Forever With You (Silver State Series) (40 page)

I hear her sniffle at the same time she rolls away from me, and knowing I’m responsible for making her cry yet again galvanizes me into action.  I turn onto my side and press the front of my body against the back of hers, then lift the sheet to cover us.  She tenses as I surround her with my arms; I can feel the vibrations from her trembling ripple along every plane of my body.  She seems filled with such profound sorrow, and it makes me hate myself, especially if her tears are an indication she regrets what just happened.

I press my lips against the back of her shoulder before speaking.  “Tawny,” I begin, my voice a deep but quiet rumble.  I scoot nearer to her, closing every miniscule fissure that existed between us.  “I’m so sorry.”  I squeeze my eyes shut as liquid pressure builds behind them, bristling against the painful memories of every wrong turn I’ve taken since the moment I laid eyes on her in Winnemucca last July.

Maybe it’s just my imagination, but her shaking seems to abate as I whisper in her ear.  Drawing strength from her stillness, I continue.  “I should’ve told you months ago how I feel about you.  I should’ve made it plain from the second you walked over to our table at Frank’s how it felt to see you again, and after that I should’ve made you understand how I couldn’t stop thinking about you.  That day at the barn… You believed in me enough to
be with me
, and I was so damn
honored
that you would give me your trust.”  My voice breaks, and Tawny emits a muffled sob.  I wrestle her closer to my chest, locking my arms around her tightly so she’ll know it’s different this time, because this time I’m fighting to keep her near; my lips move against her skin. 

“I should’ve told you how everything changed for me, sweet girl.  The way you were with me after everything with Donna, then the way you went to her and gave her your friendship… Do you understand that I’ve never known anyone with a heart that big?  Huh?  Do you?”  Her face is pressed into my arms, and I can feel her silent tears trickling down my skin.

“When I saw you in Mexico, that was it for me.  When that asshole touched you and you didn’t want to be touched – I could never explain the way that made me feel, Tawny.  And knowing you’d let me…”  I choke back a tidal wave of sadness as a single tear drops from the corner of my eye and splashes against the bare skin of her shoulder.  “I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve your trust.  All I know is I abused it, and that’s on me.  You were all I could see, Tawny.  You’re the
only
thing I see.”

I lie there holding her for an eternity while my heart pounds and my chest aches. 
There.  I said it
.  Better late than never.

Tawny – Saturday, 8:45 PM

A
fter pulling out of me, Kyle had just lain there, not touching me, not looking at me.  I’d been racked with misery over my foolishness and naiveté for believing it might hold some meaning.

But then – then he started to talk.  And every word he spoke was a fulfillment of all I’d wished for but didn’t dare expect.  Now I know we’ll be okay –
better
than okay.  Kyle doesn’t know that yet, though.  All that’s left is for me to tell him.

I allow my breathing to return to normal before attempting to speak.  Hastily thumbing away the tears that drip down my cheeks, I twist within the confines of Kyle’s strong arms to face him.  I’m shocked when I see his eyes are crowded with unshed tears; he’s biting down on the corner of his lower lip, searching my face for some sign of what’s to come.

My eyes scroll from his eyes to his lips, and I lean in to give him a chaste kiss.  As soon as my lips are on his, however, a groan swells in Kyle’s chest, and he breathes his relief.  He rolls backward slightly, bringing me with him.  I lie across him as our mouths move in concert, and Kyle tangles one hand in my hair while using the other to clutch at my hip.

When I break away a moment later, I hover inches above him, eager to erase any doubts that may remain.  “I
never
thought I was too good for you, Kyle.  I’ve wanted you since the seventh grade – still do.”  His mouth lifts into a cautious grin, and it warms my heart and pushes me to carry on.  “I pulled away from you to protect myself, because everything changed for me after that day at the barn, even though I tried really hard not to let it.  And I only fell farther every time I saw you.  I didn’t think you’d want me to be your girlfriend, since I know I’m not really your type –“

Suddenly his finger is pressed against my lips, silencing me.  A fire dances in his eyes as his lips curl in a devilish smirk.  “You are
exactly
my type, Tawny Read.  Forget whatever it was you were about to say.  I’m not interested in who you
think
you are – I’m interested in who you
are
.  Get it?”

