Forbidden Flowers (22 page)

I guess some people would say I was a sexually frustrated person. I have been told I am asexual person. I love sex and touching. I feel I need sex and affection to remain emotionally and mentally healthy. I hope you can use this. Please let me know what you think.

Stella

I just finished reading your book and found it very exciting, to say the least. I told a couple of my friends about it, and am sorry to say that they aren't open-minded enough to read it too.

My sex life started at the age of twenty-one at my own request. I used to very often sleep with this one guy with the usual foreplay, but when it got to “the limit,”
nothing more.

Being a romantic-type person, I asked him one night to make love to me. The conclusion, unfortunately, was the question to myself: Is that all there is?

Since then, there have been a few more men, but all I seem to be doing is running into the same kind of people. They satisfy themselves and leave me very frustrated and still waiting for something to happen.

I love sex, to say the least, and never have regretted having given up my womanly treasure, so to speak. I am now twenty-five and have lived with a guy three years. Our sex life is very dull, maybe because I just don't try. But
he
just doesn't do anything for me sexually.

Why I stay is another story in itself. I have had other flings since this guy I live with, but never seem to find satisfaction.

I'm trying to find out what a climax is all about!

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Thinking back over your book, I found myself in there a number of times. If I were to tell you my fantasies, they would be much like many other women's. What I find sex is all about is people together, sharing, feeling, caring. I often wonder what a certain person would be like. I see a man at the office or at a party, and I try to imagine what it would be like to make love to him. But I'm always afraid my dreams will end up like my reality – better in the imagination than in the performance. So many men think that just because they've reached a climax, the woman must have been satisfied too. I suppose I will keep looking for a man who does not believe this, who understands women better. But in the meantime, I suppose I must just stick to my dreams.

Jill

A friend of mine recently recommended your book to me, so I bought a copy. I have just finished reading it. I saw on a back page a request for suggestions, comments, and further fantasies, and that is why I am writing to you. I think your book is great. Until now, I have always thought that my fantasies were something bad that I should keep hidden. I was afraid that there was something wrong with me, because I often had these

“bad” sexual fantasies, and because I enjoyed them. It relieves some of my fears to know that other women have sexual fantasies just as I do.

I would like to share some of my fantasies with you, and maybe they will help you in preparing your second book. Let me tell you something about myself first. I used to work as a secretary, but now I am just a housewife. I spend most of my time at home and since I have no children, I get very bored and lonely. My husband has the kind of job in which he has no set work hours. He often comes home very late, and then he brings work home with him. He often has to work on weekends too. I really think that we were together more before we were married. Even when I go to bed at night, he is usually still up doing some work he brought home. He never seems to have time for me anymore. He seldom has time for sex either. Even when 149

I come right out and ask him to make love to me, he usually says that he is too busy or that he does not have any time to waste. When he does make love to me, he acts like it is some kind of routine thing, like brushing his teeth or shaving. He acts like he is in a hurry to get it done. Lately, he has been telling me that he does not have time to make love to me, but that he will masturbate me for a little while if I want him to. He often tells me that I should learn to control my sexual feelings and that there are more important things in life than sex. Because my real sexual life is not what I want it to be, I have had to fantasize a good sexual life for myself. I spend much of the time that I am home alone fantasizing and masturbating. I have developed a whole collection of fantasies, and I would like to share some of them with you.

In my favorite fantasy, I see myself as a Near Eastern ruler like those long ago. I live in a “pleasure palace” with a whole

“harem” of men. They are always available to satisfy whatever sexual desires I have. In my mind, I have them categorized in a kind of filing system. Each man is categorized according to his age, his looks and physical build, his sexual skills (that is, the sexual skills I imagine he has), and his general personality.

Most of the men in my harem are men I know or have known, but some are imaginary men, or men I know about but do not really know personally. In the sexual skills category, I classify each man according to his general skill at lovemaking, his powers of endurance during lovemaking, his skill at oral lovemaking, and any other sexual skills he has. I also rate each man in my harem according to the size of his penis, his ability to use it, and whether or not it is circumcised. I like variety, so these men are all different from each other. I can select one according to what I am looking for at the time.

In a typical fantasy of this kind, I am in a large, opulent bedroom in my “pleasure palace.” I am usually dressed in a sensual, silky nightgown. In the bedroom, there is a huge canopy bed upon which I am lying. As I try to decide which man (or men) I want, I lie there masturbating, both in my fantasy and in reality. When I select the man I want, he is brought to my bedroom. As I watch, he is taken to an adjoining bathroom where my servants (all female) undress him and bathe him. When 150

they have dried him and put cologne on him, my servants bring him to my bed, and then they leave the room. The man I have selected wants very much to make love to me, but I make him stand at the side of my bed and wait until I am ready. Often at this point, I get out of bed and undress while he watches. He must stand at attention and not move while I entice him. When I am nude, I come over to him and caress him and rub my body against him, but he must remain at attention. When I have teased him enough, I lie down on the bed and allow him to lie down with me and make love to me. If I desire oral lovemaking, I lie with my legs over the side of the bed, and he kneels beside the bed and makes love to me orally. Other times, I sit on the edge of the bed or kneel and make him stand right in front of me. Then I make love to him orally. In fantasies in which I make love to him orally, I usually imagine that his penis is still soft and that it swells and becomes erect in my mouth. As I said, the men are different, so the kind of lovemaking that I have with each one is different. All of them are very passionate though. Usually, I make love for a long time with the man I select. He is able to delay his orgasm until the end, or he is able to have more than one orgasm. All of the men in my fantasies are able to do one of these two things. That may be because my husband can do neither one of them, and I wish he could. In my fantasies, the men I choose and I make love in many different positions. That, too, is different from making love with my husband, because he always insists on using the same position, the standard one with him on top.

