Forever After (9 page)

His voice was hoarse with desire.  "I could feel these when we were dancing...when I kissed you.  I wanted to touch them...hold them."  He pushed her bodice aside so his lips could taste the half moon above the airy bra.  Tormenting himself for a moment, he simply stared, anticipating.  Releasing the front clasp, he found pink satin tips.  So precious.  So pert.  So like Darcy.  He brought mouth to bud and rasped his tongue over the crest.

Darcy moaned and arched against him.  He loved watching her sinuous moves, knowing he was the cause.  When she moaned again, his lips caught her nipple and tugged with gentle pressure.  She cried out and heaved toward him for more.

Unbearably aroused, he lifted his head and caressed her breasts.  "You are such a responsive, beautiful woman."

Her eyes glistened.  "It's because of you, Seth."

Her response was so unpracticed, so guileless.  Not at all what he expected.  But it was her honesty and loyalty that touched him most of all.  He had to find out...  "Do you always respond like this?  Are you always this passionate?"

She looked blank for a moment.  "I don't understand."

He put it plainly.  "Are you like this with all men, or is it different with me?"

She shook her head as if to clear it then gazed at him with a mixture of shock and anger.  "Do you take this survey with every woman you kiss?"

He had to get past her defensiveness.  He was learning honesty worked best with her.  "It's important for me to know.  You're not just any woman."

She considered his words and said softly, "I haven't been with a man for a while."

"How long?"

She lifted her head and looked away from him.  "What does it matter?"

"Believe me, it matters.  How long?"

"Four years," she said tersely.

"Four years?"  A pall spread over him as he understood something he'd tried to ignore or disbelieve.  "How many men have you been with Darcy?"

Her color rose.  This time he didn't know if it was anger or embarrassment.

"You want a number?" she asked, trying to make light of the question.

"How many?" he pressed.

"One."

He let out a huge puff of air and swore.  It was worse than he thought.  This woman didn't have "affairs" or temporary interludes.  "What happened?"

Darcy pushed herself up "He left. He stayed for the summer then he left."

"You thought there would be more."

"Of course, I did."  The hurt was huge and awful in her eyes.  "He said he loved me.  I thought he'd stay, or ask me to go with him.  But that was never in his plans."

Seth sensed there was more to the story, but that didn't concern him.  What concerned him was what Darcy thought now.

He felt awkward and uncomfortable.  He didn't want to use or hurt her.  "Is this what you intended to happen tonight?"

She fastened her bra, her cheeks flaming brighter.  "No.  I mean...not yet."

"Not yet?"

"No.  Of course not.  I want to get to know you...share with you."

Share?  Had he ever shared?  Not with his mother--she was too preoccupied to listen.  Not with his father--he was burdened enough.  Not with his friends.  Seth had never wanted them to see the hurt inside.  As an adult, to share meant to put power in someone else's hands.  He wouldn't do that.

"What do you want to share, Darcy?"

"Thoughts, feelings..."

The depth of what she wanted forked through him.  "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

He shook his head.  "I don't live my life like that."

"Tell me why, Seth."

"Because I don't have time, because I don't want to, because--"

"Because you're afraid."

Her insight hit the mark.  "Maybe I am.  Maybe I have reason to be.  I told you straight out I wasn't looking for a permanent relationship."

"I know you did.  And I told you I wasn't interested in a short term fling.  So why did you ask me out?"

"Because you said you didn't want heartache.  I thought we could see each other, enjoy each other..."

"And not get burned?  I might be inexperienced, but I'm not stupid."

"Relationships don't have to be restrictive," he shot back.  "Men and women can enjoy each other's company without turning themselves inside out."

"Friendship's one thing.  And even friendship, if it's good, hurts when something happens to it.  But true intimacy is something entirely different.  I could never take it lightly.  And if you ever found it, you couldn't either."

True intimacy.  What she meant was love, commitment, attachment.  Everything he avoided.  He backed up a step.  A thundering silence and much more stood between them.

Seth was tempted to reach out to Darcy, to erase the sadness in her eyes.  But what could he offer her?  She wanted a lot more than he was willing to give.

He stood.  "I'd better go.  We want different things."

She didn't speak.  She didn't try to change his mind.  She just gazed at him with those wide aquamarine eyes.  He couldn't handle the disappointment glistening there so he walked to the door and let himself out.

CHAPTER FIVE

Tuesday afternoon, Seth sat in his office, thinking about the weekend.  Whenever he closed his eyes, he vividly recalled Darcy's face, the petal softness of her skin, the feel of her in his arms, under his fingers, under his lips.  So he'd closed his eyes as little as possible in the past few days with the obvious result--he was tired, edgy, and about as patient as a bear.  When he snapped at Vic's paralegal for the third time in one morning, Seth knew he couldn't be as pragmatic about Darcy as he'd thought he could be.

He'd tried to forget about her.  He really had.  He'd gone to Vic's for dinner on Sunday.  Peg fed him until he couldn't breathe.  Her two boys had run him ragged all afternoon.  And still always there had been Darcy's words in the shadows of his mind.  I want to get to know you, share with you...

 He didn't know if he knew how to share.  He didn't know if he wanted to try.

But he'd never met anyone like Darcy.  He'd never met a woman who made him want to consider more than a surface relationship.  Sex hadn't led to intimacy in the past.  It had led to a fulfillment of needs.  Obviously, Darcy wouldn't consider sex without intimacy.  She had to know up front marriage wasn't in the cards.  Marriage!  Hell, why was he thinking about marriage?

Because that's what women like Darcy wanted.  And that was the one thing he wasn't prepared to give.  He'd seen too many brutal divorces, beginning with his parents.  Nope, men and women weren't meant to spend lifetimes together.

