For Her (Broken Promises #2) (3 page)

“He was at peace, Al. It was an accident; so don’t you dare blame yourself.” His hand cups my cheek, I turn into it, closing my eyes and letting the tears free fall.

I curl into Braydon, letting every emotion roll through me as I fall asleep on his chest.
 

Braydon

I never thought my heart could break again like it did the night of the accident.

I was wrong.

That was the longest, hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have. With anyone. And I lost my mom when I was nine years old. Maybe it’s because kids are able to compartmentalize things easier than adults. Maybe it’s because I knew my mom was going to die eventually and all signs pointed to it being her time when she went. That’s not what happened with Lane. Lane was getting better. He had a fighting chance to have a normal life. He was going to propose to Alexis, I could feel it. He was going to up his modeling game. He was going to connect with his family and make up for lost time. Whatever the case, I feel like I was able to come back from my mom’s death a lot easier than it’s going to be coming back from this.

Now everything is just… gone.

All I’m left with is a very fragile, beautifully sad woman that can’t stop crying for more than a minute at a time before something brings the stream back. I’m not saying I’m any fucking better at this point, either. I’m also not saying I really care about it. We’re both heart broken and need to mourn. I’ve cried in front of so many people lately that if I cared enough I’d be worried that my reputation as LA’s hometown band bad boy would be tarnished, but I don’t. I can’t. I watched my best friend die. I watched the only woman on this earth that I love with my whole heart almost die. I watched as they had to literally cut her from the car, ripping her world to shreds.

It’s going to be a while before I care again. Hopefully I can pull my shit together before the band meets again, but they aren’t pushing anything. They’ve been a huge support system these last few days, and the other managers at the bar have stepped up to cover for me in my absence. I just can’t seem to wrap myself around the fact that he’s not coming back. That I’m not going to hear his TV on from my apartment anymore. I’m never going to get used to it.

Never.

It’s been about a half hour since she fell asleep on me, I wouldn’t even try to move if the nurses came in now and asked me. I’ve watched her sleep with assistance for the past three days. I’ve watched them have to calm her down just to get her to rest. I’ve seen her unrest even in the middle of a deep sleep. I know she’s struggling a lot more than I’m seeing. She fell asleep on me with no help. She’s finally comfortable, and she needs rest.

So I’m not going anywhere.

To make the time go, I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes, drifting to sleep in no time.

***

“You see her?” Lane asks, nudging my arm. “That girl. See her?”

He’s eyeing a brunette across the crowded college cafeteria. She’s just like any other girl here. Nothing outstanding about her. Good body, good style, laughing with her friends like any other college girl... nothing I haven’t already had. Not from far, at least.

“Yea,” I mumble, shoving fries into my mouth, worried about the meeting tonight. I finally took the step when I moved here and put an add out to start a band. I know it’s what I want to do. I don’t really need the business degree. My family wants me to have it, and I guess it’s a good thing to fall back on if the music gig ever fails, even though I don’t plan on it failing.

“You know who that is?” He takes a drink of his soda, his eyes not leaving her direction.

“Nope.” Shoving more fries into my mouth, I take a drink and wash it down, finally really looking at the girl that has my best friend’s attention. Her hair’s long, flowing down her back. Her curves are pretty typical of any athletic girl. She looks familiar. I think I have class with her. I do! She’s in my business 101 class!

“Dude,” I say,  kicking his foot, suddenly remembering how she looks familiar. “That’s Allen Rosenblum’s girlfriend, Alexis!” Allen is the school’s biggest jock, football supreme, and could have any girl he chose.

A year ago, at freshman orientation, he chose Alexis. I still remember the thrones of boys depressed for the next few weeks. What I didn’t realize, until now, was just how beautiful she really is.

“I’ve never talked to her, man she’s in one of my lecture classes so we’ve seen each other in passing, but I definitely know not to mess with his girl.”

Lane’s a pretty boy he’s majoring in education, but I know he’s never planning on using it. He moved out here to chase his dream, but he’s also in the middle of making a safety net for himself. He’s had a few modeling contracts for super small companies, but has yet to hit it big.

One day he will. Then he’ll get all the pussy he wants.

“Yea,” he sighs. “I guess you’re right.” He stands and throws his trash away, coming back to the table to pick up his bag. “Let’s get out of here.”

***

“Braydon,” her whimper wakes me up, I have to stop myself from jolting up, remembering  last minute that she’s on me. I’d never forgive myself if I hurt her.

