Forgiving Reed (Southern Boys #1) (4 page)

Chapter Six

“Never again…oh holy hell, ho-bag, this sucks.” I laughed as I watched Maria crawl along the floor to the bathroom across the hall. She groaned the entire way, stopping to hold her head every few feet. I felt queasy, but I had been up for over an hour already, and the Tylenol I took was beginning to work its magic.

“Oh my god, I think I’m dying, Kor. This is so not funny.” Maria’s moans poured out from the opened bathroom door. It sounded like she may be dying a slow death. The entire thing only caused me to laugh even harder.

After about ten minutes she walked toward the kitchen, looking like death, and I stifled a giggle. “Shut up before I hurl on you.”

“Don’t be such a girl.”

Rolling her eyes upward, she grabbed for a coffee cup, then filled it to the brim before lightly blowing on the dark liquid. “So what’s the plan for today? Are we going to hibernate so I can recuperate? Or are you dragging my ass off to do something I’m gonna complain about the entire time?”

“I’m leaning more toward option B. It sounds so much more fun.” The mumbling and bitching that spilled from her as I went off to get dressed caused me to break out in another fit of laughter.

Having Maria around helped me get through my days. She made it a little easier to climb out of bed daily and push myself forward. Being able to lean on her made things a little less dark and gloomy. She held my head when I needed to cry, though my tears were beginning to come less often. The smiles and laughter weren’t as hard to share with each passing day.

I used to feel guilty for every happy moment. I hated that Blake didn’t get the chance to smile and feel love. He was gone, and it was so unfair. I missed him so damn much, but I also knew that he wouldn’t want me to stop living. I remembered conversations we had about love and loss. I hated it when he would talk about something happening to one of us. It made me so mad to hear him talk about us not being together. But he would always say the same thing…

It would be the hardest thing in my life, Kori, but if we didn’t work out, I would still want you happy. Even if it meant being happy with another man. I couldn’t stand to see it, but if there was a guy out there who could make you smile and laugh, then I would want that for you. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy.

Those conversations with Blake always drove me insane. I mean, the thought of not being with him shredded me. Neither of us ever thought it would be death that tore us apart.

***

Maria and I spent the rest of the day on the lake. My daddy’s property actually had three of them, but I had my favorite. I called it my lake because growing up it had become my place to escape. It was my peace…my spot. I would go there to read or write. I’d hide there if I felt sad or even when I was happy.

When I went to pick up Rhett, my momma insisted Maria and I needed to enjoy our day. After about ten minutes of arguing she booted our asses out the door with a small basket of goodies. So my lake seemed like the best place to go.

“Do you remember when we were like, I don’t know, thirteen maybe? We used to come out here and swing from the branches, out into the water.”

I laughed picturing it. “Yeah, I also remember a certain time when someone thought it would be funny to climb the tree and slide off the branch.” I looked over just in time to see her cheeks redden from the memory. “You didn’t really count on the smaller branch snagging your bottoms and ripping them to shreds. There is nothing funnier than seeing your best friend dangling from a tree by her swimsuit bottoms, screaming like a bitch. Your arms and legs were flipping around in all directions, while your ass was bare to the world. If only I’d had a video camera, I could have used it as a form of torture.”

We both sat on the deck with our feet hanging over the side, reminiscing about the years when everything seemed simple. Before all the heartache and loss.

Silence set in for a short time before Maria got serious on me. “Kori, I’m glad you came back home. I wish it would have been under different circumstances, but I’ve missed you. After you left it wasn’t as fun around here. It feels nice to have my best friend around.”

She took a deep breath and looked out over the water. “I can’t pretend even for a second I understand your heartache. I can see how much you loved Blake and still do. You’ll always love ’em, Kor. He will forever be a part of you. He holds a place in your heart no one can ever fill.”

I held back the tears the best I could, but I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this conversation. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I had done a great job avoiding conversations that got too deep. I knew I couldn’t hide forever. I would one day have to accept that my life would have to move on, without Blake. He was never coming back.

I swiped away the single tear trailing down my cheek.

Maria reached out, gripping my hand in hers before she continued.

“You’re young, and you have an entire life ahead of you. Just don’t shut down your heart to the possibility of another chance at love. I know you’re not ready right now. You’re the only one who will know when you are. Just promise me when the opportunity hits you, you won’t run away from it. You have entirely too much love to give. I would be saddened by the thought that there is someone out there who didn’t get the chance to feel your love. You are such a giving person. Anyone would be lucky to have you to share their life with. You are an amazing, strong person. Just know it’s okay to love again.”

I nodded as I stared off in the distance. I was too choked up with emotion to speak. I knew she was right, even if I couldn’t admit it out loud. I knew losing Blake changed me. It made me look at life in a whole new way.

Chapter Seven

Over the next few weeks I did a good job at staying busy. I spent my days working outside around my little house. I wanted to make our home the best I could, for Rhett. The problem I kept running into was, no matter how hard I tried, it still felt empty. I could fill it from floor to ceiling with everything I could find, yet it still felt hollow, like a shell with no filling.

More often than not, I was waking up throughout the night with dreams of the accident. The ones where Blake was begging me to help him were the worst. Seeing him reach out for me as he coughed blood and gasped for air caused me to wake up screaming. Once I was able to calm my breathing, I would fall into an uncontrollable sob that seemed to last for hours.

The loss of Blake was tearing me apart. I didn’t know how to come back from this. How did you carry on when you felt so vacant and destroyed? When you felt like half your soul was missing?