He thought of Vic and Peg and qualified his thought.  Most men and women weren't meant to spend a lifetime together.  The odds of a marriage lasting were less than fifty percent.  And when it broke apart...  He'd seen the devastation first hand.  Huh uh.  Marriage was definitely out of the question.

Could Darcy accept grabbing the moment?  He should stay away from her and let her find some settled man who could give her a home, kids, stability, a gold band. 

Maybe after Saturday night, she didn't want to see him again.  There was the Brad Winston complication.  But the man still hadn't called and Seth didn't live his life on "might be-s."  He wanted Darcy.  He was going to lay the facts out in front of her and let her make the decision.  Black and white.  They'd see each other or they wouldn't.  Cut and dried.  Logic had always served him well.  Darcy was no exception.

He pushed his chair away from his desk.  Maybe after he went to the garage, he could get some work done.

***

Pushing her hair high on her forehead with the heel of her hand, Darcy reviewed her appointments for tomorrow morning.  She was still having difficulty concentrating and her distraction annoyed her.  She kept telling herself to forget about Seth, but she wasn't taking her own advice.  Spinning to face the pegboard on the wall in back of the desk, she flipped an ignition key from a hook.  She needed to keep her hands busy and maybe her brain would follow.  When she heard the side door open, she turned...and stood immobilized while all of her womanly senses kicked into overdrive.

Seth stepped into the garage and adjusted his eyes to the dimmer light.  Darcy could feel her cheeks flush as he annihilated the distance between them in a few long strides.  "Let's go into your office and talk."

Darcy tried to put her armor in place but it was difficult when she looked into his eyes.  "We don't have anything to talk about.  You sounded sure about what you want and don't want."

Seth walked behind the counter, firmly took her arm, and led her toward her office.

"Seth, there's no point.  We have different values--"

He pulled faster.  "I want to talk to you.  Privately."

When they reached her office, he shut the door, released her, and prowled around to the back side of her desk.  He seemed to need space between them.  There were vibrations in the air that had nothing to do with the hum of the air conditioner.  Seth shoved his hands into his front pockets, causing his charcoal trousers to stretch taut across his thighs.

He studied her.  "Damn!" he swore viciously.  "I don't know what to say or how to say it."

Darcy waited, her curiosity piqued, a kernel of hope sprouting.  He looked awkward and something else she never thought she'd see.  He looked vulnerable.

"I want to keep seeing you."

She blew out her pent-up breath, not realizing she'd been holding it.  "Why?"

Seth mowed his hand through his hair in evident frustration, then angled around the desk, halting a few inches in front of her.  "I like you.  I can't tell you how long it's been since I 'liked' a woman.  I want to find out if we have something worth exploring."

"What if we don't?" she asked quietly.  If he "liked" her, he wasn't thinking simply about sex.

His eyes wrangled with hers.  "Then we'll both know and there won't be any regrets."

Her body wanted to sway toward his, but she stood resolute.  "You said you couldn't share.  You said you wouldn't.  Have you changed your mind?"

His gaze was steady and honest.  "The idea of telling you how I think and how I feel makes my gut clench."

Darcy could see the admission was difficult for him.  "I can understand that. It's not easy for anyone."

His brows furrowed, the rays around his eyes becoming more pronounced.  "You don't seem to have any trouble," he grumbled.

She smiled.  "I've had more practice.  After you do it a few thousand times, it gets easier."

He didn't smile back but he seemed to relax as he placed his hands lightly on her shoulders.  "I'm not saying I can do this.  What I'm saying is I'll try."

Hope bloomed in her heart.  "That's a start."  There was something else she had to make clear.  "I meant what I said about not sleeping with you until I...I really know you."

He gently stroked her cheek.  "How long do you think that will take?"

"I don't know.  I can't deny the chemistry between us, and I was overwhelmed by that Saturday night.  But I can't jump into a casual affair.  I'm not like that."

He let his hands drop to his sides and he stuffed them back in his pockets.  "I know you're not.  But I can't make any promises.  I live my life with no strings.  I don't know how long I'm going to stay in Hershey.  In the fall, I might be gone."

Since she knew he might leave, she could prepare herself for it.  She wanted Seth in her life; she wanted a kind of happiness she'd never known and could maybe find with him.  But there was one condition.  "I know you can be charming and I'm sure you have a professional veneer you use expertly.  I'd like to know the man behind all that."

"You might want too much."

She thought again about Gary, how he'd used her.  "I can't do all the giving.  I did that before and I won't do it again."

Seth's eyes narrowed.  "What was his name?"

"Gary."

His expression was deadly serious.  "I'm not Gary.  I'll never intentionally take advantage of you.  But I can't shuck all my defenses overnight."

"How about in a week?" she asked with a tentative smile.

The mood between them lightened and Seth smiled, too.  It was a slow smile that began in his eyes before it dented his mouth.  A real smile.  "It might take a little longer than that."  His hands moved from his pockets to her upper arms.  "How private is your office?"

"Dan and Steve usually knock."  She paused for effect.  "A split second before they barge in."

Seth's arm slid around her back and he tilted her chin up.  "I'd like to renew our acquaintance."

His eyes were as soft as grey suede and as inviting.  She raised her right arm and brushed an imaginary piece of lint from the shoulder of his grey dress shirt.  "How do you propose we do that?"

"With more than a handshake."  He combed his hand through her hair.

She loved his touch.  It made her feel...alive, sparkling, special.  She found the side of his neck and rested her hand above his shirt collar.  "Dan probably won't leave us alone long.  When he asked me how my date was Saturday night, I almost bit his head off.  If he saw you drag me in here--"