“You ok, Al?” I whisper, bring my hand instinctively to her hair, smoothing it down. I don’t care that it hasn’t been washed in days. I just need her to stay calm. Things aren’t going to get any easier in the days and weeks to come. She needs to stay strong and calm. I’m not used to her being fragile, I hate that my heart breaks a little more every time I see her strength slip and the real devastation of the wreck takes over her.

She doesn’t respond and soon her breathing levels out again, leaving me wide awake in a dark as hell room. I can’t reach my phone, the only thing to keep my mind active, and not flash back to that night, is the TV tuner on the side rail on the bed. Hitting the power button, I find the local celebrity news channel and leave it on, blankly staring at it.

I used to like watching these channels to keep up with artist trends and musicians on the rise. At one point my band was shown as an up and coming artist on this program, but that feels like years ago. That was right before the cancer. Things haven’t been too great since then, but we’re still holding strong… just not moving forward.

“The car of Lane Sheridan, local model well known for his work with Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger, was towed from the garage it was being held for further investigation to a junk yard nearby this morning. Sheridan was killed in the crash caused by 35 year old Thomas Route Tuesday night.”

Jesus Christ. There’s nothing left of his car. I… I shouldn’t be watching this. It’s like a train wreck, though. I can’t fucking look away. It was dark that night. So fucking dark. I haven’t seen the damage yet… And seeing it first thing when I turn on the TV makes me want to hurl.

“Sheridan’s girlfriend, Alexis Grant was a passenger in the car and is still in critical condition at Allmands hospital in LA. A private visitation is being planned for family and friends and public arrangements are in the works. We’ll be updating our website as soon….”

I can’t listen to her anymore. I shouldn’t have listened to that. I shouldn’t have seen that. Especially with Alexis in the room with me. What if she…

“Who’s making those plans?” Her voice is weak, but it sounds more like the professional tough Al we know and love.

But that means she just saw all of that.

Fuck.

“I’m not sure. I’m sorry… I didn’t think you were awake…” I feel like such a fucking dick.

“It’s fine. You can’t shelter me from it, Bray.” She struggles to sit up, so I gently take her elbow and help straighten her as she sighs heavily. “I’m fucking useless.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. She always does that when she’s getting upset or angry.

“You’re not, though. You’re so fucking strong, Alexis.” She huffs and looks away, I let her, but I don’t stop talking. I can’t let her feel like any of this is her fault, or that she’s useless. I can’t. Because she’s not. “Al you’re going to come out of this stronger than you thought you were going in. You’re going to rock the rest of your life, whatever it is you chose to do, and you’re always going to have that memory of the best friend that loved you so much it hurt.”

“Yea,” she huffs, tears streaming down her face. “I’ll constantly have that reminder, Bray. Have you seen me?!” She yanks the blanket aside, reminding me of what I had to watch them do to her to save her life. “I’m fucking broken for the rest of my life, Braydon. You’re able to walk away from this on your own two feet. I’m not even able to walk.”

“You can learn, Al,” I whisper, feeling my soul shatter from seeing her leg like it is. She’s been covered with a blanket since she got here. I haven’t seen it… like that. Wrapped in bandages. It’s just… gone. “Jesus.” I huff, putting my hands over my face. “Fuck, Al I’m so fucking sorry.” Lifting my head, I find her eyes staring at me blankly.

No emotion.

“I’m broken, Braydon. I’m never going to be that same girl. I’m sad, I’m depressed, I’m angry, and I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken to me, Al. Just because I’ll have to push your ass around in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you’re any less awesome.”

“Not funny, Bray,” she sniffles and starts absentmindedly picking at the blanket corner.

“Too soon to joke?” I try to grin, to lighten the mood, and I get a slip of a smile out of her. That’s what I’m looking for. A small sliver of hope that she’s going to get past this.

I need her to. She’s my rock, she just doesn’t know it. She’s the only constant I have anymore. I can’t let her crumble.

We sit in silence for a little while longer, her fingers never stop playing at the small rip in the blanket. She’s deep in thought when the nurse comes in to check her vitals.

“How are we doing today, Alexis?” Wheeling her cart over to the bed, I slip off and sit back in the chair when I get a look from the nurse like I’m committing a crime. I want to say something to her about how I needed to comfort my friend, but she looks like a ‘no nonsense’ nurse. It’s best just to sit back, hold on to Al’s hand while the nurse starts to poke, prod, swipe, and write. Jesus I’ll be glad when she’s home with me so I can be the one helping her.

