Forbidden: Ultimate Stepbrother Collection (18 page)

Chapter 19

Jessa

The chilling feeling that had overwhelmed me after the dream still hadn’t left my body. A cold pit formed in my stomach as I remembered, too well, the terror in Jake’s face as he slipped over the railing and into the storm surge. I relived the feeling of helplessness I felt when I’d reached futilely for his hand. And I remembered my own horror as I realized that I was following him into the turbulent water.

But I’d survived it. Against all reason, I’d ended up on the deck of a fishing boat. But Jake hadn’t been found. Once I was conscious and wrapped in the silver thermal blankets and deemed to be all right, all attention had turned to finding Jake. At the time, I’d been in a complete daze as if someone had knocked me on the head, but even to this day, I could still remember the flurry of activity on the cove. The violent cove had been filled with boats; the coast guard, the police, other fishing boats. Giant search lights from helicopters lit up the wild, frothy surface of the water. I’d been taken back to shore long before they’d found Jake. He’d been dead for an hour by the time they brought him ashore. And my BLT summer with Hailey, the weird, sometimes tumultuous, sometimes wonderful relationship with Beck and the whole new life my mom had carved out for herself was over. It had come to a terrible end that would haunt me forever.

Even though I was tucked in Beck’s strong arms, the room seemed extra cold. I’d woken him as I sat up from the nightmare I’d been having. The nightmare had brought back vivid details of that day, most importantly my last moment of consciousness in the water before two strong arms yanked me from a certain death. And those same strong arms held me now. I wondered if that was why I’d always felt so much comfort when Beck held me. Somewhere, deep in my mind had been the memory of him saving me. I’d brought it up to him, but, as always, he fell silent about the tragic end to our summer. Jake had been his best friend. Their friendship and my confusing relationship with Beck had been another source of trouble in those warm summer months.

Beck rested his chin on the top of my head as I pressed my face against his chest. He rubbed my back tenderly, and even that small, casual gesture sent a shiver of longing through me. I wanted his hands on me always. I wanted his hands on me forever.

“Am I right, Beck? I know you don’t like to talk about Jake’s death and that awful day, but was it you? Did you pull me out of the water?”

A long pause followed. I could hear his steady heartbeat in his chest. “Yes, it was me.” His voice sounded deep and distant in the dark room.

“But how? We were alone on the water when the storm barreled in on us.”

“I know.”

It seemed I was only going to get short, concise answers. Elaboration seemed out of the question.

I pulled my face out from under his chin and peered up at him.

He sighed. “I’d been keeping an eye on you both from the veranda.” It was obvious he hadn’t wanted to admit that little part of the story. But that had been my fault. All summer my mixed-up feelings and raging teen hormones had made me act like a terrible flirt, a cock teaser, just as Beck had rightly accused me of. We’d come together to live for one summer under the same roof as brand new stepsiblings. Only neither of us had felt the slightest bit like the other’s sibling. I knew being underage made it that much more of a taboo for Beck. He’d behaved as a perfect gentleman the whole time, even though I knew his fists and jaw clenched every time I walked into the same room with him.

I liked Jake as soon as I met him. Nothing like my feelings toward Beck. I knew that my friendship with Jake made Beck crazy, and while I’d tried to convince myself that I wasn’t hanging with Jake to make Beck jealous, deep down, I knew there was a wicked ulterior motive to my friendship with him.

Tears burned my eyes, and I lowered my face back to Beck’s chest. “I don’t know what to say about it except that I was a muddle headed sixteen-year-old who found herself with a terribly painful crush on her new stepbrother.” I sniffled.

He squeezed me tighter.

“I did like hanging around with Jake, but I knew I was spending time with him because it got your attention.” I sobbed once. My tears wet the black ink on his skin. “I wanted to hurt you, or make you jealous or fuck, I don’t know, I was a silly teenager, maybe I just thought it would make you love me as much as I loved you. Maybe I wanted to make sure you were feeling the same pain and heartache that I was feeling.”

