Forever Is Over (122 page)

“
Don
’
t be.
”

“
No, I am. I turned up for selfish reasons. To make me feel excited
again. To temporarily resurrect those feelings I had during
“
the chase
”
as you so succinctly put it. I only thought about my feelings though,
Kelly, not about my wife
’
s or my children
’
s or about yours.
”

Kelly smiled sympathetically.

“
I came here for my own selfish reasons too. I didn
’
t want to move
on with my life still wondering about what had happened to you.
Wondering what might have been. Wondering if you were my
“
Black
Jack
”
! I have been given my answers today, Richie. I can move on
with my life now in the knowledge that you weren
’
t. You were a lovely
boyfriend for me to have as a teenager but that
’
s it.
”

“
I feel the same. My wife is my
“
Black Jack
”
and I
’
m hers, we just
need to work things through.
”

“
Richie, I genuinely hope you do. You sound like you want to, which
has to be a massive step.
”

“
Thanks Kelly! Where are you staying?
”

“
West Tower.
”

“
Can I give you a lift back? I parked my car at the top of the road
and walked down.
”

We carried on chatting on the short walk back to the car, climbed in
and set off towards West Tower. Setting off is the last thing I remember. For a long while, try as I might, I could not remember a single second of
that journey until we came to a stand still. I didn
’
t think I ever would.

The problem I had, was that I could recall the twenty seconds following on from that. I remembered them in the day, I remembered
them at night and I remembered them in my dreams. Those memories
will be with me until my last breath. Constantly haunting me, constantly
making me question why it had to happen. Nothing will change though.
Everyone tells me it was not my fault, but how can I be sure? As I say,
until we came to a standstill, I could remember nothing.

There was a buzzing in my head.
A buzzing noise like you used
to have on television channels at night, when they went off air, high
pitched, constant, irritating. I opened my eyes, there was smoke drifting
up from my bonnet, but it was also man
aging to edge its way into the
car through the shattered windscreen. My immediate reaction was to
put my hand to my nose, as that
’
s where I sensed pain. I was expecting
blood but at that stage it was still gathering pace internally on its journey
to my nostrils, like water to a waterfall.

It was only then that I saw her, laying on my concertinaed bonnet.
It was a young woman.
Was it Kelly? I tried to tilt my head around to check the passenger seat, but the intense shooting pain in my neck
and shoulders stopped me. A gentle sobbing that punctuated the high
pitched shrill re-assured me.
I looked again on the bonnet. The woman was on her side, facing away from us, her lower body, dressed in light blue, faded, jeans was
pressed against the broken windscreen. Without moving my neck, my
eyes journeyed up her body, she wore a white, flowery blouse which was
speckled with blood and glass and her head, with a mass of straight,
long blonde hair, was tilted backwards at an angle which immediately
struck me as uncomfortable. She did not move.

“
Kelly, are you OK?
”

“
I can
’
t get out, Richie, I
’
m stuck! Please don
’
t let me die, Richie.
I
’
m so scared. Please don
’
t let me die.
”

Before I passed out, I heard the distant sound of an ambulance siren.

I was trying to wash the dishes in the kitchen and I heard the
familiar sound of a little girl.

“
OW!
”

Melissa came wandering into the kitchen, looking like she was
about to burst into tears.

“
Mummy, Jamie punched me!
”

I was getting sick of this. I stormed into the lounge.

“
Jamie, have you just punched your sister?
”

“
Well, she took Thomas and Diesel off me, when I was playing with them.
”

“
Did you, Melissa?
”

“
He was being noisy with them. I couldn
’
t hear Dora.
”

Dora The Explorer was blaring out of the TV. My tolerance levels
were at zero. I needed a good night
’
s sleep to re-charge but it was only
early afternoon.

“
Right! I
’
ve had enough of this fighting. Why can you not just be
nice to each other? Both of you, upstairs! Five minutes in your room!
”

Melissa bowed her hand and stomped away.

