Forever Black (16 page)

He
walked over to the small stereo that sat on a table by the window. He walked
back to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We held each other and slowly
moved to the soft melody coming from the radio. He stared into my eyes as he
leaned in and brushed my lips with his. My hands moved up and down his back as our
soft kiss turned passionate and we gently made love by the fire. We laid there,
staring into each other; our naked bodies wrapped in a blanket.

“Are
you hungry?” He asked as he kissed my shoulder.

“For
you, yes,” I smirked.

He
smiled as he stroked my cheek with his soft fingers, “I am always hungry for
you, but we will eventually have to eat real food. I hate to break it to you
baby, but we can’t survive on sex alone.”

He
started to tickle me as I laughed and tried to grab his hands. He finally
stopped when I said ouch because my eye started to hurt. He softly kissed my
stitches before getting up and ordering room service.

It
wasn’t too long before room service was delivered as we got up and got dressed.
“Are you feeling ok Elle? You look a little pale?”

“I’m
fine sweetie; I’m just tired, and I think I have you to blame for that.”

He
flashed me his sexy smile.
“If I recall, you were
the one who did all
the work.”

I
blushed as I got up from my seat and held out my hand, “Would you care to join
me for a hot bath Mr. Black?

“I
would love to Miss Lane, just not too hot; I don’t want you passing out.” I
snickered as we walked to the large marbled bathroom.

The
bathtub was large enough for 4 people. Connor started the water and got in as I
removed my robe and twisted my hair up so it didn’t get wet.

“Damn
you are so sexy,” he smiled as I walked towards the tub.

“Not
as sexy as you are,” I smiled as I slid in the tub and leaned my back against
his firm chest. He put his arms around me and we laid there, taking in the
warmth of the water and the softness of our wet skin. He softly kissed my neck.
“I love it when you wear your hair up.”

“Is
that so?” I smiled as he continued to plant small delicate kisses down my neck.

“You
have no idea how bad I wanted you that night of the charity. I did everything I
could to restrain myself and not take you in the bathroom and have my way with
you.”

I
lightly rubbed his arm with my fingers, “I wish you would have.”

“No,
you don’t, I would have been too rough, and I might have scared you off.”

“You
can never scare me off.”

I
turned my head, so I was facing him, “Infinity is forever, and that is what you
are to me, you are my forever Mr. Black.”

He
kissed my lips, “There's no limit to what I wouldn't do for you. Just ask and
it will be done, no matter the sacrifice.”

I
traced his lips with my fingers, “Those are the most beautiful words anyone has
ever said to me.”

“They’re
true, every last word,” he whispered as our lips met one last time before we
headed off to bed.

The
next morning Connor and I were drinking coffee in the room when a text message
from Kyle came through.

“Elle,
I heard you were in town, where are you staying? I need to see you; it’s
important?”
I sighed as I read it.

“Who’s
it from?” Connor asked.

“Kyle
says he needs to see me. He says it’s important, and he wants to know where
we’re staying.”

“Tell
him then, obviously he needs to see you about something.” Connor seemed calm
about it, but I had a terrible feeling.

I
texted Kyle back and told him which hotel I was at and wondering what the hell
was he doing in Michigan? Connor and I got dressed and finished packing our
things to head back to New York. Before long, there was a knock at the door. I
walked over and opened it.

“Hi
Kyle, come in,” I glared at him.

“Hey
Elle” He walked in and froze when he saw Connor come from the bedroom. Kyle
looked at me, “I didn’t know he was here with you.”

“Hey
Kyle,” Connor waved to him.

Kyle
gave a small hello and looked at me, “Ellery, I need to speak with you in
private.”

“If
you have something to say, you can say it in front of Connor.” Kyle looked
sternly at me.

“I
don’t think you’d want him to hear this.”

My
stomach tied itself in knots, and I started to get extremely nervous.

“Kyle,
what is it? Spit it out for fucks sake; we are heading back to New York in a
little while, and I don’t have time for games.”

He
looked at Connor who started to walk towards the bedroom, “I’ll give you two
some privacy.”

Kyle
nodded and turned to look at me, “I made a terrible mistake Elle; I never
should have left you.”

I
gasped because that was totally unexpected. “It’s a little too late, you did
what you did, and I moved on, and so did you.”

“No,
that’s what I’m trying to tell you, I didn’t move on. Hell, I dated a few girls,
but none of them are you; I love you baby. We had four fucking years together;
you can’t just throw that away.”

Rage
started to take over my body. How dare he tell me that I threw our relationship
away when he is the one who packed up and left? My voice became uncontrollably
loud.

“
I
- can’t throw that away? You’re the one who fucking walked out on me, leaving
me alone because you needed space, and now you come here back to our hometown
and expect me to take you back?” Connor heard me yelling and emerged from the
bedroom.

“I
was scared Elle. I ran because I was scared, but I now realize what a screw up
I am and I want you. I want us back for as long as we can be.”

I
pointed my finger at him, “Get the hell out of here Kyle.”

His
eyes turned cold as he looked over at Connor, “Does he know Elle? Did you tell
him?”

Connor
walked over and looked at me, “Tell me what?”

I
stared at Kyle with pleading eyes, “Kyle, please leave; please, for both our
sake.”

His
eyes grew wider, “You didn’t tell him?”

“Kyle,
stop please,” I begged.

Connor
turned to Kyle, “What hasn’t she told me?”

Tears
filled my eyes as Kyle began to speak.

“I’m
sorry Elle.”

He
looked at Connor and proceeded to talk. “She has cancer, and she refuses to go and
get treatments; she is just going to let herself die. That’s why I left because
I couldn’t sit there and watch her die.”