He chuckled quietly. “Trust me, Ducky, I was feeling that shit long before you started hanging out with Jake.”

“I know that now. I was just too young to understand it then.” I wiped at my tears. I’d felt some of the cold knot in my stomach disappear with my confession. It had been eating at me for years. In a way, it had made me feel responsible for Jake’s death. But now knowing that Beck had been there opened up so many questions. Nathan’s strange accusation about Beck somehow being responsible for Jake’s death resurfaced. “Beck,” my voice sounded different in the quiet of night.

He tightened his hold around me. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Jessa.”

I lifted my face to his. “But—”

He silenced my question with a kiss, a kiss that quickly grew in intensity. His hand reached up to my breast and he kneaded my nipples into hard buds. Instinctively, my legs relaxed and fell open in his lap. Moisture surged in my pussy as he still teased and massaged my nipples with his callused fingertips. I curled my arm around his neck to bring his mouth harder against mine. His tongue dove deep as his free hand moved down between my legs. All of the earlier tension dissolved from my body, and I became solely his again. His touch would take away all my troubles and dark thoughts.

“Open wider for me, baby.”

I spread my legs farther. His fingers trailed through the moisture and into my pussy. I pushed my hips up to meet his probing touch. Beneath me, his massive erection poked at my lower back, urgently searching for attention.

Beck removed his hand and lifted me off his lap and onto the bed. He moved to lower his face between my legs, but I clutched at his arm. “Not now,” I said. We’d been having wild, uninhibited sex for the last two days, but now, in the quiet stillness of the night and after the last few moments of thinking about that summer, I just wanted him.

“I want you here where I can hold you. No fucking tonight, Beck,” I pulled his mouth to mine and kissed him gently. “I want you to make love to me.”

There was no rough play or erotic demands or hand binding. This wasn’t the moment for that. I just needed his tender attention. I just needed to know that he cared for
me
as much as he cared for my body. And he delivered.

Beck lowered his massive body over mine. I pushed my knees up as he pressed himself between my thighs. We were both slick with desire as he reached down to my ass and held me steady. He kissed me gently and thoroughly. His hand pressed against the side of my face as he pushed his cock inside of me. Our rhythm was perfect as my hips pushed up to meet his thrusts. We moved like that, in total physical harmony, until we both climaxed together. Then he dropped down next to me, pulled me into his arms and tucked the quilt around us.

Chapter 20

Beck

Jessa had tiptoed out of my room before dawn. She was still not ready to confess anything to Hailey. I heard them both talking and laughing as I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I was going to take a run and work out and then, with any luck, figure a way to get alone time with Jessa.

The two of them were both sitting amidst a pile of old pictures and scrapbooks. Before our mom had left dad, she’d spent a lot of time taking pictures of our childhood. Most of the pictures had gone with her to the east coast where she’d gotten a job as a professor at a city college. By the time I was ten and Hailey was eight, our mom had remarried and started a whole new family to photograph.

For several years, we split our time between the east and west coasts. But by the time I’d reached my mid teens, I’d become
too much
for my mom to handle. Hailey was having anxiety issues. So our parents, who’d never been stellar at making decisions about us, decided we should stay in California and visit Mom on holidays. For the longest time, I’d convinced myself that I was the cause of this new arrangement. But eventually, it came to me that the real blame was on them. Splitting our lives between two sides of the continent sucked. There was no way to feel secure if you were hopping back and forth across the country on a plane. Then two years ago, just before Hailey and I had gotten our tickets to New York, we got the call. Our mom had died when her car lost control in a snowstorm. She’d left behind two families and a lot of pictures.

Hailey smiled up from the circle of photos. “Hey, Butthead, we found the cutest damn picture of you in your Halloween Power Ranger’s costume.”

Jessa lifted a picture up from the pile. “You looked so strong with those fake muscles.”

