FOR THE BABY'S SAKE (16 page)

The heat from Sawyer’s body filled the small car. He wanted
her. He might deny it, fight it and condemn himself for it. But he wanted her.
“Take it from one who knows,” she said, “talk isn’t always the answer.”

She heard the sharp intake of his breath and knew that he’d
gotten her point.

She picked up the sack, opened it and peered inside. “I’m glad
I bought a big box,” she said, happy to let him chew on that for a while.

* * *

O
NCE
AGAIN
, R
OBERT
COVERED
the rear of the building, in the event Mary
tried to make a run for it. Liz and Sawyer waited for him to get into position
before knocking on the apartment door that matched the address Herbert had given
them. When Sawyer gave her a nod, Liz rapped on the door.

“Just a minute,” a female voice called from within.

Not Mary’s voice. Liz looked at Sawyer and knew that he’d had
the same thought. When the door opened, Liz knew why the voice sounded familiar.
She looked different, of course, without a couple pounds of makeup on, but Liz
recognized her. It was the girl from the bar. The one who had given her the
original lead on Mary.

She didn’t say anything, just simply stared first at Liz and
then at Sawyer.

Liz looked past her. Mary sat on the couch.

“Liz?” Mary maneuvered her pregnant body off the cushions. “How
did you find me?”

Sawyer stepped into the apartment. His eyes swept the room.
“Anybody else here?” he asked.

“No,” both girls answered at the same time.

“Mind if I look around?” Sawyer asked.

“You are such a cop.” Mary shook her head at him in disgust.
“Look around, peek in the closets, look under the beds. I really don’t know what
Liz sees in you.”

Liz felt the hot heat of embarrassment flow through her. Had
the two of them been that obvious?

Sawyer looked as if he couldn’t care less that she’d put two
and two together and come up with four. “Where’s Randy?”

The girl who had opened the door held up her hand. “That’s me.
With an
i,
not a
y.
”

“That your real name?” Sawyer asked.

“Yeah. My dad wanted a boy. Hey, if he’s lucky, he’ll get a
grandson.” She rubbed her stomach and laughed at her own joke. “Of course, he’ll
never know. I haven’t talked to him in two years.”

“Her dad’s a bigger jerk than mine,” Mary interjected.

Liz dismissed the comment. Now wasn’t the time to try to deal
with it. “Are you all right, Mary?” Liz asked.

“I’m fine. I left you a note,” she said.

“You did,” Liz acknowledged. “I appreciate that. I was still
worried. You hadn’t said anything about leaving.”

“I didn’t have anywhere to go. Then I called Randi, and she
said I could stay here.”

Liz looked around the room. Not much furniture but clean. The
biggest mess was on the couch, where Mary had been sitting. When she’d gotten
up, the big bag of chips on her lap had spilled. An open carton of milk, propped
against the cushions, tilted dangerously.

“I know what I’m doing, Liz. Getting mixed up with Dantel was
stupid. I’m not going to make a mistake like that again. But I can’t live with
you. I need to take care of myself. I need to prove that I can do it.”

Liz didn’t answer; she couldn’t. She walked over to the couch
and moved the milk carton from its precarious position to the lamp table, all
while trying to sort out her chaotic thoughts. Chips and milk. A contradiction.
Just like Mary. Sweet, yet bitter. Young, yet mature beyond her years.
Considerate, yet selfish. Independent, yet so dependent.

Liz knew she needed to take a step back. Hated it, but knew it
all the same. Otherwise, she ran the risk that she’d alienate Mary and cause her
to cut off ties completely. She looked across the room. Sawyer stood absolutely
still, watching her. She wanted to run to him and beg him to help her, to tell
her what to do. But she knew she had to make the decision. She had to live with
the consequences, good or bad.

“OCM is reopening next week. Will you come see me?” she
asked.

Mary nodded. “Sure.”

Liz swallowed hard, pushing the tears back. She pointed to the
chips. “Eat some vegetables, okay?”

“No problem. Randi fixes broccoli every day. She said that
we’re going to have smart babies because they’re getting lots of folic
acid.”