I respond with a smile and a shrug.  “Yeah, okay.”

Sunday, 8:30 AM

K
yle and I stayed up till long after the hooting and applause died down in the living room and the crowd seemed to disperse.  I’d sent text messages to Beatrix and Harumi letting them know to go on without me, and thankfully we weren’t bothered for the remainder of the night.

We discussed our fears and all that’s held us back.  Kyle talked a little about his mom – essentially, even though he’d had a strong, loving relationship modeled for him by his grandparents, he’d been unable to let go of his botched relationship with his mother, and it had filtered through his psyche and manifested as a general distrust of women.  “It’s not an excuse,” he’d said, “but at least it sort of explains my fucked up view of the world.”

When I wake up next to Kyle, I feel more rested and peaceful than I have in months.  He stirs awake as I stretch beside him and begins feathering kisses over my lips and face and neck.  It pains me greatly to have to eventually pull away.

“I should go,” I tell him as he nips at my ear with his lips and teeth.

He grudgingly agrees as I stand up out of bed and begin to dress in the same clothes I wore last night.  Once we’re both fully clothed and ready to walk out the door, Kyle places his hand against the small of my back to guide me down the hallway.  We only make it as far as the bedroom door, however, when he drops his hand and says, “Oh, wait.  I almost forgot – there’s something I’ve been meaning to give you.”

I watch as he digs in one of his desk drawers and comes back a moment later with a small blue plastic rectangle.  I catch a closer glimpse before he presses it into the palm of my hand and curls my fingers around it; I’m taken aback when I recognize it as a memory card and my mind rushes immediately back to the night I’d suggested we record ourselves having sex.  My cheeks flame as I tighten my fist around the card and glance back up at Kyle.

“You should have it,” he says.  “Do whatever you want with it, okay?”

I loosen my grip and turn it over in my hand.  “Have you, um…done anything with it since…”

“I haven’t given it out or shown it to anybody, if that’s what you mean,” he replies, covering my hand with his own.  Something flickers in his eyes, and a grin tugs at his mouth.  Leaning closer to my ear he says, “I watched it once by myself.”  The huskiness in his voice causes me to shiver, which makes him chuckle.  Stepping in front of me, he wraps his arms around my waist and interlocks his fingers behind me.  “You’re amazing,” he whispers before capturing my lips with his.

We hold hands as we walk out to his Jeep, which I find to be strangely thrilling – it’s funny how such a small token of affection can take on such great significance.  Once we’re fastened into our seats, Kyle slides on his sunglasses and shoots me a debonair smile that causes my heart to stutter.  He yanks the gearshift and places his hand on the back of my seat, then turns to check the rear windshield before reversing down the driveway.

“So, Tawny,” he says as he spins the wheel around with the butt of his hand.  “Whaddya say we make this official? – Will you be my girl?”

Gleefully I laugh.  “I’d like that.”

Chapter 34 – Wedding Bells

Saturday, May 6

Tawny – 3:00 PM

Y
esterday I took my last final of the semester, then headed to the now mostly empty dorm to finish packing in preparation for my move back to Winnemucca for the summer.  Kyle is staying in Reno for a magazine internship and asked me to stay with him, but there’s no
way
my parents would’ve consented to that arrangement.  Besides, at least I know I have a decent job with regular hours waiting for me at Frank’s.  Kyle and I will take turns visiting on weekends and make the most of it.

Mom and Dad stopped by early afternoon to help me load up my boxes and suitcase, and we went on to Incline Village for the wedding rehearsal and dinner.  Now it’s the day of my sister’s wedding, which will take place in one of the lodges on a bluff over Lake Tahoe.  Rhiannon is, predictably, about as laidback as can be.  In fact, she’s just put the finishing coat of polish on her fingernails and is blowing on them while giggling with her friend Ruthie over some distant memory.  If you were to block out the vases of flowers and the lacey, heavily beaded gown hanging up behind her, you might guess they were just a couple of girlfriends hanging out and never suspect Rhiannon is less than two hours away from becoming someone’s wife.

Their banter is interrupted when a knock sounds at the door.  “Is everyone decent?” calls a man’s voice from the other side of it.  I smooth down the skirt of my bridesmaid dress as I stand to tend to our visitor.  Standing out in the hall is Adam, Blake’s best man and my escort for the evening.  His blond hair is slicked back, and he looks terribly handsome in his stylish, charcoal gray suit.