I walked over. “How do you know they were fake? I was a total badass in kindergarten.”

“Yes, of course.” Hailey glanced over at Jessa. “He was born with those shoulders and tattoos.”

I walked over and my fingers brushed Jessa’s as she handed me the picture. I gazed down at her with a look of longing that made her cheeks darken. Just grazing her fingers against mine had made my pulse speed up.

I smiled down at the picture. My mask was askew and the fake muscles were a little off balance, but I looked damn happy. “I remember getting that costume. I think I even wore it to bed a few nights.”

“That is so damn cute,” Jessa said with a sly look my way. “I’ll bet all the girls were swooning over you.”

“Please, don’t get Mr. Swollenhead started. On Valentine’s Day, the teachers would have to give him two paper bags to carry home all the Valentines he got.”

“What can I say?” I pointed to Hailey. “And it’s Mr. Butthead to you. Swollenhead sounds like a character in a porno.”

“Ooh,” both girls laughed.

“Well, I’d loved to stay and reminisce, but I’ve got to work out. Maybe I’ll pull out that Power Ranger costume for tomorrow night’s fight.”

Jessa and Hailey fell back with laughter as I turned to leave. I stepped over a stack of pictures, and the top one caught my eye. It was a picture of Jake standing in front of his boat. I leaned down and picked it up.

“I’m sorry, Beck,” Hailey said quickly.  “I’d meant to put those away before you came down.”

I shook my head to let her know that hadn’t been necessary. Jake was so fucking proud of his sailboat, and with good reason, he’d worked hard to earn the money for it. It had been used and in bad shape when he bought it, but we’d both spent hundreds of hours together restoring it. My throat tightened as I stared down at the picture. I dropped it on the pile and walked out without another word.

The sun was already hot, and it reflected off the white sand with a blinding brilliance. The water was placid and blue, unlike that day. Jessa had somehow managed to conjure up enough of that day to figure out that I’d been the one to pull her from the water.

Chaos and terrible weather had made it hard to know exactly what had happened. On top of it all, Jessa had been pale and unconscious when I pulled her through the surface. I could still clearly remember the horror I felt when I thought she was dead. I’d gotten her over to the rowboat, struggling hard to keep both of us above water, when I saw her lashes flutter. The feeling of relief had been overwhelming.

I’d motored out on the crappy, two man fishing boat my dad had bought for quick trips in the cove. The boat was being tossed and turned like clothes in a washing machine when I hoisted Jessa’s soaked, unconscious body over the side and onto its deck. The broken mast of Jake’s sailboat was jutting out from the rocky bottom. I tied the rowboat up and turned back to the raging waves. I needed to find Jake and fast, but I hesitated. I paused for longer than I should have, and it was that pause that had haunted me for seven years.

My feet hit the wet sand, and I was ready to take off for my run when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out. It was my manager. “Hey, Dugard, what’s up?”

“We’re all set for Monday. Creed pulled a hamstring, so you’re going up against Harchfield.”

“Fuck, I hate that guy. He’s all elbows. Anything else?”

“Nope, just checking in. You sound off. Are you staying away from liquor and shitty food?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been a fucking saint.”

“How about women? You’ve got to keep your body at the maximum energy level.”

“Hell, Dugard, why don’t you just lock me up in a fucking box in between fights, and you can just shove steak and kale through a little slit in the wall.”

“I take that as a
no
to my question about women?”

I didn’t respond.

“Right. What the hell am I thinking asking if Beck Grady is staying off women.”

“Fuck you. I’m just about to run. Anything else you can say to piss me off and add to my already shitty mood?”

“No, that about does it. Bring some of that anger tomorrow night. That way you can put the elbow man in his place.” He hung up, and I took off at a full run.

