Forever Black (19 page)

His
face turned red and angry, “You’re a fucking bitch Elle,” he screamed.

“Takes
one to know one Kyle, now get the fuck out of my house before I seriously hurt
you.”

“I’d
like to see you try,” he said.

I
picked up a vase that sat in the corner of my desk and threw it at him. He
ducked as it shattered against the wall.

“You
are one crazy bitch; I’m outta here.”

I
ran and locked the door, avoiding the tiny pieces of glass that were scattered
across my floor. I heavily sighed as I cleaned up the mess I made, remembering
the first time I met Connor in his kitchen, and I dropped the mug on his floor.

The
whole week I never left the apartment except when I went to the hospital to
have a port put in for chemo. I concentrated on finishing my paintings and
successfully I did. Sitting in front of my easel was the only time when I felt
somewhat normal. My heart was still shattered, and my soul was empty. I felt
lost and broken and no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the feeling, so I
just existed.

My
first treatment was tomorrow morning, and I was scared. I had no one to be
there with me. The first time I went through chemo, my dad managed to stay sober
long enough to be there for me during my sessions, but as soon as we left the
hospital he hit the local bar. Now, I was all alone facing cancer and chemo
once again, by myself.

Tears
came to my eyes as I threw myself a little pity party. I had some friends, but
I was in no way going to have them stop their lives to help me. I took the
paintings to the art gallery and terribly missed seeing Peyton’s smiling face
greeting me at the door. She had one more week left in Colorado. Sal shook his
head when he saw my paintings.

“Ellery,
these are beautiful, you are so incredibly talented, I know these will sell
quickly,” he said as he moved them over to the empty wall. I gave him a hug and
thanked him.

Chemo
day arrived. I put on my yoga pants, a baggy sweatshirt and threw my hair up in
a ponytail; there was no going to chemo looking fashionable. I grabbed my
blanket and my kindle and stepped inside the cab that was waiting for me
outside. I arrived at the hospital and headed to the cancer center where I would
be a frequent visitor once a week for the next 6 months. Because I waited
longer than most to have chemo after I was told my cancer came back, the doctor
and I agreed to do a little more aggressive treatment that would shorten the
duration of my therapy, hopefully.

Nurse
Bailey called me back into the room where a total of 16 oversized blue chairs
lined the walls of the sterile white room. There were eight chairs on one side
and eight on the other; each chair having its own IV pole and curtain. I never
felt comfortable with my chemo treatments. People always looked at me like I
was way too young to have cancer. I was the youngest one there for the first 8
months until a 9-year-old girl named Molly showed up.

“Is
anyone here with you sweetie?” Nurse Bailey asked with a smile.

“No,
it’s just me.”

She
patted my hand and gave me a sympathetic look, “Well, don’t you worry, I’m here
with you.”

She
was an older woman probably in her 50’s with short salt and pepper hair. Her
voice was soft but perky. She told me about her ex-husband and her 3 grown
children as she sat me in the chair and did some prep work. She excused herself
and said she’d be right back. I looked around the room at the six chairs that
were filled by people who were here for the same reason. It was weird because
being complete strangers, we all shared a common bond.

“Someone
is here to see you,” Nurse Bailey said in her perky voice. I looked up from my
phone and practically went into cardiac arrest when I saw Connor standing
there. I felt like I was going to suffocate.

“What
are you doing here, Connor?” I managed to ask.

He
sighed and sat in the chair next to me.

“Hello
Ellery.”

I
continued to look down at my phone, and I refused to look at him. “I asked you
a question,” I demanded.

“Nobody
should have to go through this alone.”

“I’m
not alone, I have Nurse Bailey,” I pointed, still looking at my phone.

Before
I knew it, he grabbed my phone from my hands and put it in his pocket.

“What
the hell Connor?” I snarled.

Nurse
Bailey came walking over, “Ok sweetie, here is your cocktail, bottoms up,” she
smiled as she inserted the needle into my port and hung the bag on the pole. I
gently smiled at her, “Cheers.”

Connor
looked at me, “I’m here as your friend Ellery.”

“Can
I have my phone back please?” I asked nicely as I held out my hand.

He
took in a sharp breath, reached in his pocket, pulled out my phone and handed
it to me. Our fingers touched as he put it in the palm of my hand. My heart
started racing like it always did when he touched me.

“This
is how this is going to work,” he spoke. “I am going to bring you here every
week and then take you home. I’ve hired a private nurse to come to your
apartment daily to tend to you and make you comfortable.”

All
kinds of thoughts were running through my head; why was he doing this for me? Is
this his revenge, to kick a girl during her chemo sessions?

“Why
Connor, why are you doing this?” He looked at me with cold eyes.

“I
owe you.”

“What
the fuck are you talking about?”

“You
took care of me once so now I’m returning the favor. I know you don’t have
anyone else.”

So
now I’ve become his charity case, great. “The night you brought me home from
the beach and put me to bed, you said we were even. You don’t need to stay. I’m
fine you can go.”

He
looked down and laced his fingers together, “I’m staying Ellery, and you are in
no position to say otherwise.” I rolled my eyes and tried to think of a million
ways to run.

“By
the way, how did you know I started chemo today, and how did you know I was
here?” I glared at him.

“I
know a lot of things Ellery; I told you before that I can find out anything.”

I
shot him a look, “Stalker.”  

I
sat there reading while he sent emails and did business from his iPad.

“You
don’t need to be here, I’m sure you have better things to do than sit in a room
watching people get chemo for 5 hours,” I randomly said.