“Blake wants to know if we’re still doing pictures before the ceremony,” he says as he tugs self-consciously on his green silk tie.

“Yes, at 3:30,” I reply.  “He’s supposed to come here a few minutes beforehand so he and Rhiannon can have some time together alone before we get started.  Is he almost ready?”

Adam smirks at me.  “He’s
been
ready for about an hour.  He’s so nervous he doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

I laugh.  “Well, you can tell him his fiancée is cool as a cucumber.  You’d think it was just any other day in here.”  I nod back at the room I just exited.

Adam smiles as he shakes his head.  “That girl gives a whole new meaning to ‘calm and collected.’  I’ll see ya in a few.  You look beautiful, by the way.”  He backs down the hall away from me, and I call out a brief “thanks” after him.

Twenty minutes later Rhiannon is dressed, and her veil has been placed; she looks like a glowing fairy princess, except without the wings.  I can barely take my eyes off her, she’s so breathtaking – Blake is going to fall over himself when he sees her.

I’ve no sooner finished that thought when another knock reverberates through the wooden door.  “We come baring gifts!” someone yells – I recognize the voice as belonging to Spencer, our loveable but loud-mouthed cousin, who’s married to Rhiannon’s friend Corinne.

“Okay, girls,” I say as I rise to my feet.  “We’re meeting the photographer outside.  Let’s give Rhiannon a few minutes with Blake.”  I open the door to a group of four men, and Ruthie, Corinne and I step out into the narrow hallway with them.  I can see Blake hovering behind his groomsmen, his eyes wild with excitement.

“All right, folks, let’s clear out so they can get it on real quick before the wedding,” yells Spencer.  Lowering his voice he adds, “The man’s a nervous wreck – it’d be doing us all a favor if she’d just let him bone her and get it over with.”  Corinne slaps him across the back of the head, and Spence kisses her on the cheek.  I can’t say I’ll ever understand their relationship; all I know is they somehow seem pretty perfect together.

As everyone starts down the hallway, I hang back just long enough to see Blake push through the crowd to get to his bride.  The last thing I notice as he enters the room is the biggest grin I’ve ever seen him wear.  “Oh dear
God
, you’re gorgeous,” I hear him say as the door shuts behind him.  I smile happily as I walk the rest of the way down the corridor to join the rest of the wedding party.

By the time we finish up with the photographer, my face hurts from smiling so much.  When we line up outside the main hall where all the guests are seated, I massage my cheeks while trying not to smudge my carefully applied makeup.  My heart is fluttering, partly because it’s almost show time, and partly because I know Kyle will be in there, and I haven’t seen him in a few days.  I’ll have to keep my eyes straight ahead when we’re walking down the aisle, because if I catch a glimpse of his face I’m afraid I’ll be tempted to take a detour into his lap.

The music starts, and the doors open.  Both mothers begin their promenade down the aisle, followed by Ruthie on the arm of Blake’s friend Mark.  I turn around to check on Rhiannon.  She’s standing beside our dad, straining her neck to see around the group of us and looking as if she’d prefer to just barge on in.  I catch Dad’s eye; he glances at his older daughter and chuckles before lifting his shoulders in an understated shrug.

Adam nudges me when it’s our turn; we’re last to enter before Rhiannon.  I rest my hand in the crook of his elbow, and we start down the aisle, taking slow, measured steps the way we practiced in last night’s rehearsal.  I try hard to focus exclusively on Blake’s beaming face, but midway down my eyes cut to the left and almost immediately find Kyle.  He’s twisted around in his seat, alongside Jack and Donna, with one elbow thrown over the back of the pew as he watches our approach.  Seeing the huge grin plastered on his face makes me smile even brighter. 

Adam and I continue toward the head of the long room, then take our places on our respective sides of the makeshift altar.  Facing forward, I can see everybody, save for one, is turned with their eyes trained on the doorway at the back, waiting with bated breath for the appearance of the bride; Kyle’s gaze remains fixed on me.  I return his wink, but my head snaps forward when the song ends and Rhiannon’s entrance music begins.