Chapter 21

Jessa

Beck had been inexplicably distant and far less attentive than he’d been the past two days, when he’d found it impossible to keep his hands off of me. He used the excuse of having to get his mind and body psyched up for the fight. It sounded like a legitimate excuse, but I’d been heartbroken by the sudden lack of attention, nonetheless. It seemed we were back to an awkward, strained relationship where neither of us seemed to know how to behave with the other.

We only had two more days left of the long weekend, and we’d be parting again soon. Beck might just have decided to cut it off now before more damage was done. That explanation only made me feel worse. And poor Hailey. I’d tried not to show my despair and keep a bright and cheery face for Hailey, but it had been really hard. When she had insisted that we drive with Cody up north to watch Beck’s fight, I’d been torn. On one hand, it sounded like a good idea and a chance to be near him. The other hand was convinced it was a terrible idea and that he’d be pissed as hell about our surprise attendance.

I’d changed my mind about going several times and had finally decided to brave it. Beck had borrowed one of his dad’s cars and left early Monday morning, and he had no idea we were going to be driving up later.

Beck and I had spent Sunday evening alone watching a movie and eating popcorn, but we’d only talked about meaningless topics, like movies and music. He’d kept his hands almost completely to himself, and it bothered me plenty. I took some comfort in sensing that it had been hard on him too.

A pink dusk clouded the sky above as we rolled down the off-ramp that would eventually take us to the fight stadium. We’d had to go online to find out all of the pertinent information. Beck hadn’t told us anything except that he was heading to a contest and that he’d be back around midnight. According to the schedule Cody had pulled up, the middleweights, where Beck’s name was listed, were scheduled to fight at seven o’clock.

It had been a warm day on the cove and, stupidly, I’d decided to stick with the summer mood and wear a sundress to the fight. By the time we handed off our tickets and squeezed into the mostly male-filled auditorium, I regretted my fashion choice. There was nothing light and summery about the inside of the stadium. Loud, deep voices echoed off the gray plaster and brick walls. The smell of sweat and closely packed people permeated the dank air. In the center of the floor were two octagons, both decorated with colorful business logos and advertisements. The black rope cage around the floor mats reminded me of the safety net around our playground trampoline. The cages were empty as we walked in. The crowd was just killing time with laughter and small talk until the next round, Beck’s fight.

Of course, both Hailey and I could have walked into a lecture on molecular physics and had just as much understanding of the subject matter as the rules and scores in an MMA fight. Cody, for all his enthusiasm to attend the fight, seemed much more an academic than a sportsman. I was certain his level of expertise was just a step above the rock bottom level that Hailey and I stood on.

We found our seats and seemed comically out of place sitting amongst the hardcore fans. The metal risers vibrated with the clamor echoing through the vast building. I tried futilely to keep my mid-thigh length sundress over my legs. I pulled at the fabric every few seconds, a gesture that seemed to be getting even more unwanted attention and lascivious stares than the actual exposure of my legs.

I leaned close to Hailey so I wouldn’t have to yell. “I’ve made three enormously stupid decisions in my life— jumping off the slide in the park and using my arm to stop my fall, picking a college degree that led to no job prospects and wearing a short, frilly sundress to an MMA fight.”

Hailey laughed as she wrapped her arm around mine. “Probably not the most practical outfit for climbing auditorium risers.” She glanced around. “But the rest of the spectators seem to appreciate it.”

The doors at the side of the auditorium opened, and slowly the crowd brought the thunderous noise down to a low rumble. My fluttery winged stomach friends were back. I realized I was nervous as hell about seeing Beck fight. I wasn’t completely sure I could stomach it.

I looked over at Hailey. She, too, looked a little apprehensive.

“I’ll be honest, Hail, I might just be watching the whole fight through my fingers like when we watched that Chainsaw Massacre movie. I don’t know if I can watch Beck get hurt.”

Cody leaned forward. “Beck seems like the kind of guy who does more of the hurting.”

I smiled weakly at his less than comforting words.

