Forever (This #5) (11 page)

The trip to Bradley and Gabby’s house is longer than usual because traffic into the ATL is always crazy, but add the rush of Christmas shopping, and it’s an absolute clusterfuck.

“How was your day?” Ryan barely glances over.

I scroll through my Facebook news feed. “Same old stuff, you know.”

“Are you liking your surgical rotation?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s what I want to do long term.” I put my phone in one of the center consoles of Ryan’s Land Cruiser. “I think I want to do pediatrics.”

“You couldn’t pay me to deal with sick, screaming kids every day.”

Joe’s words about Ryan never settling down creep into my mind. “I can’t believe we’ve never really talked about kids before. Do you want kids, Ryan?”

He shrugs, but his hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter, his knuckles turning white. “Maybe eventually, but right now, no.”

I swallow hard. “Why not?”

“I love what I do, Sam. The freedom to go check on patients, do what I want when I’m off.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Kids are a lifelong commitment.”

“So is marriage. Are you planning on staying single?”

“Sam.”

“Answer the question, Ryan.”

He shifts in his seat. The air in the car is thick, and I push the button on my door to lower the window a smidge. The setting sun glares into my eyes, and I flip the visor down to blind it. “I have nothing against marriage. Just not right now.”

It’s not that I want to be married. But Joe’s been warning me of this for months. I’d thought he was just screwing with my head, but maybe he wasn’t. He’s his brother. It’s just I thought I knew him equally well. Apparently, I know nothing about either of them. How is it I spend an entire year of my life with someone and don’t even know whether they want kids or not? How is this just coming up? Why tonight?

I twist my body into the seat, wrapping my arms around my legs. My lids become heavy as I watch the naked trees on the interstate until I’ve finally slipped off to sleep.

It’s funny how I can sleep soundly when we’re on a straight road, but my body knows when we are close to our destination by the sound of blinkers, the slower speed, and the tugging of the car turning.

Ryan glances over at me, a small grin on his face, as if the conversation we had prior to my nap didn’t take place. “There you are. Were you able to get some rest?”

My arms extend toward the roof of the car. My back arches and then pops as I twist from side to side. Maybe I should forget it happened too. “Yeah. Now that we’re here, I’m really excited to make some memories.”

“I’m glad Bradley invited me…us back. At least we don’t have to worry this time about the pressure to hook up from the two of them.” He winks.

My stomach churns. Or is it rumbling? Hunger pangs. Right. “Did Bradley mention what the food plans are? I’m starving.”

“He didn’t mention anything to me. I thought you two had worked all this out.”

“Eh…” I shrug. “I just kept his little secret from Gabby.”

We pull up to the gate of their neighborhood. “Name of the resident you’re visiting, please,” the guard asks, glancing from Ryan to me and back to Ryan again.

“Banks. Bradley and Gabby Banks,” he says.

“And your name?”

“Ryan Adams and Samantha Gerhart.”

I get why Bradley wanted to buy a house in here, but I’ve never understood the appeal of having a guard and gate. Something about it seems snooty and ridiculous. And the fact no one can ever spontaneously surprise you is a major turn off for me. My thoughts return to Gabe. Maybe them being in a gated community isn’t such a bad thing. I do hate the fact I can’t drop in on Gabby for the fun of it without her knowing. They have to call in every single visitor. Gabby doesn’t seem to mind, though. Ultimately, I guess that’s all that matters.

The guard nods while scribbling something on a hanger that goes on our rearview mirror. “Enjoy your visit. Display this at all times while you’re in the community.”

Ryan gives him some kind of bro code hand gesture. “Got it. Have a great night, man.”

“You too.”

“You’re so nice. Polite. Compassionate. Even to the little people.”

He shrugs. “Stop.”

“It’s true. You’re so humble you don’t even see it.” I saw it, still do, and I keep reminding myself. Since the ghost tour, I’ve started to question every single flutter, throb, and zap to my core. In fact, I haven’t just questioned them, I’ve started to analyze them like a strip to an EKG. I’ve started to take notes on what causes certain rhythms…what leads to skipped beats. More frightening than any ghost tour or haunted house is the fact Joe seems to send my pulse racing, not Ryan. And I’m totally stuck in the situation. The easy thing would be to end it with Ryan, but then there are moments like these, when I know that losing him may very well be losing the best man—the one who loves me, nurtures me, and adores the ground I walk on.

A man who doesn’t want kids. At least as of now. That’s a deal-breaker.

Then, there’s the fact that breaking up with Ryan to be with Joe will never be an option. They are brothers, and if that doesn’t break the so called ‘bro code’, then I don’t know what does. With Gabby married to Bradley, and these guys being his best friends, having them out of my life completely is equally impossible. Call me selfish, but the thought of seeing either of them with another woman causes bile to rise in the back of my throat. The blood being pumped by my erratic heart boils.

