For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (7 page)

As we left campus all the students stared at him, some brave enough to wave and approach him. He was nice to them, waving back and signing an autograph or two, but his attention never left mine. It was hard to read him and unsettling because I never knew what was real and what wasn’t. He played pretend for a living, though he seemed most himself around me. But what if he wasn't? The Rhys I saw could have been an act too. At the restaurant we ordered a pizza and I mustered the courage to bring up his companion again.

“So how did you meet your friend again?” I asked as casually as possible.

“Oh, I went to school with her. Her parents and mine are great friends, and they’ve always wanted us to get together, but she’s like a sister.”

I sighed internally despite that I had no hold or possession over him. Rhys squinted his eyes and pushed his lips into a slight pucker as if he was contemplating something or analyzing me. It made me uncomfortable, knowing he fully understood my questioning, and it got worse when he opened his mouth. “Did you think I was on a date?”

“No,” I laughed, extremely mortified. “I was just making conversation. That’s your business, Rhys.”

The corners of his thin lips rose in the most spirited way and I knew he didn’t believe me. Why would he? My cheeks were red hot. We sat quietly for a few moments, glancing at the televisions by the bar. When I looked back for a second I saw his expression had turned serious again.

“Since you revealed your circumstances to me, I thought of a few things I wanted to ask you…but I don’t want to overstep.”

At this point he knew the worst, so I didn’t see harm in new questions. I secretly loved that he wanted to ask about me, that he was interested in who I was. Nobody had cared about me after Aaron died, they only cared about the loss, the experience, but not how I actually was or even who I became in the after math.

“You can ask me anything.”

He seemed torn as he stared at my mouth, unsure if he wanted to push the conversation in that direction. “Have you dated anyone since Aaron?”

Not what I expected
. “No, no one.”

“Do you ever hope to?”

This was hard to think about. I had pushed Aaron out of my mind the last few days as I became preoccupied with Rhys, and it tortured my guilt-ridden heart. I couldn’t imagine how it would be if I actually dated someone.

“That’s a complicated answer. I haven’t wanted to really, but I also don’t prefer the idea of being alone forever. I guess I’m not over the fear of loss and it keeps me from getting close to someone. I still don’t understand why Aaron was taken from me so early. I know people die, and nothing lasts forever, but I didn’t think our time would be so limited.” I paused to drink some water, anything to prolong his gorgeous eyes staring at me.

“I see families and it’s the worst. I see these strangers and all I really see is Aaron and the kids we wanted. At this point I can’t even imagine kids because I consider them losing me and that scares the shit out of me.”

“That’s completely understandable,” he said, looking down. His eyes acquired a certain sorrow in them and I could tell he didn’t want me to notice. “I haven’t suffered that kind of loss, but I can’t imagine living after that. I think you’re doing a fantastic job though: you’ve moved, started afresh, you have this great job in a city full of promise. Perhaps Aaron seems far from your heart, but I think he’s sending things your way.”

Unbelievable. He was unbelievable and all I could do was stare back. Rhys’ smile crept up his face nervously, almost as if he worried he’d gone too far.

“You may be right,” I grinned. “Aaron was always my biggest cheerleader and he knew this was an end goal. Maybe I lost him but gained something in the end.”

Shortly after, our pizza arrived and we ate in comfortable silence. He treated me for lunch again and there was no point fighting it. On our way back to campus Rhys mentioned that he wouldn’t mind meeting somewhere else since I was on vacation. “Where did you have in mind?” I asked.

“I don’t know, it’s London; there are infinite possibilities. We could go to the park? Saying my lines outside might be fun.”

He was filled with enthusiasm and an excitable grin took over his face. It was seriously the sexiest smile I’d ever seen, not just because he was gorgeous, but because there was nothing but pure, unadulterated joy in his expression. And he’d been talking about time with
me
.

“Okay, let’s do that.”