Hailey patted my arm. “I’m right there with you, Jess. He’s a total butthead, but he’s our brother.”

It was just a casual reference about Beck’s non-existent stepbrother connection to me, but it knotted my stomach. In Hailey’s mind, Beck and I were just that, siblings. Even if the only real connection was a short marriage stint between our parents, she considered us to be related. How would she ever think otherwise without it putting a weird kink in our relationship?  Of course, with the cool way Beck had been acting toward me, I probably didn’t have to worry about it. It seemed that the weekend would end just as it had started— with no ties between Beck and me except that awful summer. Only now we’d been intimate, and that would make it much harder.

The first fighter came out. He had a wide, crooked nose, a wide forehead and a mean face. He was big like Beck but his muscles weren’t quite as defined. And he had considerably less ink on his skin.

The cheers grew louder as the second fighter walked out. As intimately as I knew the man, Beck looked almost like a stranger.  He was dressed in black shorts that were covered in colorful product logos. His hands were wrapped in black gloves, and his mouth bulged with a mouth guard. He didn’t look half as mean as his opponent, but he looked just as menacing. He had no idea we were sitting in the audience, and something told me, he wasn’t going to be happy when he found out.

The crowd’s complete attention was on the center octagon. They started off slow. From our vantage point, it looked more like two men hugging each other in an awkward embrace. But from the grunts rolling up from the cage, I assumed it was much more.

Hailey’s brow lifted. “I don’t get it.”

Cody leaned over. “Those clinches are tough. Those two guys are using all their strength to get the upper hand in that small space. It’s not easy.”

“Looks like a weird bro hug to me,” Hailey quipped.

I thought I could easily stick out the fight if this was what we could expect. But then things moved more toward what I’d feared. There was a blur of muscle and tattoos below as the two men used fists, knees, legs and feet to take their opponent down to the mat. At one point, Beck was under the man’s arm and the jerk brought his knee up into Beck’s chin. Blood seeped from his mouth as he grabbed back and took hold of his opponent’s head. Together they flipped, legs and all, both landing hard on the mat, and both equally quick at getting back to their feet. One minute, it seemed that Beck had the upper hand and his opponent would be on the defense, but then a twist of a body or kick of a leg would send it back to his opponent’s side. Sweat and blood sprayed off both men, and I was physically feeling every blow. Whenever a grunt of pain floated up that was distinctively Beck’s, my stomach would tighten. As I’d predicted, I spent more time looking away than watching the action. But all the while, it seemed that Beck was in his element. He was doing something that he’d worked hard to be good at. He’d found something that mattered to him. He’d never been much of a student, and I knew his dad had always been disappointed in that. But it was obvious this sport took just as much discipline and expertise as any other profession. With the added bonus that it made him that much more appealing. He was pure power and muscular perfection. And he took my breath away.

The crowd got louder suddenly, and they came to their feet. The big guys in front of us blocked our view, but through the bodies I could see Beck on the floor holding his opponent in a position that could not have been comfortable. Then everyone cheered.

Hailey and I looked over at Cody for an explanation.

“Beck won. His opponent tapped out.”

I caught a glimpse of Beck as he stood in the center of the mat. His lip was swollen and blood was smeared on his chin and chest. The whole place had begun closing in on me. “Hailey, I’ve got to step out for some fresh air. All these people and the blood and sweat are making me feel a little sick.”

Cody offered to walk me out, but I assured him that I was fine on my own. I managed to make my way through the crush of bodies. I closed my eyes as the cool night air drifted over my clammy skin. I swallowed deep breaths of air, and my stomach and head slowly cleared. I wasn’t completely sure what had come over me. The mass of people, the image of a bloodied Beck down in the arena and the lack of fresh air had been part of it. But none of those were the real reasons behind me suddenly feeling sick. That had come from the harsh realization that soon Beck would once again be out of my life, and I’d continue spending countless hours pining for a man who I could never have.