It simply isn’t an option.

This is the only one.

Besides, I can never explore this attraction with Joe. What a travesty it would be for me to hurt Ryan, break their bond as brothers, and have it be for nothing because maybe, probably, this is just lust with Joe.

As we pull in Bradley and Gabby’s driveway, I’m blown away by the vehicle I see parked on one side. Joe’s. Dammit. Bradley didn’t say anything about him tagging along as a fifth wheel. Although, up until now, it was never an issue. This won’t be awkward at all. I gulp. “Your brother’s coming too?”

“Again, I thought you and Bradley had talked more about this whole shindig?”

“I did too.” I unhook the seatbelt. This is the first time I will have seen or spoken to Joe since October. “Maybe he just stopped by for something. Surely, he’s not coming with us. I mean, the whole point of this, Bradley said, was to establish traditions. Joe was never a part of this tradition.”

Ryan cuts the ignition. “Would it bother you if we added him to the tradition?” He casts a glance toward me. “He
is
my brother.”

I shrug. “No, of course not.” Because it wouldn’t. Maybe we could just pick up like old friends—like we were before feelings and words that can’t be taken back got in the way.

“Let’s get inside.” Ryan leans over and gently brushes my lips with his. “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s not Christmas yet.” I smile.

“Eh, I consider the entire month of December Christmas. Can there ever be too much Christmas?”

I shake my head. “No such thing, is there?”

“Exactly.” He grabs our coats from the backseat and waits on me to reach the front of the car before placing his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the door.

Before I can ring the bell, Bradley snatches the door open. “I’m guessing you two would be late to your own funeral. Happy you decided to join us.”

“If it involves Atlanta traffic, probably. You know Sam can’t stand being late.” Ryan extends his hand. Bradley takes it, pulls him close, pats his back, and motions for us to come in. “I don’t know how she puts up with me.”

Truth. I smile as I embrace Bradley in a hug. “Says the man married to my habitually late sister. Sorry we were delayed in our arrival. It may have actually been my fault this time.” I shrug as he releases me. “I had to take a quick nap before I passed out on your doorstep from exhaustion. Didn’t want to be the party pooper.”

“Eh, you’re forgiven. Gabby’s in the kitchen serving wine we saved from Italy and a cheese platter. You hungry?”

“You have no idea. Thanks.” Once Ryan’s out of earshot, I contemplate asking what’s been on my mind since I first saw the driveway. “Joe’s here?” The words are out before I have time to think twice.

“Yeah. Kitchen too. Can you believe it’s been two months since we were all together in Charleston? That was so much fun, I thought traditions should be modified. Besides, I have something I want to discuss with everyone on the way.”

My heart begins to pound, and I’m thankful for the bulky sweater and scarf to hide the beating in my chest. “Seems like forever ago. I didn’t realize he was going to be here tonight.” I glance away. “Kinda different when you’re the fifth wheel on a romantic double date.”

“No kidding. It worked out, though, because he’s been seeing someone for a few weeks, and so I figured they’d fit right in with our group. It’s officially a triple date.” A chill sends shivers up my spine as all the blood seems to leave my body. Bradley quickly shuts the door. “You’re white as a ghost. Sorry for leaving the door open like that.”

I try to force my lips into a smile. “It’s okay. I’m good. While it’s always nice chatting with you, Bradley, I’ll go see my sister.”

He gestures toward the kitchen. “After you, Sam.”

The floor plan is pretty open, so it doesn’t take many strides before the ginormous kitchen comes into view. This house is huge. Mom would be so proud. Maybe she already knows. Maybe she arranged it. “Hey, Gabby.” I hold my arms out for a hug. “The decorations are beautiful. I think my favorite is the mantle. It’s breathtaking.” The tree looks like something out of
Southern Living
magazine. But the mantle…sigh…it’s incredible. Covered with white lights, garland, handmade stockings on decorative hooks. I take it all in. “Did you do this all today?”

She runs into my arms. “Oh my gosh, Sam. It’s been an ah-mazing day. Let me show you something.” She takes my hand and pulls me into the living room. I look over my shoulder and smile at Ryan. The intensity of other eyes searing me awakens butterflies that had been hibernating since October. Funny my body responds to Joe even when I’ve not looked at him once. Or the girl he’s with. From what I’ve seen out of the side of my eye, she’s gorgeous. Ryan lifts his chin before taking a long swig of his Scotch. Gabby tugs me a little harder. “Sam, look at this.”

My eyes follow the direction she’s pointing at to find a locket with two pictures inside. One from Cade’s wedding. “Oh gosh, Gabby. I had no idea this picture existed. It’s…it’s wow.”