats.”

“You do remember how to bait a hook, don’t ya, city girl?” I could see the playfulness in his eyes, and for a split second I let my guard down. I remembered the playful banter he and I once shared.

Reed was always able to keep me on my toes. He was able to push my buttons like no other and always had the ability to fire me up.

“I can bait a hook just fine, country boy. If you remember back to the old days, I had no problem out fishing your arrogant ass.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “What about prissy little Kimberly, can she bait a hook? Or is she scared to get her nails dirty?”

Jab, yep, I just went there.

He leaned back against the railing along his porch steps and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. “You planning on holding that shit over my head for the rest of my life? I was a kid, Kori, a fucking horny ass kid. I screwed up.” He pushed off the railing and took a few steps in my direction. “I knew the best thing in my life was about to leave and fly thousands of miles away. I knew there was a strong chance that once she got on that plane she would never look back.” Shaking his head, he blew out a deep breath and placed one hand at the back of his neck. Gently pulling on the hair, groaning out in frustration. “I got drunk and fucked up. I will always regret that mistake, Kori. Damn, I gave up not only my best friend that night, but also my girl.”

His eyes were so full of regret and anguish. “I’m sorry, Kori, I am so sorry I hurt you back then. I’m not the same horny teenager. I know now that every action I make has consequences and the ability to hurt the people I care about.” He let his hands drop from his pockets and hang loosely. “Maybe one day you can forgive me.”

I couldn’t speak, my throat burned, and I was scared to try. I could only nod. The tension grew between us with each silent moment that passed. I began nervously twisting my keys in my hands.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you. I shouldn’t have said that.” I kicked at the dirt with my boots.

He shrugged but didn’t say anything.

“I better go. I need to get back to Rhett. I got a lot of things to do around the house.” I stepped back and lifted my hand toward my door handle. “I’ll see ya around.”

Reed nodded in agreement.

Quickly turning around, I crawled into my Escape and fumbled with the keys. After several attempts with shaky hands, I was able to start the car and back down the driveway.

I told myself I wouldn’t allow my emotions to take over. I made a promise I would keep my cool, but I failed. I failed miserably, and the fact that he still had the ability to get under my skin made me angry. Reed was a long time ago. He was my past, and I had no room in my future for a repeat. I had to stay strong, because the last thing I needed was to let myself feel for him again. I couldn’t fall, I refused to.

It was too soon, and my love for Blake was still so strong. It wasn’t fair to me or to any other man who I couldn’t give my all. I was broken, and I wasn’t sure I would or even could ever be fixed.

Reed could be a friend; it was what he offered. I just couldn’t let it be more. It wasn’t a good idea. It would only leave me hurt and more broken.

I would from this point on keep a safe distance and never find myself alone with Reed. If I had others around, the urge to get closer would be easier to tame.

It was for the best, for everyone.