***

Fourth of July weekend came quickly. I knew that only meant it was time for me to once again climb out of my shell and make an appearance to those who pitied me.

Maria insisted I take part in the festivities. She was in charge of the food. She was making a big impression in town with her fancy cooking skills. It was her newfound hobby, and she was good at it. This was her chance to gather the praise she deserved. She was able to try out some new items and get some real feedback. Oh, how the cowboys loved every little bit. I knew her appearance only made it a little better on their behalf. They got to ogle her and devour her food.

I stood under the tent, placing out the new filled dishes after the current ones were emptied. I heard someone clear their throat, and I looked up, connecting immediately with a man who could still make my knees feel weak. The thought of that only spiked my temper, and I wanted to lash out.

“You gonna act like you hate me forever, Kori? Or are we gonna move past the fact I was a dumb kid who made an even dumber mistake?” He stared at me directly in the eyes, waiting for my response.

I narrowed my eyes and glared. “I think I’ll just stick to hating you forever.”

I heard him chuckle as I continued to busy myself with refilling the food that was running low.

“You don’t hate me, Kori, not like you say you do.”

What in the hell did he know? He had no idea how I felt. I leaned forward, bracing myself against the table with both hands. I could see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Cocky, arrogant son of a bitch thought he had me in the palm of his hand.

“I can promise you one thing, Reed.” I paused to look up over his shoulder. Connecting my vision with none other than the girl he felt was worth throwing away everything we had, all those years ago. “If the last eight months have taught me anything, it would be that life is short. I don’t plan on wasting a moment of my time on those who don’t deserve it.” His smile fell as I continued. “You, Reed, took what we had and threw it away, for a quick roll in the hay with the town slut. That was the moment I started hating you.”

I pushed up off the table, causing a few of the dishes to rattle with the force.

I spun around and walked away, leaving him staring after me in what I assumed was regret.

***

“So what was that all about?” Maria nudged me from behind. I looked over my shoulder at Reed. His back was to us as he sipped casually on a beer. I watched as he stared out over the crowd of people claiming their spot for the fireworks show.

“It was nothing.”

She laughed. “Yeah, it looked like a whole lot of something, but definitely not nothing.” I rolled my eyes at her as I continued to watch Reed. He looked lonely and sad, staring out into a crowded space. I watched as he twisted his bottle around in his hands, looking down at the ground in front of him. “You feeling kinda bitchy?”

I twisted around to face Maria. “Why the hell would I feel bad? He deserves my bitchiness.”

She leaned back against the table, taking a moment to think, before she spoke. “Okay, Kori, you know I love you, girl. I mean, I freaking love you to pieces, but…” she faded off.

“But what?”

“The guy isn’t who he used to be. Reed’s changed, and he isn’t the same cocky prick he once was. His life hasn’t been easy since high school. The guy knows he screwed up with you. I know he regrets it every day. You have to remember something.” She paused taking in a slow, steady breath. “Before you two were a couple, you were friends. Really great friends. He used to be someone you could lean on, count on. He was always there for both of us growing up. He has a good heart. You know deep down I’m right.”

I let my eyes wander back over just in time to see Reed walking away. My stomach dropped suddenly with the thought of him leaving.

“Just try not to be so quick to push away those who care. I’m not saying you gotta fall in love all over again, but we can all use friends.” The tears formed in my eyes. Was I being too hard on him? It was such a long time ago and we were young.

***

Later, after everyone had settled to watch the fireworks, I quickly found my spot with Maria next to my parents. I took Rhett into my arms and snuggled him close. The sun had set, and it was just a matter of time before the show started.

“Mum mum…Mum,” Rhett rambled as he tugged on my necklace. I wrapped his blanket in tighter around him, pretending to nibble on his fingers as he giggled. My eyes filled with tears, looking down into the eyes that matched his daddy’s so perfectly. A tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly swiped it away.

Each day that passed, it became a little easier to deal with Blake being gone. It was really hard when Rhett would reach a milestone. I would find myself feeling guilty once again for being able to witness it. My heart would break all over again with the knowledge that Blake would never know his son. He would never be able to teach him the things a father should.

When the first firework cracked and scattered above us, Rhett jumped, grabbing hold of my shirt tighter. I held my hands over his ears and tilted his head toward the sky. He watched, mesmerized by the flashing colors. His face was the only thing I could watch; it was beautiful the way his eyes lit up. I rested my forehead against the top of his head when my heart could no longer take it. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I concentrated on breathing in his baby scent. Tears began to drift down my cheeks, while I silently expressed to Blake how much I missed him.

I felt a hand gently stoking over my back, and I turned toward the touch. Maria’s eyes were glossy as she attempted a reassuring smile. Her head rested against my shoulder, showing me the support I desperately needed. “You know he’s with you, right? Every day Blake’s here with you, watching over both of you.”

I nodded my head, and I caught movement over Maria’s shoulder. Reed was on a blanket a few groups over with his father. Our eyes connected for a moment, and I couldn’t look away. His face held an expression full of pain and regret. He forced a smile and winked.

I knew I had to let go of the anger he’d caused in me. It was making me a bitter person, and that wasn’t who I wanted to be.

I attempted a small smile in return, as a gesture of truce. I wasn’t making any promises. I couldn’t say there wouldn’t be days when I would want to hit him and yell. The man hurt me so badly when I had trusted him. He took my heart and stomped on it.

I would do everything I could to let go of the past and attempt to be civil. The pettiness of our childhood drama seemed so long ago. Life was so much more than it was then. I really just needed to let it go.