Forgiven (Book 3, The Watchers Trilogy; Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (13 page)

As if sensing my dilemma, Brand rolled me onto my back and straddled my hips, lightly pressing his body into mine. 
Looking into his eyes was like
delving into the ocean of his love.  I felt drenched to the bone in his love
for me
and knew in that moment I would do whatever I needed to win against Lucifer.  I wouldn’t let him rip my world apart when I had
just found the one piece which made it whole
.

“You’re glowing,” Brand said, a hint of a smile touching his lips.  “What are you thinking about?”

“That I have too much to live for,” I confessed.  “I won’t let him win, Brand.  I won’t let him take you away from me when I just found you.”

“We’ll find a way to stop him,” Brand promised.  “It’s our destiny.  Just like it was our destiny to meet one another and fall in love.  I don’t think you were made to just defeat Lucifer, Lilly.  I think you were born to show me how to love again too.”

He bent his head down and gave me a tender kiss not meant to awaken my passion but to demonstrate without words how much he treasured and adored me for who I was
.  After a while, he pulled away and held out his hand to me.

“I don’t want to,” he said.  “But I promised
Tara
you would spend tonight at her place.  You know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride
before
the wedding.”

Reluctantly, I placed my hand in his.

“If there’s anything we don’t need,” I said, “is bad luck.”

Brand phased me to
Tara
’s front door but gave me a kiss meant to tide me over until we could be together again the next day.

“Meet
you
at the alt
a
r,” he whispered before phasing back home.

I stood there for a minute
after he left,
needing to
have a moment to myself to absorb everything I just
learned that night
. 
A
ll my life I thought myself
to be
no one special
: the illegitimate child of a woman who would rather spend her nights with strange men than her own daughter
.  Now, I knew I might be the most important person on the planet.

How are you supposed to deal with that knowledge and not let it change you?  Vanity had never been a problem for me
,
and
I didn’t
really
feel like it
was a problem now
.
  Yet,
I couldn’t lie and say
knowing I might be the only person who could put an end to whatever Lucifer had planned
didn’t make
me feel powerful.  I felt almost drunk on it.  I was no longer someone a
creature
like Robert could push around and frightened.  Now I was able to harness the power my father passed down to me and use it against anyone who might try to get in my way.
 
I felt pride in myself knowing I could put an end to those who would try to harm me or those I loved.  I would no longer let anyone hurt me.  If they tried, I knew I could strike them down like I had Robert, disintegrating them into a pile of ash, never to be heard from again.

After I went in and told Tara everything I now knew about myself, she decid
ed it was a good enough excuse to dive
head long
into the pan of
chocolate pecan
fudge she had just made.  It wasn’t quite cool enough to cut into little squares
so
we grabbed a couple of s
poons
and sat in front of the blazing fire lit in the living room fireplace
, spooning out scoops of the
ooey gooey
chocolate goodness
.

“What did it feel like to murder someone?” She asked.

Her question caught me off guard.

“He was trying to rape me,” I defended.  “It’s not like I planned to do it.  It just happened.”

“I know you, Lilly
Rayne Nightengale
.  You’re kind hearted to a fault.  You can’t sit there and tell me killing someone didn’t affect you
, even if he deserved it
.
 
Hell
,
he deserved worse.  He got off easy if you ask me.  But, I don’t care about him
.
I care about you.
”

I sat there for a moment trying to think of a way to explain to
Tara
how I felt.  There was really only one way to put it.

“I know I should feel some guilt over what I did, but if I’m being honest, it made me feel unstoppable.  It was a rush of power, to know I could destroy him just with my touch.”

The
disappointment
on
Tara
’s face from what I admitted forced
me to look away.

“You know that’s wrong, don’t you?”
She asked.

“It may be wrong,” I said, chancing a look back up at her.  “But it’s the truth.”

Tara
sighed heavily.  “Listen, girl.  I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through.  But, I don’t think you need to let this newfound power go to your head.  I kinda doubt that’s what the Lord had in mind.  You know He’s not much for arrogance.  Be careful, Lilly, you don’t need to piss God off.”

I
smiled
.  “Did you really just say that?  I don’t think those two words belong in the same sentence.”

Tara
waved her hand in the air as if flinging away my admonishment.  “He knows what I’m saying.  I’m just a plain talker is all.  Anyway, the point is you need to keep him in your corner.  Don’t do something that makes him turn his back on you.”

Tara and I went to bed soon after.  All I needed w
ere
bags under my eyes on my wedding day.