“I’m okay.” Alexis tries to smile, but it falls flat. I know she’s strong, and this right here is just one shining example. The nurse has to check the wrapping on her leg, when she does Alexis doesn’t start crying. She doesn’t close her eyes. She turns her head to me and locks eyes with me, my hand on hers the entire time the nurse changes gauze and reapplies bandages.

I have an urge to tell her I love her; to make her a little less sad. Not that I’m in love with her, but she’s so fucking close to me I do love her in a way. Not a sisterly love, but a best friend love. A love that’s stronger than sister love, but not quite as involved as girlfriend love.

That makes sense, right?

As she checks the rest of Al’s vitals, the nurse asks the same questions she probably asks every other patient when she enters a room. Alexis answers all of them with ease and no outbursts. She hasn’t cried a tear since the nurse entered. It’s not until she mentions something about getting up and moving around do I see the mask slip and fear shine through.

“What?” Al’s whisper breaks my heart, because I know this is going to be a bigger battle than the nurse expected.

“You need to move around, sweetheart. You’ve been laying in this bed for a couple days. Now that you’re awake, once we get food in you, we’ll get you some crutches and you can start moving about the room.”

“I can’t… I can’t there no… I don’t know-”

“It’s ok. Let’s just start with food. You need your strength, first.” She smiles as nicely as nurse Bertha, as I’ve nicknamed her, can.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Al,” I warn. “It’s been days since you’ve eaten.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat, Al.” I need her to be strong. I need her to get out of this hospital.

“I’m not hungry,” she says again, this time more forceful. She’s as stubborn as a mule when she wants to be. When she wants to get her way.

I’m fairly certain this is a lost cause.

Alexis

He keeps saying I need to eat, but I can’t find any type of hunger in me. Nothing even remotely sounds good. I also don’t want to get up and walk, the nurse said once I eat I’ll have to get up and walk, so my mind has been made. I don’t eat, I don’t have to walk.

Simple as that.

“You’re being stubborn, Alexis.” Braydon practically growls which makes a very slight grin play on my lips. There’s something coming back. A feistiness that I thought I had lost. The longer I’m awake the more I feel parts of who I was before the accident returning. I always loved messing with the boys. The only thing that’s different now is I only have one to drive nuts.

“I’m not certain what you’re talking about.” I say, grinning and looking back at the nurse. “I’m just not hungry.”

She’s tight lipped, looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. When she speaks it’s with authority and a positivity that she’s going to get her way.

“Ok. I’m going to do my rounds, you can think about just how hungry you aren’t. Then when I’m done I’ll be back. If you haven’t found your hunger by then I’ll have to put in for a feeding tube.”

I gasp and she raises her eyebrows at me.

“It’s been three days. Your body needs nutrition. Your choice. I’ll be back.” She grabs her cart and wheels it out the door, giving Braydon a look as she leaves that tells me they are about to gang up on me. Once the door shuts he sighs and runs his hands over his head.

“I can’t eat, Bray,” I start, but he stops me.

“You’re going to, Alexis. You have to. I’m not watching them put a feeding tube in you because you’re too fucking stubborn. You’re going to eat, even if it’s just a few bites, and you’re going to get out of that bed and start your life. You can’t stay in the bed, and I need to get you out of here.” He sighs and curses, standing up.

“
Yo
u have to get me out of here?” Is he for real? I’m not his! I don’t need someone taking care of me like I’m a child.

“Yes. I need to be able to take care of you and it’s fucking ridiculous how often these nurses come in, wake you up, make you uncomfortable… I just need to know you’re safe, happy, and healthy. Being here I know you’re not comfortable. Being back at ho-” he stops himself, eyes widening. “Shit, I mean being out of here…” he pauses, cussing again under his breath.

Home.

I don’t have a home.

I mean… I have Lane’s place, but I gave mine up a few months back, and there’s no way I’m living in my dead boyfriend’s apartment. I can’t do that. That’s just not… right.

Oh shit.

“Shit,” I whisper, realizing I have nowhere to go. “I can’t go back there.” I try to stop the tears that threaten again, but I can’t. I fucking can’t stop! “What the fuck is wrong with me?! What did I do to deserve this!?”