“Whether
I have better things to do or not, this is how it’s going to be, so let’s be
quiet and don’t worry about it,” his voice was flat and cold.

Didn’t
he realize I was pissed off at the world at that moment and he was making it
worse? I didn’t want him here because it was bringing back all the emotions I
tried to bury, but I did want him here because I had a bit of hope in the back
of my mind that he still wanted to be with me and that he possibly forgave me.
I looked down at my kindle and tried to read, but as I looked at the words, the
only thing registering in my mind was Connor.

“How
are you doing sweetie?” Nurse Bailey cheerfully asked as she checked my chemo
drip.

“I’m
doing fucking fantastic Nurse Bailey, because I know that probably by tonight, I’ll
have my head down the toilet for a good hour or two.”

Connor
looked at me and then at Nurse Bailey, “Ellery that’s enough.”

The
nurse looked at him sympathetically, “It’s ok, she’s angry right now and needs
to let it out, and I’m used to it. I just try to make my patients as
comfortable as possible.”

Connor
leaned closer to me and whispered, “Could you please stop being a smart ass? She
is only trying to help you.”

I
couldn’t look at him because if I did, I was going to slap him right across the
face. I didn’t say a word. I was more than ready to rip that chemo line right
out of me and run as fast and far away as I could. This is what I wanted to
prevent, the hostility, the anger, the resentment. I just wanted to live my
life with the time I had left, happy.

That
was the longest 5 hours of my life. Nurse Bailey removed the chemo drip from my
port and gave me a hug goodbye. Connor grabbed my blanket, and I tore it out of
his hands, “I got it.” He heavily sighed and followed behind me as I exited the
hospital. Connor opened the Limo door for me as I slid in the seat.

Denny
turned and looked at me, “Hello Miss Lane.” He was the only one of the day that
got a smile from me.

“Hi
Denny.”

Connor
climbed in next to me, “How are you feeling?”

I
looked out the window, “I’m fine right now; it takes a few hours or even a few
days for the chemo to hit you.” The ride to my apartment was silent.

Connor
got out of the Limo and followed me inside, “I want you to start packing.”

I
turned and looked at him, “For what?”

He
took in a sharp breath, “You will be staying in the guest room at my
penthouse.” I felt the blood drain from my face, and my heart started to beat
faster.

“I’m
not going anywhere; this is my home. This is where I’m staying.” But the idea
of sleeping in the enormous comfy bed was appealing.

“Listen
to me,” his voice was raised, “I don’t want you staying here alone.”

I
walked over to him and put my finger to his chest, “I’m not your fucking
charity case Connor Black, and I don’t need your help, besides you hate me
anyway, why would you want to help me after what I did?” I slowly turned around
and walked to the sink for a glass of water. I stood there with my hands on the
edge.

He
slowly walked up behind me, “Ellery, I don’t hate you, please don’t ever say
that again. Yes, I will admit I’m still angry, and I will be for a very long
time, but I need to put all that aside because you are my friend and you need
help. Please put your stubbornness aside and let me help you.”

His
voice was soft and his words sincere. I wanted to throw my arms around him and
cry into his shoulder, but I couldn’t, he admitted he was still angry and that
he was only my friend.

“You
said you hired a nurse to come here and check on me.”

He
sighed again, “Well, I changed my mind and I’m making other arrangements.”

“Fine,
let me get my things.” I gave in because I didn’t have the strength to fight
him, and I was scared of being alone.

He
turned around and looked over at the wall that was missing a chunk of drywall,
“What happened over there?”

I
came from the bedroom as he walked over and grabbed my bags, “I threw a vase at
Kyle.”

He
let out a laugh, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,
he wouldn’t leave so I threw a vase at him; needless to say he left after
that.” Connor shook his head and continued to laugh.

I
threw myself on the bed I’ve grown to love. Connor set my bags down in the
corner.

“I’m
going out tonight; if you need anything help yourself.”

I
looked at him and gave half a smile, “Thanks.”

He
walked out and shut the door. Did he just make it a point to tell me he was
going out? I could feel the burning and the rage rev up in my body; jealousy
was setting in. This was not a good idea, but if it got too unbearable staying
with him, I would pack up and leave.

I
didn’t have much of an appetite, and I was tired so I decided to turn in early.
I was woken up by the sudden feeling of nausea that overtook my body. I looked
at the clock. It was 2 am. I flew out of bed and to the bathroom that was
directly across the hall. Thank god I made it as I started to vomit
uncontrollably. Here we go I knew it wouldn’t take long; it didn’t the last
time. As I was leaned over with my head in the toilet, I heard the door slowly
open.

“Ellery,”
I heard Connor say as he grabbed my hair and held it back.

I
didn’t want him to see my like this. Moving here was not a good thing to do,
and now I regretted it.

“Get
out of here Connor, please just go.”

He
knelt down beside me as he held my hair, “I’m not going anywhere until you are
back in bed.”

I
threw up a few more times, mostly dry heaving as he walked to the sink and wet
a cloth with tepid water. He folded it up and put it on my head. I quickly
grabbed it out of his hand. I managed to get up and take small steps towards
the door. I was so weak that I wanted to collapse right on the marble floor.
Connor lightly took a hold of my arm and helped me into bed. He pulled the
covers over me and as he went to walk away, I grabbed his hand. He turned around
and looked at me.

“This
is nothing; you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into Mr. Black.”

He
stared at me without saying a word then walked out the door, leaving it open a
crack. I was too exhausted to think of anything. I just wanted to sleep
peacefully.