I found myself back in the house Malcolm built for me, looking out the
large
picture frame window at the snow capped mountain and crystal clear lake
far in the distance
.  When I looked beside me, I saw the form God had chosen the last time I spoke with him.

“I know who my father is now,” I
told
him.

“Yes, I know you
do
.  I also know how it’s changed you.”

“Is it wrong to feel powerful?”

“Yes, and no.”

“Do you always think that like?”

God cocked his head to the side.  “What do you mean?”

“It seems like you keep seeing both sides of a coin even
though
you’re looking at it on its edge.”

God smiled.  “Almost nothing is always one way or the other.”

“I think I know wh
y
it
’
s good to feel powerful,” I said.  “
It gives you strength. 
But
,
why is it bad to feel this way
too
?”

“It might be easier
for you to understand
if I showed you an example of what arrogant power can lead to.”

I found myself standing in a completely white space.  I looked around and said, “What is this place?”

“
Heaven
.”

“But I don’t see anything.”

“
Heaven
is different for everyone.  It’s whatever they make it into.  When you die, you’ll understand.  But right now, I’m going to show you
what happened here to
te
ar
my
children apart
.
”

“When Uriel came to speak with me, I wasn’t able to see him clearly because I
’m
only half angel.  Will I be able to see what you want to show me?”

“Give me your hand.”

I placed my hand into his and felt a tiny spark.

God smiled.  “Your
vision
of
Heaven
and angels
is beautiful, Lilly.  I will show you things in the way you see them
so you can fully understand
.”

I found myself transported to the top of a small hill.  The earth beneath my feet was hard packed and reddish in color.  A solitary tree
,
bare of leaves
,
stood in front of me and two male figures with a pair of
large
white wings on their backs were staring into the flames.  One was lounged casually against a large boulder while the other sat crouched before the fire.

“You look troubled, my friend
,
”
the angel sitting against the rock said.

The other angel
looked across the fire at
his companion.

“I don’t understand why he loves these vile humans of his more than he does us, Michael.
W
e
are his first-born.
W
e
should be the ones who garner his favor.”

I stared at the angel by the rock realizing I was looking at my father for the first time in my life.  Even though I knew God had transformed the scene to meet my
expectations of how I thought they should look, I felt myself start to tremble at the sight of
Michael
.

“How can you say he loves them more than us?” M
y father
asked.
  “He loves us all.”

“
How can you sit there and say that he loves us when he’s asked us to bow down to
the
m like servants?
” Lucifer spr
ang
to his feet, wings spread out. Pacing
agitatedly
before the fire, he continued, “Why do we have to spend an eternity working to keep
his precious humans
safe
?
”

Michael studied Lucifer silently as
if considering his friends words carefully.

“You should not question
His orders
, Lucifer. You know, as well as I, that
H
e sees beyond what we know. He always has good reasons for
the things
H
e asks us to do
.”

“I don’t think
H
e realizes
H
is mistake,” Lucifer tightened his hands into fists
at his sides
.
“I’m tired of being a servant to th
o
se things. They should be
serv
ing us
not the other way around
!”

Michael
looked at
Lucifer
warily.
“What are your intentions
, Lucifer
?”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed to pinpoints in the firelight. “I intend to find out who
H
e
lov
es most. The humans
are like a disease.  They
should
be taken care of now before they are allowed to evolve
any further
. You know that given enough time they will
corrupt everything
H
e has created
.
”

“You can’t know that!” Michael yelled back s
tanding to face Lucifer’s wrath
. “Do you think yourself better than our
father
? Do you find that your wisdom has expanded so much that you, Lucifer-first of the arch
angels, knows more than the one who made you?”

“Where the human’s are concerned? Yes, I believe I know them better than
H
e does. We’re the ones who have to spend time down here among them! We know what they are capable of better than anyone!”

Taking a steadying breath, Michael calmly said, “I don’t want to lose you, old friend. Not like this.
  Please think about what you’re saying before you make a rash decision.
”

“
J
oin me Michael,” Lucifer urged. “I’m not the only one who feels this way. If we all band together, we can force
Him
to
change
H
is mind
.”

“I can’t join you, Lucifer,” Michael sighed. “
Even if
I thought
you were right, I couldn’t turn my back on our father
.”

“Fine,” Lucifer
gritted out
through clenched teeth
. “But
heed my warning to you, Michael,
i
f you try to get in my way,
I won’t hesitate to
destroy
you.”