Braydon stops pacing and watches me from across the room.

“Nothing. Sometimes life’s just a bitch, Al.” He walks towards me, takes my hand again, reaching in with one hand and drying my tears as they fall. I can’t look at him. I hate feeling this weak and useless. I hate all these tears, but I can’t stop them. “We just have to remember we’re not alone in this.”

“I know,” I whisper, clearing my throat. “I know I’m not alone… missing him… but Bray, your life wasn’t ruined. You can still walk. You can still go home. You don’t have to go back to his place without him. You’re not without a job. I have to completely start over, Bray.”

He clears his throat and backs away, running his hands down his face.

“I’m not certain you quite understand what I lost that night, Al.” he says, his back turned to me. “It wasn’t just a friend that I lost. It was my best friend. My brother. That I watched die. Right in front of me.” He turns around, his face flushed and fists at his side. “I don’t want to hear that we aren’t in this together, because we are. You were passed out when they cut you out of the car, Al. YOU! They didn’t cut the car out from around you… they literally had to cut YOU out of the car.” He shakes his head and starts pacing. “I listened to Lane die. I saw his body go lifeless. I can’t fucking close my eyes without seeing it
. Jesus the blood,
Al. You don’t know because you were out, but there was so much blood.” He clears his throat, starting to get worked up and trying to calm himself down. “No, I didn’t lose a leg, but I lost just the same. No one is a winner in this, Al. And the only way we’re going to get through this is if we get through it together.”

He’s staring at me, all I can do is stare back while I process what he just told me.

“You saw everything?” I look down at the flat sheet where the bottom part of my leg should be, then look back on up him, his eyes fixed on that same spot. “You… you saw them take this?” I ask, nodding towards my leg. “You SAW them cutting this off and didn’t stop them?!” Why am I so pissed? I should be happy I’m alive, but if he was there he should have been able to help in some way or another, right?

“Al, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t… I couldn’t… They-" he starts sobbing, his hands over his face. “I’m fucking sorry, alright?!” he yells, starting to pace the room. “I tried, Al. I pulled and pulled. I pried at the car. Hell, the entire front of the car was gone, Alexis! There was… nothing. Nothing I could do!”

“And Lane?” I whisper, staring at him, waiting to hear what actually happened.

“You don’t want details, Alexis.”

“No, I don’t want them but I need them, Braydon. I don’t remember shit from that night.  Waking up without a leg is the most horrifying thing that’s ever happened to me
that I remember
. I need to know what really happened. How’d he
die,
Braydon? What happened to him? You said impaled… did they get him out? Jesus Bray, I can’t live not knowing what happened.” The tears are streaming down my face again. They’re starting to feel normal as they make their way down my cheeks and land on my hospital gown.

“He… There was metal. Some… some piece of the car. Maybe it was the truck, I’m not sure…” he cusses and looks down to his chest. His fist comes up and taps right between his pecs. “It just... It was stuck.” He clears his throat and his eyes hit mine. “It wouldn’t budge. It wouldn’t fucking budge, Al. He… He made me promise to take care of you, and Jesus Christ you’re going to let me, Alexis.”

His hand squeezes mine, his eyes pleading with me. Tears streaming down our faces as we sit and stare into each other’s lost eyes.

We’ve both lost so much these past few days. We’re in this together.

“I’m hungry,” I whisper, pulling my hand away to dry my face finally. “I need to eat something, I need to drink something other than ice water. I guess I need to get my ass out of this bed and figure out how I’m going to move, huh?”

He grins at me, and pulls me into a hug that lasts longer than any of our hugs have in the past.

I don’t mind, though. The human connection feels perfect right now.

“So, you two decide what’s for dinner?” The nurse asks, barging in on our moment. Whatever moment it was, it was the best feeling I’ve had since I’ve woken up. Just knowing that someone else out there is hurting just as much as I am, maybe not in the same exact way, but still hurting makes it a little easier to bear.

How messed up is that?

“What’s the best thing on your menu?” Braydon asks, his eyes searching mine. I grin and remember the time he and Lane ordered for me. The first and only time they did. They tried getting the waitress to tell them the most delicious thing they had, but it turned out she had terrible taste, they ended up ordering me some fish plate that made me want to vomit.

He’s grinning now, an infections grin that has me smiling in return.

“Burgers are fine,” I say to her, smiling over at her. “And I’m ready to try to move. So…” I trail off, she smiles at me proudly.