The
tears were flowing freely down my face as Connor looked at me with a horrified
look on his face, “Ellery is that true?”

Kyle
turned around, “I’m sorry Elle,” he said as he shook his head and walked out
the door.

“Ellery
is that true?” Connor screamed.

I
flinched and nodded my head, “Yes it’s true.”

He
clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. “You’ve known your cancer was back
even before I met you and you hid it from me after everything we’ve been
through? What kind of person are you?”

I’ve
never seen or experienced such rage and anger in a person like the one standing
in front of me. His eyes turned dark as he looked at me with shame and disgust.

“Please
Connor let me explain.”

“Explain
what? What’s to explain? Were you just going to tell me one day you were dying?
And why the fuck aren’t you getting any treatment?”

“Please
calm down,” I pleaded.

“Calm
down? You expect me to be calm when I just found out that the woman I love and
want to spend the rest of my life with is dying? I don’t want to hear anything
from you. You make me sick Ellery. I can’t do this; I can’t even look at you.” He
turned towards the bedroom. I ran after him and grabbed his arm.

“Please
Connor, don’t do this; let me explain.”

He
jerked his arm away and I fell back onto the floor. He turned and looked at me,
his voice now calm but pained, “Your dizzy spells, your tiredness, it’s all
part of the cancer. You’re getting worse, and you knew it, but you still didn’t
tell me. I bared my soul to you. I told you things nobody in this world knows. I
shared myself with you. How could you do that to me Ellery?” His eyes filled
with tears as he turned to the bedroom and slammed the door.

My
heart shattered, and I started to shake. I sat on the ground in shock at how
quickly my life had just changed. An hour later he threw open the door and came
out with his suitcase walking past me.

“Connor
wait; please,” I said as I jumped up.

He
turned around and pointed at me, “Stay away from me. I booked a flight for you
back to New York; it leaves in 2 hours, so compose yourself and be ready. I’m
driving back by myself. I can’t stand to look at you right now, let alone ride
in a car with you for 10 hours.”

I
covered my mouth with my hand as he opened the door and stormed out. I fell to
my knees. It felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me. I couldn’t
breathe, and I begged God to take me right then and there. He was gone. He left
me just like everyone else in my life.

I
got up from the floor and somehow managed to call the desk, telling them I
needed a car to take me to the airport. I stumbled to the bathroom and looked
in the mirror at the black streaks of mascara that stained my face. I took a
washcloth and wiped them away. I didn’t need water; my tears were enough to
soak the washcloth. I put on my sunglasses to hide my red swollen eyes and
headed to the lobby with my suitcase. I was unsteady and still shaking.

The
car was waiting for me as the driver took my suitcase and opened the door. All
I kept thinking was had I told him the truth from the start, maybe things would
have been different. I was to blame for his pain, and I hated myself for that. He
didn’t deserve this. I knew he could forgive me, if he would let me explain why
I didn’t tell him.

As
I sat in the airport, I dialed his number. It went straight to voice mail. My
flight was called, and I boarded the plane. I couldn’t think about anything but
Connor and how I felt like I had just killed him. Who am I? I searched deep in
my soul for that answer. The only thing that came to mind was a cold-hearted
bitch that was selfish and only thought of her.

I
never should have let the relationship with Connor get that far. I knew it was
wrong, but he made me feel things I never felt before, and he loved me. I never
felt love from anyone in my life, not my dad and certainly not Kyle. Our relationship
was out of convenience. There were times I knew Kyle cheated on me, but I chose
not to say anything because I was afraid to be alone. I spent my whole life
alone. Don’t get me wrong, I did love Kyle, but I was never in love with him.

I
arrived back in New York and was walking out of the airport when I saw Denny
standing next to the Limo. I stopped as he walked over to me, hugged me and
then took my suitcase. I tried so hard not to cry, but my eyes didn’t listen. I
sobbed and sobbed in the back of the Limo while Denny drove me home.

“I’m
so sorry Miss Lane.”

“What
did he tell you?” I sniffed.

“He
told me that he won’t be seeing you anymore and that I needed to pick you up
from the airport and drive you home.”

“He
didn’t tell you why?”

No
Miss Lane, he didn’t.”

I
guess I was going to be the one to tell him. He deserved to know the truth.

“I’m
sick Denny. I have cancer. Connor left me because I didn’t tell him,” I started
sobbing again.

He
pulled up to my apartment and followed me inside with my suitcase. I turned to
him as he hugged me.

“Miss
Lane, he’ll come around.”

I
shook my head, “Not this time Denny, it’s too late.”

He
took my hand and handed me a piece of paper. “This is my phone number. I want
you to call me if you need anything and don’t worry I won’t tell Mr. Black.”

I
looked at the paper and hugged him as we said goodbye. I shut the door behind
him and looked around my apartment; it was a representation of how I felt,
dark, lonely and small.

I
walked to the bedroom and fell on my bed. The rage was growing inside me as I
gripped my comforter with both hands and screamed. I sat up and looked around
my small bedroom. The pain inside me was far worse than I ever imagined it
could be. My chest felt heavy, and my shattered heart pierced me from within. I
clenched my jaw as my hands gripped the bed. I tore my comforter off my and
threw it across the room. I ripped off my sheets and balled them up, so they
masked the sounds of my screams. I walked to the kitchen for a glass of water
to try to calm down, but threw the glass at the wall and watched as it
shattered into tiny pieces like my heart. I looked around. I took my desk and
tipped it over as the drawer fell out, and my list was lying on the floor. I picked
it up and looked at it. I held in my hand my bucket list. A list of all the
things I needed and wanted to do before I died. I crumbled the paper and threw
it on the ground.