“You’re both going to have beautiful and smart babies,” Liz
said. She gave Mary a hug first, then Randi. “Take care,” she said. “Call me if
you need anything.”

She walked out of the apartment, hoping she’d make it to the
car before she made a complete fool out of herself. Sawyer didn’t say a word,
somehow knowing that she needed a few moments of silence to sort out her
thoughts.

He picked up the phone and held it to his ear, choosing not to
use the speaker. He dialed. “Mary’s fine,” Sawyer said. “Thanks for your help,
Robert.”

Sawyer paused, listening. “Yeah, she is,” he said. Another
pause. “I’m not sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then he hung the phone up.

“What did Robert have to say?” Liz asked.

Sawyer looked very serious. “He said you were a hell of a
woman, and he wondered what I was going to do about it.”

“Oh.” She knew what
she
wanted him
to do about it.

“I’m proud of you,” he said.

She hadn’t done it for Sawyer. But it felt darn good to hear
him say those words. She leaned over toward him and kissed him on the cheek.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Sawyer put the car in Drive and pulled away from the curb.
Neither of them said a word until they were just blocks from Liz’s apartment.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Sawyer said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” Liz lied, knowing that she wasn’t a bit fine. She
was needy and wanting, but it had nothing to do with Mary and everything to do
with Sawyer. Did she have the guts to tell him? If not now, when? When it would
be too late? She’d just have to take the chance.

“I want you to make love to me. Tonight. Now.”

Sawyer gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his fingers
were white. He didn’t say a word.

“Don’t tell me it would be a mistake,” she said. “Don’t tell me
that it would be inappropriate. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for days.”

“Stop,” he said. “We’ll be at your apartment in five minutes.
Don’t say another word until we get there.”

It took them eight minutes. During that time, Liz didn’t spend
time regretting acting on the impulse to tell him. She contemplated all the ways
she might make love to him. By the time the car stopped, she was practically
squirming in her seat.

Sawyer put the car into Park and with deliberate movements
turned off the engine and pulled the keys from the ignition. When he turned
toward her, her heart plummeted. Liz knew what he’d done in the eight minutes.
He’d figured out a way to tell her no. She could see the answer on his face.

“A man would be half-crazy not to want to take you to—”

“Don’t give me your speech,” she interrupted, refusing to let
him walk away. There was more than one way to get her point across. She leaned
over the seat and kissed him on the lips. She ran her tongue across his bottom
lip.

She heard the quick intake of breath, and she felt the absolute
stillness of his body.

“You want me,” she stated.

He didn’t deny it. She felt her confidence soar.

“Liz,” he said, looking miserable, “I’m sorry. It would be a
mistake. I can’t give you what you want.”

“I think you can,” she said, looking pointedly at his zipper,
which did little to hide his state of readiness.

He blushed. In her lifetime, she’d never expected to see Sawyer
Montgomery blush.

“I can’t pretend not to want you,” he said. “I can’t pretend
that I don’t go to bed hard at night for wanting you.”

He spoke softly, but his words had an icy edge to them. She
felt the answering heat pummel through her body, landing right between her legs.
“There’s no need to pretend,” she said.

“You want commitment. You want marriage. I’m not offering that.
I can’t.”

The words seemed torn from his soul. She didn’t want him to
suffer. She wanted them to celebrate life.

“You didn’t bring a ring?” she asked, her voice full of
accusation.

“No. Listen, I’m not...”

“Sawyer, I’m kidding. It was a joke.”

He held her at arm’s length. “I don’t understand,” he said.

“That’s what I wanted from Ted. That’s not what I want from
you.”

He looked a bit shocked, then fury crossed his strong features.
He chuckled a dry, humorless noise. “Now, that’s sweet,” he said. “I’m good
enough to sleep with but—”

“Sawyer,” she said, “I’m sorry. I said that poorly.”

He didn’t respond.

She needed him to understand. “You’re only the second person
that I’ve ever told about Jenny. I told Jamison when I applied for the job at
OCM. I thought he deserved to know what had driven me to his little counseling
center. I told you because I wanted to share with you the joy of Jenny’s life
and the despair of her death. I wanted you to understand that both of those
experiences make me who I am today.”