This kind of fantasy lets me imagine an unlimited number of variations of it. One of my favorite variations of it is one in which my husband is humiliated and made to suffer. In this fantasy, my husband is the man who is brought to my bedroom. When my servants undress him and bathe him, they make fun of him and laugh at him. Most of all, they tease him about the small size of his penis. They tell him his penis looks like a little boy's. In reality, it does look more like a boy's than a man's. He is very self-conscious about the small size of his penis, and he often asks me if it bothers me that his penis is so small. I always tell him that it does not bother me, but sometimes I would like to tell him what I really think. In this fan-151

tasy, my servants tease him by telling him some of the things about his small penis that I would often like to tell him. When my servants bring him to my bed, they stay and watch instead of leaving. He pleads for me to undress and make love with him, but I refuse. Still dressed in my gown, I stand close to him and whisper in his ear about all the pleasures he would feel if he made love with me. He gets very excited and gets an erection, and he cannot wait any longer. He takes hold of his penis to masturbate himself, but the moment touches it, he ejaculates. My servants, who are watching, laugh at him and tease him. They call him “the fastest gun of all.” He is very ashamed and embarrassed, and he pleads with me to give him another chance. I refuse, and I tell him that he will see how a real man makes love with a woman. Then I order my servants to tie him to a pillar so that he is facing my bed.

With my husband there watching, I have one of my write men brought to my bedroom. He is always someone whom my husband knows. Often he is a former boyfriend of mine with whom I had intercourse for the A time in my life. My husband is facing so that he can see my servants undress and bathe this man, and my husband sees that the man I have selected has a much larger penis than he does. This man's penis is as much larger than normal as my husband's is smaller than normal, and this was true about my former boyfriend whom I have just mentioned. While my husband watches, the man is brought over to my bed. I undress quickly, and kneel beside the bed so that he is right in front of me. Then I bend forward and kiss the tip of his penis. It is still soft, and I take a hold of it with my fingertips. It feels heavy. I pull back the foreskin of his penis and lick its soft, pink glans. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my husband watching me. This man's penis is so large that I cannot get very much of it into my mouth, but I take as much of it into my mouth as I can. During the time that I have been sucking on it and licking it, it has become erect. After a few minutes of this, I stop and get back on the bed, and I invite this man to lie down with me. We slowly begin to make love. He is a very skilled lover, and he does everything that pleases me.

Although he is passionate and very excited, he is not in a hurry.

When I am ready, I have him lie on his back, and I get on top 152

of him. I guide his penis into me, and it fills me completely.

We go slowly at first, and we move in a way that causes his penis to make long, slow strokes in and out of me. I have several orgasms, and he is able to delay his orgasm as long as I want him to. Finally, I am ready to finish, and we go wild.

Together we reach r a tremendous orgasm. We lie together quietly for a few minutes, and then we are ready to start again.

He still has an erection. This time, I get on my hands and knees, and he kneels in back of me and enters me from behind.

Again we start slowly, and he reaches around me and caresses me with his fingers. In a while, we lose control of ourselves, and he is moving like a wild stallion. Together we reach another tremendous orgasm. Sometimes we go on and make love some more in other positions, but often it stops here. My lover and I bathe together while my husband watches. Then he dresses and returns to the harem, and my husband is left tied to the pillar. I go back to bed and lie down, and my servants tease my husband about what a poor lover he is compared to the man he has just seen. Then my husband is returned to the harem, where the other men tease him too.

I have another version of this fantasy in which a young boy is brought to my bedroom after my husband's failure. The boy has never made love to a woman before, and I teach him the right way to make love. What makes it better is that this young boy has a penis that is larger, than my husband's. That really humiliates my husband. This boy learns quickly and becomes a much better lover than my husband.

I have other fantasies too. I love to fantasize about couples I know. I enjoy trying to imagine them making love. Now that several magazines for women are publishing photographs of nude men, I have found that I can become very aroused by looking at such photographs. I often look at these photographs while I am masturbating, and I fantasize about the men in them. I imagine them making love with me. I do not have fantasies in which I take part in lesbian lovemaking, but I do have fantasies in which I secretly see two other women making love.

I especially enjoy fantasies in which I secretly see other people making love with each other.

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I definitely do enjoy my fantasy sexual life more than my real sexual life. I think that that is the main reason why I have felt that my sexual fantasies are bad. I also have felt bad about the amount of time that I have spent fantasizing. I often spend hours at a time fantasizing and masturbating. It is the way in which I fill much of the time in which I have little else to do.

Most of my fantasies are those based upon the format of my having a harem of men. I can have any man I want, and I can do whatever I want with them. I have not made any of my fantasies a reality, but, as time goes by, I feel more and more like doing so. One of these days, if the right situation arises, I may not resist the temptation to really live one of my fantasies. With the way that my husband has treated me and is treating me in regard to sex, I almost feel that I have the right to obtain sexual satisfaction where I can. I find myself looking for the right situation in which I can safely have an affair with another man.

It may not be long before I find the situation that I am looking for, and then I may make some of my fantasies realities. I sometimes wonder if my husband would even care if I was having an affair with another man as long as it did not cause him any trouble. He might even like it if I would stop bothering him about sex. After all of this, though, I have to say that most of all I would prefer that my husband become a better and more satisfying lover so that all of these other things would be unnecessary. I guess that that is my biggest fantasy.

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