“
It
’
s always his fault,
”
she complained,
“
Jamie always gets me into
trouble!
”

“
It
’
s both your faults, Melissa. You shouldn
’
t have taken his toys off him!
”

“
He was annoying me!
”

Melissa disappeared upstairs. Jamie had not moved from the carpet
in the lounge. He had started to play
with Thomas and Diesel again.

             
“
Jamie! Upstairs!
”

“
NO!
”

“
Upstairs NOW!
”

“
NO!
”

“
Get up!
”

“
I am playing with my toys!
”

“
Oh no you are not!
”

I made a grab for him and put him into the fireman
’
s lift position.
Jamie began kicking and screaming, as per usual!

“
Get off me!
”

“
No, you are naughty, cheeky little boy and you are going in your room!
”

I put my foot on the first stair and the doorbell rang.

“
Shit!
”
I muttered to myself.

Our front door was glass, whoever was
at the door could see straight
in, so could see me carrying Jamie. I could
not exactly pretend I was out.
“
Right you, I said to Jamie. Sit on the naughty stair whilst I see
who
’
s at the door. If you speak, you go in your room for ten minutes.
”

             
“
That
’
s not fair!
”
Melissa shouted down from her bedroom,
“
why
does Jamie get to go on the naughty stair when I have to go in my
room?
”

“
Just shut up, Melissa!
”
was my non-parental reply.

I quickly checked my appearance in the hallway mirror, which was
a complete state, before turning, seeing two policemen standing outside
and opening the door to see what they wanted.

“
Good afternoon! Does a Mrs. Jemma Billingham live here?
”

“
Yes, that
’
s me.
”

I was trying to think what crime I could actually have committed.
Speeding? Noise pollution? Failing to control a minor? Ever since I had
been in prison, the presence of a police officer made me feel uncomfortable.

“
Mrs. Billingham, there has been a road traffic accident on Mill
Lane, involving your husband, Richard Billingham and your sister,
Kelly Watkinson.
”

This seemed preposterous.

“
Are you sure? I haven
’
t seen my sister for almost ten years. She
’
s
abroad as far as I know.
”

“
All documentation on her person seems to indicate that Miss
Watkinson was involved.
”

This seemed like the weirdest crash ever. For me not to have seen
Kelly for ten years and then for Richie to have crashed into her. It was
bizarre.

“
Are they OK?
”

“
Your husband has concussion and cuts and bruises. Miss Watkinson
’
s
condition is more serious, I
’
m afraid. They have both been taken to the
accident and emergency department at Ormskirk hospital.
”

“
Is Kelly alive?
”

“
Yes. She has life threatening injuries though, Mrs Billingham. We
could take you to the hospital, if you would like us to.
”

“
What about my children? I have two under fives.
”

“
Do you have a neighbour or a family member you could leave them
with?
”

“
Yes, I
’
ll ring Richie
’
s Mum and Dad. They
’
d be here within twenty
minues, could you wait that long?
”

“
That would be fine, Mrs.Billingham.
”

“
Did they crash head on?
”

“
Yes, the other car appears to have been travelling at speed around
a
bend and it has caught your husband
’
s car, head on.
”

“
So you think it appears to have been Kelly
’
s fault?
”

The policemen looked confused.

“
No, Mrs. Billingham, it appears the other car driver may have been
at fault although that is just an assumption at this stage, we are not really
in a position to apportion blame.
”

“
But you just said Richie
’
s car was hit head on. I
’
m sorry I don
’
t
understand.
”

“
Mummy!
”
Melissa shouted,
“
can I come out now? I need a poo!
”

“
Yes, Melissa. Out you come.
”

The second policeman tried to clarify matters.

“
Mrs. Billingham, your husband and sister appear to have been
turning off Mill Lane into West Tower, they were hit head on by another
vehicle. Tragically, a young lady in the other car was pronounced dead
at the scene. The driver of the other car and your sister, both have life
threatening injuries.
”

“
So my husband and my sister were travelling in the same car?
”

“
Yes, Mrs. Billingham. Your husband was driving, your sister was
in the front passenger seat.
”