“I’m happy to hear that. Let’s get some food in you and we’ll do just that.” Heading out of the room, my mother comes through the door before it’s closed all the way.

“Hey baby,” she says, rushing over to me. Braydon gives us space, but he doesn’t leave. He and my mom have only met one other time before, but they seemed to get along well. By the looks of it, she’s not giving him any dirty looks for being in here, he doesn’t seem annoyed so hopefully they’ve been getting along good.

“Hey mom,” I breath in her scent, immediately calming me.

Lavender.

They say smell can take you back to places you haven’t been in years. That’s what my mom’s smell does for me. The scent of lavender reminds me of night time stories with her and dad, afternoons at the park, and the drive home with the windows open. I never knew as a kid how she always smelled that good, even now as an adult it’s still there. Not too overpowering, but just subtle enough to be beautiful.

“How you doin?” She’s cupping my face, patting my head, fussing like any mother would to an offspring that just woke up after a tragic event. I take her hands, smile at her, the most genuine smile I can muster, and sigh.

“I’ll be ok. Promise.”

“Good. I’m happy. Jesus, Alexis you gave us all a scare,” she says, glancing back at Braydon. “This young man hasn’t left your side since he got here. Luckily your father and he have taken to each other or else he’d be wearing three day old clothes right about now.” She chuckles and I see Braydon shift in his seat.

Day old clothes, probably covered in blood. Of course my dad got him new clothes. That’s probably why the jeans and polo Bray is wearing today isn’t his typical style. It makes me smile thinking of my dad doing that for him.

“So… dinner? Are you going to eat anything? When will they have you up and moving? I’ve gotten a hold of the best prosthetic’s doctor in the country to come take care of you, but it might be a while before you can be fitted. They said swelling has to go down, you have a lot of physical ther-”

“Mom.” I blurt out, not wanting to talk all this over right now. “Not now. Okay?”

“We were just getting ready to have dinner, ma’am.” Braydon speaks up from behind her. “They’re gonna get food in her, get her up a little after that, then we see where it goes. Baby steps. That’s how we’re going to have to take this.”

“Right. Baby steps. Until you’re out of here and you can come home and then the doctors at Regional can help you and I’ll be able to drive you, your dad can help, Peter can even help a bit, It’s going to be fine, Al-”

“Stop mom!” I yell suddenly. I can’t take this. She’s going a thousand miles a minute! “Mom, I don’t know if I’m moving home yet.” I try to break it to her lightly, but the look on her face looks like I just shot a baby deer or something. “I mean… I haven’t had a chance to think about any of this. Can… can you give me time? Space, maybe… To think about this?” I flick my glance to Braydon whose fists are balled and jaw is tight, I immediately know something’s not right. “Ma, my food will be here soon. Can we just lay off the future talks until maybe tomorrow… or the next day?”

“Oh,” she says, looking from me to Braydon, then back to me with a new look on her face. “Yea sure, honey. That’s… that’s fine. Totally okay. I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on in your brain that you need to process. Maybe once the rest of the fog lifts and you’re able to think better we can talk about it,” she sniffles and hugs me again. “I just love you, Alexis. More than life itself and I’m so happy you’re okay.”

“I love you too ma.” I whisper, hugging her back.

“I’m heading back to the hotel now. You two…” she looks at Braydon and nods, smiling tightly at him. “You guys will be ok.”

Hugging me one last time, she heads out of the room, leaving the two of us alone in the silence.

“So… wanna tell me what that’s all about?” I say, nodding to his sudden tight fisted demeanor.

He looks down at his hands and curses under his breath. “Sorry,” he says, standing up and starting to pace again. “I just… I can’t take it when people try to plan other people’s lives.” He looks at me, his eyes sad again. “So Peter, huh?” He has a slight grin on his face, but he’s never been able to hide his emotions that well from me. I know he’s worried, and for good reason. I’ve never mentioned Peter to the boys because, well, we’ve kind of grown apart.

“Yes, Peter.” I pick at the blanket some and sigh. “He was my childhood best friend. When he realized he was gay was when he started pulling away from everyone. We text every now and then, but I haven’t seen him in years. I think my mom is just stuck in the past.” I shrug and give him a weak smile, suddenly feeling guilty for keeping so much of my past away from my life here. I didn’t have a bad upbringing, I just wanted a fresh start in LA.