“Great. I’ll bring my binder and we can meet there?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll bring my Paris books too. That way you can help me plan my trip for the fall.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. I really hope you’re telling me because you’re going to take my offer for the apartment.”

“No,” I laughed. “I’m telling you because I’m actually going to travel. It’s what Aaron would have wanted and being an expert in the frailty of life, I should enjoy what I have, right?”

“Of course.” He paused as his eyes lit up. “You know, I’d be an excellent tour guide. I speak French.”

“Of course you do,” I giggled foolishly.

“I’m serious, you don’t believe me?”

“No, I do.”

“Then, what is it?”

“Because ladies already think you’re handsome, famous, wealthy, and they adore you, so of course you’d speak French as well. You’re quite the catch.”

He smiled, pleased with my revelation. I didn’t understand the look he gave me, but he seemed charmed.

He kept his thoughts to himself and said, “I have to go, but I’ll see you at the park at nine.”

As I walked home that afternoon, I again thought of the night Aaron proposed. We’d gone home, made love, and lay strewn across the bed, naked, discussing the wedding and our future honeymoon. Excitedly we planned it all in just a few hours, staying up late into the night, high from our joy. We wanted to get married at this tiny church on our college campus, and hoped to have our reception at a small Italian restaurant near our childhood homes. It was perfect for the immediate family and friends we had hoped to invite, both of us wanting a small wedding. But what we were most excited to plan was our honeymoon.

We knew we wanted to go somewhere different and since we couldn’t afford going abroad, we decided that Hawaii would be perfect. It was manageable, but exotic, unlike anything we’d seen. Aaron got out of bed and brought the laptop back so we could choose a hotel, dates, and pick the excursions we’d hoped to take.

I still hadn’t been to Hawaii, and whenever I considered going without him, depression deepened within me. Even coming across advertisements for Hawaii travel in magazines or on the Tube still brings me back to that night. He had promised to love me, take care of me, and to show me the world, taking us both to places we’d been dying to see.

I knew he wouldn’t want me to miss out on life, and that’s why I bought the Paris guidebooks. I may have been thinking of Rhys too, but Aaron was always on my mind and in my heart, and in that way he’d be taking the trip with me. I thought about what Rhys had mentioned, that perhaps Aaron was sending opportunities my way, and I couldn’t stop hoping it was true.

The world was a little less lonely when I could feel Aaron looking out for me. I also found myself appreciating Rhys, still in awe of how reverent he’d been in respecting what Aaron meant to me. I never thought I’d meet a man like that after Aaron, one that stirred similar emotions, let alone one that I could talk to about my past love.

Later that night, I got another text from Rhys as I readied for bed. It was cryptic, but I played along.

Rhys: So, do you???

Me: Do I what?

Rhys: Think I’m handsome?

Me: What? That’s random.

Rhys: You said ladies think I’m handsome, not “I think you’re handsome.” So I was wondering if you were included in such a group of ladies?

I stared at my screen unsure how to reply. Part of me wanted to say yes, I do, but then thought it wasn’t professional. I didn’t want to lead him on, because while I entertained the false hope of someone like Rhys, I also didn’t want to lead myself on. After all, we only had two weeks left, and then what? I decided to be honest, but vague.

Me: I mean, you’re not bad to look at.

Rhys: That’s it?

Me: Yeah. I will say you’ve been a pleasant surprise. I didn’t expect for you to be likable, or understanding.

Rhys: I’ll take that as a good thing?

Me: Yes.

Rhys: Well, that’s good to know. I’m looking forward to being outside Thursday. I haven’t spent a day in the park in months. I plan on convincing you to stay at my flat in Paris, and I’m sure you’re excited to look at my “not bad” face, lol.

I laughed, picturing him grinning like a teenager. Sometimes he bit his tongue when he laughed and it was adorably sexy, probably my favorite of all his laughs. Yes, I'd been mentally cataloguing his laughs like some lunatic. He sent another text right after.

Rhys: Night, Ellie.