“I’m glad you told me,” he said.

“I want you to hear the rest. Jenny was a bright spot. For
sixteen sweet years, she lit up my life. Since her death, I’ve been mourning
that the time wasn’t longer. I should have been celebrating the light.”

She put her head against his chest. “People pass in and out of
your life. They leave you changed, forever different. You helped me understand
and accept that Mary, too, will pass in and out of my life. I can’t control
that.”

“Damn kid.” He said it without malice.

“She’s very brave.”

“She is,” he admitted. “Damn brave kid.”

She lifted her head from his chest and looked him squarely in
the eyes. Now wasn’t the time to duck her head, to hide her feelings. “You’re
going to pass in and out of my life. You’ve been honest about that from the
beginning. I’m not asking for forever. I’m asking for now.”

He looked very serious. “I don’t deserve you,” he said.

She saw the hunger, the pure need, and knew it matched her own.
It gave her courage.

“Take me inside,” she urged. “Make love to me.”

“I cannot resist you,” he said. And then without another word,
he opened the door and the two of them tumbled out of the car. He walked so
quickly to the building that she almost had to run to keep up. When they got to
her door, he took the key. Once inside, he shut the door, flipped the bolt lock
and kissed her. Long and hard until both of them struggled for breath.

He moved her so that her back was against the wall. He pressed
up against her, his chest against hers, his hips grinding into hers. So strong,
so big, so much. She pushed her hands up inside his shirt, running her fingers
across his bare stomach. His skin burned, and she could feel the muscles
underneath. She traced his ribs and, with the tips of her thumb and index
fingers, gently pinched each flat nipple.

He groaned and arched his back.

It made her feel powerful, as if she could tempt him beyond
thought. It made her feel in control. But when he pulled away suddenly and
grasped the hem of her shirt, she knew how quickly control shifted. “I want to
see you,” he said. “All of you.” He yanked her white T-shirt over her head and
ran his fingers across the edging of her bra, then lower, just lightly grazing
her nipples. And when they responded to his touch, he bent his head and sucked
her, right through the sheer material.

“I’ve been dreaming of this,” he whispered against her skin.
“Of what you’d look like in lace. You’re more beautiful than I could have ever
imagined.”

His words, his barely there voice, floated around her, assuring
her. But then his mouth was back, first on one nipple, then the other, and she
couldn’t think at all. His mouth moved across her body, lavishing wet kisses on
her warm skin. He nipped at her collarbone, sharp licks of his tongue against
her neck, before returning his lips to her mouth to kiss her thoroughly.

He reached behind her, releasing the clasp on her bra. She
shrugged out of it, never taking her mouth off his. And when he slipped his warm
hands into her shorts and cupped her bottom, pulling her against him, she ground
her hips into his.

He pulled her shorts and panties down in one quick jerk. They
pooled around her feet. Only then did he tear his mouth away. He stepped back a
foot and looked at her. He didn’t say a word for a moment, just looked at her.
Then he took his hand and ever so lightly, with just the very tips of his
fingers, brushed her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He let his
hand drift downward, across her breast, then down, lingering just moments on her
stomach, stopping just at the apex of her thighs. “You’re perfect,” he said, his
voice soft.

He made her feel beautiful. She moved her feet apart, spreading
her legs, inviting him to touch her. But he lifted his hand, moving it to the
back of her head, working his fingers into her hair, and gently pulled her mouth
to his. He kissed her gently, barely touching her at first, stroking her lips
with his tongue, nipping at her bottom lip. He angled his lips, thrust his
tongue into her mouth and kissed her.

When her knees started to buckle, he swept her up into his
arms. With sure and confident steps, he carried her to the bedroom. He lay her
down on the bed and gently pulled both her arms above her head. Moving across
her body, he nudged her thigh aside. She spread her legs and he kneeled between
them.

“Oh, my God,” he whispered, running his fingers across her
naked body. She shivered, and he gave her a smug smile. Then he bent down,
kissing first one breast then the other.

“I need you.” She arched her back, pressing her nipple into his
mouth. She would beg soon.