CHAPTER SIX

I
caught up with my parents on Wednesday via Skype. Keeping in touch proved difficult with the time difference, but we made the effort and worked around it. It was great chatting with them and the happenings in our lives. My mother, of course, asked about Rhys, dying to know if he was as nice as he was handsome. She’d always been an avid reader of celebrity magazines and still couldn’t believe I was seeing him twice a week. I told her how it was going, leaving my attraction and connection with him out of it. She went as far as to ask for a picture of the two of us, still not quite believing I was working with him. I ignored her despite her incessant persistence.

My parents were great at avoiding talk of Aaron. They learned within the second month after his passing that I never wanted to talk about it. Perhaps it wasn’t the healthiest road to recovery, but it worked for me, sort of. I hadn’t talked about him to anyone in months, and now he came up whenever I was with Rhys. It didn’t make sense that it was so uncomplicated to talk to him and not to my parents, or Anne. But it also made perfect sense. I wondered what it was, considering his smile, or the ease in his eyes, but it was simpler than that. Rhys had been the first to ask about
me,
identifying me as a separate entity, and not just as Aaron’s half-widow.

Thursday morning I dressed comfortably in coral shorts, a white t-shirt and burlap toms. It was warm outside, so I tied my hair into a high ponytail, and excitedly assessed my outfit. I knew it was ridiculous to dress cute, but the girl within, the one I’d buried deep inside two years ago, was excited for his attention. I loved the way his eyes felt on me as he studied and took me into the layers of his mind.

I could feel myself falling for him, stupidly of course, but I couldn’t deny the connection. It made me feel a little less alone in the world. I was also intrigued that he of all people ignited my interest. Even though others had tried without success, I hadn’t felt that way since Aaron. I’d been awkward with Rhys’ initial closeness, but quickly learned it was just his nature; he was caring, openhearted, and familiar in every way.

That morning, I remembered we only had two weeks together and it scared me. How would I manage to keep moving forward without the person that encouraged my heart to restart? It's why I'd hesitated letting him in, because inevitably, I would have to let him go.

I took my big satchel filled with my Paris books, personal items, and a blanket to lie on. My nerves were like jumping beans in my stomach as I waited on the corner of Hyde Park for him to arrive. After ten minutes that were unending, a black Jaguar pulled up and dropped him off. He hadn’t seen me. As he spoke to his driver, and after pulling out his binder, he pulled out a large picnic basket. Rhys closed the door and almost bumped into me when he turned around.

“Hey you!” he said.

“Hi.” I instantly blushed, unable to control my body from the moment it saw him.

“I brought lunch,” he said, lifting the basket in indication. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that.”

We started making our way to the pond side by side. “You know, Ellie, I don’t do anything because I have to, I do it because I want to. I made all of it, too.”

My heart warmed at the thought of him making me lunch. I didn’t respond, too flustered adoring him to make any sense. We sat close to the pond, laying out the blanket and catching up. He told me about his costume fittings and how he’d looked into the sonnets collection I mentioned during our last meeting. Rhys told me that he loved the ones written for the dark lady, finding it hilarious that Shakespeare criticized, yet adored her. I pictured him lying in his bed, perhaps shirtless with soft pants on, and it must have played into my expression because Rhys smirked at my flush.

We focused on dialogue and worked through lines for two hours before he lay back onto the blanket. “I need a break.”

His body was close to mine, causing me to become unsettled, but I didn’t move; I didn’t want to offend him. What girls would do to be in my place, to relax by his side in the park. They’d probably die, and in a way I felt as such with my heart tightening from nerves and exhilaration.

I watched him through my sunglasses, admiring him as he stared at the sky that was becoming grayer by the second. His dark hair looked redder in the daylight, hints of copper shining through the soft curls, and all I wanted in that moment was to run my fingers through his waves. I couldn’t believe myself, but I also couldn’t stop looking. He suddenly leaned up on his elbow and smirked. “So, I’m a pleasant surprise, huh?”